20 years old

>20 years old
>in Mcdonalds for their My Little Pony toy promotion
>get mom to order me ten Happy Meals all with girl toys
>she looks at the ground and sheepishly says "But user, you're getting a little heavy. Maybe you should only have 6 Happy Meals."
>stand on her feet and refuse to move until she complies with my order
>she cannot move and almost falls as she tries to pull her feet out from under mine
>the bitch begins to cry as she realizes I have trapped her, checkmate whore
>she quietly agrees that big boys need 10 Happy Meals and she goes to pay for the food
>while she is ordering I get on my hands and knees, she hands the packages of food to me
>I grab the bags with my mouth and begin walking on all fours to the play area
>I slowly crawl up the slide, barely fitting whilst letting out enormous amounts of gas
>once I'm inside the main play area my flatulence has become to over powering that it even brought a tear to my eye
>the children playing inside begin to run out, complaining of the putrid smell
>I yell "get out normie scum! I claim this as the beta uprising headquarters!"
>I sit in the center of the play gym and begin to have a picnic with my happy meals
>I give each pony a bit of cheeseburger
>I'm setting up an awesome play story with my ponies when my bitch mom and the mcdonalds manager come into the play area
>"Sir we have been getting complaints about an adult in the play area. You must be under 8 years old to use it."
>tell him to fuck off
>mcdonalds employees begin entering the play structure
>my mom is yelling that she can reason with me but I don't negotiate with normalfags
>push my back against the wall and start kicking them as they come towards me
>all of the weight of the normie invasion plus my 300lb-self breaks the play structure
>I fall through to the ball pit, the entire structure collapses
>as the normies try to save a girl trapped under the structure, we escape
>mom begins crying in the van
>make her stop at Burger King for dessert

what the fuck

The more I read these stories, the more I wish I wasn't born

Welcome newfriend

6/10 slight kek

Lmao more like this

keep typing fgt. entertain me.

>implying I'm new

I hate summer so fucking much

>be at Burger King
>they have $1.49 for 10 nuggets deal
>this means I can order more nuggies!
>time to load up
>decide to get 200
>make ma-ma do the conversion from USD to GBP
>only 60 Good Boy Points for 200 nugnugs!
>I clean out their nuggie saucies (costs 0 GBP so I order extra, 1 sauce packet per 2 nuggies)
>my table looks like the famous Scarface scene but with nuggies instead of cocaine
>scarf down my nuggers n' sauce while ma-ma plays Candy Crush on her phone (shitty pleb game)
>mum tells me to slow down else I get a tum-tum ache
>stupid bitch thinks she can tell me what to do
>later that night I wake up with a big hurty poo
>rush-waddle to bathroom
>trip and fall before I reach toilet
>laying on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out and pooping all over the floor
>1 hour later i clean myself up in the toilet bowl and wake up mommy to clean my poopies
>didn't get my 50 GBP for sleeping through the night
>lose the 30 daily GBP bonus I get for keeping my poo-poos in the toilet
>can't go to sleep now
>do peepee fun rubby-squirty on the Baby Bop pages of my Barney and Friends picture book
>miss the pages and and get pee-pee mayonnaise all over my bedsheets
>mums get upset when she sees the stains and takes away the rest of my GBP
And that's why you never choose nuggies over tendies

Jokes on you, i was only pretending to be new

Screencap me. See you faggots on leddit

I cried a little.

...

Kek

Inb4 Reddit faggots

Cap me niggers

As sad as it is that some retard wrote this cringe worthy story, it's depressing that some people like it.
Gross beta fags are hilarious and fucking disgusting, but this try-hard story is shit.

I wish i could write cringe that good
8/10

>rush waddle

>Try-hard story
>Salty greentext failure detected
Who wants a story with no effort retard

Almost looks too good to not be copypasta

shitty retarded story, you fucking autist. write something funny or kill yourself.

...are you retarded?

Jesus

>Mom gets off work early without calling first
>Finds me in the pantry emptying my poop jug into the cat's litter box
>Starts yelling at me, saying that I'm fucking disgusting
>Tell her that it's all her fault for breaking up with my dad when I was six
>She tells me that I need to be an adult
>Cry and scream and even throw my shit jug at her
>She says that from now on I have to go to bed before midnight
>Tell her to fuck off and go to my room
>Don't go to bed because it's fucking bullshit and I'm not a god damn wage slave
>She opens the door flat out at like one AM and is really pissed
>Tries to push me away from the computer, but I'm too heavy
>I start yelling at the top of my lungs
>She rips my computer tower out of the wall and takes it up to her room
>Knows I'm too fat to climb the stairs and thinks shes won
>Lay down at the bottom of the stairs and scream until my throat hurts
>Still no computer
>She goes to work the next day
>Wake up at like 3 PM and no computer
>Bitch has fucking overstepped her boundaries now
>Go into the bathroom and lift top off toilet tank so I can shit in it
>Sitting on tank and begin to turtle-head when I get an idea
>Pucker up my ass and waddle into the kitchen
>Take huge shit in the microwave and set the timer for three hours
>Mom comes home an hour later and the whole house fucking reeks
>She's screaming about a fire in the kitchen
>Can hear her crying for hours and even hear firemen stamping around
>Later that evening she comes in sobbing
>Sets up my computer tower for me
Flawless victory

>tum-tum ache
>hurty poo
>rush-waddle
>peepee fun rubby-squirty
And my personal favorite
>peepee mayonnaise

Effort? what's the point of effort, if all you can generate is that shit? Good thing you're dealing with the garbage of society here, 'cause you're not going to get very far with that.

1 GBP = 0.4966667 USD
confirmed

>$1.49 for 10 nuggets deal
Good god, is this really a thing? No wonder you amerifats are all such lard-asses.

>febraury 2004
>still as relevant as today

FUUCCCCKING SUMMMMMERRR TIMMEE

i know.

when will you all leave?

Is this after taxes on the nuggets? The nuggets will come out to X amount PLUS tax and THEN you divide to find GBP

Its before tax
What's the tax percentage in the US?

Not till mummy gives me my GBP....

Yeah its real. But only if you just get nuggies.

>Wake up at 9pm after a particularly exhausting Minecraft session
>tummy is making hungry noises
>navigate my way out of my room through the piles of weewee jugs and trash
>make my way downstairs, peek into the living room
>mummy and new daddy are doing a special backwards hug on the sofa like uncle phil showed me once
>new daddy is making funny sounds like a steam train
>don't care, hungry
>"MUMMY MAKE ME BREKKIE BREK"
>mummy screams, new daddy swears and nearly falls off the sofa like a silly
>says to mummy "why is that retard still living here, isn't he like 30"
>I don't like being called a retard
>not since the incident with the toddler in mcdonalds
>feel my inner wolf break loose
>let out a mighty howl and try to rip off my creeper hoodie
>not strong enough in my hunger-weakened state
>new daddy is laughing, I'll fucking show him
>pull down my crusty cargo shorts and grab my tingly tummy tendie
>"GOLDEN WHIRLWIND, GO GO GO"
>start spinning like a beyblade and weeing as hard as I can
>mummy is screaming and crying, new daddy swears even louder and tries to grab me
>dodge him with my veteran CS reflexes but fall because I'm dizzy from malnourishment
>new daddy gets me in a headlock and starts punching me in the tummy
>he doesn't know I've been saving a satisfying tendie-and-dew-fuelled doodie for later
>bum explodes like a fat man in fallout 3 (I don't play 4 because it doesn't have my waifu Moira)
>new daddy is covered in doodie, he looks like a swamp monster
>he lets go and starts vomiting
>mummy is on the phone, I think she's calling 911, new daddy is trying to make her put the phone down and shouting something about "the meth you dumb bitch"
>crawl to the kitchen, everything is spinning and I feel faint
>"MUMMY MAKE TENDIES" I manage to shout before blacking out
>wake up locked inside the basement bad-boy cage next to a plate of hot tendies
>new daddy is gone

great success

I pay like 8 euros for that in Luxembourg. That's 13 trump dollars, America.

You're probably a die hard trump supporter aren't you?

People who are stupid also probably disagree with my subjective beliefs!

I refuse to believe you r9k'ers exist.

idc if these are fake/real. this is funny holly shit

If this was real and I was the mom I would literally kill you.

>Wake up at 4PM from napsy time
>Glance over at my Good Boy Points scoreboard
>Fuck yes, 25 pointsies!
>Time to play some video gameys
>Waddle downstairs to living room in my jammy wammies
>Mom has her book club over, occupying valuable living room space
>"user, we're having our weekly book meeting here, can't you go play in the playroom for a little while?"
>No bitch, I saved up my Good Boy Points to play my Weegee game
>"O-okay, user, but please try to keep it down."
>Of course mommy, I'm your good boy!
>Load up New Super Luigi U
>Hear mom in the background: "A-as I was saying, I think Jane Eyre..."
>The game starts
>Start chanting Luigi catchphrases
>WEEGEE TIME! WAHOO! MARIOOOOO!
>Absorbed in the game
>World 1 boss, so toughy tough!
>Start farting from the concentration
>Smells like rotten meat
>WEEGEE NUMBER ONE
>Sniff fartsy farts and giggle
>Made it to world 2!
>Fart out a hot burning one
>Hear one of the bookwomen gag
>"I'm sorry user's Mom, I think I've left the lights on at home. I really have to go!"
>Hear her run out while gagging
>Look over at mom and her friendsies
>They're all looking at me disgusted
>Smirk
>"Come on, user, why don't you go to the playroom for a little bit. I think you've had enough tv timey."
>NO BITCH I WANNA PLAY WEEGEE
>I HAVE PAID THE GBP, NO REFUNDS
>"Please, user, we can talk about this later."
>Bitch has got to know when to stop.
>Now it's WEEGEE TIME
>Rub Wii U Gamepad over my wee wee, get a semi
>Start violently farting and shitting in my diapies
>The smell is horrific
>Women start throwing up while scrambling for the door
>Mom starts crying, completely broken down
>It's just the two of us now
>I laugh and roll around
>Mom just sits there, staring blankly at me
>Tummy tums starts growling
>Mommy, now make me tendies please?
>No response
>MOMMY, TENDIES NOW FOR TUMTUM HUNGRY
>No wonder dad left us, you useless whore
>Throw gamepad at her face, shattering her cheekbone
>She nods silently and makes my tendies
>Dine like a king

Cont

as if summer was such a big deal guys
its always shit
always

I still confuse GBP for Great British Pounds in these threads...

>finally amass enough GBP for tendies
>scream at mummy GIVE ME TENDIES GIVE ME TENDIES BE THEY CRISPY AND FROM WENDYS
>mummy asks me to calm down
>slap that bitchy cunt in her face
>scream at the top of my lungs TENDIES I EARNED THEM GIVE THEM TO ME
>mummy huddled in corner crying, nods yes
>go back upstairs to play Tomodachi Life
>mummy leaves to go shopping
>mummy finally home from shopping
>feel my fedora vibrate, senses tendies
>sprint downstairs, fall on staircase and hit head on floor
>tendies too tempting, get up, bloody nose
>mom looks at me
>"h-heres your tenders user"
>punch her in the stomach
>THEYRE CALLED TENDIES CUNT
>grab bag
>McDonalds
>the bitch got me mcdonalds shitnuggets and not wendy tendys
>flop on the ground and start crying
>I EARNED WENDY TENDY MOM
>"mcdonalds was closer user"
>rip off my diaper and start shitting on the floor in rage while biting my moms ankles
>she finally breaks free and locks herself in the closet
>can hear her crying

i threw away the nuggets too fucking slutty cunt

anyone else gotten non-wendytendy?

>90 years fat
>In McShit
>good boy points very a lot
>pay fat american dolar to counter
>aquire fat american food
>im fat
>mom is disapoint
>fart joke
loop zoop

Give me, give me, chicken tendies
Be they crispy, or from Wendy's
Spend my hard-earned good boy points
On Kid's Meal ball pit burger joints

Mommy lifts me to the car
To find me tendies near and far
Enjoy my tasty tendie treats
In comfy big boy booster seats

McDonald's, Hardee's, Popeye's, Cane's
But of my tendies none remains
She tries to make me take a nappy
But sleeping doesn't make me happy

Tendies are the only food
That puts me in the napping mood
I'll scream, I'll shout, I'll make a fuss
I'll scratch, I'll bite, I'll even cuss!

Tendies are my heart's desire
Fueled by raging, hungry fire
Mommy sobs, and wails, and cries
But tears aren't tendies, nugs or fries

My good boy points were fairly earned
To buy the tendies that I've yearned
But there's no tendies on my plate
Did mommy think that I'd just ate?!

Tendies, tendies, get them now!
You fat, ungrateful, sluggish sow!
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I screech while hurling into her eyes
My foul-smell bowel-dwelling diaper surprise
For she who is unpooped on is she who remembers:
Never forget my chicken tenders

>mom giving me lift to college
>my birthday is on saturday which sucks because it means I wont get a day off studying for mommy's special little guys attention day
>start screaming that it's my birthday TODAY
>mom doesn't even try, simply does a u-turn and drives towards home
>pissed off she even woke me up for this, on my birthday of all things
>piss my pants and wet the seat screaming for my birthday cake
>mom starts crying
>it's a sign she'll give in
>"user YOU'RE 24 FUCKING YEARS OLD YOUR BIRTHDAY IS NOT UNTIL SATURDAY IT'S TIME YOU FU-"
>baby doesn't like being yelled at
>and baby needs burping
>"burp me or I'll fucking vomit"
>"NO THIS HAS GONE TOO F-"
>stick my fingers down my throat and vomit all over the steering wheel, her hands and her lap
>"baby is all empty and ready for his cake mommy", I said through a smug little shit-eating grin
>mom gives up and drives to the cake store
>I scream "DONATELLO LEONARDO RAPH-
>she cuts me off and tells me to shutup and wait in the fucking car while she gets me my special ninja turtle cake
>well mom, baby doesn't like being told off, so baby is gonna shit his fucking pants
>She came back to the car, saw the mess baby had done all over the seats and broke down crying
>I politely asked for my birthday cake, and started shoving and stuffing my fat faggot face with it
>"Oh by the way mom, this doesn't mean you're off the hook. I still expect a real birthday cake on Saturday."
>I finished about half the cake, most of it just smeared around my mouth and face, huge chunks melting and crumbing all over my lap
>just to teach that bitch a lesson I smeared the rest all over the inside of the windscreen. that will teach her not to fuck with me
>she wiped away just a little hole to see through and cried all the way home
>"it's baby's birthday, and baby doesn't want to walk"
>and baby needs changing

>this whole thread

>wake up to my room of piss jugs and shit bottles
>first thing I do in the morning is check my gbp
>saved up enough good boy points to buy a steam card
>crawl out of my battlestar galactica blanket (I got it from Santa instead of coal for being a good boy)
>rip off page of my gbp chart and hobble downstairs
>mummy cooking me a breakfast of tendies
>"mummy mummy! I saved up enough good boy points to get a steam card!"
>"let me see that my special little boy. You've been so good these past few weeks! Here are your chicken tenders."
>fucking normie cunt, who calls them chicken tenders
>eat my mountain of tendies then get into the car
>mummy starts to drive
>suddenly get motion sick
>"mummy I don't feel very good"
>puke all over the back of her car, tendie flakes everywhere
>oh my god! -10 gbp. We are going back to the house now
>what the fuck you stupid bitch I was good all month for that steam card
>was going to buy Sakura angels with it
>get back to the house
>enact plan of revenge
>mummy goes to sleep
>pick up shit jugs with caution, pull out mummy's space heater and place the shit jugs with it next to her bed
>20 min later
>shit bottles explode
>mummy gets plastic shard in her eye
>has to go to the hospital
>fucking normie bitch that's what you get for taking away my gbp

>>I don't like being called a retard
>>not since the incident with the toddler in mcdonalds
You should write for real fiction,. That's some Stephen King level story depth user