Jail Stories

Jail Stories

>be me
>2 years ago
>arrested for weed charge in shitty state
>can't make bail
>every night afters a few mins lights out I yell REEEED ROBIN
>a couple people would reply YUMMMMM
>after a week the whole dorm replies YUMMMM
>guard starts getting butthurt because it's against his faggot jail rules
>one night he snaps
>rages for the culprit to get out of their bunk
>no one does or says anything
>I give myself up
>he makes me do another chore in the morning
>everybody likes me and gives me free shit out of their commissary after that

Checked, I kekked

What were you in for Sup Forumsro?

this niggger cant read

don't be mean

>caught a sale
>withdrawing from like 20 xanax/day in a cell (moved to dorms after 3 days)
>sick as fuk. throwing up, shaking, dying
>COs call me for medical
>they see i cant move, say if i dont get my ass up it will count as a refusal
>told me to get fucked and enjoy dying
>threw up on guard in the bubble on purpose
>Got an elevator ride after that.

Whoops, interestingly enough, alcohol is somewhat responsible for my mistake

Bump for interesting thread

Bump for interest

what do you mean, and elevator ride?

>be me, 17
>get sentenced to 7 days of 'shock time'
>get old black dude with a criminal record longer than my arm
>1st day in, he gives me some chips and juice
>thanks friendo.jpg
>we chat throughout the week
>my last day FINALLY arrives
>he knows that i am getting released in a few hours and asks for my lunch
>i say no, and that im hungry
>he stands up and stares me down
>fine, whatever faggot, i'm getting out in a few hours
>right before im getting ready to leave, he gives me a phone number with something to ask/say to his mother
>i assure him that i will relay the message
>it's time to get out
>get to the door of my block
>i look back and rub my hands together and flip him the bird
>fuck that guy

that didn't happen you pussy

i should also mention that i had written the number down on the palm of my hand..
you don't have to believe me, that's fine.

fuck off faggot

The guard put 6" up his ass

Fuckin white trash you're worse than niggers

Guess what you little faggot im finally out of jail. I didnt forget what you look like with your skinny frame and hairless face. Im coming for you bitch. Its turbo time.

dubs speaks truth

sounds like he was trying to relay a coded message of some kind

if you make the call from outside prison cops can't prove shit

wow arnt you a cool guy. Hope you get fucked in the ass you little fag.

...

that's a tiny image

summerfag alert

He should've raped you.

>Be OP
>Intentionally kill someone so he goes to jail and get ass raped multiple times, enjoy it.
>Go to Sup Forums and post about it.

follow the law or you go to jail. im black so if i glance or be in the proximity of a cop a hail of bullets will be upon me so i dont leave the house
also my cousin got pulled over because he was driving a nice car lol didnt you know black people arent allowed to have nice things

dubs speak truth

>be me, 21
>working at shitty CVS Pharmacy
>get talked into siphoning pills out the back door
> CVS finds out and assumes its me because I'm new, say they have all this evidence, and have me arrested
>first time ever in jail in CA, have no idea what to expect
cont?

no

i tried man. he wouldn't accept any of my advances.

Why not

keep going

>taken to pod where all the guys are going to state prison, Dep's assumed I would be joining them shortly
>put in a cell all by myself because i'm the only white guy
> few hours later all the doors open and everyone goes out into the day room, idk what the fuck to do so i just stand off to the side
>two mexicans and a black dude who was built like a brick shithouse come walking up to me
not pre-typed... bare with me

Benzo wd is no joke.
Dope may make u feel like u gonna die but u wont
Benzo u can get seizures and actually die

"To Catch a Samefag"

Sometimes the phone call shit is a pain in the ass. Nigs aint good with money so it's hard to get money on dude's books for phone cards. And collect calls won't go through to her prepaid cell.

From my experience, mexicans in and out of jail are bros. Atleast to me they are

Same thing happened to my friend when he was driving his bmw through an affluent neighborhood. The cop got even more pissed off when he found out he lived there.

Stop trying nobody gives a shit about how blacks are stereotyped kys

nope. story way just gay. you are a faggot

>Be teen
>Get thrown in the cells overnight for underage drinking
>Shuffle into the cell block wearing board shorts, a tank top, and Pink Floyd sandals
>Cheeky bants from the inmates
>Guy with a domestic terrorism charge comes and shoots the shit with me
>Go to bed and wake up to really good eggs
>Seriously how did this jail cook such perfect eggs?
>Catch some more cheeky bants from the inmates and get told not to be stupid and come back from them

Was ight.

> mexicans and the black dude, start asking me what i'm in for, and if i've ever been to jail before
>tell them no, they explain how everything is segregated and how things work
>find out that because my charges are serious enough i get a certain amount of respect
>end up becoming the leader of the peckerwood faction in a San Diego County jail facility
>doesn't mean fuck all... i'm the only white guy in there...
>a few days later two other white guys come in with simple possession charges
>mine are better so I'm still in charge, fuck this logic, but it nets me two of everything, and my anal virginity so whatever

>be me
>5 months into an 18 month sentence for some stupid shit
>basically tried to steal a bunch of shit from my old workplace. had been manipulating the inventory for like 6 months and finally we got audited and my dumbass partner didn't cover his/our tracks good enough
>anyway
>meet my new cell mate. twitchy yet very bright young kid
>dude got convicted for sexual assault and statutory rape and is in jail for a long time
>every night he always talks about this girl and how she was asking for it
>whateverdude.jpeg
>fast forward a few weeks
>despite my warning him, he proceeds to accept "gifts" from other inmates and borrows shit from them like whiskey, weed, etc.
>begins getting in over his head and I'm constantly having to hear about him
>he's gonna get his ass beat
>one day he comes up to me and is like "user, I need help or they're gonna fucking jump me any day now..."
>sigh
>well what do you need?
>dude looks at me straight in the eyes and says "well, I'm gonna need about tree-fitty".
>well, it was about that time that I noticed this "cellmate" of mine was actually about 12 stories tall and a huge ugly crustacean from the paleozoic era
>I'm fucking pissed off. Goddamned loch ness monster keeps breaking into the prison and trying to hit me up for chump change
>like I don't have other problems to deal with
>I said "DAMN IT NO, NOW YOU LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE"

Ok seriously why do almost half the comments in this thread come from the same IP?

This my fav

> these guys are barely 18, and think they can do whatever the fuck they want
>doesn't work like that
> actually have to have meetings with the leaders i met on day one, about trivial shit like who sat at what table, and why one of my guys used the black phone
>this shit went on for two weeks before I took the plea of a lifetime
> MFW jail wasn't that bad for me...

there's a bunch of random shit that happened with the younger white guys breaking every "rule" but it would take forever to type out, so ask if interested

Anal virginity
>had to suck dicks

i honestly never had a problem with anyone, thought it was going to be much worse than it was, as long as you adhered to the pre established "convict rules" everything seemed low key

nope, it's not what tv (or in your case, your favorite gay porn) make it out to be, most people just want to do their time

You can't see IPs fag

i am very interested, please elaborate

Well, yea. Its the same outside of prison too, in gang neighborhoods. Show respect, dont piss on someones shoes, and if you do, apologize.

People who havent been inside, need to se msnbc's lockup series. More truth than anywhere else

wut

>beat up two people badly, get fucked over
>in jail
>befriend a mexican dude
>he has years to go, i'm not locked up for long
>one night he tells me about his fetish
>he fucks plants
>shakes his hand as if he was jerking off
>makes creepy faces
>tells me to fuck a cactus
>can't sleep that night
>think about plants being alive and shit
>dude they might experience pleasure as well
>what the fuck?
>for a brief moment i want to kill myself
>time passes
>finally, sweet release
>come home
>realize i havent jerked it in LITERAL ages
>start cleaning dust off things
>still thinking about plants
>days pass, i develop dendrophilia
>make a hole in a tree in my backyard
>feel like killing myself again
>fuck the tree late at night, scared of being noticed, cut my dick a bit
>cum so hard it fucking explodes, there's cum all over the hole and all over me as well
>develop even worser dendrophilia
>now jerking off to sexualized drawn plants
>pic related
>still havent tried fucking a cactus, only fuck trees

Maybe I'd believe you if you weren't so aggressively defensive.
Did they make you swallow?

>Shh, he thinks 4chinz is a secret hacker club

ironically, i got into that show after i got into trouble

Its a good goddamn show. Same for gangland, although gangland is more "sizzle" television

>aggressively defensive
that's your idea of aggressive? Jesus user... I'd hate to see your mom take away your GBP, you'd probably piss yourself

Lol why are all those anons butthurt over your story?

don't be mean

fake and gay thats why

user*

Have a rosemon

This guy knows what he's talking about. (Check 'em.)

alright...
>first white guy comes into the pod, i run the same game down to him that was told to me day one... he seems to get it
>we go out for day room time, and the first ting the fucker does is walk right through all the tables, and sit at the one the blacks claim
>immediately i hear about it, blacks are furious that they have been "disrespected" like that and want to whip the guys ass
> talk it out with their leader, manage to settle it for a part of the kids commissary
>kid agrees when he found out how close he was to getting his ass kicked
>random shit like that is a big deal

What's gbp?
I just meant you got very jumpy so easily. I didn't mean to offend you.
Seriously was there any sexual threats or intimidation?

yeah, the early episodes of gangland were pretty good, now its just drama, and "listen to my rap," and "look how hard i am"

Please, continue

checked my brother. checked

Thank you

I feel bad for you

Capital murder. I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot his deputy.

Checkd and agreed. Gangland did biker gangs really well, but past season 3 you have these shitty no name gangs and weird shit.
>Back to prison talk
Alot of people really over estimate how bad it is. Its truly people just trying to do their time. A small percentile are the violent assholes who are gunna stab you cause they want to

alright
>second white guys comes into the pod around midnight
>this guy is high as FUCK
>they didn't even bother taking him somewhere like a detox cell to sleep it off
>turns out he had mental issues as well we nicknamed him "the wizard"
>this guys is a trip, we'd be sitting at the tables playing cards and he would walk by the TV and wave his hands and the damn channel would change
>the fucking TV was in a plexiglass box and no one could touch it unless a cop came down and unlocked it to change the channel
>one time he got mad at the food for lunch and went up to the second tier and started ripping his pubes out and sprinkling them around like fucking fairy dust...
>i asked him what in the fuck he was doing, and he looked at me with a mixture of a 1000 yard stare and wild eyes and said "i'm making a spell"

your fuckin GOOD BOY POINTS nigga

Fucking magical. Kekd

thanks user, learned something new

kekd and checked

holy shittttt

agreed, you're always going to have the assholes who think they have something to prove... those are the one's you need to watch out for

I was actually thrown out of prison for organizing the other inmates. I'm a very well known community organizer, well enough known to have a Wikipedia page about me. When I was arrested the police tried to give me bail conditions which would have red-zoned me from the entire city because I also organized the local copwatch program. I told them to cram their bail up their ass, so they stuck me in prison.

Consider, I have 25 years of experience organizing on the street and they put me in a room with 40 angry, bored, cop-hating criminals with absolutely nothing to do all day but listen to me. Five days after putting me inside and having to deal with a front-page newspaper story on the shitty conditions inside (which I'd gotten using my media contacts) and an organized body of prisoners who had all signed contracts agreeing to riot if the prison tried to separate anyone so they had to deal with them as a group, I got thrown out. They dragged me back into court, told the judge they didn't want me in prison, and released me with no bail conditions. I didn't even have the boilerplate about keeping the peace and abstaining from owning weapons, so I couldn't refuse it.

>what's gbp?
Jesus fucking Christ you guys weren't kidding about these summerfags.
Good boy points my man, you get 'em for cleaning your room and keeping the house clean while I fuck your mom.

>this guys is a trip, we'd be sitting at the tables playing cards and he would walk by the TV and wave his hands and the damn channel would change

I can't believe you didn't try to befriend him. Dude was probably some kind of alien or demon masquerading as a human for the fun of it.

Kek

...

i had to deal with him on a daily basis, he was white, and therefore my responsibility, i tried to talk to him because you had to stick with your own race, but he never seems to be all there

Drugs. No demons or aliens needed.

Did he ever say anything interesting? Was it all gibberish?

>Enter the Edgelord.

>Drugs allow you to change TV channels with a wave of your hand.

>you had to stick with your own race

how was that enforced?
if you talked to a mexican would the other mexicans tell you to fuck off, or would the white people tell you to fuck off

What? I'm a summerfag because I don't know what GBP means?
It's literally one of the gayest things I've ever heard.
Did your mum used to give you good boy points?
I got pocket money for cleaning or washing up. Did your good boy Points come in the form of money?

>go to kiddie jail for "trespassing"
>first few days aren't so bad, I just mind my own business and try not to get noticed
>highschool 2.0
>the only time people talked to me was when they randomly vented at lunch which they did ALOT
>never really listened, just concentrated on making time pass faster
>one day this little tibeten guy gets all pissed off at me for no reason
>pushes my fat and berates me, too autistic to respond
>he starts slapping me
>cry think about it later in my bed
>next day toothbrush is missing
>it was him
Should I cont? This story doesn't even go anywhere.

oh shit nigger what are you doing

You're so fucking autistic user, this is beyond reality.

Fucking normies don't belong here, get off
GET OFF!!
REEEEEEEEEEEEE

...

I'm genuinely curious about what you think is "edgy" about being a community organizer.

Was it in self defense?

¡The story goes forward!