Let me tell you faggots a story about a Sonic loving, Weeaboo, Compulsive masturbator I knew in high school...

Let me tell you faggots a story about a Sonic loving, Weeaboo, Compulsive masturbator I knew in high school. Absolutely none of this is fiction.

>be me
>14 years old
>live in small shitty town, Northern California
>starting high school
>small nerd school
>a couple friends from middle school, nothing big
>I start playing on my 3ds
>short fat kid with a PSP waddles up to me
>finally somebody who wants to be my friend here.
>he utters the phrase with his high, gruff nasally voice “have you heard of Hatsune Miku”?
>it has begun
>let's call him Dilcan
>over the next couple of weeks he introduces my virgin burger normie eyes to Japanese video games
>He’s not too bad so far, but he follows me everywhere
>I become slowly aware of his behaviors
>he refuses to wear headphones, so he always used my earbuds
>I basically have to babysit this kid
>I notice people actively rejecting me
>I start to feel bad about it
>I want to be left alone
>I tell him to leave me be for a few minutes
>he keeps bothering me
>”but we’re freeeeeeiiiiiiinds” he repeats
>godkillme.ogg

More?

More

CONTINUE PLS

Just get to the part when he fucks you in the butt

>sometime later
>in class we're doing a project
>somebody misspells his name
>He fucking flips out
>“IT'S NOT SPELLED WITH A Y IT'S WITH AN I”
“dude it’s already printed, sorry”
>“REDO IT”
>he has to be escorted out of the Classroom
>jesusfuckman.wmv
>some friday night a month or so later
>there's was a thing at that school every few months called a lock-in
>Each room in dedicated to a different event
>I helped manage the video game room.
>I brought my console, he brought his.
>he proceeds to tell me that a console is only good when it has Touhou and Sonic on it
>he picked his nose while playing the game
>nobody played my console because of this disgusting abomination taking everybody's turns
>I stop caring. I resume playing Portal 2 on somebody else console.
>whatever.jpg

Bumping

last bit of freshman year

>I'm sick from school one day.
>the next day
>multiple people walk up at once to me tell to listen
>they all tell me that he fucking FAPPED in class the previous day.
>I'm knew he was repulsive, but this? Nah couldn't be
>he wasn't at school for the next WEEK
>when came back he's acted like nothing happened
>I'm doing the same thing
>Every time somebody asks, I deny it.
>“he's too fucking innocent and childish” I think
>he proceeds to do it every fucking time I’m absent
>why
>end of the school year
>I have successfully made other friends
>hell even some people who fucking hated me became close.
>I tell them of my tale
>apparently a lot of people avoided me because they thought I was another one of him.
>THIS ALL COULD HAVE BEEN FUCKING AVOIDED IF I DIDN'T ASSOCIATE WITH HIM.
>MFW

bump

...

What the fuck.

Thanks for the bumps
now where was I...

>summer
>I'm invited to his birthday party
>he mom and dad come to pick him up
>he calls them “Mommy and Daddy”
>his dad is a literal 600 pound bearded man in a fedora
>He’s a pretty cool guy actually
>I soon learn that his entire family is full of people like these
>and they're all pretty cool
>how the fucking fuck did Dilcan end up the way he did
>I later found out he was adopted
>I pity him, so I add him to a hugbox skype chat of mine
>nobody likes him
>I understand why COMPLETELY
>Dilcan took this opportunity to tell me that the entire time had a huge crush on new
>“I have a crush on user”
“Uh… I don’t roll that way. No.”
>“but..”
“No.”
>WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY
>mfw this disgusting thing wanted my dick
>mfw he was probably fapping to me

Friends un elementary school associated ''pigeon gut dater'' un his neighorhood

...

...

>short fat kid with a PSP waddles up to me
>finally somebody who wants to be my friend here.

umhhh....

>10th grade
>I end up having to move to another school, same town.
>get a much warmer welcome
>Every so often we go to an after school hangout called the teen center
>meet a freshman named Eren there
>Hairy Jesus Caveman looking motherucker
>Goes to my previous school
>little do I know he's trying to give Dilcan a shot
>they have more in common than I did
>Both gay for Anime and got hemorrhoids for Vocaloids
>Dilcan is still annoyingly clingy though
>they share guitar class
>he once asks to play guitar outside
>he returns with a big red mark on his neck
>he tells the teacher “I need a new High E string”
>Eren is forever turned off by him
>overall he had the same amount of luck minus everybody avoiding him.

You had a robotic sex machin dummy, what a waste !

This may be unrelated but, sauce?

I should rephrase...
>Finally somebody who wasn't a dick to me!

Back to the story

>it's now Friday, video game day.
>every time we play Smash Bros Brawl
>we were having enough fun
>he pauses the game mid match to eat his snack
>everybody is confused as fuck
>we have our friend Sam take over
>Dilcan comes back about 5 minutes later
>we've all lost a stock or two
>he sees that his spot was taken
>he yells “WHO TOOK MY SPOT”
>he waddles to the TV to block our view
>”WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ME LOSING A STOCK”
>I tell him that we had Sam take his place
>a guy named Jake admitted to killing him
>”EVERYBODY SD(to kill yourself in game)FOR IT TO BE FAIR”
>he takes his controller and sits back down
>the next he does
>he fucking grabs Jake's controller and runs him off the stage
>“What the fuck is your problem?”
>“I'M ONLY TRYING TO BE FAIR”
>that line has been rattling in heads for years
>”Calm down or the teen center staff are
gonna shut off the game”
>“IM NOT GOING TO CALM DOWN” he yells loud enough for the next building to hear.
>I literally say “nope” multiple times and walk out
>several middle schoolers join me
>I am their God, their messiah
>but this story isn't about me
>it's about Dilcan
>I return with my gaggle of grade schoolers
>he called his fucking dad
>when his dad arrived, Dilcan pretends to have amnesia
>“I... don't know what happened”
>“all I remember is…”
>“...that I was only trying to be fair”
>at this point I was fucking done with him
>his dad was actually pretty understanding of the situation
>he proceeds to ground his 16 YEAR OLD son for a month
>mfw

Somebody give him sauce

bump, keep going OP

...

Shit, fucked that up

>at my new separate school I start to hear stories
>there was somebody at the previous school who was caught fapping onto a girl’s bookbag
>I can guess fucking who
>the bag belonged to a girl who we'll call Sims
>she was his new crush
>I don't meet her til senior year
>but I was understanding her pain.
>I see him at the teen center
>again
>he brought his own console once more
>he forced everybody to play Mario Kart and Sonic 2
>we all wanted to play Brawl
>he utters the most predictable fucking phrase anybody has fucking heard
>“My console. My rules.”
>we all reference it to this very day.

Bump

the show must go on

BUMp

>11th grade
>I'm now doing homeschooling
>Dilcan is trying stealth fapping techniques
>they don't work
>a friend of mine, whom we call “Banks” caught him in the act.
>previous school
>science room
>everybody is divided up into groups
>Banks is in a group with Dilcan
>everything is doing fine until
>*fapfapfapfap*
>“uh what was that?”
>*fapping stops* nothing
>”uh okay whatever”
>*fapfapfapfap*
>”damn am I the only who hears this?”
>*FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP*
>unable to concentrate, he slowly looks under the table
>next thing that is heard is a loud screeching followed slowly by “THIS NIGGAS MASTURBATING IN THE FUCKING CLASSROOM”
>there was a girl sitting across the table from him named Ginger
>poor ginger
>he was probably using her face as viagra

Bump

o shit

what have I just read

This I the most interesting thing on this site to In Years

Nigga read this filename

bump for more dylcan fanfics

>eventually he ran dry
>no more class fapping for the time being
>he got a girlfriend
>and 8th grader redhead named Anne
>I already knew her from when I was a Christfag
>long story, but point is I already know plenty about her
>She's a psycho
>not in a good way
>She's loves blood, guts, homestuck, hot topic, terrible bands that haven't been relevant in a decade, the usual wishing for death and doom and shit
>also she's extremely annoying and loud
>but she looked like she stepped out of a playground
>She's and Dilcan where a thing
>everybody was terrified of them
>I didn't want any part in this
>ever time I saw this without her I'd say “How's the Loli doing?”
>eventually she disappears
>2 weeks later
>I'm walking 2 miles to the nearest Walmart
>she finds me
>She's at her house
>I meet her at the fence
>she asks “can you tell Dilcan… it's over?”
“okay”
>”he texts me like 30 times everyday and it's getting annoying”
“okay, sure, I'll tell him”
>”Thanks, user”
>I almost immediately start laughing
>for almost a half hour
>this fag got dumped by a fucking 8th grader
>I breaks the news to him 2 days later
>he nonchalantly says “I already know” and walks off
>I know he was fucking broke

>THIS NIGGAS MASTURBATING IN THE FUCKING CLASSROOM


rip sides

fucking amazing kek

Someone post cp to derail thread

Why is no one responding?

...

No.

Kys

>The Teen center

I feel fucking old. We use to call this the fucking mall or chad thundercock's house because his mom is hot as fuck and lets us do whatever the fuck we want..

>Teen center

And people wonder why autism is on the rise.

>Summer School
>I wasn't here for this but some friends of mine where
>he apparently spent the entire time reading manga and telling people about Tails’ Channel
>my friend Egagiel had to deal with him
>so apparently he brought a copy of rosario+vampire and the similar stuff everyday
> he held that TP like a it was fucking prize
>someone pointed out the massive tits on the cover and he got all offended
>Egagiel gave dilcan a weird look and left him alone
>didn't want any of that shit
>the next day he wouldn't shut the fuck up about tails’ channel
>”yeah man, that's...cool.”
>Egagiel tries to avoid him as much as possible
>doesn't work very well
>Egagiel has to deal with his bullshit for all of summer school

why the fuck user, this thread is has been fucking awesome.

because people are stonger than words, oh feeble minded user

Found Dilcan

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>Another time fap monster is eating string cheese
>volcano in the background seems upset
>his grandma isn't pleased but she's lactose intolerant
>run to the zoo being as careful as I can
>find 3 green grapes and lol loudly
>I'm in the helicopter and Tadow starts dancing the Macarena
>iPad capitalized Macarena for some reason
>I don't even have an iPad because of the rain
>my dad hits me

It's full of the usual annoying, loud, wanna be gangster, unironic memeing preteens you'd expect to go there.

...

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>12 Grade
>I'm still in homeschooling
>Dilcan has to suffice with restroom fapping
>some seniors don't even care anymore
>even though they can hear his cries of ecstasy when they go to take a shit
>I've heard it described from a slow
>”ECH….ECH… ECH!”
>to a multiple quick 3 second sessions of
>”ehehehhehheyeahhoohohohehehoyeah”
>all. the damn. time.

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Is Dilcan's real name Jon 'the not so grump' Tron?

Brawl is fucking gay. Melee master race

Fuck off fluffposters. You don't even have smoke on the water.

...

OH SHIT

>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

...

Is that a fact? :^)

...

>I end up going to a continuation school part way through the year
>64 or so people from different schools
>Egagiel, Banks, and a few others
>everybody's pretty much heard of Dilcan one way or another.
>one Neo Nazi worshipped him
>Banks tells me his tale
>Some tell me about summer school
>Sims starts going to the same school a few months after me
>only for like 2 days though
>I tell her of my tale
>she tells me of hers
>we argue over who had it worse
>for 20 minutes
> she ends her arguement with ”Dilcan confessed his LOVE for me!”
>I proceeded to yell out
“SAAAAAAAAAAAME”
>She's looks at me with sorrow in her eyes
>”sorry… you've had it worse, user”
>enough about me
>let's go to dilcan

I thought you faggots had yor own thread.

Damn son, where'd you find this?

facebook pl0x

Still very funny. Keep it up op

Bumb

user did you move to a place called oak park california? Because there is a place called the teen center, a homeschool program, and a lot of emo 8th graders.

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:^)
>:^)
"loL"

>we hear that he was kicked out of nerd school
>we can all guess why
>we realize that he may end up coming to our quaint little delinquent school
>there are rumors going around
>people gearing up to kick his ass
>I'll be playing the kazoo during the event like I always do when something like this goes down
>I fear that he may follow me again
>I don't want freshman year again
>god no
>next batch of 4-5 new delinquents arrives
>none of them are Dilcan
>we find out that he went into homeschooling
>the entire school sighs in relief

...

Nah, shasta county

There is also a continuation school in the program mfw i literally think we went to the same school

Go to your own fucking thread faggots

Get the fuck outta this thread bitches

>mfw
well?

this is how you encourage fluff fags to spam even more than they already were
>well done faggots

...

His face stopped existing from the shock of his discovery

Because not everyone is missing chromossomes

It's was a town in Shasta county. Way north.


>finally chapter everybody
>Egagiel, Eren, and I usually go to the teen center on weekdays
>Dilcan only goes there Fridays for Game day
>He suddenly shows up Wednesday
>why?
>because he has a new crush
>an 8th Grader named Alex
>it apparently went all the way back to Halloween
>he saw her in dressed as Princess Zelda
>boner never went away
>she's has allot in common with Dilcan
>she watches the usual shit a tween weeb would watch
>she plays minecraft
>Alex tried to just be friends
>he kept bothering her
>no space
>comes on different days to avoid him
>we decide to talk to her
>she flat out hated him at this point
>we tell her about the tale
>Anne walks into the room
>we call ourselves the Dilcan love circle
>Dilcan gave Alex his number
>they text sometimes
>we have her text Dilcan about the fapping
>we feed her lines
>”hey… is it true that you… did the… thing… during class”
>no response
>”I think it would be cute if you were honest”
>Dilcan responds “yes… don't tell anybody… it's embarrassing”
>Huston, we have lift off.
>all of us stand up and cheer as if it were the ending to some bad 80s sports film.
>we calm down to realise how much of a bright fucking crimson flag this is.
>he admits to it
>to an 8th grader
>not to me
>not to Anne
>not to literally anybody else who asked
>4 years of rejecting the fact that he did it to everyone
>tells it to an 8th grader
>a fucking 8th grade middle school kid
>we all shudder thinking about it

*chromostones
I've got mine right here, where's yours.

>also none of this is fiction

Ehhhh... See, that's where you're wrong, you fucking retard.

>only a fool would believe any fabrication posted here.

But it's cool, doesn't have to be true. Enjoy ridiculing the fan bases you don't like. I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm saying it's fictional.

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bump

>chromossomes
Are you sure?

fuckin boring. sage

Somebody cap it. I am on mobile.

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>'"all I remember is... that I was only trying to be fair'"
Fucking kek

>during the week
>Alex stops showing up
>nowhere to be seen
>we found out she stopped coming because of Dilcan
>at the teen center we decided to talk shit about about him
>everybody starts to join in
>even the staff
>we all share stories about him
>it's like the last supper
>and I'm Jesus
>next time he comes in, Eren and I decide to make jokes about him
>we go off on him for an hour, Egagiel laughing the whole time
>we all leave
>Friday once more
>We dread his arrival
>he doesn't show up
>apparently after we all left, he walked to the back room
>curled up into a ball
>started crying violently
>good
>serves the disgusting prick right
>he ruined my freshman year

Get out of my fluffy thread munsta

facebook???
twitter???
any sause on him??