Confession thread, Sup Forums. Confess your sins and secrets here

Confession thread, Sup Forums. Confess your sins and secrets here.
Pic unrelated.

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funnyjunk.com/The full story parts 1 2 and 3/funny-pictures/5727131/
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I fucked a potato once

i once shoved the virgin mary up my snatch
not so virgin anymore i guess

I had sexual intercourse with a woman of the female gender today and orgasmed inside her vagina.

Did you marry her, son?
You can fuck right off you godless HEATHEN
Found the Irishman

>woman of the female gender

i have an imaginary friend

I would like to see that, for artistic purposes of course.

hi, i'm tim allen. i have no secrets.

>artistic purposes

you misspelt autistic newfag

im joining the army hoping i'll get deployed and killed overseas. i'm starting training this year.

the edge

i cant

i want to die

f

me too

I completed Undertale's Genocide route

I used my girlfriend once and made her forget it

I paid for sex 5 times when I was on vacation abroad. That's 5 women that I disappointed in 2 weeks. None of them would do business with me anymore. That's how bad I am at sex.

how much?

$10,000 USD each...

I was seriously considering selling my ass to feed my alcohol addiction and pay my rent. Luckily I have some good friends.

My mom killed two kids and now I can never use my real name.

Trap hentai is actually getting me going more than porn is.

> All I can hear from porn is "You lemon stealing whore". I can't fap anymore after that amazingly bad line.

Don't mention that to the recruiter or you'll never get. Also kys

Between $60 - $120 USD, 30 minutes. Price varies depending on how pale their skin is.

why trap and not futa?

I once went on a couples date with me, my girlfriend, my friend and his girlfriend. I thought everything was going normally but apparently my friend and his girlfriend had different intentions. After dinner, my friends girlfriend started hitting on me right in front of my girlfriend. Obviously my girlfriend was upset and I was confused. Turns out my friend was into swinging and mistaken me for the type of guy who would be into it...

A dude I know threatened to tell everyone in my middle school I was gay if I didn't suck his dick.
I was there every friday swallowing cum.

i know

Mmmm

dude wtf!

I shot a gorilla even though I knew I could have used tranquiliser darts.

So instead of just having the rumor go around being gay, you decided "fuck it I'll just be gay"?

>found the irishman
FUCK

> My brain spends minutes logically thinking how such a thing exists and it just keeps asking questions.

> Just now I have 30 questions about futas.

Yeah. Seemed like it would be easier. Remember, like 10 years ago, if people thought you were gay you should just an hero yourself

futa is a gift from the heavens my dude.

So what they used your ass for free?

My mom lets me fuck her whenever I want because I think she doesn't like my girlfriend.

Don't fucking question it.

My confession is I use them 3D chat deals and RP as a hung ass nigger futa.
Porn doesn't even satisfy anymore since I pretty direct my own porn in my mind.

Nah, they just lent me the money I needed, sans alcohol funds. Fucking assholes making me better myself. I could've made a decent living being a whore.

Sorry, I'm a man of seemingly limitless fucking questions when it comes to futa. It's a fuck all reason, but it's my confession.

Still haven't told the family this one.

>Me, mid teens.
>I was a right shit, smoked meth and what not.
>Parents took my house key so I couldn't smoke up in the house after school.
>Came home from school really needing to take a shit, couldn't get in the house.
>Took a shit on the back lawn, wiped using junk mail grabbed from the mailbox on the way through.
>Stuffed shitty junk mail in the trash can.
>Later that afternoon dad sees gigantic turd sunbathing on the back lawn, calls out to the family.
>"Damn I feel sorry for the dog, that or a dinosaur took a shit on the lawn".
>Have to paper scissors rock with my sister to see whose turn it is to pick up the dog shit.
>I win.
>No disposable gloves left.
>mfw she has to pick up my massive shit with a paper towel.

Good point. But honestly you could have just got yourself a woman make yourself seen with her constantly. Maybe she could've been the one gulping dick nougat every friday

I masturbate whenever I'm in a skype call. I find it thrilling to try and hold conversation while I'm just going to town, and I've gotten pretty good at it.

Define decent. Also why do you drink user?

just don't accidentally turn on video and you're good

Basically all I know is a futa is chick with tits a pussy and dick putting mine and yours to shame.

pics of both

Holy shit so I'm not the only one hella

Bi, Depressed, Bad Axiety, Suicidal. Killing myself once I graduate, If nothing gets better of course.

I discovered my younger sister took pics of herself kissing me and rubbing my dick through my pants while I slept on her phone. I then went on to get really fucking high and posted to Sup Forums as I greentexted my confrontation about it, where it blew up and landed on the front page of many different websites. I no longer have the stable relationship I once did with my family and I now live with a roommate I met on Craigslist as I pass the days regretting that I ever did anything but let my sister go on loving me as a man and not a brother. I'm also leaving for Army basic training in September, and plan on never telling my family that I'm leaving so I can try and forget everything that happened.

Post pics?

Why not just pick it up your safe? Earn some gbp and get your house key back

Enough to pay the bills and fuel my alcoholism. So like 800 a month. Because I suck. But for real, there was a whole issue with me and a girl. Needless to say, I handled it poorly.

No

Im a pedophile priest

Why once you graduate? That's when everything is supposed to get better.

I'm a mtf tranny who is transitioning in secret. I fly to Thailand next week for the final operation. My parents are clueless cuz I hid myself with beanies and thick clothes when we meet. When I come back in a month I will have a vagina and I am supposed to move back in with them for a few months while my place gets rebuilt from fire damage.

What the fuck do I do? Keep it a secret or come back fully done up as the girl I usually am?

funnyjunk.com/The full story parts 1 2 and 3/funny-pictures/5727131/

I'm too lazy to post all the parts. The ending that was screencapped in this one though was not me, it was a different user.

Once I get out of university, ofc.

I think my 300 lb slav manager is hot.

Thanks bro.

>She walks to the men's bathroom?
> Wait... she use her cock or pussy to pee?
> Come to think of it, how do you hide mandingo dongs like that?
> They probably tuck it right? No wait, you see how it just flops perfectly forward?

Literally my brain as I see the futa. It keeps going.

I think my boss is hitting on me. She gave me a $100 bonus specifically while everyone got paid regular. Plus she frequently visits me during lunch and invites me to go out drinking with her and her friends.

But why? That's when it usually gets better. I probably won't even make it to university. If you got the chance, don't waste it.

>woman of the female gender
Tumblr sure is getting slippery with all this bullshit.

>>"Pussy to pee........."

I thought it would be funnier if I left it for them, was their fault I had to shit on the lawn in the first place.

I might have been a meth head at the time but I still had some dignity left.

I'm being dead serious people. I got a gallery of my surgeons work.

is she good looking and, are, or, you taken or gay?

Go tell them. It's going to be worse if you don't tell them and they find out.

You sure showed him

She wants the dick, user. Give it to her

Not only a filthy degenerate but a liar as well.

frosted butts

Do what I do. Er, did. Drink until you don't give a fuck, then just show up how you normally look. They'll be more concerned that you're piss drunk when you show up. Boom.

How? I mean I could just lay in my old room and play games all day till my condo is fixed. Though I do hate hiding my feminine self.

I contemplate suicide almost everyday since i cant find a job, i recently had a bone marrow transplant after 1 year of chemo and my family had to take care of me so i feel like an even bigger piece of shit, i really feel like everyone around me would be better off if i kill myself.

you trans too?

Just walk up, be alpha as fuck. Put your ass on the table and just say "this is who I really am".

or you could drink yourself up into a coma and they find out.

Oh I thought I read all that shit for some tired ass shrek prank

Than do it.

It's the current year user. Shame them for being biggots regardless of how they react, make a fuss online about how you're oppressed, and then rake in the bouku bucks from cuck donations. You've got it made at this juncture. All you have to do is not live somewhere that isn't already overrun with tumblr scum, which means don't live in the southernmost states - like anyone would want to do that in the first place.

She's pretty cute but it's clear that she's older than me by a couple of years. Also she's Asian and a little 'milfy' looking even though she's not married or a mother. I'm not taken but I think it's weird a older lady especially my boss would hit on a guy like me.

No...

So like would it be cool to meet them at the airport as the new me? Or like get dolled up at home once i'm healed enough for a night out on the town and just walk by them watching tv and tell them im out for the night?

Just imagine the dick is the clitoris but overproportioned. You know what a clitoris is, right?
There are honest to god documented cases of women with two vaginal openings, so in my mind the "dick" is one vaginal opening with a very narrow canal, and the pussy vag is another, much shorter and wider for insertion. The urethra (where pee come from) is no different from the typical female urethra, thus she pees from "the pussy"

Did you guys make out on the lawn after shrek left? Post pics?

Then why do you mind even if she is your boss if you can enjoy her company i say go for it man regardless of work place

>>she hasn't tried to get sex from you she is just admiring you go get her champ

Nah...basically the real ending was just saying I'm fucked. Haven't spoke a single word with my family since last Christmas.

Like I said Sup Forumsro it's best not to question.

During detailed RPs, as fucking cringeworthy as it sounds, I always start my own character out wearing loose ass pants, since most want their RP futa fuck buddy to be a nigger, baggy pants seems to work. So that excuses having a fat ass dick down to their thigh or knee.

But a lot of times I meet other people doing the futa thing and on their little 3D avatar they're wearing a skirt with a fucking half-pool noodle hanging out. to the point even if they rolled it up like a fire house there'd still be a foot long deal sticking straight out.

I was drunk one night and I got into an a bet to see who's girlfriend gave the best blowjob. I won $500 that night but I had to cuck my girlfriend...

Yup. Haven't been able to buy 'mones for 2 months because I decided alcoholism and quitting my job were good life choices. The amount of facial hair I have grown this month is impressive though. I used to only have to shave once or twice a month. NOW IT'S EVERYDAY

I don't do piss in my RP's so using cocks to piss never comes up.

Nope...she always texts and calls every now and then though, but I ignore them. It's best if I just stay away from her so I don't get pegged as an incestuous pedophile.

There isn't a day that's passed in recent memory I didn't want to kill myself.
My choices and inaction are my own fault, but I'll blame E and C forever. Without them, maybe this malaise would be penetrable.
I'm not happy in my current relationship and I know that regardless of whether I met the 'right person' I would still be full of melancholy and devoid of emotional connection.
I know that no matter what happens, the thing that is wrong, is me.

ha ha holy fuck, you are supposed to go to a free clinic for hrt, I feel so bad for you, I never missed a dose in 2 years.

>woman
>of
>the
>female
>gender

Not going to Thailand would be the best option...