Stupidest shit youve done while horny

Stupidest shit youve done while horny

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Sucked a log of shit out of someone's ass hole

Lost my virginity to a landwhale from the internet who owned ferrets, which doesn't really have anything to do with sex but as a rule people who own ferrets are fuckin' weird.

Put things in my butt.

Like what?

Why?

Shoved a pin rolling pin my ass

Rung the doorbell and waited for mamasan to let me in.

Buttplugs, dildos...

Stole two of my friends lace panties today. After posting creeps shots of her not wearing a bra or pantiea and screenshots i have of her showering.

Had sex with a couch.

Kek

Did it hurt?

Was it a sexy couch?

Fucked my Belly Button

Well i bled

Mike?

Dated a whore. Actually 4 I'm about to switch to 5

Yeah?

>be 14 year old girl
>fan of a semi-popular attractive youtuber/streamer
>manage to get his skype, we talk
>"by the way, how old are you user?"
>tell him
>he nopes out of it but i convince him i'm more mature than my age
>we continue talking for a few months
>our skype calls get more and more frisky
>im 15 now
>one day horny as fuck, i call him and start performing phone sex
>can hear him masturbating
>am i still a virgin.jpg
>from then on almost every call ends in us masturbating together
>he tells me how much he wants to drive down and see me
>"well then do it"
>he does, we get a hotel and fuck like wild animals for a few hours
>only get to spend two days together, he's paranoid the whole time we're out in public
>he goes back home, we go back to our usual calls
>"user... I feel really guilty. you're 15, I'm 22. this is wrong."
>i don't give a fuck
>"i could go to jail user"
>literally still only thinking about sex, thanks teenage hormones
>we agree to break it off, even though he's still very clearly in love with me
>mfw i realize all i saw him as for 8 months was a sex toy
>mfw i never heard from him again
>mfw technically i distrubuted cheese pizza to this guy and he probably got party vanned

>be me

One night I wanted to fuck one girl (2/5) while i was in club. I told her to go to my place
I dont like condoms and try to avoid them but she wants to buy them. I told her that we can do another things (expecting bj or handjob)

I told her to go directly to the living room, i wanted to go back to party. She agrees. I start fingering her and she still no hand on my cock.
I take my cock out and I start jerking myself.
Bitch does nothing!
I ask her for a blow, she says no.
I put her hand on my cock and start masturbating moving her hand.
When cum, I try to set all cum on her hands, I'am fucking succesful!

C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER

you know the rules

...

tits pls

was horny lol

...

Tossed my clothes on a roof out of reach about a mile from my house and ran home naked. It was all for the rush of getting caught. I also lived in a small apartment building so had to go through halls to get back in.

got quads

Jeremy?

strawpoll.me/10918054

?????

I'm not user but my name is Jeremy hello

if dubs you cut off your tits before you timestamp

Hey Jeremy how you been man?

FUCKING SCUM HERETIC OF Sup Forums

unbuttoned my mom's nightshirt and touched her nipple. got caught. played it off like i was covering her up.

got more horrorstories like that, too.

call the police, this man should be in prison

nice dubs
checkd

fucking hot u sick fuck.

how the fuck do you play that off
>oh mom i didnt realise you were awake, heh...i was just done unbuttoning your shirt to cover you up!

Her being a femanon was relevant to the post.

why? i instigated the entire sexual aspect of our relationship. he was genuinely a good guy who felt bad about being attracted to an underage girl.

Got a blowjob from my wife's friend in my dinning room while my wife was getting a shower upstairs.

Felt great during but fuck was I paranoid that my wife would find out. Been over a year and nothing has been said.

she still knows the rules you mongoloid
why is it so hard to understand tits and timestamp?

lionmaker, low key keks

so close to glorious quads

I agree, she does know the rules. And she followed them.

Felt up my mom while she was passed out drunk.

>SHE
you're a fucking idiot, the guy that posted that was talking about lion maker when he gf'd a 15 year old online.

...

i dont pay attention to youtubers fag

no. she woke up once my finger made contact with her nipple. I was like. "Uhhh. you were exposed..."
n she was like omg sorry.

once my sister caught me looking at her legs and ass under the covers.
Couldnt play that off.

no, it wasn't about whoever "lionmaker" is
i actually did that almost 4 years ago now even though you have absolutely no reason to believe me

neither do i, it's pretty fucking hard to miss when it's on the news -_-

Piped a bunch of hefty bitches

Got sucked off without a condom by a new york city crack whore whose breath smelled like a yeast infection inside the apartment of a prominent federal judge I and my girlfriend were house-sitting for.

Your moms retarded
your a 10/10 guy for making me kek in this shit thread

>-_- find an image for it
>news
i dont watch the fucking news who does?

yeah. I made her catch me jerking off every morning for like a month before she got the courage to yell at me for it.

what kind of youtuber/streamer appeals to teenage girls?
my mom wants to know

>i instigated the entire sexual aspect of our relationship. he was genuinely a good guy who felt bad about being attracted to an underage girl.

That's what he wants you to think.

although now that i google that lionmaker scandal, the fact that this happened and a lot of other youtubers get exposed for having sexual relations with underage fans really has me thinking how much of the blame lies on each side? i'm sure it's different with every case but coming from someone who once was in one of those, there's definitely a level of understanding and consensus when doing that kind of stuff (not legally of course, but 14/15/16 year olds understand how sex and consent works). really has me thinking how many of these "YOUTUBER EXPOSED" stories are started by the girls (or boys) themselves for attention.

beast mode
should've came in her eye then smacked her as hard as you could

>im 15 now

MODS MODS BAN BAN BAN

>go on a date site
>make the only one of your likes as pewdiepie and mountain dew
???
profit

are you retarded or just dumb
read I'm 19 now

Shit, I may have felt up my mom but at least I wasn't a retard about it. You need help mate. Or maybe just a strategy.

Shut the fuck up, faggot.

She will find out, probably from you during a fight in 5 years. Marriage is grand

Rub Nutella all over my lower body and Make a DIY pocket pussy with a smoothie while watching a video that I made with pictures of a Girl that I liked.

Easily dumbest thing is trusting a girl to keep private shit private.

Jerk off in my wife's butthole while she's asleep. Fuck yeah.

Shove BB's down my urethera while jacking off

either smearing my dick with cheeze wiz to get my cat to lick it
or stripping down to lingerie to do my patrol at stanely park childrens zoo during midnight to 8 am shift

Joey?

We should be friends.

...

when i was 14 i stripped naked and cuffed myself to the inside of a childrens playground at 2 am with the key in ice to be trapped there til it melted i did this on a regular basis til the night we had a cold snap and i was stuck there to it became light out and had to run naked to where i hid my clothes

god did my pussy get wet the faster my heart beat

i also seduced a teacher at st georges (the local boys parochial school) cause i wanted him to be mean to the boys that were picking on me about being deaf

doubt it i am now 50

Nope not even close. It's just that moment when you are 15 and explore fetishes. Nutella is way better on food.

kys retard

i have a problem. Im crazy when I first wake up in the morning. I've done horrible, horrible things within the first 30 minutes of waking up.

>cuffed
that sounds hot, user.

what would you say if I was one of those kids in the playground?

i dunno

now i have found hentai i guess i would have pee'd for you to watch

When i was about 15 or 16 i used to find random men and women well in their 20s on instagram and shit and trade pictures and videos of me jerking off and i would always get compliments of how overall young my body looks and whatnot since i would tell them i had just hit 18.

done this

and so do i

why did you start doing that?

sup dude

>i would have pee'd for you to watch
best pickup line ever. everyman's dream.

i am into exhibitionism and humiliation and bdsm stuff plus being deaf adds a lvl of danger

i didnt get my cochlear til i was 19

do you really need it explained?

...

Fuck, I'm not at all into BDSM, but for some reason the 'being deaf adds a lvl of danger' just got to me, hard.

>>TV installer.
>>Install at cute illegal spic house.
>>Spics have to leave for work.
>>Spic daughter is 8/10 and super sweet.
>>At spic home alone.
>>Look in fridge.
>>Jerk off and cum inside 2 liter Coca-Cola knowing qt 3.14 illegal girl will drink it.
>>Kek

tits?

Was just asking because you seem to be craving attention. No need to be a dick about it.

I let some random dude fuck me no condom while drunk. I never got tested for anything. Considering it's been a year and I've had no issues and doc didn't comment on anything, I'd say I'm fine thought. Kinda regret it, but at the same time it makes me horny. I like validation.

nah i did camwhoring here a while back to prove to my wow guild i was female and i look really young and with bans so easy i dont want to risk it

now i am a med student and cant risk the publicity

Craving attention? Fake or not, girl or not, the story is more interesting than some thousands of posts that we get in here.

user, when you're being spanked or tortured, do you emit those funny squeaks some deaf people make when they try to talk?

How are you a med student if you can't communicate with your patients