Untranslatable jokes

ITT: you translate a joke in your native language that makes no sense in English, then you explain the humor, completely ruining it.
I'll start:

What animal has between 3 and 4 eyes? The louse.

Louse is piolho in Portuguese. Olho = eye, so 3.14 eyes

que animal tiene entre 3 y 4 ojos? el piojo

ojo= eye, so 3,14 ojos.

Do you want to hear a joke? The cat with the tie.
I'm not sure your lesser minds can appreciate superior norwegian humor but I'll try to explain it to you.
In norwegian, "joke" and "tie" rhyme, making it hilarious.

I couldn't find the patty, guess why ? Because he patty.

ketä eläimellä on 3 ja 4 välillä silmiä? piisilmä

slimä = eye, so 3,14 eyes

Your dad is arumku?

The joke is that the other person says ''lo'', which means no, and ''arum kulo'' means ''totally naked''

What did Michael Jackson do in an elevator? Had sex with a child.

painaa means "to press" but it can also mean "to have sex with"

nappula means button but it can also mean child

A: "oh, can you really speak English? Then translate peixe, bola, gato"

B: "easy: fish, ball, cat"

The trick is that those words are similar to "fiz boquete", fiz = did, boquete = blowjob.

Spanish comes from Latin too, so it makes sense that the joke still holds, However...

wtf, Finland? talk about a coincidence...

- Say 300
- 300
- Suck a tractor-driver's dick

What is the most indecisive animal? The donkey (in italian it's "asino" and sì/no mean yes/no)

Also if someone says "no" you can reply "faggot's answer" because it rhymes "Nyet - pidora otvet"

I got a simillar.
-How much is 100 + 1?
-101.
-Haha you seat in what?

What happened when the policeman looked at himself in the mirror?

The civil policeman,

The joke is that civil police is a type of police in brazil and the civil policeman is pronounced the same as the policeman saw himself.

- What animal is a double animal? The cat, because it is a cat and spider.
- Then your mom is one too, because she is a fox and cobra.

*explanation*
Spider is "araña" in Spanish, but "araña" is also the 3rd p sg of "arañar" (to scratch), so the sentence says "it's a cat and it scratches".
The female fox (zorra) is another word for "whore", and we have the snake's name "cobra" like English. However, "cobrar" means "to get paid" -> cobra = she gets paid -> you mom is a whore and gets paid for that.

...

This reminds me of...

"Want to hear a piada (joke)?"
"Piu."

Uma piada = a chirp and piu is the sound of a chirp.

the fuck, how you end up having the same word for both button and child is beyond my understanding

because it was a custom "to press some button" in small villages, if you know what i mean.

How old are you? (Or more literally how many years do you have?)

15

Oh, so you have 15 anuses :--DDD

The joke is that anos (years) and anus (anus) have the same pronunciation.

> can't tell if serious

luckily I dont

Why do (insert people with a stupid stereotype here) never cook? Because once they enter the kitchen, they see a pot with the word "salt".

We have the same word for "salt" and "get out" :-DDDD

This reminds me of a Hebrew one

''Why are an elephant and a horse three animals?''

There is no answer, the joke is that the word for ''why'' in he Hebrew is ''lama''.

A man buys a hat.
Is is just to him.

How do you call a Jew in space?
Ufojudek
Because ufoludek is a silly name for an alien, and judek obviously is jude.

anos :::::DDDDD

Explaining:
100 = cem
1 = um
101 = cento e um
"cento" has the same pronunciation as "sento", which means "I sit". So "cento e um" sounds like "sento em um" (I sit in a...). From here, you know the deal.

An infinite number of physicists walk into a bar
Barman tells them:
- Get the fuck out

has an African accent and pronounces "parti" as "patty".
Parti, here, means "to leave". He couldn't find the patty because he left.

my game is over
with sauce

A bear walks in the forest
He sees a burning car
Bear sits in it and burns

When I was 15 I used to take a shit and my dad had been ocasionally hanging out around the toilet asking me why I was so silent. First time I didn't respond so he tried to force open the door shouting: "Why are you keeping silence, what's going on there?" He started swearing and tellong me he's gonna knock down the door, also he used to swear when I forgot to flush the toilet, not only after I took a shit, but even right after the shit left my asshole saying that it stank. He used to tell me: "When I just took a shi I always flush it down and you have to do the same!" One day I was sitting on the toilet and heard that my dad stood right next to the door, so I wipe my ass and got on my knees - there's a chink under the door - so I watch through the chink and see my dad on his knees looking at me through the chink saying: "What's wrong with you? What the hell are you doing there?" By the way dad always drinks some decoction which makes him take a dump often, like 5 times a day, then he complains his ass is sore and farts. That's fucked up! That's a real story I'm not a troll.

You reminded me of another one:
> What did one slide say to the other one?
>The years fly (the time flies).
Explanation: "Ânus" (anus) has the same pronunciation as "Anos" (years), so people's asses go through the slides really quickly, therefore "os ânus passam rápido" (the anuses pass by fastly), which sounds the same as "os anos passam rápido" (time flies).

What is the world's biggest rice?
Paris.

riisi = rice
Pariisi = Paris

What did the acorn say when he grew up? or What is a tree's favorite subject?
Geometry!

>Gee, I'm a tree!

Your a big rice.

- Say 300
- 300
- My dick is a bike and your ass is a race track

- Say 200
- 200
- I will place my dick in you

- Say 100
- 100
- I will fuck you under a leaf

kek

It sounds funny in English, but what does it mean in Russian?

Is this a pun? Because I heard this a few times and I always assumed it was just some sort of collective Russian autism

The little Pepa goes around Prague during socialism times and yells: "Lenin! Lenin! Where are you?"
A policeman goes by and stops him: "Pepa, why are you screaming here like that? Comrade Lenin is long time dead, don't you know that?"
"But comrade officer, our comrade techer told us, that Lenin is eternal."
"Yeah Pepa you see," says the policeman "you are here in Žitná street!"

hahahaha

>I always assumed it was just some sort of collective Russian autism
it is

Here's a chemistry one:
>Why are the hammer and the scissors hydrocarbons?
>Because the hammer is propyne and the scissors are propane.

Explanation: "Propino" (propyne) sounds like "Pro pino" (for the pin or "nail") and "Propano" (propane) sounds like "Pro pano" (for the fabric), so the hammer is for the pin/nail and the scissors are for the fabric (to cut it).

the joge pun explained:

eternal is in Czech "věčný"
and there are two main famous streets in Prague, one called Žitná (Rye street) and the other Ječná (Barley street). So when Pepa says that teacher told him "Lenin je věčný" = Lenin is eternal, the officer understood that as "Lenin je v Ječný" = Lenin is in Barley street, which sounds completely the same. But Pepa and officer were in Rye street instead.
It's a joke on policeman being dumb.

Je trouvais pas le steak, parce qu'il steak haché.
ptdr tu piges ?????

How much is 100 + 1?
101
Do you feel what?

>What is the fastest place in a house?
>The hallway.

Explanation: "Corredor" (hallway) also means "Runner".

>brazilian home with sonic-themed hallway walls

keku

...

two hunters meet each other in the forest. both dead.

the joke: in german the word for meet and hit as in "hit a target with a shot" is the same. epin

Schrödinger and Heisenberg are driving to the the conference.
Schrödinger is behind the wheel.
Suddenly, they hear a bang and stop the car.
Heisenberg looks out on the road:
- My God, it seems like you run down a cat!
- Is it dead?
- I am not really sure.

It's not the funniest joke ever but still a joke

I think this one doesn't require an explanation
Which turkish city has the most car? Kars.

The most overrated joke in Brazil:
-Hey i made pavê
-But its to look or to eat?

("Pavê" sounds like "para ver/pra ver/pa ver", it means "to look" in english)

Here is a famous Russian prison riddle:
There are 2 chairs. One has blade-sharp peaks on it's seat, another one - erected dicks.
Which one would you sit on yourself, and other one leave for your mother?

Why did a student bring a space suit to physical education class?
Teacher said the class is once per month

What kind of food one can eat on both Earth and moon?
Hot food

Hey, uncle.

top kek we have the same here

Ur mum on ur dick ur ass on razor blades

this will not work in Spain

What do you call a guy who thinks he is a knife?

Janusz.


Janusz is a name, and it sounds pretty much the same as Ja nóż, which means literally I knife.

holy kek

Who do you call when a child falls out of the window?
the childcare
childcare = kinderopvang
kinder (child) opvang (to catch something)

I couldn't find the beef, because it ground beef.
I couldn't find the steak, because it hamburger steak.
"Il steak haché" sounds like "He had hidden himself" in French.
>Patty

want to hear a joke?

two tits in an envelope

in dutch

Somewhere in america:
- How many people are in your party?
- around 150000
- You fucking commie spy

Woraus werden deutsche Autos gemacht? Aus deutschem Stahl.
Woraus werden französische Autos gemacht? Aus französischen Stahl.
Woraus werden polnische Autos gemacht? Aus Diebstahl!

What are German cars made of? German steel.
What are french cars made of? French steel
What are polish cars made of? Theft!

The joke is that steel is Stahl in German, which is also present in the word Diebstahl (theft), and Poles stealing everything is a meme here in Germany

...

In Portuguese:
How do you say AIDS in Japanese?
>Darokumata

Why?
Because the dog's name is Rex.

What?
A row of shit.

Similar
-Say tulip
-Tulip
-Ur mum sucked a cock

-Sakyk tulpė
-Tulpė
-Tavo mama bybį čiulpė

it just rhymes well

Because children are small and so are buttons usually

It's a well-known joke

Ye mane I was thinking the same

i don't speak bulgarian but doesn't 'ufo' just come from UFO and not just because it sounds weird

An ancient Roman asks another:
- How was this TV show about aliens called? The one where they ate rats?
- V.
- I stick it into your ass

a guy enters into a coffee. *splash*

>az noj
>anything to do with ya noj
nice going cucklad

that was easy

dont think he's bulgarian

AN-12 havada partladi.
Translated as "AN-12 exploded in the air", sounds exactly like "Your mum's cunt exploded in the air".

>muslim
>jokes about explosions
that escalated quickly, Narim

AJAJKSJAJKS

what was a spit doing on a ladder? it climbed

trista-traktorista? don't know what the first half of the sentence would be though

AN-12 is a russian plane, so it's bound to malfunction and explode in the air, Ivan.
Nothing muslim about that.
Also, that's not a name.

What did Michael Jackson do on the potato field?
- Planted his seeds in children
"Mukula" means tuber but it can also mean a child

if you put the muzzle on the maw, where do you put the trowel

a guy goes to the doctor and says:
doctor, doctor, look, a lot of hair grew on me ! look on my arms, on my legs, on my hands, even on my face ! what is this? what do I suffer?
doctor: you suffed a bear

there's no explanaition, it's just a pun with the doctor speaking like a retard.

>Antonov
>Russian plane

in irish the words for "meet" and "hit" are the same, so i kinda get it

Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7, 8, 9!

Antonov was literally born in russian kingdom, ivan. You're not fooling anyone.

>444
>trips
nice!

>watching dubbed dexter's laboratory when I was 7 or something
>there's one episode that's entirely about this joke
>they translate it literally
>I don't understand anything

A businessman steps of a train and sees an Amerindian holding a sign. The sign says "will remember anything for $5"
The man hands over $5 and asks the Indian what he had for breakfast on 10 July, 3 years before. The Indian thinks for a second and replies "Eggs and bacon."

10 years later, same man gets off the same teain, and the same Indian holding the same sign is there. The man has completely forgotten him. He walks up, puts his hand up and jokingly says "How". The Indian replies, "scrambled."

>dexter
>was 7
You have to be over 18 years old to access this website.

Not sure if it was censored in soviet union, but dexter's laboratory exists since 1996.

I'm 27 and I grew up watching dexter's lab m8
I was 6 when it started airing.
stop being retarded.

It was released in 96, so he's at least 28, m8.

He probably thought about Dexter tv series.