well Sup Forums, i'm in quite the shitty situation
>be me
>constipated for two weeks
>stomach starts cramping, run to bathroom
>shit refuses to come out
>start digging it out with my fingers but it still refuses
i've been on the toilet for an hour, what the fuck do i do?
Sit on boiling water for few minutes. Don't burn your balls you stupid
There are pills that you stick up your butt to help with your issue.
As a future note, eat some fruit to help you poop. One apple a day is all you need.
PRUUUUUUNES
Since you aren't going to shit anyway, get up and injest as many stimulants as possible, if you vape or smoke go back to the toilet, sit down and do that as well.
keep digging until you find your prostrate
keep digging there
????
profit
Take some fucking lax you idiot
Shoot water up your butt. Preferably warm water.
Helps if you sit on a geyser.
Sit on a geyser and you'll shit like a geyser.
Laxatives. Don't plan on doing anything else for the rest of the day.
go to walmart or something and get a suppository. you take it by putting it up your butt and it will beak down all of the shit in your body in about ten minutes. better be close to the toilet.
don't put this off, you could very easily go septic and die within minutes if you leave that much shit in your body
Drink a fuckton of water.
Destroy the walmart bathroom. The shit will come in sudden powerful rushes so switch stalls in between. spray urinals in liquid shit. post pics.
Squat on the toilet. Relax your anus. Chant "I am shitting! I am shitting!" like a mantra, and be sure to breathe deep. Then you imagine a tentacle plunging deep into your rectum. It ejaculates a powerful acid that dissolves your poo. Then you are also dissolved, and the tentacle flushes the toilet for you before it all goes dark.
This one. Eat, like, six or seven prunes at once and youll shit in like a half hour or less.
If you're on pain killers give em a rest for a bit
Stuff called citrate of magnesium or magnesium citrate, depending on where it's sold. drink half the bottle (it doesn't taste too bad) and wait. in a short time you'll be shitting buckets.
Milk of Magnesium will pop you like a balloon desu~!
Buy it at a pharmacy!
don't listen to the rest of these faggots
buy a pack of haribo sugar free gummi bears
eat about a handful
done.
Fuck off faggot, all he has to do is google this shit for my post:
This
Kaiba is my favorite Anime.
holy shit Sup Forums you're a godsend
blood and tears were shed, but it worked
thank you Sup Forums