Give me your shittiest joke Sup Forums

Give me your shittiest joke Sup Forums

What did Hitler say to his men before they got in their tanks?

Men, get in your tanks!

>Crimeny
>one dan on worlk
>worlk arun blork
>hev brade at the bakeri
>Oh it mould
>ahee
>jeust like OP mothar

Obama was a good president

What was Noah wearing when he boarded the ark?
>Polo

I really like the name Saturn, It has a nice ring to it.

Why did the kid eat his homework?
>Teacher said it was a piece of cake.

How do you make holy water?
>Boil the hell out of it

Pokemon Go has really changed my life...
>I used to get in trouble for playing with my balls in the street.

Our two presidential candidates are Trump and Hillary

What do you call a Fish without an eye?
>Fsh

zozzle xD
Gonna post this to /r/funny and get front page

Why do walruses like Tupperware Parties?
>They are always on the lookout for a tight seal.

Have you heard about the new suicide bomber prayer matts? Prophets are going through the roof.

What side of a cat has the most hair?


The outside.

Knock knock

What does a Chinese man need to take his dog out?
>Oven mitts.

>Soup chef sells boullion cubes laced with marijuana
>It becomes the laughing stock of the whole town

What's the difference between dreams and memes?
>I haven't given up on my memes yet.

>My friend David was a victim of ID theft.
>Now we just call him Dav

Is your refrigerator running?
>because I'd vote for it.

Why does John hate Summer?
>Because she was a Beach.

What du call a fly with no wings?

A walk

Why did the clown go to the doctor?
>Because he was feeling funny.

What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
>A shoe

Fridge for prez
2016

It has my vote.

Keeps promises fresh better than the rotten stuff the current candidates are spewing

>Knock knock.
Who's there?
>Dishes.
Dishes who?
>Dishes a very bad joke.

I hate it when people make fun of the disabled..
>... they can't even stand up for themselves.

What's brown and sticky?
>a stick

What is brown and rhymes Snoop?

>Dr.Dre

>Two olives were sitting in a tree
>One fell to the ground
>The first one looked down and said "Are you ok?"
>The one on the ground said "Olive." (I'll live)

I guess this one's really meant to be said aloud, but whatever.

Got one worse

>knock knock
Whos there
>geddaf
Geddaf who
>geddafuck out my way

When is a door not a door?
>when it's ajar

>guy walks down street
>someone throws tomato in face
>Tomato splat all over face
>har har har

My new bucket is great!
>The old one pails in comparison.

>knock knock
Who's there
>Allah
Allah who?
>Allahu akbar

Why do atheists ignore exponents?
>They don't believe in a higher power.

Hey man, what's with all of the self help books on the floor?
>I hate my shelf.

I heard a village in China just opened a new zoo. They're only have one animal right now... a dog.
>it's a shih tzu

What's the difference between a wife's argument and a knife?
>The knife has a point.

how did the barbie do to get all her fancy stuff?
>think about it she can bend her knees...
>......
>.....
>that's all

>knock knock
who's there?
>yah
yah who?
>i prefer google

How much is a used battery?
>Nothing, Free of charge.

Why does Britain like tea so much?
>because tea leaves.

What's a good pick-up line at a gay bar?
>Can I push your stool in?

What is green and has wheels?

>grass. I was just kidding about the wheels.

Why did the Pepsi executive get fired?
>Tested positive for coke.

why did the paki cross the road?
his dick was stuck in the chicken

What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?

>Eileen

What are two fabrics a good bible belt American should never use?
>linen and satin

Why did Barbie never get pregnant?
>Ken always came in a different box.

...

why do mexicans eat beans?
>because they're beaners

What do you call a swimmer with no limbs?
>Bob

Why was the glass blower forced to retire?
>he sucked.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A MEXICAN CAR THIEF

>CARLOS

so there's a man at Grand Central Station trying to board a train out of town for the weekend when he sees a sharp dressed man all in a tizzy making a fuss obviously over something. the man in line being the gentleman that he is decides to go over and console the poor man. he asks him, "what's the matter old chum?"
to which the man replies, "I really blew it. I was trying to get a ticked to Pittsburgh but the ticket clerk was so hot I accidentally asked her if I could get a picket to tits burger! oh I'm so embarrassed."
"why that's nothing." replied the man in line. "why, just this morning I tried to ask my wife to pass the salt but instead I said, you fucking bitch you ruined my life!

Have you heard about the shampoo crisis in Jamaica?
>It's dreadful.

Where can you harvest Jumping Beans?
>The US-Mexico Border.

>knock knock
who's there?
>esch
esch who?
>fine i'll leave

Why does everyone in England go commando?
>you can't ask to buy knickers without being hit with charges

A guy gets a rash on his balls and goes to the doctor.
The doctor says "You have to stop masturbating."
The man asks "why??"
The doctor angrily replies "because its making it really hard to examine you right now."

why are bikini clad pakistani girls so hungry

cause they're always stoned

Why isn't Hitler in Mario Kart?
>He can't even finish a race.

Why did the condom fly across the room?
>It was pissed off.

whats mickey mouses favourite cheese?
>disbrie

...

a young bull and a old bull were sitting on a hill looking at some cows. the young bull says, "lets run down there and fuck a cow." the old bull says, "lets just walk down there and fuck em all."

Why do asians have small titties?
>ONLY A'S ARE ACCEPTIBRU!

Why did the muslim go on a jihad?
>Because he was Muhammad.

...

Why do white girls hang out in odd numbers?
>They can't even.

What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?
>A dicktater.

Why did the black guy forget to make breakfast?
>He dindu muffins

Why does the Avon lady walk funny?
>Because her lips stick.

Two buns were hanging out in an oven
- "Boy, we sure are in a pickle, right?", said the one bun to the other.
- "Oh my God! A talking bun!", exclaimed the other.

who is a faggot?? xddd
ur mom!!!!!! xdddddxdxdddzdd

what do you call four mexicans in quick sand?
>quatro cinco

Why did the alligator spit out his lunch?
>because it was two years old.

How do you throw a party for the solar system?

You plan it (planet)

ded

Lold.

My dad tells me hes not a racist.
>"I have a colour television.

What have squirrels and chainsaws got in common?
>they both fuck up trees.

Easily the worst joke here.

What did Harambe drink before he passed out?
>A shot

Two men walk into a bar.
It was a setup, and one has to carry his dead friend's limp body from the rubble as the stumped remains of his right hand bleed out

You do know Islam actually IS a religion of peace right?

>there's a piece of you here, a piece of you there, a piece of you over there..

A horse walks into a Bar

The bartender says, "Gee,fella, why the long face?"

>I hear the joke is in your shorts

i had a dream i ate a 20lb marshmellow
>i woke up and my pillow was gone

i had another dream i crashed my car into a 20ft marshmellow
>it turns out it was an orphange

How did the hipster burn his tongue?
>He drank his coffee before it was cool.

What's the difference between your girlfriend and your job?
>After five years your job will still suck.

I shot a black man the other day...
>.. I got charged for impersonating a police officer.

Are you a Gorilla Exhibit?
>Because I want to drop a baby in you.

Colors

Why does Kilo Ren have trouble making friends?
>Most of his life he's Ben Solo.

your life

how long does a black woman carry out the trash
>9 months

underrated

whose there?