Okay guys. I feel rather shitty so I feel like just telling someone about my experience will help...

Okay guys. I feel rather shitty so I feel like just telling someone about my experience will help.So I suppose this is a general feels/get it off your chest thread. I would be saying this to my friends but right now you guys are my only friends.
>Be Me
>As soon as I was born my father decided to leave.
>Wasn't really bothered by it. My mom at the time up to me being seven told me that everyone only had mothers as parents.
>My mom never really talked to me since she had to do three jobs since my father didn't really pay any child support.
>Be me,5 years old.
>I was going through my moms clothing and found a small box.
>Opening it I found pictures with her and some guy.
>I showed them to her after she came back.
>She tried to cover it up and told me that he was just a friend.
>Once more I was okay with it.
>Three weeks later
>This little shit kid learned that my mom was raising me and made a few jokes.
>I kinda lost my temper and made fun of his hair and apparently even as a five year old I can make a ginger lose his mind about having remarks about his appearance.
>I walked away victories.
>Later on the same day the kid pushed me over and another kid smashed door into my face.
>The metalic part cut through my skin like it was butter.
>The teacher had to cut the class early since I was bleading out on the spot.
>I don't remember much but the back of her car looked bloody.
>Ended up taking me to the ER to get stitces.
>They brought me to room and the doctor told me the drill.
>Again all I remeber is him showing me this grandmother stiching needled and told me that it's going in my chin.
>Decked him right in the face.

I know my green texting is awful but if anyone wants to hear the rest of my story then I'll continue.I know it's not really that sad or the like but it will get there.

Cont user

sounds good, user, let it out

Okay
>Be me,7 years old
>My mother had to work even more after the incident that happened at the school and the hospital bills.
>I started to separate myself from people and began to lose any trust with people.
>My mom thought it would be a good idea to tell me about my dad now.
>She got into contact with him and I got to talk with him.
>"Hey there user"
>"Hello"
>So your birthday is coming up right user?"
>"Why did you leave?"
>"I can get whatever you want"
>"Can you come back please?"
>"Well..How about some candy instead? I heard you like the scooby do snacks. I'll send you a huge box of them for you."
>"Okay.."
>I ended up giving the phone to my mom again since I didn't know how to continue the conversation.
>We decided to move.

>I meat this girl she lived just the second floor down.
>She was 9 at the time.
>Probebly a solid 7/10
>Hesitant to hang out with her but eventually got used to her.
>She was in the same position as me,having never met her father.
>Her mother treated me like her own son so I ended up spending most of my time with her since I felt loved the feeling of actual attention.
>One day we did the generic "When we get order will we be toghter forever?"
>At the time I felt amazing.
>Said yes imidiatly
>From that day on she kissed me on the cheek each night.
>FeelsGood.jpg
>Then my mother met another guy and I had to move from her to live with him since he had an actual house.

I got one

>be me
>mid 20s
>been with my girl for about 5 years now
>when we met we were in the same down, she was in college
>she ended up moving to the west coast for school
>I stay Midwest because i was working on a minor degree in criminal law so I could become LE
>first 8 months were together then she had to leave
>time passes, go visit her on Christmas
>things are great
>meet her friends
>I go back home
>she comes and visits me
>things are great, like old times
>she was always faithful, always loyal, always making plans to see me as often as possible
>be me
>4 or so years later
>move to west coast
>in LE, finally living with her
>renting out a small house
>making decent money
>shes happy
>tries to spend as much time with me as possible
>both of us are well off
>haven't been unfaithful, haven't cheated, haven't ever really had any major fights

Should I cont? Sorry my greentext is shit

Certainly.
Please go on.

It's fine user. I'm waiting for dinosaur

cont pls

>I instantly clung onto him and was somewhat happy that I had a "Father".
>I could tell that he wasn't all that comfortable with me doing things like that.
>I didn't like him as much when he brought more rules.
>They were't that bad. Now that I think of it it could have been much worse.
>The first time I was punished I had to fill out one of those school binders. I think around twenty pages saying "I will not touch the snake."
>I started to hate both of my parents and the punishments increased to verbal.
>I guess to get me away from him he decided to give me his DS.
>And that's when I lost my interest in the real world and used escapism.

Cont.
>everythings working out
>we spend time together
>we hang out with friends, ect
>but I've never told her about what the distance has done to me
>I feel as if now that we're finally together it's almost like I'm out of emotions to give
>like the past five years have exhausted me to the point to where now it's just faking a smile
>I love her, and she loves me.
>accidentally found a ring in her car
>white gold, my size
>I think she's waiting for me to ask her to marry me
>at this point I'm more solid than a lot of 24 year olds are
>but I'm not happy.
>I feel like all my interactions are forced and fake
>I can't sleep in the same bed as her
>I always tell her that I can't sleep and fall asleep in the living room
>I feel like the distance scarred me
>like it took away what could've been
>I remember when we first met after those 10 months she cried and I just couldn't do it
>it felt like when I found out my grandma had cancer
>and I was so emotional while she was dying
>but when she died I couldn't cry. I was all cried out.
>she's started to notice
>she tries to do nice things for me
>makes my favorite food
>tries to surprise me with dates/gifts
>and I feel like I can't do it anymore
>like all of my emotion has been drained
>like I've tried so hard for so long and when we finally settled down all I wanted to do was move on

Don't get into a long distance relationship. Even if it lasts it won't leave you the same.

Thank you everyone for keeping the thread up.
I'm going to speed through the minor things.
>I moved from germany after my mom married him and wasn't in school for at least 4 months.
>At the time I felt like a god amongst men.
>Be me at 8
>Was moved to 2nd grade since I didn't know that much english.
>Instantly marked as a nazi.
>No one wanted to be with me.
>All the guys did everything to beat me up
>All the girl teased me with the "Oh I'm going to get close to you and then break your heart."
>By the end of middle school I began to shake violently whenever a girl or even a guy looked at me.
>Didn't believe any compliments from that point on and ended up sleeping in my walk in closet which even now was the best part in my life.
>Skip to me being 15
>No friends
>All the pets we had either died or left.
>The worst one was most likely a ferret I owned.
>Died one night on choking on one of her snacks.
>Ended up being depressed for at least the rest of the month, Locked myself up in my closet even more.
>Heard news of mom being pregnant.
>At the time I felt like whoever was going to come out was going to be slightly older then me.
>heart broken when I learned that there was a huge age gap

>Skiping ahead a few years.
>Lived in NZ now
>Have a job at a Gas station and everyone there loved me since I was so young.
>became more popular at school and more people wanted to be my friend.
>Ended up being convinced to steal from work.
>It started out small. Only a dollar every shift however soon enough it went to a hundred.
>I knew the password to the camera but I know it needed to stop so I tried to make it obvious.
>One day after school
>Sitting in an art department working on my portfolio
>Got a call from an unknown number.
>Picked it up
>"Hello is this user?"
>"Yes it is. Who is this?"
>Okay,my name is (I can't remember his name so I'll just call him curly.). I'm from the Blenheim Z gas station.
>My heart drooped as soon as he said that.

>To sum it up he told me about suspicious activity when I was on the shift and told me that he needed to see me and my parents.
>Couldn't bring myself to tell them so I decided to lie myself out of the situation and I must admit it was a shit light.
>I ended up talking to him face to face
>Best manager I could probably ask for.
>He told me I stole at least 2,400 dollars but he wasn't going to drop any charges on me if I tell my parents.
>Said I would
>So for at least 5 months I acted that I still had a job since I didn't know what would happen.
>One day he called me and asked if I had forgoted.
>I told him I couldn't tell them and gave him their number.
>That night was the worst for me.
>Almost wanted to an hero.
>I think I spend at least two hours sitting on the end of a bridge.
>I was already a failure in the eyes of my parents with my addiction for anime/Hentai and video games.
>Still didn't have a girlfriend.
>Either way I spend the entire night dodging my parents calls and threats.
>Ended up going home and the verbal and mental abuse started.
>Everything was taken from my room.
>Clothing,Books,Drawings,Electronics and he smashed my phone in front of me.
>Skip ahead.
>I ended up not being charged at all by curly and was told to just make up the money.

...

>After that night I tried a lot to kill myself.
>I was already a disappointment to my parents.
>The only person that ever said they love me was the girl from my child hood and we haven't talked ever since the incident.
>Be me,16 years old.
>This was my worst years.
>One girl asked me if I wanted to go out with her.
>agreed immediately
>Ended up going out for only a few weeks since I was such a wreak and just made her more depressed.
>Tried cutting myself which helped momentarily.
>Then one day at school a senior sat nexted to me in my after school drawing sessions.
>Got really close. Like really close.
>"Whatcha drawing there user."
>"Oh just stuff more my art class"
>Home was no longer home for me and I spent most of my time in the school and then roomed the streets until midnight which I would return home then.
>Parents didn't care if I even come home or not.
>"Hmm mind if I get a closer look user?"
>"Sure"
>He moved his hand on my leg and pushed down a little.
>Instead of getting a closer look he moved his hand even closer to my dick.
>Ended up giving me a half limp hand job.
>I was too scared to do anything about it.
>This went on for about an hour.
>My fear of other men developed from him.

>I finally lost it one day.
>mostly at my younger brother.
>it wasn;t fair.
>He had a father and a mother.
>He got whatever he wanted.
>He was loved.
>He was part of a family
>While I was simply a free baby sitter.
>I don't think he liked me either since he made my life hell.
>One day I decided I will give him the same treatment that I received.
>Ended up giving him a hand job for about half and hour.
>Still one of the most regret full decisions I ever made in my life.
>Ended up getting a job at McDonals and was able to repay my dept in only a few weeks.
>Family started to trust me again.
>found hope in my life and worked nearly every day.
>one month i was offered a position for crew trainer.
>Met this other girl
>probebly a 6/10
>Supper Clingy,Extroverted,Attention Seeking Pervert.
>One week in she decided to rape in the comfort of her alcohol addicted and super aggressive brother.
>Broke up with her two weeks later.
>Hardly ever came out of my room at this point and my stepdad had to bribe me to go outside.

>Decided to move back to US
>Three weeks in my brother told someone about what happened.
>My step dad took me too Toxic Bell.
>Told me he was taking me to a therapist.
>ended up being the police office.
>Had to fess up
>Parents heard everything
>No charges placed again but I have it marked so if I want a job in the military I will have to tell them about that.
>Lived in a two room apartment.
>Parents had one room
>Brother had the other.
>I had the couch as my room
>I was constantly watched.
>Ended up walking through the Bad neighbor hood hoping someone would just kill me.
>Nothing ever happened.

>Be me 18
>Parents kicked me out of the house.
>ended up being sent to a mental health house
>My real father never send the candy he promised.
>Haven't heard a real I love you since meeting the girl from childhood.
>She knowns about what happened.
>Still afraid of girls and guys.

I just miss my dad.
Even if it's just for a few minutes I would love just taking to him face to face.


Thank you for listing for Sup Forumsros.
I skipped some things but I needed to get this off my chest.

God damn it just tell me you contacted the girl that kissed your cheeks. Please. Please.

yu clearly still like her though, why don't you sit down and have a talk with her about these things?

The girl from your childhood is the only one that can save you. Please talk to her.

She refuses to talk to me. Everyone in my family does.
Which makes sense I guess.

It gets better, man.

don't talk to her. it'll just disappoint you even further. you guys met when you were super young, and were void of contact for something like forever, she's moved on with her life

Wait she straight up refuses to talk to you?
What a bitch
Op i love u don't care about what you think
I'm a guy so op this time you are a fgt

OP, what you need to do is get out of the mediocrity of life, you need a life-changing experience to clear the monochromatic filter you have over your eyes.

Enlist in the army
Pack your bags and just leave on a trip

pick one

How do you tell the people you live with that you basically have crippling depression?

>join army
>get into spec ops
>dissapear for a while
>get several years of experience
>leave army decorated and honorably discharged
>join a private military corparation
>live your life

tell them you need to see a psychologist and get yourself diagnosed you edgy faggot

Like I said she refuses to talk to me.Also I can't really talk to her since I'm stuck in this recovery program in Oregon and she is well in Germany.

Well then I guess I can't be saved.

Does it though? I keep telling myself this every day but I can only see misery in my future.

You're probably right user.

Thank you user. I love you too fgt.

Same thing as said above. I can't really go anywhere. I have maybe a hundred in my bank account so I can maybe go downtown to a McDonalds or by some cigarettes.

but that's the thing, you need to just disappear. go off the grid and start a new life. forget about your family, take that hundred, and restart your life in a new state.
or join the military

The fact that you're able to fight is proof that things can change.
Find the things that make you "you" and star from there.
Good luck

Your probebly right.
Thank you user for the advice. I'll see if I can make it into the millitary.

Thank you as well user.


In fact thank you everyone for the advice.
It helps a lot and it made me feel far better then my therapist ever made me feel.

godspeed, user

Sorry a little hard to follow. What did your brother fess up about?

That's because with a therapist, you know exactly what your came for: a face to face somewhat comfortable talk with a trained professional.
Here, you took a conscious leap in a pool of people you've never met and worked through your struggle.
It takes a lot of gut to do that, which means you'm have potential to keep going.

Can you read retard?

Was about to fap then I read this thread lol. I hope you see better times user just need to pull through it.

how old was your brother at the time of the incident?

Don't worry it's fine. I did rush it.

I sexually assaulted him. Out of anger.

4

I think around 7 or eight.
I did mess up my ages with some of the events since I was worried this would 404

Holy fuck, can I ever relate to this greentext. I'm sorry, user. I'm in this situation as we speak, and I'm not sure what to do about it. Just keep holding out man, the answer will present itself soon enough.

Thank you. I hope you have a good time.

Yeah sorry that last paragraph about the McDonald's girl and her brother tripped me up. I hope you make it to better times. Military might be your best option.

My boyfriend has trust issues and I've done nothing to fuck with his trust in me, when he's distant I feel so empty, I'm feeling so empty

I make fun of people but have fragile self esteem. I was broken and tried frantically for a couple years to try to put myself back together, but I would just fall even more apart. So now I've stopped trying, I act like an asshole to mask that I'm not whole

Ill replace him :)

Nobody could ever replace him, I love that man with all my heart

well he's going to replace you.. let me replace him before that happends.

You should have left home a long time ago, like just don't go home one day.
Your family clearly has issues and your mom seems to be the root of them starting back before you were born.

Cut ties with them all permanently and start over user, trust me when I say it's the only way to really save yourself.

I love you user keep your chin up Sup Forumsro

Go to your local recruiter. Dont tell mom and pops till your in basic. Good luck user

Some guys are just like that.
He's either a dick head or he may just have some self esteem issues, it's hard to believe someone loves you when you hate yourself, it can make you question people's motives for everything. One of these you can fix with time and patience, the other you should avoid.

I don't know how much more I can take, I pretty much isolate myself from everyone who has feelings for me yet he still worries, it kills me

Been there, but I don't know if I have a helpful answer.

You see, my ex was sexually assaulted in high school by another girl who was friends with her then boyfriend.
I got all of her unresolved inner struggle when we started dating in college. I helped her work through her past, but she was always cynical of others because of years experiencing people using each other.
Things seemed relatively good at first, but I ended up focusing all my attention on her problems, and ignoring my own. It didn't help that she wanted nothing to do with the topics I was dealing with, whenever I did bring it up.
After ten months, she was back on her feet, had two great jobs, but I was all but broken. I ended up telling her I needed a break, during the summer when we couldn't see each other anyway.

She basically told me all in or none at all.

Ended it right then and there.
She was a great girl and all. Really took time out for me when she could, but you don't neglect your significant other's feelings like that, suggest they get help on their own when they come to you for comfort, and then demand no contact or full commitment when they can't find help.

Maybe I do have advice.
Do your best to help him get better.
Sincerely do so, and show that you love him.
But under no circumstances so you throw yourself to the fire without mutual trust and understanding.
When things get out of hand and your efforts lead to bad relationship health, you have the right to end it.

I love you, things will get better

I love you user

I love you user

You're a real man for going thru all this, OP. Respect.

bump

bump

> be me
>15
>6'4, 220 lbs, chubby but not a fat fuck
> so used to repressing my feelings that i literally show none towards most things
> get into selling bud, no biggy just small stuff
> make some money then stop
> area is pretty wealthy
> i came from "the ghetto"
> straight edge kids call me drug addict
> dont care im making money fuck you
> get into a relationship with a girl who loves me
> i liked her but could never see myself actually getting in deep with her
> lose all feeling after about 2-3 weeks
> break up with her over text at 3 am
>wake up see like 7 paragraphs
> just reply "sorry its just how i feel"
> just been hookups and sluts
theres more to this story but my main concern is that ive sheltered my feelings for so long ive lost the ability to talk to someone about it due to trust issues and cant function in a relationship