Autismo greentext stories thread; I'll start

Autismo greentext stories thread; I'll start.

> be me
> roughly 5 or 6
> spergchild
> fleeting, intense obsessions, not getting along with other kids, like pokemon waaaaaay too much, the works
> pic related were just showing up
> plates shaped like animal faces
> zoopals
> the commercials had a distinctive pattern to them, where they'd make the animals sound and say "Zoo Pals" after
> "oink, oink, zoopals"
> "hoot, hoot, zoopals"
> etc.
> my mom loved me but she also liked getting a rise out of me with silly bullshit
> she'd sing along to the commercials and fuck it up
> it's a dog plate in the jingle
> instead of "woof, woof, zoopals" she went "moo, quack, zoopals"
> it made me, then a sperglarva, incomprehensibly angry
> "MOM, DO THE SONG RIGHT! DO THE SONG RIGHT!"
> jumping up and down
> she kept doing it until one day I screamed and flipped over a little table in my kitchen
> I had a tantrum so bad I fell down the stairs during it
> we didn't play that game after that

My entire life was this horrible, incoherent cringe train until I was like 15 and figured out how to fake being a normal in public

Will bump with screencapped chan lunacy

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bump

Even if you were 5 or 6 when this first came out, you are underage.

I'm 18

You cant be
Zoopals came out in a 2005
>5 or 6
Doesnt add up user

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Shit I guess I was older then

...shit.

nigga what the fuck

I remember these fucking things

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s u m m e r

i s

h e r e

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>staquafre

Thats a modern american college alright

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>be me, 11
>scared of shitting
>scared of bathrooms/toilets except the one at home
>one day at school, last hour of lesson, last minutes
>feel a monster shit in my intestines craving for freedom
>"Disease, disease, disease my friend: Throw the turd or you may die"
>teacher sees me sweating, asks if I need to go to the bathroom
>y-y-yes
>I stopped in front of the bathroom
>"I think, I can, I think, I can!"
>nope.jpg
>my giant turd is raging like Hulk beating Loki
>there was a little spot near the director's office
>went there
>"no, I won't, no, I won't"
>unzip and release the HulkTurd in a few seconds
>wiped ass wit a kleenex but didn't left it near the turd
>quickly went to the other side of the school building to get rid of the shitted kleenex
>soon after throwing it in the bag, another teacher screams at me: "what are you doing here! go back in your classroom!"
>hesitating.webm
>she takes me in my classroom, almost shouting
>at the moment I didn't realize I just got the best alibi of my life
>some 10 minutes later, the bell rang and we all went home.

the day after, it was "The Day After".

>never caught.

Enjoy having your autism recorded in the annals of Sup Forums history

>"Disease, disease, disease my friend: Throw the turd or you may die"
>the day after, it was "The Day After".

Why is some of this schizophrenic and incoherent

Is english not your first language or are you just nuts

oh fuck

you youngfag, "The Day After" is an old movie about nuke wars.

"Disease disease disease my friend throw the keys or you may die" is a line from some old Helloween song.

Can't identify the other lines, but apparently the poster is some old German fart.

uwotm8?

I mean do sane people fear bathrooms?

Not super autismo but still awful
>Used to be. "nice guy" in middleschool
Grew out of it because I'm not a fucking retard but that's not the point right now
>school dance comes
>make a paper rose for a girl I like
>I come looking like a God damn bartender with shit hair
>everyone is dressed for a party and I look way to formal
>when will they learn that suits are obviously better
>tips fedora
>crush likes break dancing
>Nows my chance
>Get into a break dance off
>just me and some other chick doing hand stands and other dumb shit
>everyone is kinda just looking awkwardly
>known as that kid
>Crush basically thinks I'm fucking weird and I was
Highschool hits
,>Way different school, and I look way more different
>tall intimidation machine made of marshmallows
>talking to my friend about middle school and he drops my name
>kid looks at me and it all clicks
>hey are you user from the dance
"what are you talking about ?" " oh sorry I mistook you for someone else"
>no one must know the sims I have done

Bitch I'm 18 and I still remember zoopals

I dunno man rest stop bathrooms on long late night trips noid me the fuck out

If this is barely legible it's because I am in a dentist office
I have way to many middle school stories trust me if you want more just tell me

more

Go ahead fam that was pretty topkek

My condolences tho i hate the dentist

That commercial was only from 2010 or 2011.Which would mean you're 10 or 11 now...mods.

they were discontinued in 2010

Dumb faggot they came out in 2005

>assume identity of a girl on CS:GO
>downloaded voice modulation software and tweak till I sound like a girl
>people don't kick when I do retarded stuff
>shower me with weapons
>mic spam constantly
>if I don't like someone, turn the whole group against them

I'm 32

>normal gamer stuff

Yeah. So OP said he was 5 or 6 when these commercials aired. Which means he's no older than 15.

OP here with a non-me story

> pale autist in my graduating class
> let's call him D
> D was a very special boy
> the kid who cried way too much with too little incentive
> his freakouts were true legend
> he threw a chair at a teacher once
> he smelled like literal shit
> got lice 4 times in elementary school
> but in 7th grade Math I had to sit behind this blight
> be chilling in Math class, taking some shitty test
> my Mr. Crocker-looking-ass teacher sitting at his desk
> Tard Guard for D and this Palsy kid floating in the back
> D is fucking with his shoes for some reason and is tipping his desk
> knocks his desk over with him in it
> begins crying and wailing
> Tard Guard swoops in
> she picks him back up, he begins to calm down, I'm still doing algebra or whatever the fuck
> D goes BACK to fucking around with his shoes
> Tard Guard and Mr. Crocker come back over and begin grilling him
>"D, you're making a scene! What are you doing?"
> "Trying to tie my shoes!"
> wut
> D can't tie his shoes and it's triggering the fuck out of him
> between that and the fact he's as dumb as a bag of dog shit he's not gotten any work done on the test
>"10 minutes left everyone"
> D lets out a primal REEEE
> Began, I shit you not, hitting his face against the desk until his nose started bleeding, threw the desk over and ran into the hall where he started beating himself against lockers
> I was pretty distracted
> got an 81 on the test

>figured out how to fake being a normal in public

This shit right here.

You were 7 when they came out.

OP here, am 18. Unfortunately, I underestimated how old I was when I had my little tweakout.

I guess I was 7 or 8.

Which is worse.

This one is about my friend I will call huge
>Huge was a pudgy white kid
>always said girl Hitler and shit
>me and my friends found him hill stupid because he was fucking weird
>one day we hung out behind some buildings and the motherfucker showed me so much weird shit
>he would always draw in the middle of class shitty stick figure Nazi porn
>huge you're scaring me
>he would do this in class
>one day the teacher is sick of huge drawing in class
>huge give me your notebook let me see what you are always doing
>he doesn't even put up a fight
Obviously porn
Parents get called in
>the mother fucker gets caught for making a second one event after he gets in hot water for it
He still freaks me out

Now you're getting a little incoherent

Yeah that doctor fucked me up with numbing balm and shitb
Personal favorite
>never get in a fight
>still to this day haven't because I'm not someone who picks fights every day
>loved my mom and dad so much so I never want them seeing me in trouble
>I had a dumb as shit dean
>you can see where this goes
>some kids get in a fight
>I usually love doing stupid things so that day I just raised my leg and stomped super hard
>dean comes over and takes me over to sit down
>next to one of those gang kids
>noticibly tearing up
>guy is most likely thinking what is wrong with this kid
>start drawing out what had happened as if that would help me
>the dean looks at us
"yeah I don't know who the fuck this kid is"
>dean notices I am obviously a pussy
>almost to the point of crying right now
>I feel like the kid almost felt bad off me or just wanted to laugh
>dean let's me go for being beta
>I go on to draw dumb shit

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Autism loves company

what does it sound like? do you have a sample of it

so close for quads rip

these dubs must feel like empty, hollow condolences

>be me
>be 12
>be in florida on vacation
>just beginning sexual awakening
>jerking off literally constantly
>i get out of the pool at my hotel and go to jerk off in the bathroom
>i tuck my recently expended tubesteak vertically in my waistband
>not realizing the head of my peen is poking up out of the waistband
>like an inquisitive joey from its mothers pouch
>i walk back to the pool
>girls by the pool
>decide to try and be slick
>"hey girls, where are you guys from"
>they stare at my dick
>for a brief cherished moment i thought they could see my "girth" and were impressed
>then wondered if my peepee had abandoned its position and i had a deflating boner in front of them
>no
>the head of my shota dicklet peeked out over
>the one eyed soldier stared out at the horizon
>i went red
>i turned and ran back to my room
>didn't go to the pool the rest of the trip
>happened day 3 of 10 on that vacation

why

>numbing balm

its called topical anesthetic you useless pleb

100% one day you'll look back and laugh and wish you could still get a boner

or you'll be dead and you won't wish anything because your brain won't be working

either way, it won't matter lol

Shit how did you know I know nothing about dentist equipment
stop before everyone knows

not gonna lie i dont know how much time itll take to heal that one

its been a decade and it still feels freshly painful