You are going to be permanently teleported through time into the middle ages (1000 AD) but are allowed to bring ONE and...

You are going to be permanently teleported through time into the middle ages (1000 AD) but are allowed to bring ONE and ONLY one item with you.
What do you bring?

It can only be something that you are able to acquire.

A notebook filled with information on how to do stuff that I have prepared beforehand. Stuff like how to make a simple generator, waterwheel, farming techniques. Simple stuff but revolutionary to them

I'd bring a fucking AR-15, motherfuckers would get shot the fuck up

They know how to make waterwheels fucker

Collection of science books

Porn

how many rounds in that clip dickhead. This aint an 80s action movie...

My cell phone so I could call for help.

several pallets of Charmin ultra strong mega rolls

Bleach

I'm talking about better ones with appropriate upgrades dumbass. You think a mill built in 1000 AD compares to one built in 1800 AD?

There wouldn't be any cell towers

A big bag of antibiotics

>Calling a magazine a clip
Grow a brain retard

An English-Latin dictionary.

The only correct answer is antibiotics.

A gun so I can shoot myself in the head when I get there....fuck if I want to live in the Middle Ages

Yeah but it's like a law that 911 always has to work. They can gps me.

My car which is full of gas right now I'd run everyone over

Machete

Well I could bring extra fucking mags, if someone can bring more than one science book then i can bring more than one magazine.

I dont think it would work...

This is literally the only correct answer

Tablet with solar charger, and a stack of PDFs on medicine, farming, metallurgy, industry, geography, language, religion (need to not get killed as a heretic), etc.

But more realistically, a rucksack filled with pepper, cloves and saffron.

Wait until we can create Portable Time Machines.


Bring one with me.

Pack a mini-gun with thousands of rounds of ammo. And an exoskeleton suit with body armor.

Destroy the Corrupt Catholic Church.

was abundant back then with no religeous boundarys enforced onto people, in other words everything was ok to do

Just wear pic related.

A Bicycle

Use it to demonstrate machine power transfer 800 years before it's invention. Become top scientist of the time and create the printing press 400 years before it's time.

This will alter the advancement of technology in such a way that by the time I am born, we will have colonized the mars with hellium harvested from farms on the moon.

one of the best answers so far

I don't know how to ride a horse so i guess this.

I would bring like a kids magic set, perform a few simple tricks and be worshipped as a god

My big, black dick.
His name's Rosco.

Spend all my money and bring about 500 oz of silver

you would be burned at the stake for being a witch/sorcerer

or burned alive

It would have to be a satellite phone to work

grow a dick, you insecure pussy.

>Burning witches at the stake
>Middle Ages
kek

What?

i would bring america.

My katana!

If it was two I'd bring my fedora, too.

>1000 AD, Song Dynasty China.
I would take a book of 'magic tricks.' I would become an ancient Chinese legend, possibly a god.

My Chamber pot

Huh?

Never thought of that, I don't think there is anything that would give you a real advantage back then, seems like everyone is fucked

didnt stop burning witchs until early 1400

That's really clever tbh

/thread

My bottle of dexamfetamine
so that I can just keep my adhd in check, figure the rest out then, or I can OD

I'd take back my sister and impregnate her constantly. Hopefully I get a son and I will be really nice to him and train him up to be my key rapist. We will rape my sister and her kids until I die of old age, making sure to train up one of my grandsons to take my sons mantle after he passes. We will create the biggest incest genepool in the world and call it England.

Really what countries had them in orbit in that era? Please do tell?

oh my...

...

THIS

USA!
USA!
USA!

European steel would cut that shit up in no time.

Missing the point of the thread, but if we are playing that game then I would go to the battle of Bannockburn and say the exact speech from brave heart word by word just so it's historically accurate

katanas are folded over 9000 times and can cut through a solid block of steel like a hot knife through butter

iphone

...

1 Fully armed tank . You'll only need to use it 3 times tops before the world goes at your feet. And yes it is possible to obtain if I sold everything and spent my life savings.

an Institute type facility with science staff working towards world domination

I'd bring my best friend, she's kinda strong, very smart and has a black belt in tae kwon do (insert spelling)

The Divina Commedia, of course!

id take a bible as they probably didnt have them back then and teach some olden day peeps the way of god

user knows the trouble of no toilet roll.

Not you trolling or not. You know todays bible originated from that period I hope?

a nigger. and i'd make him a slave so that it would be acceptable much sooner.

One of those solar powered calculators. I'll be the Kings go to person for like everything math related. Make mad money and fuck mad bitches.

A backpack of penicillin. Think about it. You'd be considered a wizard.

Physics 101 book

I'd probably do the same, but not without raping a female peasant and her daughter first.

At least enjoy yourself before you go. I guess use but one round on raping the town people in their homes. They may not be the hottest bunch, but at least you won't die a wizard and any rational God would forgive and understand since none of them were wearing burkas.

A mobi huge.

Anything that seemed like magic or witch craft would get you burned at the stake in that period regardless of being male or female.

bring a fireproof suit

A colloction of all kinds of seeds.

my car with extra fuel in the trunk

I'd drive around spreading memes

dank ass weed nigga

My Vita and a solar charger

Burn the Witch!

>ONE and ONLY one item

What are you gonna do with that? Tell them you're a warlock, wait for them to burn you, and when the fire doesn't work, they slice your head off and take your clothes to their clothe-maker for further inspection. Do you want your head chopped off? Because that's how you get your head chopped off!

A laptop and solar charger so I can sit inside on Sup Forums while everyone else dies of black plague and malaria

...

Or dunk him till dead.

chill out bro

>Anything that seemed like magic or witch craft would get you burned at the stake in that period regardless of being male or female.

witch-burning was something that happened in the late renaissance or early baroque period - 1600-1700AD.

the medieval era was pretty tolerant on the whole Heresy thing, as long as a bunch of templars/hospitalliers/teutonic knights didnt decide to go crusading.

Most of the heretics, like the gnostics, the albegenesians, etc were not killed, but instead simply ordered to make penance by prayer etc, and by following the "one true" church. Its only the leaders of such churches who were punished as rivals.


Also, I really hope so many posts here are would-be trolls, and not just spectacularly ignorant of history....

i'd commission an airy confection of gold and silver with a set of perfect artificial stones. cheap with todays technology but in that period fine workmanship in gold was scarce.

i'd use it as a gift to the church to assure myself a good minor position and become a humble organizer of the church's capital, rise with time and avoid being sainted

a book that indicates every single historical event for that era. this would allow me to tell the future and then the townsfolk would be under my command

please learn actual history not jewish propaganda

More like you would be under their command. This is the lowest period in humanity we are talking about.

Fully loaded m249

200rds

I would bring a bow and arrow

Pokemon GO

more like some jealous fuck would report you to the government and you'd get lynched for practicing witchcraft

no.

I wish _you_ would learn history, instead of whatever idiotic shit you imagine to be the case.

It's better in many places outside Europe in year 1000.

I would pick greece but the pederasty

Underrated

I would report him back for committing a cardinal sin: envy.

Two can play at that game!

>can only bring one item
You have an empty gun, and the appropriate ammo won't be invented for at least 900 more years.