You wake up in a barrel

You wake up in a barrel

you hear scratching on the outside of the barrel

You look outside of the barrel through an open knot in the side.

It's a guy in a horned helmet looking for apples

Am I tyrion lannister?

I proceed to shove my shit through a hole in the barrel

You really should do this on roll20.net its an interactive online gaming board for D&D and other similar rpg games. Chat, voice, cam if needed. Everything is built into it and it's free. Even setup peoples dice rolls/moves with one button instead of typing /roll2d20

You see an undead sailor trying to find his way inside the barrel you are currently hiding in

not op but thank you for this information this seems fucking awesome and I'm going to be checking this out shortly. thank you sir

fuck working all the goddamn time and not having enough time to find cool things like I used to

Criminal scum! He says. The horned helmet guy unsheathes his sword and commands you to get out of the barrel

Np. Look on the forums under looking for group. There are always people needing players because someone had to bow out. It's how I began learning to play D&D. I'd just tell them in the thread I'm new and will play the character sheet of who ever left. It gave me a chance to learn the game and have fun. I eventually made my own characters but I really don't like too. Using pre-mades makes the game faster than people spending all night making new characters.

i put on my robe and wizard hat

Yo you ever be the DM That's what I'm trying to learn how to do so I can have people over to play

He swings his sword in your direction it will surely hit you if you do nothing

I roll Ulric's fury become pirate king

The horned helmet king challenges you for the title of pirate king

Plenty of helpful tutorials on there on how to DM. There's a couple DMs on there who hold lessons and will help newbies wanting to be DM. If you get a chance go to one of Ajax's games because he's a god-tier DM.

Played a game with him once. Real difficult place. Entire time he had the audio playing these random moans, groans, and sounds of people being hurt/tortured. It was a lil loud and distracting. That's the kinda stuff advanced players do in the game.

I accept and challenge him to a game of ...

...

nigger jew

RO SHAM BO!

He is not a nigger or a jew it is not very effective

call him a smelly nigger jew instead

/he is puzzled and confused and starts to cry. Then he an heros off the ship by plunging into the water

Roll 5 or above to see if you won

im really good at this game

you beat him with scissors, but it's best two out of three he says

I die of dysentery the end. Go to sleep

it's 7 pm
You enter an argument with the horned cuck
( your words) and enetualy he leaves in frustration

I grab the hornet cucks arm before he can leave and take out my big veiny horse cock, and shove it hard and deep into his boipucci

i open the door

He suddenly feels immense amounts of euphoria and joins you on your quest to be pirate king
Horned king joined your party ( you faggot)

i press my ear against the barrel wall to hear voices or steps

I put the horned cuck on his hands and knees and ride away on him into the night, looking for adventure

As you continue your journey to be pirate king you stumble apon a shack
Do you enter ?

What else is new?

Ofc, I ask the horncuck to go first though, in case there's something dangerous in there

You enter even though you should be on the ocean but fuck logic
You find a couple strewn about beer bottles but nothing else
As you leave horn cuck says he needs to tug one out
Just before climax however he sees a cellar door with a lock
Do you look for a key or try to break the lock

what the...

Idk this is just weird

I ask him to climax into the lock

actually, I take myhuge sexy cock out aswell and shoot my gue out all over my cuck friend and the lock

Roll above 4 to see if he succeeds

Roll??
Or is it the post you made that rolls?

You leave the shack and set on fire with horn man inside they both burn alive. Him and whatever was in the cellar.

You fail to understand that semen isn't acidic and now have spread jizz all Ove the ground
A dwarf enters the cabin due to the moans and suspected a creature but is instead met with you an your friend sword fighting with flaccid cocks
What now?

My roll

Well, what do you think, I fuck him hard and painfully and steal his fucking key

But he counters with his chastity belt and throws you both into the cellar. Burns it down. It actually wasn't his. He just wanted a place to bury the bodies of his family

As you enter the celler you find an underground tunnel with semen on the ground ( wonder where that came from) your horned lover asks you what to do with the twitching dwarf

Equip dwarf as melee weapon

I drag the beta dwarf along as I follow the train of semen, searching for treasure and all that.

You explore the under ground path and learn it was a mining shaft
You realize that the dwarf was a minecraft player but do nothing with this knowledge because Microsoft sucks
The path leads to a fork in the road left to right

---

Right!!!! #Trump2012

Are there any visible differences in each route

I don't understand what you're trying to say tbh

One there is a light. The other smells like kfc

As you avoid the regressive left you find a chest
The dwarf says he has filled it with pure stone
Do you take it

I fucked up
Ment to sayTo the other guy as well

One route leads off into the distance with no lights. The other route is well lit and the tracks are going up

Yes, I take it and bash it against the betadwarfs knees asking him to speak when hes fucking spoken to

Take one of the torches from the lit route and go down dark route

As you attempt to swing the chest you dislocate your arms on the tons of rock
The dwarf the breaks the the chest with his bear hands and pick up the stone like nothing
You wonder haw you overpowered him in the shack

You explore the lit route unlike those crazy faggots that went right and find a huge cavern with an underground river

Explore cavern, all the while fiddling with my goatee

As you make your way through the mine shaft the torch goes out from a gust of what seems like wind. You start to hear panting and the flurry of footsteps. The sound of massive amounts of people running getting closer and closer.

I do my secret wink at trusty horned cucksteed asking him to cuckslap the dwarf to the ground

Oh shit, hide and observe

i drink my own piss and choke on my own fecal matter in a dastardly suicide attempt.

You hid behind a stalagmite and observe the passerby's. They weren't people at all. An army of dwarfs armed with pickaxes and torches pass you by and are calling out for one of their dwarf buddies.

Where the fuck did they come from? Wait them out, then head deeper in the tunnel, towards their origin

out of nowhere a nakked black man runs up behind you, bend you over a large stone and ravages your anus.


pic related. its the black man.

Roll a saving throw versus AIDS.

reveal that I have been Canadian all along, and freeze his dick

Lean over and whisper into his ear "filthy negroes"

Then tear off his nigger dick

i am god(if dubs)

i mean DUBS

I clench my asshole as tighter than God's grace will allow to severe his penis.
I leap forward and launch the black gremlin's pecker from my anus at mach 5 speed into his skull.
After which I stand, pull up my pants, and proceed on the quest.

i become a rabbit loli with a eldritch third eyeball on my forehead

not god bruh

TRIPS