I'm just about to order an online "replica" diploma and transcript

I'm just about to order an online "replica" diploma and transcript.

I took biochemistry and computer science till 2013 but my university kicked me out. But it's now been four years since I enrolled and my friends from high school are graduating and so I feel I deserve this degree.

I know about PCR (using taq polymerase), stochiometry (n=cV, m=nM), gel electrophoresis (beads + charge), the Ames test for mutagens, phages (including lytic and lysogenic cycles), Michaelis–Menten enzyme kinetics (I can draw the graphs), the Lineweaver-Burke plot, those boxes with the hemoglobin/myoglobin binding to the substrate which causes more substrate to bind to it, codons, the role of tRNA, microRNA, mRNA, DNA, etc. the difference between active transport, diffusion, facilitated diffusion, etc. as well as Python, Java, object-oriented programming, encapsulation, the difference between classes and objects, etc.

I intend to use this diploma to get into a research position either this year or in the next year. Teach first years and shit and put my name on some sweet research journals

Ask me anything.

how much does this replica cosT?

I am a fucking scientist/researcher damn it and nobody (especially not the people in the university student administration dept who only have commerce degrees) can tell me otherwise.

About $600

same

Why did you get kicked out

This question

>be me
>a research biochemist

I can tell you don't know shit and would flop in a research environment.

>gel electrophoresis (beads + charge)

Um I do a lot of SDS-PAGE and agarose gel electrophoresis and I have no clue what "beads" you are talking about

> implying lab tech skills == bio knowledge
> implying java == CS
why did you get kicked out?

>But it's now been four years since I enrolled and my friends from high school are graduating and so I feel I deserve this degree.

Millennial entitlement in all it's glory. You were kicked out of uni. You deserve nothing.

What he said.

scientiest thred a go

Never had a job ask for my diploma. Ever. They want a sealed transcript sent to them directly from both of my universities. Good luck but you're wasting your time. You need to just finish the degree dipshit.

Just go to another university that accepts the courses you already had done and finish your degree

I worked to get my molecular biology and genetics degree, so work to get yours. You are just listing off some basic techniques/ principals.

you will get torn to shreds in a real lab when people realise you don't know shit. By the sounds of it you only made it through first year.

big gap between first year and graduation buddy

I had an argument with the student administrator.

He accused me of going to the wrong test on purpose when it was by accident (I was supposed to sit a test for a first year paper called "linear mathematics" but ended up sitting a second year paper called "linear algebra"). Plus, the textbook for that first year paper was called "Linear Algebra".

After finding that the paper codes didn't match, I was embarrassed and so I excused myself to go to the toilet and left and went home once I realized I sat the wrong paper. I thought this would be the end of it but the exam minders sent the half-completed paper to his office and he thought I did it on purpose because I never alerted anyone during the exam and was angry that I wasted the staff's time and so placed me on community service. I declined to do community service on the basis that his reason for putting me in it was incorrect (as I said, he thought I did it on purpose) so he referred me to the dean who requested a meeting. I ignored the request for a meeting but received emails saying that it was compulsory and then the dean removed all access to course resources and prevented me from enrolling for another semester.

I still went to lectures despite losing access to course resources. I got the results for the papers that I took that semester: 2 A's and a B+. I tried enrolling for the next semester but after clicking the "next" button, all I got was an error message that would pop up saying that I had fines, etc. that needed to be resolved before continuing.

I was 2nd place in physics and 1st in chemistry for my final year in high school. I was 4th in mathematics as well so I'm not dumb.

I seem to recall hearing about agarose beads during the procedure. Anyway, it's just a gel (hence the name) and the shit goes slower if its bigger (i.e. more mass) so you can find which one's bigger and which one's smaller and the smaller ones were obviously snipped by restriction enzymes. Pretty easy IMO.

How long are you going to be in jail if someone finds out?

>I'm not dumb
In spite of your good grades, sorry buddy, but you are indeed dumb.

Kicked out in first year, from which you "seem to recall" some things, and you think you can just wing it in the professional field?

Yeah. Maths or no maths, science or no science: Dumb as a brick.

Actually it looks like I got two closely related experiments mixed up. According to Google, the gel is for nucleic acid (e.g. for SNP analysis, DNA fingerprinting). The beads are for protein purification. Both are agarose.

Ok OP. Got an easy one for you.

Lets say you have a gene in an organism and you want to clone and reproduce it for the purposes of isolating a protein product which it is responsible for.

You know there are Hind1 restriction sites either side of the gene. But also throughout the genome of the organism. How would you isolate the required gene and only the required gene, clone it and then isolate protein product from it?

>background
>check

>Anyway, it's just a gel (hence the name) and the shit goes slower if its bigger (i.e. more mass) so you can find which one's bigger and which one's smaller and the smaller ones were obviously snipped by restriction enzymes. Pretty easy IMO.

>smaller ones were obviously snipped by restriction enzymes

Pro tip: not all protein is the same MW and you only know the real basics of what going on.

Which charge do you run to and why?
How much protein is typically loaded into a well?
What stains do you use?
What percent acylamide or agarose do you typically use? And what does changing this percent do?
When do you use SDS-PAGE over agarose?


Some basic questions you show be able to answer

>Sat the wrong paper
>not dumb
Although you're a liar, I feel for u

>both use agarose
Nope, just nope

Start again, earn your degree.

OP here. Sounds like gene cloning. I would use whatever restriction enzyme works on Hind1 and get tons of gene fragments (some fragments would be useless, some would contain the useful gene). Then I would incorporate them into bacterial plasmids and introduce them to bacteria. Then I would grow the bacteria and screen out the ones that don't produce the desired enzyme/protein product.

So naive, go back to school faggot

But guys, don't you see he FEELS like he deserves his degree. Suggesting he actually earns it is oppression.

Refusing someone a career based solely on lack of qualifications and experience is ableist and triggering.

Lol. Not even close. But definitely what they would teach you in intro to bio!

lol i hope you fail big time and get in jail

gz for listing all the trivial things you know, you won't make it far

This
I hope OP os serious, because I wanna see his ass go to jail.

you're a stupid cunt

The term sitting for papers makes me think you are not from America

What makes you think a few first year courses qualifies you for a undergraduate job?

You wouldn't even qualify for internships because you aren't with any institutions.

If you cant answers these questions op you won't be able to do basic experiments in a biochemisty lab

OP here.

I'm more familiar with gel electrophoresis on nucleic acids. We'd use restriction enzymes to cut them at specific restriction sites and analyze the size of the fragments. It'd be useful for finding variable number tandem repeats for DNA fingerprinting for example.

The one with beads and proteins was a one-time thing but I suppose some of the techniques from DNA fingerprinting can also apply to proteins.

>Which charge do you run to and why?
I think it would depend on the isoelectric point of the protein in question? So different proteins would require different charges.

>How much protein is typically loaded into a well?
We used pipettes for that. I don't remember the exact number,

>What stains do you use?
The stain was provided for us, and it was 3 years ago, so I don't remember well. It could have been methylene blue. Basically anything that stains protein should do the trick because all you really want to know is whether the protein is there or not and not the same color as the agarose.

Looks like you mixed up some experiments. Run to google to fix it. Sure, that's everyday research lab life. Moron.

Some things you just can't teach.

>mfw I just got a real phd in this field

Yeah, op is gonna give you some stiff competition in the jobs market.

Congrats on your PhD, and good luck.

And you fail. Researchers would know you don't know shit and would laugh at you

>What charge and why?
positive because of the SDS denatures proteins and gives them an overall negative charge

>how much protein per well?
5-25ug

>stains
Coomassie blue is a typical protein stain

wow

so far off the mark

Hind1 is a restriction enzyme

and introduce them to bacteria. haha
>bacteria this is recombinant plasmid,
>plasmid meet E.coli
> hope you guys get allong

Protip: protein is not separated in an agarose gel. You'd know that if you had a degree

Official transcripts are starting to have QR codes on them now to verify authenticity via the www

actually, yes.

I got a bachelors in Biomed, but switched to business many many years ago

Just run the fragments through a gel, along with a ladder, then find your gene through sizing :^)

Actually no, do you even biochem?

You use agarose for DNA
You use sds-page (acrylamide) for Protein

You talk about science like my grandma talks about computers.

I have a bs in biology and a masters. I've worked in biotechnology and pharma doing cell and molecular biology for around 8 years. You're way out of your depth here. You have at best a shallow understanding of what your doing. Most positions you describe . . . Teaching and publishing . . . are filled by graduate students.

However, the biggest issue here is that you didn't bother to enroll somewhere else, and your low integrity to try to scam your way through with a shortcut. Research is hard. You fail constantly and you're required to push through hours of difficult tedium to move a project forward. And you have to report your findings and mistakes with integrity. I think even if you managed to lie your way into a job you won't last long.

Best rekt thread i've seen in a while

OP here.

Looks like 3 years of not doing anything related to biochemistry and computer science made by brain forget a few things... This thread has made realize that I should probably take a few months to a year off to relearn everything that I forgot before I apply for a serious research position.

I'm still very familiar with the basics, I guess. I'm confident that I could teach high school chemistry, biology, and physics for example. And my friends seem to think that I'm a biochemistry expert whenever I rave on about the central dogma of molecular biology or how energy is used in the cell or how steroids originate from cholesterol, etc. but some of the more finer techniques of actually working in a professional laboratory environment might need some refreshing.

Thanks everyone!

This. Though, having worked in food and pharmaceuticals in quality control, go ahead, apply with a fake transcript, they will train you on everything, including how to breathe through your mouth. And after that you just do the same shit over and over again and it's hardly science at all. OP would be great at it.

...aaaaand he hasn't learned a fucking thing.

Enjoy your future failures.

Having an integrity problem is a personal fault that no amount of degrees or OJT can fix. You will have a difficult life, personally and professionally if you don't get it in check. Do the right thing and finish the degree. Or move along to something else.

Maybe you're not in the us, but to teach HS you need a college degree in education

>my friends seem to think that I'm a biochemistry expert
Are you friends retards or non-science majors? Because anyone with a degree in the field would not consider you for a paid research position. The best you could do is research for class credit...aka go back to school and you pay the prof (tutition) to do research in their lab..if they let you in their lab

You can't teach high school without a degree either dipshit. Seriously, go sell insurance or something. Something any mouth breather can do.

OP honestly, in science you should not judge yourself by what a layperson knows. Consider in the US, for example, 33% of the population has a bachelor's degree. Now consider 10% of the population as having STEM degrees. That means only 1 out of 10 people will have the basic degree needed to really understand a field, and that's not just biology, that's even less.

Trust me, I went to a state school and knew, even as an undergrad, its graduate program was beneath me. It was filled with foreign students who were indentured servants and didn't really understand what they were doing (there were exceptions, of course). I'm now working at one of the best funded labs in the country and being around people that can go toe-to-toe on the details with you is how you get better, not by hanging around people who know less.

Hurr durr I got my degree off google

Fuck off internet genius

I was just talking about the content. I'm confident that I could understand and teach literally all of the content of a high school science program including chemistry, biology, and physics. Obviously I can't actually teach until I have the education degree.

Or conversely, if I were in a high school right now, I could get an easy 100% across all of chemistry, physics, and biology (mathematics too if I was given a week or two to brush up on calculus).

Yes it is... Proteins that have been cut by restriction enzymes will separate based on weight, and the agarose gel concentration and electrical settings.

Have you ever ran a gel before? Agarose gels are not used for protein
See here

You're describing dna work, not protein, which are run in polyacrylamide

Smart, nobody in research (especially in fields which involve access to chemicals, pathogens, and radiactive materials) will EVER check your background or credentials. Plus even public research is more and more wary about espionnage.

Protip : all of that might usually means at least a (silent) background check by homeland security or equivalent organization. Faking a diploma is not the worst thing, but these people tend to assume the worst and won't probably give you the benefit of the doubt. You won't end up in Gitmo but you have a high probability of losing your job after a few months.

Better use your computer science skills to get an actual job (a lot of places will hire devs without diplomas, and if all else fails go pass a few entry level certifications on things you already know).

OP here.

Proteins aren't cut by restriction enzymes. Restriction enzymes cut specific sequences along DNA strands. Proteins can be cut via enzymes called proteases however.

Nice, get some teaching creds by trying it on Sup Forums
That will help.

Just stfu

ITT: OP is an edgy faggot and gets kicked out of school. Fast forward a few years. OP is tired of sucking cock to buy food. OP's solution is to stop being faggot edge lord and become faggot nigger.

Your plan will work because HR departments totally accept documents you provide rather than calling the school and requesting transcripts. Good luck with your new job at Pfizer!

Couldn't you just generate a different URL?

the shit if you listed off is nothing, take one genetics course and one biochemistry course and you know that shit