ITT: Things You Think Only You Do

ITT: Things You Think Only You Do

I'll start:
>spread my asscheeks apart before I fart so I dont have to hear it
>squeeze excess piss out of dick after every piss at a urinal
>wipe off tip of dick with toilet paper after every piss on a toilet
>smell fingers after every piss before washing hands
>end up cleaning entire toilet after I piss in it and accidentally get a little bit on the seat
>when its quiet and im taking a shit, put rolled up paper down in the water so that way when my shit drops it isnt heard and water doesnt splash up to my sphincter
>wet toilet paper before wiping my ass if possible
>after showering, sit naked at computer for a while before getting dressed, or lie naked on bed for a while before getting dressed

Please tell me I'm not the only one Sup Forums

>cum in my sisters mouth every morning before she wakes up
>drool while browsing internet because my brain kinda just shuts off
>beat up this tranny asian kid at school, broke 2 of his fingers this week so he has less tools with which to finger his bumbum
>taste shit before flushing down toilet (mother practices indian healing techniques, taste of shit could indicate danger to health)
>wet the inside of my socks before wearing to keep my feet cool in the summer
>never flush after peeing to save water
>sleep through my alarm sometimes

13 atm, 14 next month

>wet toilet paper before wiping my ass if possible
So you wipe with your hands. you win.

I do 3 and 5

she mentioned it once but i convinced her that everyone wakes up with some leftover 'saliva residue' in their mouth from their sleep. never mentioned it again

Picture please :) IM JUST JOKING.

lol i usually have to be quick about it so idk if i could get a picture. if i did it would have to be in a thread tomorrow morning

I have this weird OCD thing where the last thing I do before bed has to be to take a piss. Doesn't matter if I pissed 30 seconds ago, if I was to do something between that point and getting to bed I'd go back and piss again. Dunno where this came from or when I started doing it.

>ITT; Blatant lies

You wouldn't be able to get away with this so frequently. Stop chatting shit.

HOLY SHIT! I DO THIS TOO I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE LMAO

lol ok its not my job to prove it to you buster

Ignore the b8 m8.

>take a shower every time I use the toilet

>squeeze excess piss out of dick after every piss at a urinal

as opposed to what? Do people keep dripping/leaking penises in their pants normally?

>wipe off tip of dick with toilet paper after every piss on a toilet

that's normal if you don't want piss stain on your trousers

>end up cleaning entire toilet after I piss in it and accidentally get a little bit on the seat

do you piss with the seats down? Huh?

>when its quiet and im taking a shit, put rolled up paper down in the water so that way when my shit drops it isnt heard and water doesnt splash up to my sphincter

all smart people do

I figure it was originally out of not wanting to get up and piss during the night, but now it's become habitual. At least I'm not the only one I guess.

I do every single one of those but the finger smelling and the splash guard(no need), OP.

i do
>when its quiet and im taking a shit, put rolled up paper down in the water so that way when my shit drops it isnt heard and water doesnt splash up to my sphincter
>after showering, sit naked at computer for a while before getting dressed, or lie naked on bed for a while before getting dressed

also

>always sit down when on toilet (i'm a dude)

I know it's not. I just don't understand why people feel the need to anonymously lie to strangers on the internet.

I whack it every night before bed unless I have sex. I choked the chicken 3 times yesterday before going to my girls dorm. What the fuck man

Piece of shit wouldn't stop spitting at me

Fuck, same here. I forgot to write that one down. For me it's like a weird feeling of an empty bladder that I need to focus on sleeping. If I even think I have to pee, I wont be able to sleep

I go take a piss shortly after ejaculation because it feels like I'm rinsing any excess semen away. Could be doing nothing but it feels right

>squeeze excess piss out of dick after every piss at a urinal
>wet toilet paper before wiping my ass if possible
>after showering, sit naked at computer for a while before getting dressed, or lie naked on bed for a while before getting dressed

I do these.

Same here, but I don't like the feeling. It's very cloggy and it hurts sometimes

you are, this keeps your dick clean

I used to hit my dick against counters and poles

I use shampoo as body soap in the shower

Please OP don't wet the tp with toilet water. You could get pinworms living in your asshole!!!

OP here
what are you talking about

I use my hand to fap while rubbing the tip on my fleshlight, I'll put it all the way in just before I cum.

after I cum sometimes I just lay there and think "what the fuck did I just stroke my dick to?"

Sometimes I pretend to be retarded when I'm shopping or whatever. Everyone is overly nice to you, and you get to act like a total goofball.

what kind of potato shit do you do?

About what you would imagine. I like going up to people and asking "Are u mawwied???" They never know what to do with that.