Stupidest shit youve done while horny

Stupidest shit youve done while horny

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had sex with my married ex.

U 1st.

Masrurbate to this picture

Fuck a jar of peanut butter. (And also other soft jarred items.)

your mom

Are they still together? Has the husband found out?

Put my peepee into a girl's vagoo

yes and no.

Pizza

ejaculated on cat's face

[deleted]

deleted for having too much cringe content

didn't had sex (I mean cmon, how stupid IS that!)

Called my ex

Blew my load in a swimming pool

>unrolled a whole toilet paper
>fold in half until dick sized
>pour water over
>squeeze water out until dick like thing is rock hard
>shove it down my throat and make myself throw up over and over like facial abuse type of stuff
>cum
>insta shame

done it a couple of times now

not the stupidest but i cracked myself up: was watching the olympics last night and i fapped to, & came, on the last note of the national anthem

I wanna see a penis with a smiley marked on it like picture related.

topkek

Kek

wear lipstick for a few minutes because there girls acted like they were into me

fucked a banana peel
put big grapes into my ass

eh, judge me

Ew

had a wank in the back of the car as my mum drove me somewhere

Although stupid I did it on purpose cause I heard the shit on a stand up comedy thing. Busted a nut in my bros fishtank, mainly just cichlids. Jesus they gobble that shit up. I feld odd and was laughing my ass off at the same time but never felt guilt.

Made a Hoover blowjob attachment out of empty toilet rolls and sticky tape , to this day I can't hear a days on without gettin a semi.

went to ex gf's house and when she wouldnt fuck me, beat off into her OJ bottle

I fucked my sink, my pillow and my ex gf in front of her new boyfriend

that last one was win though

How the fuck do you fuck a sink? Unless you're a chick and grinded it.

Like I believe you but im genuinely confused.

tried to get a fat girl to have sex with me

she was sober, i was not

so glad it was not done

Atta boy. You feel some weird gross guilt the day after. You will probably do it atleast once but it's not uh. well when drunk yeah you gettin your dick wet it's fun then. Day after it's likewhat .. why? ugh. I only.. ugh. fml.

However fat chicks need love too. Just not from some of us.

Sex in missionary position for the purpose of procreation

Jesus christ man.

Well i put lube on my dick and started thrusting onto the cold, gorgeous, perfect surface of that sink

>My oldest niece is just 3 years younger (big family, my oldest sister is much older) but lives 200 miles away. We know each other, but aren't close
>She gets engaged to a guy that lives in Chicago, like me, she'll be moving to Chicago. That's ok. I guess
>She moves, prepping for the wedding, I take her to my favorite places. She's sweet
>I go to my favorite bar. She is there with college friends doing a bachelorette
>Real low key, just 5 women drinking too much wine
>She sees me, introduces me to her friends
>Later I am about to leave,she asks me to take her home because she drank too much
>She seems fine, but, take her home
>Get her to her place, tiny studio on a 3 month sublet while she preps for wedding
>Getting her to bed, grabs me, kisses me real hard and long
>Looks at me - she isn't drunk
>Says, "I always loved you, uncle user, I always loved you"
>Starts rubbing my dick
>fuck her right there on the floor
>After she is kissing me, says "Now I will not be a virgin bride"
>Fuck her twice more before morning
>She thanks me, says she will marry him but always really love me
>She marries that weekend
>Honeymoon baby comes 9 months later, she tells me it is mine, names him after me, her favorite uncle

No but like. what? Theres too many questions and I can't take that long. good job?Musta been one hell of a special sink.

When going out, i hooked up with a 4/10 with a huge cleft lip for one night.(rating based on her looks without her fucked up mouth).
It was because i wanted to feel what kind of sensation it would give when kissing and getting a bj from one.

had sex with my ex.

>be me in college
>renting a townhouse with my buddy and 2 mutual female friends
>one night, trippin on mushrooms watchin devils rejects
>sheri moon in the ragged jean shorts, horny as fuck
>fappin, hard but not gettin very far
>idea to raid one girls veggies for a cucumber to fuck
>ineedreleasenow.png
>gettin closer but its still not quite enough
>go back and get smaller cucumber and long thin zucchini
>now using cucumber as pocket pussy while dildoing ass
>cum.fucking.buckets
>no idea what to do with cum filled/shit covered veggies
>cant throw them in trash can
>garbage pick up not for a few days

Mfw i had rotting sex toy produce wrapped in a towel under my bed for almost a week.

Mfw the smell was awful, stunk up the whole first floor.

Mfw i threw the whole towel away and the girl (nonveggie owner) went to pull it out of the trash and everything fell out, half in the trash half on the ground.

Mfw everyone knew it was my old invader zim beach towel

did it feel good

mastrubated on a lecture

didnt it burn

i wasnt quite serious in the post above, it wasnt a special sink, just happened in that moment because i was horny af

Left my wife for a week and fucked someone else. Realized it was the most retarded thing I had ever done. Sorted things out with wife.

I had a friend that was always at parties but she was at best 4/10 Not full fat but husky build. That bitch like knew if I was drunk and sleeping somewhere that she could get some from me.

I didn't care for the most part but some of the dirty ass looks I got from friends the day after were horrible. She basically took advantage of me all the time except twice where I kinda said "fuck it" but then she asked for a relationship one day. lol Seen her once since and that was in a hallway at a hockey game

Fapped in the HT pipe storage of a company

Cucumbers are fruit.

I know man lol. Just saying if you "fucked" a sink it mustaq been some weird low bowl shit without the plug etc. if you just rubbed your dick on it and blew a load on it or something thats diff.I heard "Ifucked a sink" and my brain died a bit.

Semi good soft porn fiction

I grinded a little girl sitting on my lap on a rocking recliner chair until I came. We were clothed. Def felt ashamed after

top kek faggot
invader zim was great
how dare you waste that towel
they really dont make cartoons like they used to

tried shoving a bottle of hotel shampoo in my ass without lube or anything

how little?

I was about 13 or 14 maybe. She was probably 6 or 7

Well you may turn out to be like this when you age a bit.
youtube.com/watch?v=lCoZvE9DctA

>fucked crossdressers I find on Craigslist
>picked up nasty street whores
>ate out street whore
>blew thousands on strippers
>hired tranny escort to fuck my ass
>gotten sucked off at glory holes
>hosted a jerk off session with 2 other men
>gotten sucked off by many men
>fucked sisters female friends
>met many women online and fucked

I do regret tossing the towel. It had just reached that worn in point of perfect absorbtion/softness.

See now wild is okay if thats what you want. But Craigslist? Do you have every STD now?

> Just broke contact with old rommate i was bangin and really iked
> meet new girl
> can do A LOT better
> she is super slut
> bang a bunch, she a whore
> end up in horrible relationship with ugly chick
> only redemption is fuck her in ass pretty much every day
> lost a year of my life

girl was passed out in my room
i was super horny
jerked off in same room
found out later she was actually awake

>get iPhone 5s
>play with slow motion video
>wanted to see my dick hit something in slow motion.
>hit erect dick on dresser
>watched replay
>fucking sweet
>thought gf would like to see.
>video doesn't send in slow motion
>normal paced video of me beating the fuck out of my dresser with my cock.
>gf thinks I'm a psycho.
>breaks up with me.
>If it wasn't so funny, I would have cared.

As long as you didn't blow it on her her probably enjoyed it. You gave her a free show.

I got the clap once, got checked last week clean as a whistle!

I ate my mom's pussy when she was drunk and after she came I asked her to give me a blowjob. I went to bed after I came in her mouth just thinking about how hot it was. Couldn't sleep so I snuck into her room and fingered her while she was asleep. She woke up during so i whipped my finger outta there and I acted like I just wanted to ask her if she was sleeping or not because I had a question.

I ate my girlfriends pile of shit and she face fucked me with a dildo until I puked it all up into a bowl and then I drank it all while I masturbate with a big anal plug up my ass.

I ate my exes finger nails and shaved armpit hair in a glass of piss and chased it with a glass of red wine that had her used tampon in it.

I blew my friend in a hot tub until he came in my mouth.

I developed a 10+ year long relationship with a female friend who expects me to see her once a week to suck her toes and worship her feet and sometimes eat her pussy until she cuts. She sometimes let's me cum on her feet and massage it in.

kek

awesome work.

>normal paced video of me beating the fuck out of my dresser with my cock.
Top kek

Fucked a jar of Vaseline.

Fucked two couch cushions put together.

Fucked my mom's bikini in the crotch area.

Fucked the Jacuzzi in a hotel

I came close to nailing a friends GF but I was basically blackout drunk when I crawled in her bed. She semi hit on me when she woke up but then probably realized I wasn't brown and wtf'ed. I wtf'ed and asked if I could sleep again. Friend made fun of her.

show this video to Sup Forums! it will entertain Sup Forumsros
this one already love your idea

this one also seems to be amused!

im crying

anything else happen with your mom, before or after that? does she remember?

Nah I'm def not a pedo. I wasn't attracted to her or any child ever. Her bony little butt was pushing on my clit and then when she would stop moving then I would

Been there, we were both remarried

while fucking
>still MY pussy
>still the biggest she's ever had
>biggest nostalgia/good ole' days hard on
>why did we divorce?
>damn these tits are amazing

.002 seconds after finishing
>fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
>will this crazy bitch keep her mouth shut
>what the fuck was I thinking
>did i just risk all the gains I've made financially for pussy I threw away 4 years ago
>jesus, I just cheated on my far superior 2nd wife

I don't know if I recommend it. It was amazing, but the anxiety that followed it was pretty intense. When ex-wife got dumped by second husband (3 years later), I seriously hoped I could bluff and deny it if she claimed we fucked, and just say it's another of her crazy manipulative scams.

Can i see your butt

Con't

Soaped up the bathtub and fucked it

Fapped in the car at night in the back seat while parents driving

Fucked a Victoria's secret catalog

No, user

Good shit. I almost slept with a chick who had the clap 5 years ago on saturday but if I did I woulda been running into her sister, mom, dad and neice They called from the airport and when my cab showed up they were in the driveway. 8/10 body 6ish face. i'll get it this week.and by it I really really hopefully mean not the clap.

kek, that is pretty desperate

Thats cool, you aint got shit on my dream girl.

It's cool man I was just joking.

if that user can't, can i?

that's really hot though, for us pedos.

Kek

Jeez looks like something from "the forest"

She remembers. She let me get stoned with her and lick her soles. I fingered her dry asshole when she gave me another drunken blowjob once.

Found her sectors and used to fuck myself in the ass with her dildo while she was at work and put it back under her bed before she came home.

Used to cum in her high heels while I inhaled the scent of moms dirty socks and sweaty gym pussy sweat.

post that video, faggot

It's water. You know that doesn't really burn right?

To be honest if I still had that phone I would. Sorry Sup Forumsro. I haven't tried to recreate the stunt since. It's just a circumcised 6 inch dick wacking a dark wood dresser.

Haha no

The Forest? Do you mean Funky Forest? or am I missing out on another fucked up movie?

Came on to my cousin. She wasn't into it. When she left she awkwardly told me "love you" like in a you are my cousin sort of way.

My dick gets me in trouble

Will you write "hi Kais,

its a game, pretty good for like 15 bucks on steam

He's thinking chlorine.

post pics of mom without face? Is she hot? When you bring it up, how does she act about it? Or does she bring it up more?

Also, you've never been able to fuck her?

Is this a janitor-fag? You do realize you aren't supposed to make yourself known right?