I used to masturbate onto birds at a local park...

I used to masturbate onto birds at a local park. Not a thing that I'm particularly proud of but I became quite good at it. I was taking zinc supplements so I was shooting massive loads and it became something of a sport to me. For anyone interested here is your best strategy. first, you need to find an isolated spot so you don't become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the pigeons would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I was usually content with envisioning the occasional jogging lady coming over and taking a shit on my chest and that was enough to fuel the fire but if you're not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go. After you're good an horny, you get some bread. My pigeons preferred white bread but healthier birds might have a taste for honey wheat or maybe even multigrain. Fat, unhealthy birds are slower and easier to hit so remember that. Once you are seated on the bench and ready to do the deed, whip your roosevelt out and scatter bread out within a few feet of you. use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I was a lonely and depraved soul who could hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet. You wait for the pigeons to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence. At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust. Now you're finally ready to cum on your bird. This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the birds, so you have to be subtle. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and let it go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences. I always came high so I would aim for the neck of the bird and catch it right in the face. It's an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those birds reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city.

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Beautiful

Baby batter bird boy. Throwing ropes at the pigeons.

Kudos bitch. Kudos.

da fuck is wrong with you, you need help faggot

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saved, OP this is new copypasta

You have a pretty solid thread there, OP.

One question though. What's with all the
>used to
>I was

You wrote that shit as if something traumatic happened to you, like a massive bird ironically ejaculating right in your face making you scurry in fear, and now you're too traumatized to go back to the park.

anyome confirm zinc for massive loads?

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zinc for massive loads confirmed
and pineapple juice makes it taste good

warning : no stalk on Sup Forums. Just good new creatives (real) stories...
Since it's free and user it's easy to stalk, but it's better not to ;) :)

I applaud your creativity.

U male My day sir

Best thread in a while.

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>For anyone interested here is your best strategy.

This fucking slays me.

mfw

If we do this for generations, evolution will trigger a need to take all these sperms in, thus developing a vagina. Thousand of years from now, humans can now copulate with birds to create new species.

best of Sup Forums?

it's a copypasta from reddit

God damn funniest post ive seen in a while. Where do you depraved fuckers come up with this shit??

slay

This is the very reason i will never quit Sup Forums