About 8 months ago I began noticing that I was developing psychopathic or at least narcissistic behaviors, as did my family members. I enjoy deliberately saying hurtful things to loved ones and strangers alike to monitor their reactions, and began redpilling about how everybody should be quote "indistinguishable checker pieces and anyone who isn't should be killed" because it is disgusting to be anything other than blending in. this was in response to a toddler crying at a restaurant. One of my favorite moments was asking my younger sister if that was "really what she was wearing tonight?" and seeing her have a mental breakdown about clothing. I also took disgust in seeing my father talking to a stranger about his shirt. And I've been jerking off to a mirror almost every day, half to my body and half to the thought of being praised for it. I realize that this is degeneracy, but I am having a hard time overcoming this on my own. Is there anyone on this board like me who can give me information on the drugs I would be given or treatment? I plan on telling my therapist all of the details soon, especially because I'm getting increasingly violent, but I want to know if I will be a drugged out zombie or if i can finally become happy. pic unrelated, (one of my favorite past times is browsing color gradients)
About 8 months ago I began noticing that I was developing psychopathic or at least narcissistic behaviors...
This is stale pasta, isn't it?
Personality disorders are tough. You need to get some therapy. Your lack of empathy will destroy your life and leave a trail of destruction wherever you go. Of course, you won't care about that because you only think of yourself you egocentric prick.
I worry that I might have a split personality disorder, because half of me love that and half the time I relish the thought of such ambiguity but the part of me that wants to change that comes out the other half of the days is scared by it and is what I like to think of as a good person. but whenever my psychopathic side comes out it manages to convince myself that that side is just a cover up to hide the fact that what I am is a psychopath
I know that I sound vain and edgy, I partially cringed as I wrote the post. But I am painfully serious
...
Bumping
OP, still here?
yes.
Do you feel that your issue has gotten so bad that you need to get into some good therapy now?
Bumping for replies
OP, hope you didn't leave.
I'm not sure how relative the "now" you refer to is, but it has dissolved many relationships with friends and lovers. The violence isn't criminal, as in I haven't killed small animals like a lot of books suggest people like me might, but I've found myself staring at the encased set of knives above my oven while talking to family, and just playing out the scenarios in my head of what would happen and how it would feel to put it in them. I would never mass murder, it's too edgy and public, and like I said I find that disgusting.
You're not on the spectrum, are you?
If you mean autism, no. Publicly, I am able to maintain relationships as I can keep people at an arms distance. I am sure any number of friends would say that I am a fairly normal person
see above post
you prolly just hate yourself somewhere for some reason and are unwilling to come to terms with it. most of the time people who do shit to other people are because they got issues themselves and want to make others feel that way subconsiously or develop weird ways of coping with shit. minid is fuckin crazy niggy
I have found that my other half has many right brain characteristics like that, when it comes to how I view myself. I like to monitor how people react though, that is the major part about affecting them. I like to monitor and observe how people react
Well, you said that you have a tendency that's troublingly increasing , so maybe you should take action and see someone before you lose control? Are others aware of your issue to stage an intervention on your behalf to help correct your behavior? Have your "psychopathic" and "narcissistic" behaviors put off any potential "friends and lovers" that badly? How deep have you gone with your "lovers"? Is that a problem area for you that you're not getting enoigh loving that you're putting people off instead of getting themselves and yourself off?
As a certified internet psychologist, my diagnosis is that you're an edgy underageb&. Maybe autistic?
Bumping
See
Does not affect diagnosis
My narcissistic behaviors have lead to a few friends simply seeing me as an asshole, but a handful are aware that there is something fucked inside of my head. The most recent being a friend who noticed that one of my behaviors was standing in front of my full wall mirror and trying on different outfits just to look at myself in them. I put on around three different outfits on any given day. As far as lovers go, things get abstract, mostly because I have built up my entire persona around my good half, so they can only get that deep. I have gotten deep with them emotionally, but none of them have been opened up to my degenerate side
I am neither underageb& nor autistic. I understand that you must take that condescending tone of argument because of the power you think you have on an anonymous board to be the "guy who knows what he's talking about" but you can fuck off if you're not here for any other reason than to undermine my problems
To anybody still in the thread, thank you for not immediately resorting to >kys faggot
or >edgelord
and such
Have you ended things first or have they left you? Do you think you can live without companionship and, especially, emotional and physical intimacy?
I know you've been hearing this a lot bit you aren't just an asshole. Narcissistic and antisocial personality disorder are real medical conditions and can be managed with therapy. See a psychologist.
Not really sure if you sincerely deserve it but:
You're welcome.
Since you took so much offense to a measly internet post, you can't be that narcissistic; I'd say you're cured. Grats faggot.
there is one person who I've opened up to, vaguely. I've only scratched the surface by saying that I "am trying hard to be a better and more positive person, but a part of me is scared I'm doing this to convince myself I'm not a horrible one" but I don't plan on divulging her in this. We have a date planned, to go people watching at a promenade. She sees it as hanging out I think, but i can't wait to peoplewatch
I take less offense to the idea that I'm being insulted and more offense to the idea that someone has blatantly derailed the topic of conversation.
I don't relate, but I'm glad you're getting help. Sounds like a serious problem. Godspeed user, I hope any treatment doesn't deeply affect you.
>700019374
people do that shit man, you just are over thinking it, youre in control of your actions so just stop doing iit and go to doc problem solved, i mean you know the answer so fucking do it mang
youd only post on here unless y ou didnt wanna go see someone about it.
With all of your battles that you are putting up with these days, do you feel that "peoplewatching" keeps you somewhat connected to humanity?
Cool blog bro.
The solution is pretty simple, take off your belt and put it around your neck. Now simply attach it to the door knob and lie down. Thanks!
Are you two mocking the OP with these pics, anons?
I ended things first on one occasion when she turned out to just be a painfully dull person. I thought I would love a painfully dull girl, but I think I would be more interested in somebody more like me, whether that be an asshole or an observer of people, or both. I've been at the butt end mostly though. my most recent romantic interest ended things because I wouldn't divulge her emotionally. I refused to open up so our relationship stagnated to the same alcohol fueled parties and sessions of sleeping and playing music. I think part of me needs companionship because I need someone to constantly remind me that I'm (this makes me cringe hard) "above them" (not me talking) but physical intimacy could be left out if necessary.
OP, have things ever gotten so bad that you considered ending it by your own hand?
This post is also cause for concern.
Damien sandow?
my worry is that they will change me as a person. I've heard stories of people who end up as zombies from the shit docs give them. I know I am in control of my own actions, but sometimes I act on impulse unfortunately. as I said I am trying to better myself as a person but it's very hard not to slip back into old habits
God no, how could I kill myself? I do want to end it by my own hand, but in that I want to change myself for the better. and don't get any ideas, im not about to start letting out my anger by killing, I understand how 700021834 can be concerning.
>how could I kill myself?
I literally just told you faggot. Belt, doorknob, lay down.
/life
I enjoy people watching because it allowed me to observe human nature. I like to see people facial movements as they talk to others, and I enjoy thinking of my own. part of my mirror routine involves playing out imaginary conversations just to see how I look. I am connected to humanity by using my more civil and better half (that I hope will become my whole) to stay in touch with society
I've been under medication for quite some time and it didn't change me at all. Was also conecerned this at first but it really wasn't that big of a deal. Of course also depends on what you would have to take. If your problem really negatively influences you, then go for it. It could get worse, you know. Also you can always stop takind meds.
Generally speaking, I think the golden rule with stuff like this is, if you have psychological problems or think that you do and you feel that you cannot solve these problems yourself, go to a doctor. Nothing wrong with it.
I mean how could I live with it (lol I wouldn't). I wouldn't end my own life just to save my own relationships or save other people
I know a woman whose kid goes on my little brothers Boy Scout camps right, and whenever they go away for longer than a weekend she doesn't make the kid take his meds, and according to my brother he turns into a complete crazy; he caught him nailing a wooden board to a few nails before and talking about killing people. I don't want to fuck with meds if they will fuck with me.
Explain what you mean by "painfully dull"? Are you saying that she's obviously not sharp, quick, engaging and smart like she's a dumb, stupid "more-on" or moron? Or is she shy, introverted or otherwise affected? Ehat attracted you to this "painfully dull" person to begin with, OP?
Who? A WWE guy?
You sound like you have little impulse control. You also sound conceited. You believe in some part that you're superior and have some special snowflake complex but all you've done was act out what everyone impulsively thinks about. You think normal people don't imagine killing their loved ones? You sound edgy and your cringe reaction tells you more than you want to admit. You have the ability to see the truth, you just don't want to. You're immature, insecure, attention craving and have an ego. You fit all the characteristics of teenagers. You could be amplifying your behavior because you so badly want to be one of the few truly crazy people. If you rely on human interaction to help deal eith your issues then you're clearly not psycho. Real crazy people are the ones saying they aren't crazy and want to blend in.
...
Yeah, I know that you mean. I've also just randomly didn't take my meds and for a while I thought I would definitely go crazy. When I took them again it stopped. The thing with this is, that this is only temporary, because your body (and psyche) is used to the medication and you suddenly leave it out. (Also depends of course)
Meds should only be a temporary solution, most of the time. And you are obviously aware of your problem so i guess a conversational therapy or whatever else with medication as temporary support is possible.
She had no distinguishing emotional or personality characteristics to her. She was a plain girl, with plain interests. She didn't stand out in any way, so therefore she stood out in every way to me. I am generally keen on girls who are shy, introverted, low self esteem anyways. But this girl made me realize that I wanted people to be the same and not stand out, but I wanted a lover who was an observer and a judge like me. I know I shouldn't have that though, not just because I don't deserve it but it would be a bad influence on me
Post pics
-What
I don't understand how I can be a special snowflake if all I want is for everybody to be conformed and the same. I will definitely admit I'm conceited to a fault. I have a cringe reaction because, again, the bad part of me is only part of me. I recognize that it is wrong, I don't think you understand that. I like to think I rely on human interaction to maintain my ego but also to maintain my level of normality
People who are psychotic do not usually realize when they are psychotic.
The fact that you have put forth so much effort to give so much information eagerly tells me that you are prolly a 15 year old angsty dude.
Its like you are trying to impress somebody here with your symptoms.
You think a psychopath would even care to spend his time confessing his feelings on a faggot image board that is now filled with 9 grade edgy faggots?
No, he is out doing the things that fill his psychopathic urges.
The thing about psychopaths is that they enjoy what they do, thats the whole definition.
You with your " help im worried I may be a psychopath " bullshit is just emo faggot bullshit.
This is an user, so "Tits or GTFO" won't work with .
Hey man, sincerely from the side of me that isn't a massive cunt, your optimism gives me hope that I can overcome myself
>from the side of me that isn't a massive cunt
I don't think that side exists you little faggot.
What do you mean by "low self esteem"? They could be seriously discouraged about things and not just refuse to stand out. Why do you always have to be so backhanded with everything?
why would I try to impress an anonymous board of 9th graders with symptoms of a disorder? if I wanted to do that id go to tumblr.
I would like to touch on the fulfilling of my urges part. I enjoy fitting into social spaces like malls or restaurants and calmly observing while blending in and relishing the idealism of the atmosphere. I think I don't like people acting out because it breaks that atmosphere
oh come on man, are you telling me there are shy introverted girls with a high self esteem?
Actual therapist here. I have a PsyD and have worked in a psychiatric emergency room committing people, so I know a good bit about psychiatric meds as well.
Although this is obviously hampered by the fact that this is entirely self report and there's a lot of context that is unknown, what you describe sounds more along the lines of personality disorder. Drugs don't do a damn thing about those. Only Borderline Personality Disorder really gets prescribed meds because it looks a damn lot like Bipolar Disorder. You won't be given meds--no one can force you to take meds unless you're committed--if you tell your therapist about this.
Also, food for thought. "...it is digusting to be anything other than blending in" and jerking off to your own reflection are very contradictory. That's very aberrant behavior, so it isn't something that fits in with normal. Not to mention that such fixation with fitting in is a lot more in line with Obsessive Compulsive Personality than either Antisocial or Narcissistic.
Do you mean people that look to be crazier than you, OP? They make things tense and fearful?
And you think your little ego isn't subconsciously pushing for the desire of everyone to be the same? You know why you want everyone to be the same? Because you want to be the only you. I think you're a weak human being. People who gain pleasure from being rude to others is what bullies do to deal with their insecurity. I know you recognize it's wrong. You're pushing this idea that you can't control yourself while you explain every part of it. It's conscious behavior. It's ironic. I spend most of my time in my head talking to myself and deconstructing every piece of my personality until I find a piece I find undesirable and work on changing that behavior. You think you're superior to others yet you can't even control yourself. Your only control is getting bad reactions from people you treat like shit. DING DING DING. Hear that? That's me deconstructing you in seconds. If I have to explain reality to another edgy teenager I'm going to end up calling for teenage death camps.
Maybe some bipolar ones out there.
I think everybody is required to be normal in any environment outside of their own home. I don't give any thought to other people outside of in public, or what they do outside of the public eye. I jerk off less to myself and more to the idea of myself, and being validated, which also, I suppose is really contradictory to being narcissistic too.
Also since you very obviously have experience with personality disorders I am wondering about those. When I refer to two split sides of myself, these aren't sides in a schizophrenic sense like I'm talking to myself, but the good part of myself isn't something I can switch on either, it comes unwillingly, so some days I spend the whole day as being one side, or sometimes I spend it for hours at a time. it doesn't seem to be triggered by conversation either, it just kind of happens.
Another self-diagnosed millennial stupid fucking asshole.
You're not new, unique, special, or remotely interesting. If the word "cliché" is to a premium cut of steak, you're undoubtedly the pink protein dubbed "mystery meat" served at impoverished, severely underfunded public schools.
You're a new age eunuch; a would-be asshole who deems his hissy-fits justifiable based on pseudo-intellectual conclusions after spending 2 minutes on the mental health section of WebMD.
Except that you're such a fucking failure at even being an asshole, you come to Sup Forums seeking help because (LoL), "you're such a nice guy".
The only remotely entertaining notion about you, OP, is the statistical possibility that retarded idiots breed; and so too, you shall breed.
What's entertaining about that, you ask? Well, no fucking imbecile carrying your genes will amount to anything other than cheap labor to sustain the lifestyle my kids will inherit.
So thank you.
that's some food for thought. I don't think so. I like to keep things clean, calm, and orderly, and when they aren't, I get really stressed by that, so I feel like it's more of an atmosphere type thing when I am in public. I don't hear a toddler screaming and think "bastard, what a crazy".
Teenage death camps is an interesting idea, considering when it's not a toddler screaming it's a teenager destroying the serenity. Way to go you, for being so emotionally superior and being able to deconstruct and work on yourself. I'm trying to do the same thing, but it's hard because a lot of times I feel like I can't control my behavior. but when I'm not indulging in that behavior I very much recognize how shitty it is. that's why I brought up the idea of medication
I really believe that you can. With stuff like this, it's important that you realize you have a problem and are willing to work on it.
Won't be easy of course and there is the possibility of failing but that goes for everything else too.
Just try going to a doctor and see what he has to say. Definitely better than doing nothing.
Also what said:
No one can force you to take meds or start a therapy you don't want. It's in your hands, really.
Oh and: Don't take anything posted here as a fact. Many trolls and so on.
I think the other user i mentionend seems to be genuine but even then, he can't diagnose over an imageboard. It's just a quick guess.
I think people are misunderstanding the point of this thread. I am not asking for an AMA, nor am I asking for people to feel bad for me, or even pay attention to the specific details of my day to day life or problems, I know they don't really care. I'm only asking for help and advice on how to get better, because I recognize that my behavior is shitty. Also, I don't want kids.
Before you pointlessly retaliate against me in some misguided, indirect real-world way at me, I was only talking about your last sentence in . I don't know what the "food for thought" crack was about, like you took it as an insult.
Thought you'd say it's about being in public, but little suppositions like that further the conversation.
To split hairs, schizophrenic means psychotic, as in hallucinating (seeing things, hearing voices, disorganization). More than one personality is Multiple Personality Disorder, or since DSM-IV, Dissociative Identity Disorder. Schizophrenics get medication--they absolutely have to, or the psychosis doesn't get any better.
An intense desire for validation does speak to Narcissism, as there's two expressions of NPD (I won't go into the finer details of personality diagnosis. It's dry and too long to type). Suffice to say there's the deflated narcissist, always searching for praise and validation of being a good, worthy person; there is also the grandiose one, the stereotypical one that overcompensates. Both mean one primarily sees themselves through the eyes of others.
However, the importance of "normal" is far more in line with OCPD than NPD. The only way it could work with NPD is if you mix projection and a few other defenses in there. The split sides you're talking of refer to either splitting or compartmentalization. The latter is, once again, an OCPD kind of defense. Splitting is...not.
Why not? Have you considered that responsibility before? Wouldn't you think that children makes life worth living if only to see what happens?
>I know they don't really care
>I'm only asking for help
Here's some help: kill yourself.
Try not being an asshole faggot?
Yes, good goy, convince the retard to breed. Yessss... YESSSS!
I think a lot of people misunderstood the meaning of this thread. This isn't a pity post, nor is it an attention whore, or a special snowflake thread. I recognize how shitty my actions are like I've said, and I'm just looking for advice on how to better myself, because I'm having a hard time becoming a better person with better values. there are some people though that have given me things to think about , and I thank you for giving me the time vvvv
I guess I'm gonna tell my therapist, and maybe see a doctor if she recommends it. For better or worse, I'll probably end up making another thread later after seeing how things pan out. Thanks Sup Forums, for being Sup Forums.
Burned nigga.
This whole time you think you're understanding shit and then completely miss my point. I'm one of the most normal people out there. In all honesty, I'm very unstable emotionally and not superior. I admit that. That's what makes me human. I have problems I can't control like anxiety that has caused me to have panic attacks. I'm also addicted to being high. It's something I'm going to deal with forever until I die but I know it's also what makes me normal. Some people indulge in food or sex to maintain balance within themselves. I abuse drugs to maintain equilibrium. However, I make a conscious effort to control myself. You have this mentality that the only way to fix yourself is to ask others. You have all the pieces laid in front of you and you don't know how to fix them. Start with the easy shit like being nice. When you want to hurt someone, don't speak at all. It's not an on and off switch when you're changing behavior. Happiness is a momentary state, but you can consciously choose to prolong it by making positive choices.
Absolutely. There's no reason in hell to believe me--there's no accountability, and trolling is the way of life here. I've encountered moments of people being genuine...about 2 of them.
To reiterate what this dude is saying, and flesh it out: psychologists, be it PhD or PsyD, cannot prescribe in 48 out of the 50 states. Only psychiatrists, NPs, and APNs can do that. That requires consent unless you are committed or in an IOP. Not only is it highly unlikely that you're seeing someone who can prescribe, they can't do anything about it unless you flagrantly act in such a way that makes you a legitimate danger to yourself or others (and get caught and committed for doing so).
Just...try to be honest with your therapist. It's VERY difficult to do so, especially about intensely personal stuff, anything that causes fear or anxiety. But only by being honest and engaging at such a deep level can anything be done. Just know it'll be a fairly lengthy journey. But it's certainly possible.
yeah man, my main fear when I talk to her is that just like everyone else I've indulged, it's really only in the better side of me, so most of the things I tell her are relatively tame like work or drugs or my plans for the future. I'm gonna try to tell her everything I've said in this thread, since I've screenshotted it. I'll definitely come back to these replies for reference, thanks
I guess OP needs to get straightened out first before answering that one, huh?
Speaking as a therapist, we're prepared to see the darker sides of our clients. If we weren't, we wouldn't be able to do anything about these things. And if she's worth her salt, she already has some ideas about your less fun side. You don't have to blurt it out all at once. Just allow yourself to engage, which means allowing yourself to be vulnerable. It'll be uncomfortable, but therapy that doesn't make someone uncomfy isn't therapy that'll change someone. Change hurts--we all seek to maintain emotional homeostasis for a reason. Finding a new harmony is difficult and painful, but entirely worth it.
Good luck.