ITT: Write a haiku about something within arms reach

ITT: Write a haiku about something within arms reach.

Flailing on the ground
I watch my dog sleep running
such a dumb retard

Bottle of water
I love how you hydrate me
Keeps me from dying

on my computer
catalog view, see this tread
OP is a fag

Sad and weary desk.
Dried semen streaks your tan frame.
I should wipe this up.

Oh my dear penis
You used to be way bigger
What the fuck happend

My toenail clippers
I clip my fingers with them
fuck the police fags

Look there is some wine
I want to drink it but can't
Second D.U.I

No toilet paper
How have you forsaken me
Use a shirt instead

Box of Chinese Food
Your contents were delicious
Now please leave my sight

My pillow is so soft
Almost senseless to the touch
I really need some fucking sleep.

Oh look there's some Vore
just Sitting there on my Sup Forums
Please go kill yourself

I fucking love weed
It makes fapping less lonely
I'm too high for this

Bag of old Milos
Chillin at my shitty job
Fuck this shit I quit

Dildo in the drawer
I can't wait for tonight's sesh
Gonna cum so hard

Dirty old water
Inside of my nice, big bong
Time to bake and nap

Go to wipe my ass.
Crushing, whole, utter sadness.
Wife left me nothing.

Playing with scissors
So fun and so dangerous
Shit I cut myself

Squish, squash, sling that slang
I'm always right back at ya,
like my .. boomerang!

Why don't you kill her?
Easily and quickly now
Almost like a ghost

I am so horny
my dick will love you long time
dick cums in your vag

Now I cannot move.
Asshole caked with Taco Bell.
Am trapped forever.

Phone shines in the dark
Bad TV has filled the air
Some one take my life.

Glass of orange juice
I can't drink you in public
You make my farts smell

Dr.Pepper can
Why am i suicidal
Vertical lines boiiis

Tiny piece of shit
You are hanging from my ass
Please drop soon to rest

Refrigerator
I said refrigerator
Refrigerator

You Mexican fuck
Stealing all our jobs you fuck
You need to go back

Boyfriends credit card
He shouldnt have one of these
We have no money

Two empty beer cans
I wish I had more money
To buy two more cans

My Siamese cat
Not very fat
But smokes alotta crack

Holy Grail blue ray
Where is your dvd box
I'm a fucking mess

Flicking at the butt
Then inhaling white substance
From the long thin fag

The lace was so white
Mother nature is a bitch
Period stains, man

A used up tissue
All crumpled up and shriveled
Lazy to dispose

a haiku isn't any poem in 5-7-5
a haiku doesn't even NEED to be 5-7-5
that's a rule for Japanese "on", not English syllables
a haiku DOES need a kireji (cutting word) and a seasonal reference

tl;dr there are literally zero haiku ITT

Butt milk
Fast rough strokes
Fuck that fag and make him choke
Bash his face in rape him he's a joke

That lapras is colored wrong fuck you

Boyfriend's playstation
I play it more than him now
Because I'm jobless

fuck off to /vp/ nerd

Shut up, nerd

Door's right there, kiddo
Just fucking kill yourself, Damn!
Sure is summer here

vodka i love you
you allow me too forget
i am so lonely

>Anonymous

Typical weab trash

The Light I can see
Brings Enjoyment to my heart
Someone Please kill me

It's the Television

nothing personal kid

Silly girl,
Once cute but no longer,
Wish you'd lose some weight.

in a blue, closed tub
it's some fucking vaporub
i have fapped with it

Vaporub on my dick
Slimy and thick
Came real quick

Pistol to my head
Hope one day that i am dead
The devil loves me

The cold winter air
Makes my penis really small
I fucked a snowman

fucking genji cancer
i hate this game
2016 tupac alive rapping

A cold Miller Lite
Fuck I work in the morning
Meh, lets have seven.

nobody love you,
Op is a monster fag
wow what a fucky fag

10/10

Not bad, but doesn't have much of a kireji. Something like:
Makes my penis small-

Since a hyphen can act a a kireji

Also if it's less about introspection and nature and more about humor, it's technically a "senru".

Many keks were used

Heroes Never Die
Mercy is the best wifu
I totally cam

>
wtf

Reply to this post
Or your mother dies in her
So do it now fag

kill yourself

eating fried chicken
no i am not a nigger
but very lazy

Unpaid bills suck dick
Not in a good way either
no homo let's add

tooting around
guy fieri is here today
off to flavourtown

Idiots on screen
Why is this game so slow?
Why are they so bad?

Check it

Hello dead body
I have no use for you now
Sex until it's cold

no u

Checked

Fork on dirty plate.
Ate Boston Cream Pie with you.
Somehow that fucked up my ability to count syllables in line three.

original thread
so much great content for all
but your a faggot

>your

Best Haiku Ever.

I'm on the shitter
I have had constipation
The I drank some prune

keyboard blank and clean
used to write some poetry
it's snowing on Mt. Fuji

Sleeping in my bed
Your mom is all tuckered out
Guess I smashed too hard