Well today is officially my 49th birthday. I know you faggots don't give a shit, but whatever I don't give a shit. So as a gift from me to you on my birthday I will share my wisdom I've gained over the years.
>ask a 49 year old virgin anything
I'm drinking beer a 6 pack of beer while playing DOTA so sorry if my replies are spread out.
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>49 year old virgin
...how
no one wants advice from an old fart who never amounted to shit. You can't bestow wisdom on anyone except for "dont do what i did"
kill yourself already. just make sure to stream it.
Simply put in not the "alpha asshole guy" that the bitches would go for. I'm not even that out of shape or bad looking, atleast in my younger years fuck knows how I look to others now.
But basically, bitches are stuck up and only want to fuck assholes. If you're a decent guy, and show them respect, they won't spit in your direction. I've never even kissed a girl.
Happy birthday user
Fuck off kid. I may not have fit into this society, but it doesn't mean I'm not a good observer. I understand more about human nature then you could ever hope to imagine. I'm not biased or stupid to the social condition, I see it for what it is and I simply never belonged here.
Happy bday, user.
I appreciate it pal
Happy birthday user!!
Then let him tell us what not to do ya fuckin' cunt.
Let's have some MILFs in this thread.
I'm fat, no game and unemployed, and yet I can still manage to get fucked whenever I want. How in the actual fuck did you get to 49 years old without fucking a vagina at least once by accident?
same guy you replied to, I'm 27 and I haven't even touched a girl yet. any advice?
Thank you, birthday wishes are the nicest gift
Happy bday user. I can't believe you haven't gotten a hooker by now. Wtf are you doing?
you sound like quite an autiste. do you have a neckbeard? do you live in mom's basement?
I'm 33 and heading in that direction. What's life like?
>If you're a decent guy, and show them respect, they won't spit in your direction
That's a straight up lie told by a bitter old man who never had the balls to step outside his comfort zone. I've never had a problem getting laid and I didn't have to be an asshole to them to get their. Most guys don't treat women like shit until they have been in a relationship with them for at least a few months. No women will ever just instantly be attracted to guys who treat them like shit. Your advice is not going to help anyone you old faggot.
>I understand more about human nature then you could ever hope to imagine.
Says the guy whos never even kissed a girl and blames it on others.
>I'm not biased or stupid to the social condition
Yes you are. you are also ignorant to your own failures but are choosing to blame the rest of the world instead of getting off your lazy ass and accepting responsibility for yourself. Others can live a good fulfilling life, so could you. You squandered it. No going back now, so fucking kill yourself.
Actually dont your worthless enough to make it so wr cant even jerk it to your death just throw yourself out you piece of shit
Wew lad. Happy bday buddy
only queerfags use "official" like you do, faggot.
Hey, yeah, I've got some advice for OP. Just hit up a whorehouse already.
Happy birthday I guess though. Pick a better game.
happy birthday.
get an escort.
Spitting out mad facts yall
My advice would be to go to the gym and get money. Confidence will follow. Read every book you can get your hands on, even those gay self help ones most of all.
I wasted my years so it's no turning back, but at a young age you can still look decent with some training. Then go out at night where ever beautiful girls hang out in your area. Honestly you can probably just go out every night until something happens.
THIS
> "but da wimmin only like the stuck up jocks!!!"
fucking retarded 60 IQ niggers can manage to score a basic white woman.
Fucking same!!!!
Happy birthday my fellow elderly user.
As a wise used car salesmen once said about cars, there is an ass for every seat. Same deal with women.
Now that you've reached Advanced Wizard status, you need to start targeting women that are recently:
>divorced
>widowed
>empty nesters
The world is full of that shit. Go hit it.
let's start very basic: have you ever spoken with a woman who was not a relative?
craigslist
Ok how do i keep my balls from saging in old age and are hemmoriods going to be a problem?
...
The last contact I've had with women was about 27 years ago before I dropped out of college. Ever since then I've been living in my mothers den living off welfare, I've given up on society.
Happy Birthday user. May god give you pussy
jesus man why dont you just get yourself some prostitutes for your birthday?
Nah, his own fault for not getting pussy, he's quite literelly a fedora fag nice guy
how can i piss people off but not make them mad at me?
Whats the best lube to use while i fuck ur mom ..she gets really dry when i use her for a cum dumpster
1989? nigga, you trolling?
let me guess, you live in either:
1) Michigan
2) Indiana
3) Ohio
4) Massachusetts
> 49 on chan
Why are you even asking?
How much anime do you watch? Be honest. Do you have an anime pillow? Also disclose your level of fandom in MLP.
Have you learned any valuable skill over the years? What keeps you going? Have you been diagnosed with any sort of illness or disability?
because I never thought fat chicks were that hard to come by
Happy Birthday, user.
I'm good looking, make $$, big d... should I keep banging or settle down? Which will I regret more?
I can read and I'm very skilled at mmorpgs.
Whats your best hero
Fuck there's alot of angsty teens in here. I know /b has alot of angry folks but really. I've met some folks who were either awkward or just fuckin weird and some of them had some very genuine advice, I can respect your lifestyle
I've also met some guys who get alot of pussy and fit in perfectly with absolutely nothing to say, so if you're in this thread talking all this shit about OP; go play beer pong with your friends and enjoy your average life, nothing wrong with that lifestyle and nothing wrong with his
Please kill ur self ur moms disappoinetment will end
Duude.
You're exactly FIVE days older than me, but I've obviously been doing something right since I've been getting laid since May 13rh, 1983. Yeah, I remember the date.
My point is that something is fundamentally wrong with you if you haven't been able to get any kind o sex in the past, say, third of a century, and there's no point in starting now.
Drink and play DOTA, that's where your priorities lie, obviously. Stop flying the V flag though, it's embarrassing to the rest of Gen X.
there's plenty wrong with his you dumb fuck. go be a fag somewhere else, you're whiteknighting for autistes now?
31, shy, friendly, shorter than average man here. I've had sex with 5 women since I lost my virginity at 23. Trust me, it's your toxic attitude towards women that has kept you from having sex with them.
why would you ask OP for advice?
Show ur dick or gtfo
Thanks op. Happy birthday
>ask a 49 year old virgin anything
Oh grand wizard.
Are the tales true, is there hope for us?
skilled at what mmos?
in pvp or pve?
define very
Forgot to add that I'm fat and very underwhelming average looking. I am also poor.
Do you miss the way the world was before hipsters, internet memes and social media?
>ask a 49 year old virgin anything
why didnt you go to a hooker?
Checked devil style
Happy birthday man sorry i said those mean things God bless
I'm 21, fucked 8 girls, messed around with 5 others, kissed countless others, and I'm not an asshole.
I'd ask you how to kill yourself but you'd probably be useless at that too. How do you justify your continued breathing of air when you are obviously a drain on society.
Literally this
Seriously this user. Fuck I'm in my mid 50's and the older I get the more women there are available.
You must have really tried hard to not get laid. Fuck. I know women that would pity fuck you right now, as long as you're not covered in scabs/pus.
Actually, that would be a turn on for a couple.
Why didn't you kill yourself 20 years ago, when you realized you were a loser that was never going to get laid?
but you are satan
what are you fucking though lol?
Rubber bands, and no roids ever i you just apply a capsicum ointment to your anus daily.
Feelsgreat.jpg
Not OP Gen Xer.
Hipsters have always been around, memes are kinda funny and I'm warming to Social Media very slowly (but I work in tech, so it's unavoidable).
The world did feel a lot larger pre-'net, though. Most of the mystery has gone.
user, I'm also a dotafag but, I am not a virgin because I understand how society works and can adjust to it. My question is how do you feel about all the Peruvians infested in the US servers?
He must be im getting emotional... This never happens
I think I've been trolled
i've never met a nicer guy than myself. i'm 24 and have fucked around 25 women. just be real with them dude.
also start reading on some stuff in here. if you want it bad enough you'll get it. remember pickup is self-improvement in disguise, and it sounds like you need a lot of that.
I genuinely feel pity for some of you poor saps on Sup Forums. I wouldn't consider my self an alpha. i smash a lot but its so easy that it just happens. I don't know how people can not actually get laid its easy as fuck. Have slept with 9 girls lost virginity at 13. Being a fucker beaner bro doesn't help but still easy. I would let some of y'all fuck my slam pieces if i knew you in real life. it would be a pity fuck but sex is sex so you could at least say you did it.
I feel bad for you nigga. At least buy a whore
Do not get fucking married, you can just give all your shit away in a few years to someone you actually still like.
Obviously that would cut the blood off to my nuts and burn my asshole
I'm a white boy, I smash your beaner sisters. God damn I love Hispanic pussy.
Wait, why are you getting emotional?
>lost virginity at 13
Jesus, 13? I didn't even fap until 14 and even then it was weird.
21, male, banged 5 chicks, got one begging for the dick right one. Im so good looking, one of my male friends gave me a bj, and two other kissed me without asking.
Who would want advice from a 49 year old virgin who plays DOTA?
why don't you go visit a local whore, or an asian sex slave for half the price?
or are you all elliot roger and want it to be a 'natural attraction'?
You are biased, because you never got pussy so ur biased against women
When you became a wizard, what spells did you learn? Do you get to pick or are they rng?
Happy birthday op have fun having your midlife crisis
Have no idea . i just feel sorry for the dude. I never get emotional. Im like a goddamn stone ...hes the devil
You must not have a lot of valuable wisdom if youre still a virgin at 49
Pffft
>go to a bar
>find a chick that looks bored
>ask her how she's doing and what she's into
>act interested for a couple hours
>when things start winding down ask 'what were your plans for the rest of the night?'
>she'll say something along the lines of "i don't know, just going with the flow"
>say "oh okay well I was thinking about getting out of here pretty soon you should come"
>nothing more nothing less, don't try some sales pitch about "something you want to show her at your house" or anything like that
>if there was any previous sexual tension she will know exactly what she's leaving with you to do
Chicks go to bars to be seen... and get laid.. you don't need to risk your freedom getting a hooker or waste your money on books that tell you to be more confident
They wouldn't sag if they shriveled and fell off. The capsicum would cause you to never, ever put cawks in your ass, thus no roids.
I speak only the truth bro. If you have additional conditions you expected to be met, you should specify them.
If you couldnt get laid in the 80s you have no hope
>risk your freedom getting a hooker
wut
Heres a condition: send pics of your mom .
Fuck I don't even know how old I was when I lost it. I remember trying to get molested at three, and first pussy I got my dick to that I remember I was seven.
Or gtfo
>what is a sting operation?
wats ur mmr nigger? i played dota since frpozen thron
It's 2016 not 1976
Nice copy pasta you piece of shit.
Your bait sucks.
Today is Bait week it seems, so much more bait than usual. So much idiots falling for the meme