>Be me
>Living with mommy and asshole stepdada
>Usually keep to myself down in the basement with my animes, and vidya while they screw around upstairs
>That fucking chimp thinks I cant hear him bang my mom in this house of paperthin walls
>One day he's doing laundry
>Motherfucker thinks he can put his undies in the same basket as mine and wash them together
>ThisFuckingNigger.jpg
>Tell him that's a big nono and tell mommy on him
>She has to listen to me, I've earned many GBP last week for calling a truce and not chucking my doodoo in the Tyrones aquarium
>That fucking junglebunny had the audacity to tell me to grow up and stop making my moms life a living hell and move out and get a job
>A job
>A FUCKING JOB
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>run to my batcave and take out my glorious 3rd Reich armband
>Eat this subby
>Parade around the house screaming Sieg Heil and Heil Hitler
>Notice my neighbours watching
>My middle schools bff dad, I heard he moved out and married a fitnessjock in SF
>Anyway
>Tyrone chimps out
>OOO OOO AAA AAA
>Comes at me full speed
>OHSHIT.gif
>Start spinning my arms in a forward direction
>Actually sock him in big fat apenose
>"MUTHAFUCKA WHITEBOI" "That's it Martha! I'm out!"
>Notice moms in the corridor crying like a little bitch and smoking ciggs
>Tyrone runs upstairs and starts packing his suitcase
>Run to mom and put my face a few inches from hers
>"Start vaping bitch"
>Run to Tyrones aquarium and lays the big poopie that was laying in my underino all this time
>That'll teach that slave
>Tyrone comes downstairs and goes out the front door
>Mom runs after him
>Tyrone pls dont! He's just a boy!
>"HE'S 32, FFS MARTHA!"
>kek, like age has anything to do with that
>Moms still screaming behind him and he stops, he looks like he's coming around
>NotOnMyWatchCoon.jpg
>run out and stand between him an mommy
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"NO! FUCK THIS"
>Steals neighbours car and drives off
>Mommy realizes I'm the only man for her
>Mommy good boy wins again
Be me
Other urls found in this thread:
Your mom was in a relationship w/ a nigger? The fuck man...
i would kill mummy if she ever coalburned
>>Actually sock him in big fat apenose
Man, that's just not cool.
Sounds like the mother is just trying to provide a stable home environment for her son.
>you are 32
>lining in your mom's basement
>don't have a job
>play all day video games, your peepee and watch anime
>hook on your mother, wanna ruin her too.
degenerate as fuck. kys you ''aryan''
this 2bh pham
This week on
>Things that didn't happen
based on a true story
You sure are a good boy user, were you rewarded with a nice tendie feast after you chased that ape out of your home?
>mommy do something
can this be a goodboy points green text thread now?
i love those things
>implying it happened
Kys you fucking idiot, disgusting piece of shit
Thiiiis 12y.o.
>implying this is a concept too far way for the average Sup Forums user
>into the nazism.exe , no job, mommy help me
>Sup Forums, vidya , strange porn
fuck you , you nazi scum ''lawyer''
>up at 3:AM because hard core gamer
>playing tf2
>looking at pony spray when suddenly I get killed by demonigger
>rage and nearly shit myself
>tummy rumbles
>rub my fap lotion on my belly and slide to the kitchen
>look in freezer for hot pockets
>none left
>tip toe to mommys room
>she tried to lock her door but I pick it with my handy screwdriver that I keep in my cloth diaper
>silently open door, get on the floor and do a tactical lizard crawl to her bedside
>m-mummy I shake her
>"yes, sweetie"
>your good boy needs more hot pockies
>"no user I have-"
>squeezes her boob and punch her in the nose
>she doesn't say anything, she gets up and leaves to Walmart
>go back to computer and fap on e621 to furry hentai
>she comes back leaves the hot pockets on the counter and goes back to bed
>I grab the box
>fucking ham and cheese
>thought I told that bitch pepporoni
>go to her room again
>door locked yet again
>this infuriates me
>with all my force I break open the door
>THE DOOR! THE DOOR! YOU TRIED TO LOCK IT, YOU TRIED TO POISEN ME WITH THE WRONG HOT POCKETS!!!!
>nail her in the eye with frozen hot pocket box
>same routine, made her go back to Walmart to buy the right hot pockets
>mfw she brought back two boxes
>mfw she even brought back Baja blast from Taco Bell just to be sure I was sated
is this what Sup Forums considers content now? fucking hell...
>He's only 32
>He's only 32
>He's only 32
*echoes thought my head*
Funny story. Now Killyourself
moar
You sick bastard, how are you even still alive?
*through out*
Fuck you auto correct
why would you want more, are you eight years old? is that actually funny to you?
>Up in the wee hours of Thursday morning
>been masturbating to Sailor Moon Crystal
>finish up and get the munchies
>Wake up mom at 3am
>Tell her i'm hungry for chicken mcnuggets and to go buy some now
>Says she has wake up early for work tomorrow (dumbass that's today) and she'll pick some up on the way home
>Fuck that
>Place subwoofer speakers against the wall facing parents room and blast youtube.com
>She knocks my room door for 5 minutes meekly asking me to turn it off but I kick back and scream CHICKEN MCNUGGETS every time
>Finally she stops and gets in her car and comes back 40 minutes later with my mcnuggets
>Double 50 piece plus an M&M McFlurry to wash it down with
Kek fucking normalfags
kek
>be 35 year-old virgin NEET
>wake up at 6pm
>glance at my GBP board
>*gasp*
>momsey raized my Tendies by 5GBP EACH!
>Fucking makin me a bitch boy
>Go online lookin for advice
>I heard Reddit is helpfull
>Crawl through forest of NeckBeards
>Fined haven of the Gods!
>/r/Redpill
>Turns out momsey is just a whore needing an Alpha
>Must sell Beta Bux for RedPills
>Check Momsey's drawers, normie bitch has packets of Control pillz !!!
>Controll pillz will suffice
>Tear open packs swallow every last fucking Control pill
>I AM ALPHA
>I AM THE BRINGER OF DEATH
>I AM REDPILL
>Momsey walks in screaming at me, give her knowing smile, punch that bitch in her baby maker
>I AM ALPHA! I continue to shout while beating my chest like a Silverback Gorilla
>Pull out my peepee n slap momsey as she cries salty tears
>Belly is all Rumbly Tumbly, Control pills must be workin
>Start slapping Momsey showing my true dominance, I don't need no GBP I scream in her fucking normie face!!!!
>Black the Fuck out
>Wake up in hospital, stomach freshly pumped now Im hungry as fuck!
>Momsey crying in corner
>MFW nurse gives me pile of chicken tendies...
ALPHA AS FUCK!
>and blast youtube.com
Hey thats actually pretty catchy. Don't see what the mom's problem was.
Topeka m8
>mfw this stormweenie did his job by destroying a coalburner
She should have let you die, you waste of flesh
Kek.
A pure joy to read.
>Who's hiding behind this post?
>Find out next time on DBZ!
>Wait, what the fuck is that?!
>Schlomo's nose appears
>be me
>be 20
>be first day of high school (held back alot)
>mom drops me off
>she gets my rolling backpack full of fruit-snacks out of the trunk
>"are you sure you'll be okay here user?"
>"yes mommy i am fucking fine"
>have one thing on my mind
>barely make it to the classroom before collapse in desk
>health class
>skinny fucking normies are staring at me
>obviously never played WoW
>next few classes breeze by
>finally lunch time
>shove my way through the line
>something smells familiar
>tendies
>holy fuck i cant waddle fast enough as the line moves forward
>lunch lady says "hi sweetie what would you like?"
>"how many good boy points do tendies cost, slut?"
>"excuse me, what did you call me? and what are good boy points?"
>ignore cumdumpster
>i grab 5 trays of tendies and waddle to the condiment station
>grab 10 containers of ranch dip
>take 3 bottles of coke and guzzle one on the way to lay down
>lay on floor
>i eat one tray of tendies and i get the urge to pee pee and poo poo
>piss in coke bottle and shit in the tendie tray
>entire lunch room is staring at me
>jaws dropped
>i fucking hate normies
>principal sprints over and yells at me
>"WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
>he leaves for help
>shove the remaining tendies in my pockets and guzzle down my cokes
>principal and football coaches return and slowly hoist me up
>it took 5 of them
>poo poo the most ever in my life all over the principals shoes
>maintenance brings a golf cart with a bed on it to drive me to the office
>parked outside because they don't want to even try to bring me inside
>obviously normie principal tells me how disgusting i am
>i'm expelled from school and he calls my mom
>mom shows up furious and takes me home
>in the car she tells me
>"user, I am taking away 500 GBP"
>"but i only have 100 right now you dumb whore"
>"so now you have -400 GBP"
>fucking cunt
>we get home and she sends me to my room
>mfw more tendies in my pocket than i could have gotten in one week
>great succes
>3.46 p.m.
>get a hankering for Dragon Ball Z (TV Series 1996 - 2003)
>cant get off couch due to muscular-skeletal indevelopment
>scream at mum upstairs
>doesnt reply
>hear sobbing, know the dumb bitch is awake
>yell that ill vomit on the cat
>hear her coming downstairs
>fucking whore took ages, i bet she needs those crutches because of her boyfriend tyrone's dick
>fucking an ape, racemixing filth could drop a dirty baby
>arrives after 44 seconds
>"three seconds late bitch!" i yell after swallowing a mouthfull of whipped cream and pizza
>"would you like me to put on muppets treasure island again dear?"
>stupid bitch cant even remember the schedule
>i keep staring at her, waiting for the timetable to work its way through her mushy brain
>"cars?" she says, clearly getting uncomfortable at her own incompetence
>im getting sick of this shit, dumb bitch needs to be broken in
>pick up a handfull of skittles
>"the lion king?" she says, watching my fist close around them
>sadistic cunt knows how hard activity is with my developmental problems
>pelt her with a handful of sticky skittles
>she flinches, and keeps guessing
>"monsters inc.?" her voice trembling now
>throw another handful of skittles
>this ones heavy on green
>greens my favourite
>now im fucking mad
>start turtling a shit in my pants
>she can tell from my face going red
>"b-b-bambi?" shes really scared now
>the estate agents not going to be impressed if she cant clean my shit up before tomorrow
>keep pushing my shit out
>"d-dragon b-b-ball?" shes sobbing now
>not close enough, i can feel the shit against the couch
>"dragon...ball...GT?"
>had enough
>"DRAGON BALL Z YOU FUCKING WHORE"
>shes weeping as she puts the tape in
>goes upstairs faster than she came down the lazy slut
>fucking bakugan starts playing
Fucking normies can't even read kanji
im 28. its funny coz i can relate to it
>bakugan starts playing
You should have killed that bitch
The fuck are tendies?
>8pm
>playing RuneScape solo
>vs KBD
>Antifire runs out, die
>Scream and punch my wall, putting another hole in it (they stopped getting fixed when dad left)
>Fucking normalscum mom yells up to me "user, please stop getting mad at your nintendo! Pause it and come down for din-dins!"
>Yell back "FUCK OFF MOM IT'S NOT A NINTENDO AND I CAN'T PAUSE IT I NEED TO GET MY ITEMS BACK BEFORE THEY DESPAWN"
>All the while I'm running back (~200k risk)
>DISCONNECTED FROM SERVER
>Start screaming, run downstairs, tripping over my pissbottles
>Mom is standing by the router, dumb bitch turned it off
>"Now, user, I'm sorry I had to do that, but Doctor Goldberg says I need to set limits-"
>Cock my fedora back and punch that smug cunt in the neck
>She drops to the ground with a gasp and just lies there shaking
>I start screaming, stamping my feet and turtleheading
>She pushes past me on the way to her room
>Yell "OW BITCH YOU HURT ME!" and start crying
>She ignores me, locks herself in the room
>I follow her, still crying, stand outside her door and start kicking it, chanting "YOU DON'T LOVE ME MOMMY YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR GOOD LITTLE BOY"
>She begs me to leave her alone
>I tell her I'm hungry and she's starving me and if she doesn't get me some tendies right fucking now i'll report her for child abuse
>She tells me dinner is on the table
>It's fucking broccoli and meatloaf and shit
>Start pounding on her door and demanding the tendies I am owed
>Eventually get tired, bitch isn't responding, curl up on the floor outside her door and fall asleep to the sound of her quietly sobbing on the other side
>Wake up in my own bed, tucked in, a note on my lamp:
>"Sweetie, you made yourself sick and messed yourself, so I changed you and bathed you while you were asleep, I hope you don't mind. I'm sorry. I love you, you're my special little guy. Don't ever stop being my little boy, honey. I'll love you forever. Please forgive me."
>Plate of tendies on my nightstand
tfw mummy realizes I call the shots
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>Mom gets off work early without calling first
>Finds me in the pantry emptying my poop jug into the cat's litter box
>Starts yelling at me, saying that I'm fucking disgusting
>Tell her that it's all her fault for breaking up with my dad when I was six
>She tells me that I need to be an adult
>Cry and scream and even throw my shit jug at her
>She says that from now on I have to go to bed before midnight
>Tell her to fuck off and go to my room
>Don't go to bed because it's fucking bullshit and I'm not a god damn wage slave
>She opens the door flat out at like one AM and is really pissed
>Tries to push me away from the computer, but I'm too heavy
>I start yelling at the top of my lungs
>She rips my computer tower out of the wall and takes it up to her room
>Knows I'm too fat to climb the stairs and thinks shes won
>Lay down at the bottom of the stairs and scream until my throat hurts
>Still no computer
>She goes to work the next day
>Wake up at like 3 PM and no computer
>Bitch has fucking overstepped her boundaries now
>Go into the bathroom and lift top off toilet tank so I can shit in it
>Sitting on tank and begin to turtle-head when I get an idea
>Pucker up my ass and waddle into the kitchen
>Take huge shit in the microwave and set the timer for three hours
>Mom comes home an hour later and the whole house fucking reeks
>She's screaming about a fire in the kitchen
>Can hear her crying for hours and even hear firemen stamping around
>Later that evening she comes in sobbing
>Sets up my computer tower for me
Flawless victory
>The fuck are tendies?
Chicken Tenders, or chicken strips/fingers/cutlets.
>Be masturbating to family photos of my mom when she was in middle school
>Mommy comes in and sees
>Asks me to stop
>Stand up, still masturbating (Slowly, dont want to cum yet, but dont wanna have to start over)
>Explain that incest was just invented by normies to make it harder for robots to get laid, and that only a fucking freak wouldn't be attracted to viable pussy when available
>She sighs and leaves
>finally able to finish up, want some spaghetti
>Go downstairs and see mommy in kitchen
>Cooking roast chicken
>Screech at her and ask why she didn't make spaghetti
>Her answer is the final straw
>"What? You didn't ask for spaghetti."
>Lunge at her and kick the shit out of her
>Shit on her whore face when she's down
>As she lays there, her pants ride up quite a lot
>See her ass clearly through her pants
>Mutter "Only a freak wouldn't be attracted to viable... viable pussy..."
>Don't want to lose virginity yet (saving for my highschool friend who I haven't spoken to in 17 years, still holding out hope we'll meet again and she'll have stayed pure for me too)
>Jerk off onto her ass instead, write a note on the white wall of the kitchen in my own shit
>"Spaghetti. One hour. Or next time, I'll do it worse, then kill myself and blame you in the suicide note."
Well? Did she make the sghetti?
came in here to steal ya'lls pepes
>29 years old
>In my play room
>Need to make poo
>Lean over my inflatable ottoman
>Put my toy dump truck between my legs and make a shipment.
>Poo-poo is a little runnier than usual, but it doesn't matter.
>Now I'm hauling a fresh load across the country
>Mummy brings in my lunch (nachos. I like to change it up)
>"user, I told you not to play with your poo poo!"
>I'm getting real fucking tired of hearing this.
>Flip the plate of nachos into the wall
>Start punching my own head
>"user stop PLEASE STOP!" she screams
>You made me do this I say.
>She runs out of the room to get the tethers to tie my arms back and stop me hitting myself
>Stand behind the door and wait for her to come back.
>As soon as she runs back in I punch her directly in the face as hard as I can, making a weird, wet cracking sound.
>She falls over and hits her head on my dinosaur table.
>I go back to playing with my toy trucks and stuffed animals
>She wakes up a bit later
>I don't say anything, I just stare at her
>She quietly leaves the room.
>I can hear her crying from her room.
>Am I worried? No. Regretful? Certainly not.
>I'll wait it out and things will go back to normal.
>It's easy for me to be a good boy.
>If Mummy does what I say I'll be a good little boy.
If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.
its not real dude
>wake up to my room full of piss jugs and shit bottles
>first thing I do in the morning is check my gbp
>saved up enough good boy points to buy a steam card
>crawl out of my battlestar galactica blanket (I got it from Santa instead of coal for being a good boy)
>rip off page of my gbp chart and hobble downstairs
>mummy cooking me a breakfast of tendies
>"mummy mummy! I saved up enough good boy points to get a steam card!"
>"let me see that my special little boy. You've been so good these past few weeks! Here are your chicken tenders."
>fucking normie cunt, who calls them chicken tenders
>eat my mountain of tendies then get into the car
>mummy starts to drive
>suddenly get motion sick
>"mummy I don't feel very good"
>puke all over the back of her car, chunks of tendie everywhere
>oh my god! -10 gbp. We are going back to the house now
>what the fuck you stupid bitch I was good all month for that steam card
>was going to buy Sakura angels with it
>get back to the house
>enact plan of revenge
>mummy goes to sleep
>pick up shit jugs with caution, pull out mummy's space heater and place the shit jugs with it next to her bed
>20 min later
>shit bottles explode
>mummy gets plastic shard in her eye
>has to go to the hospital
>fucking normie bitch that's what you get for taking away my gbp
>mom giving me lift to community college
>my birthday is on sunday which sucks because it means I wont get a day off studying for mommy's special little guys attention day
>start screaming that it's my birthday TODAY
>mom doesn't even try, simply does a u-turn and drives towards home
>pissed off she even woke me up for this, on my birthday of all things
>piss my pants and wet the seat screaming for my birthday cake
>mom starts crying
>it's a sign she'll give in
>"user YOU'RE 24 FUCKING YEARS OLD YOUR BIRTHDAY IS NOT UNTIL SATURDAY IT'S TIME YOU FU-"
>baby doesn't like being yelled at
>and baby needs burping
>"burp me or I'll fucking vomit"
>"NO THIS HAS GONE TOO F-"
>stick my fingers down my throat and vomit all over the steering wheel, her hands and her lap
>"baby is all empty and ready for his cake mommy", I said through a smug little shit-eating grin
>mom gives up and drives to the cake store
>I scream "DONATELLO LEONARDO RAPH-
>she cuts me off and tells me to shutup and wait in the fucking car while she gets me my special ninja turtle cake
>well mom, baby doesn't like being told off, so baby is gonna shit his fucking pants
>She came back to the car, saw the mess baby had done all over the seats and broke down crying
>I politely asked for my birthday cake, and started shoving and stuffing my fat faggot face with it
>"Oh by the way mom, this doesn't mean you're off the hook. I still expect a real birthday cake on Saturday."
>I finished about half the cake, most of it just smeared around my mouth and face, huge chunks melting and crumbing all over my lap
>just to teach that bitch a lesson I smeared the rest all over the inside of the windscreen. that will teach her not to fuck with me
>she wiped away just a little hole to see through and cried all the way home
>"it's baby's birthday, and baby doesn't want to walk"
>and baby needs changing
Can't wait for my real birthday this Sunday.
Mom must've gotten a real nasty infection with all that shit seeping into her open eye wound.
>be good boy
>tapping to lolis in my oneise I wear backwards cause easier access to peepee
>finish and pour big boy butter into trusty crusty mt dew bottle
>store bottle in toy chest with the others
>notice grumbly in my tumbly
>tendie time!
>go to kitchen to check my gbp chart
>fuck yes just enough
>go to wake mommy and tell her the good news
> "user please it's 4:30 and I have to be to work in a few hours."
>fucking normie bitch gonna make me suffer
>no I will not be denied
>collect some of my older piss, shit, and cum bottles
>go back to mommy's room
>start emptying them all over her face
>she's gasping and coughing over being waterboarded by my jugs of righteousness
>I dream a battle cry
>TENDIES ARE WHAT DESIRE OR I'LL SET THIS FUCKING HOUSE ON FIRE
>through shit, piss, cum, and tears she mutters an ok
>about fucking time
>she goes to McDonald's and returns with tendies and a finding dory toy
>all in all a pretty good night, hope my 37th birthday will be as fun
>Be me, working on my minecraft peaceful world
>mummy comes in, hands up in submission
>"a-user... It's time for your doctors appointment..."
>look her dead in the face
>"if you make me go to that jew Doctor I'm going to shit in your fucking bed."
>"now user, if you behave... I'll give you a triple Tendie meal from anywhere you want."
>sold, but resolve to give her as hard a time as possible to punish her for not just GIVING me the triple tendies for being her perfect little baby boy
>get in the car
>"oh boy mommy, I really do need to go to the docy docs! I am feeling so... Sick!"
>shit my big boy pants
>she screams at me to get out of the car so she can clean it, say no, docy docs now!
>she reluctantly drives me over, go inside office and wipe my shit on the Windows
>she apologizes, pays for damages and we wait for the doctor
>mommys shoe starts to dangle off her heel
>start jerking off
>mommy sees me and desperately whispers at me to stop before someone notices
>moan as loud as I can
>she's in tears now
>look her in the eye
>"Touch my cock, whore." I say loud enough for the whole room to hear
>she sobs loudly and shakes her head no
>pinch her nipple and twist until she agrees and gives me cummies
>Doctor calls me in, immediately call him a kike
>spend whole checkup farting, pissing, and belching strategically to ruin the doctors day
>checkup finally ends, mom is still sobbing
>"triple Tendie time now mummy!"
>lets out a louder sob and rushes to the car, me in pursuit
>"wh-where do you want tendies from, user?"
>tell her I want wendies tendies
>she takes me to wendies, and we discover, to her horror, that they only have nuggets now.
>REEEEE at her while shitting and pissing myself
>she rushes me home and leaves me there, saying she'll be back soon with as many tendies as I can eat
>comes home 20 minutes later with 7 orders of Popeyes tendies
>smile and thank her
>she sighs with relief and decides to take a nap after her ordeal
>Left her a surprise in bed
>be me this spring
>mummy told me getting into good college would earn me 10000 gbp
>mfw think of all the tendies
>score 2350 on SAT, take ten AP classes
>accepted to Rice and Northwestern for premed
>One night I unlock mummy's phone and check her messages
>See conversation with Chad boyfriend
>"user has matured so much now that he's leaving, maybe he'll even find a smart gf too"
>That bitch thinks she can slip out of my life that easy
>I'll show her
>Visit both colleges, ask to speak to admissions officers
>Tell them my mother is very ill and that I'll have to rescind my applications to take care of her
>They understand and tell me what a hero I am
>Bonus boob hug from hot admissions lady
>Later at home mummy receives two handwritten letters from both school presidents
>Tell her how courageous I am to turn down my applications to stay at home for her
>she looks at me, hope draining from her eyes
>I sit there, sucking the grease from my tendies
>mfw she realizes I'll be mummy's special boy forever
>wake up at noon
>30 year old NEET
>had accident in sleep which I rolled around in
>grab cum-towel off nightstand and do my best wipe mess from my folds of fat
>tummy gurgles loudly, so hungry
>plop out of bed, navigate through shit jugs and piss bottles in my room
>waddle downstairs to check GBP board
>wait a minute to catch my breath before I look
>just enough Good Boy Points for some tendies and sauce!
>legs buckle under own weight
>roll myself into the living room where mummy is watching her favorite soap opera
>"mummy mummy I have enough Good Boy Points for some tendies!"
>she turns to me with the most disgusting look on her face while I lay flat on the ground stuggling to get up
>"s-sure honey, le-let me just get some tendies for you"
>she struggles to go to the kitchen without vomitting from the smell and sight of my obese, putrid, feces and semen covered body
>she pulls the tendies out of the freezer after letting the oven heat up as she begins to cry into the sink
>I roll over and pull myself up to my high chair that starts to creak as I sit down
>have my crayons and Power Rangers coloring book to occupy me while I wait
>the tendies are finally done and she puts them on my plate
>she can't hold back the vomit as I open my mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all over my plate
>I can't let these tendies go to waste, so I eat them along with the vomit
>"yummy wummy tendies in my tummy, thanks mummy"
>do my best to muster a smile but the rows of decaying teeth only disgust mummy further
>high-chair finally breaks from my heft
>causes me to have another accident
>mum runs away to her room, sobbing uncontrollably, so ashamed of her baby boy
>mfw
>Implying I don't know that already
>be 27
>wake up at 3PM and roll out of my racecar bed
>piss jugs are all full, have to use the toilet like some subhuman normie
>waddle downstairs to find mummy for my wakey-wakey tendies and bakey
>lights off, nobody there
>there is a note on the refrigerator
>"Pumpkin, your new daddy D'Shawn and I have gone to the movies for the afternoon I made some of your favorite chicken tenders just heat them up in the microwave if you get hungry for num-nums. Love you, Mom"
>fucking cunt has let my tendies get cold and mushy
>and she expects me to heat them up myself like a slave
>she will fucking learn today
>change out of my cloth diaper, put on a disposable one
>time to hit the road
>spend the entire walk to the cinema filling my diapey with poo poo
>arrive at the theater parking lot and coat myself in a thin layer of pee pee and poo
>brace myself and enter the lobby
>let loose my battle cry
>RRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"MY PRECIOUS TENDIES HAVE GONE TO WASTE, NOW MY POOPY YOU SHALL TASTE"
>pull handfuls of poop out of my diaper and fling them at random
>staff tries to stop me but I am too quick and too slippery
>entire venue is being evacuated
>navigate my way to Ghostbusters
>mummy and new daddy are in the back row
>covered in poo and pee, two steaming loads in each hand
>mummy's face is a mixture of shock and indescribable terror
>walk slowly towards her while chanting "...tendies...tendies...tendies..."
>our eyes are locked
>as if from far away I hear new daddy say "ayo wut tha fuck this nigga-"
>cease my low chanting with a final "TENDIEEEEES" and smash the handfuls of rancid diarrhea onto either side of her head
>bring my piss-soaked face right up to hers
>her ears are filled with my poo, eardrums are ruptured, and eyes are nearly blinded by a mixture of tears and more poo
>say very slowly and clearly
>"Don't you ever fuck with my chicky tendies again."
And the best part is the the dumb whore was too scared to even take away any of my good boy points
summer is almost over
>Wednesday afternoon
>tugging it to Nick Jr all day long
>Finish squeezing big boy gooey gunk from my winker
>Mumsies comes home from work
>Poo poo in my diapie due to excitement
>Earned 70 good boy points earlier today by promising not to empty my piss bottles on mumsie's bed while she was at work
>Expect delicious tendies immediately
>Squat walk downstairs with full diaper of excitement
>No good smell
>Mumsie looks upset
>user you're 33, I talked with a friend about getting you a job
>Fucking normie mom
>Remove my shit filled diaper and wield it like a sling
>IM A GOD BOY I HAVE GOOD BOY POINTS GIVE ME CHICKEN TENDIES
>user please..
>IM DAVIE YOURE GOLIATH
>Swing my shit sling at her
>Diaper falls apart and flings wet sloppy big boy chocolate all over the room
>Ring of fecies whips her in the eye and she falls do the ground recoiling and grabbing her face
>Slap her open handed and squat over her face
>YOUR LACK OF TENDIES SEALS YOUR DOOM, I LOOSE MY BOWELS WITH A BOOM!
>Queue a huge wet fart bubble followed by a mexican mudslide in the rainy season
>Literally pours over her face like a generous helping of steaming hot chili
>She wipes it off her face and tries to gasp for air
>Quickly plug her shit covered mouth with my still-erect big boy weenie peenie
>GIVE ME EXTRA GOOD BOY POINTS OR ELSE ILL CHOKE YOU MUMSIE
>She spasms and mumbles what might be a yes
>waddle back to my room and play some XBox
>Serves me tendies later while sobbing and promises to give me lots of good boy points
>mfw I put that bitch in her place
>mfw I always get my way.
Stories like the ones in this thread are the reason why "living with your parents" should be illegal if you have the capability to live on your own. Welfare used to be a good thing, but nowadays its just to exploitable to be a real thing. I bet you would all starve if your mothers died today.
it's never ogre
Thanks for all the relatable laughs my friends.
Go back outside
But they aren't real
>Wake up at 9pm after a particularly exhausting Minecraft session
>tummy is making hungry noises
>navigate my way out of my room through the piles of weewee jugs and trash
>make my way downstairs, peek into the living room
>mummy and new daddy are doing a special backwards hug on the sofa like uncle phil showed me once
>new daddy is making funny sounds like a steam train
>don't care, hungry
>"MUMMY MAKE ME BREKKIE BREK"
>mummy screams, new daddy swears and nearly falls off the sofa like a silly
>says to mummy "why is that retard still living here, isn't he like 30"
>I don't like being called a retard
>not since the incident with the toddler in mcdonalds
>feel my inner wolf break loose
>let out a mighty howl and try to rip off my creeper hoodie
>not strong enough in my hunger-weakened state
>new daddy is laughing, I'll fucking show him
>pull down my crusty cargo shorts and grab my tingly tummy tendie
>"GOLDEN WHIRLWIND, GO GO GO"
>start spinning like a beyblade and weeing as hard as I can
>mummy is screaming and crying, new daddy swears even louder and tries to grab me
>dodge him with my veteran CS reflexes but fall because I'm dizzy from malnourishment
>new daddy gets me in a headlock and starts punching me in the tummy
>he doesn't know I've been saving a satisfying tendie-and-dew-fuelled doodie for later
>bum explodes like a fat man in fallout 3 (I don't play 4 because it doesn't have my waifu Moira)
>new daddy is covered in doodie, he looks like a swamp monster
>he lets go and starts vomiting
>mummy is on the phone, I think she's calling 911, new daddy is trying to make her put the phone down and shouting something about "the meth you dumb bitch"
>crawl to the kitchen, everything is spinning and I feel faint
>"MUMMY MAKE TENDIES" I manage to shout before blacking out
>wake up locked inside the basement bad-boy cage next to a plate of hot tendies
>new daddy is gone
great success
and that's the reason these faggots mass reply at ''reply at this or your mother die to her sleep tonight''
not that we who dont reply want to happen this, but we know how silly is .
the thing is that they know it too but the fear of losing the person who does everything for them as they watching loli and scream sieg heil, is too fucking big
> be me
> 28 years old NEET
> raised as an only child
> I caused mummy and daddys divorce
> mfw its 03:00am
> nothing matters except the scrumptious taste of tendies
> mummy I'm hungries
> yell into intercom for snackitysnacks
> CLAIM THE MEAL OF THE CHICKEN GODS!! ITS TENDY TIME!!
> her tired voice reponds with "NOT NOW SWEETY MOMMY IS WORKING!!"
> insolent woman I know there are tendies in the freezer bring me my tendies
> challenging me at this hour?
> keep chanting for the tendies that are rightfully mine
> GOLDEN BROWN TENDY TOWN TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN
> evil jew landlord tells mummy to shut me up
> eww mummy is sleeping with nasty landlord
> naughty man. Making mummy's ladylettuce smell like sardines
> The war has begun.ctn
> enter sunrise. All Preparations are complete.
> nullifying any chance of escape I reeeee into mummies "office" on my valiant reinforced electric scooter.
> douse jew in two jugs of poopyjuice before he can activate his spells
> evil jew is unable to battle!
> ram him into the corner and then leap off of my valiant steed and mount mummy's face
> NO NO NO NO NO NO MUMMY! YOUR PUNISHMENT MUST BE MORE SEVERE!!
> "URGH! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME SWEET-- OH GOD HELP ME PLEASE NO!!"
> Groan as I release a big boy turd so nasty her fingernails begin to peel backwards
> gaze into her eyes as the impact sends mummy into panic attack
> expel the last of my poopies on the sheet. How many times must I break you?
> tidy up my toys and waddle into kitchen to await my spoils
> slithery jew slithers out of my castle and says we don't need to worry about rent ever again
> mummy finally arrives visibly shaken and broken inside
> opens the freezer to make my tendies and blows them until they are cool
> "mummy you have to chew them for me"
> mummy breaks down in tears and screams for death
> yawn, give myself 5 extra gbp and fall asleep without eating them.
the only people replying to those things are 12 year olds. when summers over they will disappear.
>Wake up at 4PM from napsy time
>Glance over at my Good Boy Points scoreboard
>Fuck yes, 25 pointsies!
>Time to play some video gameys
>Waddle downstairs to living room in my jammy wammies
>Mom has her book club over, occupying valuable living room space
>"user, we're having our weekly book meeting here, can't you go play in the playroom for a little while?"
>No bitch, I saved up my Good Boy Points to play my Weegee game
>"O-okay, user, but please try to keep it down."
>Of course mommy, I'm your good boy!
>Load up New Super Luigi U
>Hear mom in the background: "A-as I was saying, I think Jane Eyre..."
>The game starts
>Start chanting Luigi catchphrases
>WEEGEE TIME! WAHOO! MARIOOOOO!
>Absorbed in the game
>World 1 boss, so toughy tough!
>Start farting from the concentration
>Smells like rotten meat
>WEEGEE NUMBER ONE
>Sniff fartsy farts and giggle
>Made it to world 2!
>Fart out a hot burning one
>Hear one of the bookwomen gag
>"I'm sorry user's Mom, I think I've left the lights on at home. I really have to go!"
>Hear her run out while gagging
>Look over at mom and her friendsies
>They're all looking at me disgusted
>Smirk
>"Come on, user, why don't you go to the playroom for a little bit. I think you've had enough tv timey."
>NO BITCH I WANNA PLAY WEEGEE
>I HAVE PAID THE GBP, NO REFUNDS
>"Please, user, we can talk about this later."
>Bitch has got to know when to stop.
>Now it's WEEGEE TIME
>Rub Wii U Gamepad over my wee wee, get a semi
>Start violently farting and shitting in my diapies
>The smell is horrific
>Women start throwing up while scrambling for the door
>Mom starts crying, completely broken down
>It's just the two of us now
>I laugh and roll around
>Mom just sits there, staring blankly at me
>Tummy tums starts growling
>Mommy, now make me tendies please?
>No response
>MOMMY, TENDIES NOW FOR TUMTUM HUNGRY
>No wonder dad left us, you useless whore
>Throw gamepad at her face, shatter her cheekbone
>She nods silently and makes my tendies
>Dine like a king
>nullifying any chance of escape I reeeee into mummies "office" on my valiant reinforced electric scooter.
>douse jew in two jugs of poopyjuice before he can activate his spells
>evil jew is unable to battle!
>ram him into the corner and then leap off of my valiant steed and mount mummy's face
fuggin kek
Glad those shitposting summerfags will be gone
>"user time to go to gamgams
>GO AWAY MOM I DON'T WANNA
>dumb cunt trying to pull me away from my furry cuck trap porn
>"she's making us dindins user
>get up and demand that whore dresses me
>tries to put a polo shirt on me
>NO THE SONIC SHIRT YOU RETARDED BITCH
>mummy chokes back sobs
>"but sweetie its got icky bad touch stains
>GOTTA GO FAST
>she sighs and gently tucks my wee tumtum tightly into the 5X shirt
>get to gamgams
>she makes dinner
>isnt tendies
>start crying
>"user please stop crying you're 30 years old please be mature
>GOTTA GO FAST
>i do a WCW goldberg spear to mummy
>climb the kitchen table
>start turtle heading in my big boy diapey
>IF YA SMELLLLLL-LALALA
>elbow drop mummy
>dementia ridden gamgam sits smiling
>run off and steal her meds
>two weeks later gamgam dies without her meds
>try not to laugh at funeral
>"user you were such a good boy at the funeral you didn't cry at all
>earn enough good boy points for a john cena deluxe aggression action figure and din dins of choice
>undisputed world tendie federation champion
wtf? You need permission to play video games?
Because he needs mummys permission and enough good boy points
>roll out of bed at 4:30pm
>time to grace mommy with my presence and get my daily tendies
>try to carefully maneuver around shit, piss/cum jugs
>knock a few over
>oh well mommy will clean it like she always does
>waddle to the kitchen
>MOMMY YOUR FAVORITE LITTLE BOY IS HERE FOR HIS TENDIES
>she turns around with the most tired look on her face
> she's obviously been suffering without me there, I mean it even looked like she was crying!
>mommy must miss me a lot when I'm sleeping
>TIME FOR MY YUMMY WUMMY TENDIES MUMMY
>"Sweety, you eat tendies everyday. Maybe you'd like to try something else. I got some healthy foods at the store I thought you could try."
>is this bitch serious
>we've been over this
>my smile leaves and I just coldy stare at her
>she knows what happened last time I didn't get tendies
>she immediately starts apologising over and over and says she'll fix me extra tendies today
>fucking right you will
>she sobs as she puts nearly 3 full bags worth of tendies into the oven
>bitch fucking learned, I'm surprised
>should punish her for making me go through this shit but I'm a good boy so I let it slide this one time
>mommy is so lucky to have me
>be me
>wake up at 4:20 PM
>get on call of duty
>doing really good
>yell at some kids really loudly
>have to take a enormous poo poo
>i waddle my 400 pound good boy body to the bathroom
>get poo poo behind the toilet somehow
>whatever mummy will clean it up
>go back scream at kids some more
>mummy comes in the room
>A-a-user... Could y--you lower your v-voice...?
>WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME MUMMY
>WHO DO YOU THINK I AM
>you're m-my good boy A-user...
>thats what I thought you whore
>she goes to the bathroom, witnesses poo poo all over the place
>she cleans it will sobbing
>hear mummy call someone
>hear car drive up
>mummy comes in room with an unfamiliar man
>A-user this is doctor Goldstein
>WHO ARE YOU, WHY DID YOU ENTER THE DANGER ZONE
>at the time I called my basement the danger zone because of mummy being hit all the time here
>doctor goldstein says I need major help
>user you're 38 why are you doing this?
>DON'T CALL ME user I DON'T KNOW YOU JEW
>call me a good boy
>No user, you need help
>SHUT UP FAGGOT!
>pick up my naked 400 pound self
>sit on him
>easily break one of his bones
>stick me pee pee in his mouth
>pee in it
>ITS NOT OVER YET JEW
>i position myself for what i call the destroyer
>i poo pooed all over him and made him eat it
>mummy tries to escape
>waddle over there
>NO YOU DON'T BITCH
>knock her down, sit on her legs so she can't break out
>WHOS A GOOD BOY?
>YOU ARE user! LET ME GO
>ONLY IF YOU MAKE ME CHICKEN TENDIES, AND CALL ME GOOD BOY FOR NOW ON
>YES, YES user!
>she makes me tendies everytime i scream it now
>im the only good boy she'll ever need
>she doesnt need a boyfriend
>tfw maximum tendies for life
Bump
>go to whataburger tonight with mummy for my daily tendies-brekky
>everything's going as usual
>there's a new employee at the drive-through window
>he says the tendies are being cooked and that i'll have to wait a few minutes
>mummy offers 5 GBP if i just let it slide
>accept her offer; should have played hardball in retrospect
>the person hands the tendies to mummy after SIX minutes
>says "sorry about the wait, here's your chicken strips"
>strips
>REEEEEEEEEEEEE
>scream "THEY'RE CALLED TENDIES YOU NORMALSCUM WAGESLAVE"
>mummy apologizes and explains my condition to the man
>he's visibly restraining himself from laughing
>cry to mummy about why life is unfair and blame her for giving me shitty genes
>she breaks down crying and gives me 10 bonus GBP
>better than usual tendies-brekky, couldn't have planned it better
she's still crying in the next room. think i can milk her for more points?
>brekky
...who the fuck talks like this?
>Wake up early its 4pm
>Dont smell tendies in the air.
>I waddle to my door around the piss bottles.
>Start slamming my head into the wall and screaming TENDIES TENDIES I WANT TENDIES
>Slut bitch Mommy slowly opens the door to my lair
>With tears in her eyes she slides in my tendies and juice-box.
>I tell her iCarly is on later so she better prepare the highest luxary goodboypoints can buy
>I make my way back to my bed exhausted from my journey across the room and back i rest
>my diaper seems almost full ill need a change before the big event later
>pondering what is going to happen in tonights episode i drift into slumber my little pony playing in the background
>I am awoken to mommy cleaning my piss jars up i tell her i need a diaper change aswell she nods with a look of disgust on her face
>Soon iCarly will be on the grand event
>The theme songs starts playing i scream at mommy to hurry or ill murder her and feed her to our dog buttersnout
>Mommy enters my room she is dressed in appropriate apperal plaid shorts converss sneekers and a hoodie her hair dyed the perfect shade of blonde.
>Now my Good boy favorite boy reward rivaled only by tendies and juice boxes begins
>I wait for a scene with sam in it my favorite icarly character she is the best i then have mommy do her special service to me and pretend its sam
>i came five times tonight it was the best i finish by blowing on sams i mean mommy butt and tell that dirty slut to go make me SOME FUCKING TENDIES
>she starts walking away when a sight i never witnessed before appears before my eyes SAM IN A BIKINI JUST SHOWED ON AIR OMG
>With a speed of achilles i move like a lion and grab mommy before she makes it out of my lair
>I throw her on my computer desk and did adult things too her more then i ever thought i could
>when im finally finished mommy isnt moving
>iCarly is over i lay down and start watching adventure time
>covered in my special sauce mommy starts crying
>i tell her GO GET ME FUCKING TENDIES
Good boys
>ask mom to take me to see Pete's Dragon
>she says I only have 23 GBP and I need 30 for a movie
>tells me if I didn't spend so many points on chicken tendies I'd have 80 GBP right now
>stomp on her foot and scream in her face
>she's curls down on the floor and starts crying
>tell her to give me a chore so I can get a quick 10 GBP
>while crying she tells me to clean some dishes
>throw some cups in the sink and turn the water on full blast, splashing water everywhere
>"Can we go now?"
>she says yes
>tell her she better buy us popcorn too
And you idiots still buy your tickets with real money? kek
>...who the fuck talks like this?
What? Brekky is common slang for breakfast.
its good boy talk but its actually also pretty common term for breakfast in britain
> Be me on 31st birthday
> Super excited for my party mother organised downstairs
> Mother comes inside my room to greet me as I've been a very good boy this year
> "MUMMIE MUMMIE WHERE IS MY PRESENTS!"
> "Not yet, user - the party is downstairs"
> "I WANT MY PRESENTS NOW!" I said
> Mother rolled her eyes and went down stairs
> I dont need any good boy points today, its me birthdaaaay!
> Decide to be extra good for the guests downstairs so I cleaned my asshole extra in the shower so no poopie will show.
> Run downstairs to show guests my clean no poopie butt
> -Silence-
> All guests are shocked at how clean my poopie free asshole is, all 2 of them (grammie and mummy)
> "GRAMMY LOOK AT MY POOOOPIE"
> Grandma so happy for me.
> mfw best birthday ever
>wake up at 11PM
>tum tum roaring with the force of a thousand exploding suns from hunger
>put hand down my pull up big boy diaper and poke around in my bum bum
>pull out a soggy mess of half digested poo poo
>smell it and wipe it on my buzz lightyear bedsheets for mommy to clean up later
>roll out of my race car bed and waddle to kitchen
>mommy better have my tendies ready and at perfect temperature or she's going to PAY
>find mommy slumped against the oven, overwhelmed from exhaustion from having to work 2 jobs
>that BITCH overcooked my tendies AND they're cold
>dig around inside bum bum again and smear poo poo over over the tendies and the Good Boy Points chart on the fridge
>at least she prepared XL sippy cup filled with Mountain Dew
>gag because its lukewarm from having been left out of the fridge too long
>vomit all over the floor
>fling my sippy cup at mommy and hit her on the head
>Dew explodes everywhere and mixes with the vomit
>mommy doesn't even notice
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>jump onto her and start hitting her in her tummy and num nums
>she wakes up with a look of pure terror, and gags from the stench of vomit, shit and orange juice
>YOU BURN MY TENDIESSSSSSSSSSSSS
>she tries to explain that she's so tired from work and not having enough money
>continue pulling on her num nums until she lifts up her top and lets me drink
>mfw I stole enough gold stars so I'll have enough GBP to buy that electric motorbike to race around the house with now
This has been a funny thread. Night guys. Call me a fag all you want I don't really care
>3:45 PM
>Wake up from a particularly intense visit to tumblrs paw fetish tag
>Even managed to stretch over my belly and reach my peepee long enough to cum with out mummys help
>Awake now, I feel the need for about 50 tendies and an extra large glass of chokie pudding to wash it down
>Press the intercom I had mommy install for my birthday last year
>"TENDIES TENDIES AND CHOKIE PUDDY!"
>If this cunt is too stupid to decipher THAT, then she's beyond all fucking help
>Mommy sprints up the stairs 20 minutes later with 2 50 piece nuggets from mcdonalds and a large jug of puddy
>Nuggets
>"Do it again or I'll fucking kill myself and light the house on fire right before I pull the fucking trigger."
>"Wha- Oh right! Tendies, not nuggies! I'm so so sorry honey..."
>"Honey'
>Fucking HONEY
>Mommy knows I like to be called her sweetpea
>Roll out of bed and lunge at her, the poopoo from last weeks Poofap party in hand
>Smash it into her fucking face as hard as I can while screaming "POOPOO POISON PAWNCH!!!"
>Mommy falls backwards into the radiator, but this has happened so many times her skull is calloused enough to tank the shot, she scrambles to her feet and rushes back to the car
>By the time she returns, I've eaten all the nuggies and puddy
>She has the 50 tendies
>But no new puddy
Guys, I try to be understanding but this is borderline child neglect. How do I show her that this is unacceptable? It's obvious my gentle reminders won't be as effective now that her skull doesn't crack on the radiator anymore.
>ever since the GBP inflation I've been a little short on cashies
>need more and I need it fast!
>suddenly I get a brainwave
>i slam my body against my mummy's bedroom door, it flies open and I do a gangsta walk in but I'm quickly winded, my cleanest cargo shorts pulled to my knees, my Hannah Montana night shirt tucked into my undies, and my best fedora worn backwards and tilted on my head (something I kissed it for beforehand as a preemptive apology)
>"ay baby wassup, it's yo boy Tendie Fresh in da houuuuse"
>ever since that jungle noise they call (c)rap music has become popular again after years of being rightfully hated by any civilized member of society, I decided to join the fad and become a rapper too
>she sighs "user please go back to sleep. It's 3 AM and I have to get ready for work in a few hours"
>"ay ay ay hoe, don't diss me, I'm here to give yo ass a concert," I feel like I'm doing very well at emulating a black person despite not having any experience being around one, "I call dis single 'Poopoo in da streetz,' I wrote it while I was in a very dark place"
>she massages her temples and sighs again
>i give her the best performance ever, it's a masterpiece of dancing, lyrics, and vocal music. I feel like it's worth a hefty reward of GBP
>I'm breathing heavily but I'm asking for the reward anyway
>she laughs, "you don't just walk in here, scream about hating the Jews between loud 'dun duns' that you make with your mouth and ask for points reserved for when you do something good."
>that whorebag is sitting there mocking me! Me! Her special little angel!
>i almost want to run back to my room crying and poopooing my pants out of embarrassment, but I decide to do what all black people do when their mummy's disrespect them
>i slapped her hard and she collapsed against the bed
>I take her hand and I write a coupon worth 50,000 GBP in her name with it
>I quickly waddle back to my room with it, farting frantically
>mfw I get more tendies and I'm super hip
>muscular-skeletal indevelopment
You poor thing :(
Are you in pain often?
A story from mummys point of view
>faggot son always yelling for tendies
>sick of cleaning up after this 38 year old man
>tell him to get a job
>he starts screaming and throwing poop everywhere
>make him tendies and let him play on his Xbox
>start crying because I failed
>kill myself
>glad to be out of the nightmare
>wake up
>it was a dream
>son screams so I make him tendies.
>god help me
>25 years old
>in Mcdonalds for their My Little Pony toy promotion
>get mom to order me ten Happy Meals all with girl toys
>she looks at the ground and sheepishly says "But user, you're getting a little heavy. Maybe you should only have 6 Happy Meals."
>stand on her feet and refuse to move until she complies with my order
>she cannot move and almost falls as she tries to pull her feet out from under mine
>the bitch begins to cry as she realizes I have trapped her, checkmate whore
>she quietly agrees that big boys need 10 Happy Meals and she goes to pay for the food
>while she is ordering I get on my hands and knees, she hands the packages of food to me
>I grab the bags with my mouth and begin walking on all fours to the play area
>I slowly crawl up the slide, barely fitting whilst letting out enormous amounts of gas
>once I'm inside the main play area my flatulence has become to over powering that it even brought a tear to my eye
>the children playing inside begin to run out, complaining of the putrid smell
>I yell "get out normie scum! I claim this as the beta uprising headquarters!"
>I sit in the center of the play gym and begin to have a picnic with my happy meals
>I give each pony a bit of cheeseburger
>I'm setting up an awesome play story with my ponies when my bitch mom and the mcdonalds manager come into the play area
>"Sir we have been getting complaints about an adult in the play area. You must be under 8 years old to use it."
>tell him to fuck off
>mcdonalds employees begin entering the play structure
>my mom is yelling that she can reason with me but I don't negotiate with normalfags
>push my back against the wall and start kicking them as they come towards me
>all of the weight of the normie invasion plus my 300lb-self breaks the play structure
>I fall through to the ball pit, the entire structure collapses
>as the normies try to save a girl trapped under the structure, we escape
>mom begins crying in the van
>make her stop at Dairy Queen for dessert
>wake up at 5pm with tummy grumbles
>been saving up my GBP to have a real tendy feast
>shuffle as fast as I can to mommy's room
>she's sitting in her chair looking at an old album of my baby photos and crying
>I break out in my favorite song
>"TENDIES ARE MY FAVORITE TREAT! NOW IT'S TIME FOR ME TO EAT!"
>she looks up dejectedly
>"A-user, I'm not really up for getting tendies right now. Can't we get them later?"
>can't believe what I'm hearing
>I even passed up getting Amiibos with my GBP in anticipation of this meal
>"MY INTESTINES ARE FULL AND MY ANUS IS WET! A DAY WITHOUT TENDIES IS A DAY YOU'LL REGRET!
>"Wait, user I-"
>I can see in her eyes that she already knows her words are too late
>"TENDIES WERE MY ONE DESIRE! NOW BEHOLD MY FECAL MIRE!
>liquid ex-tendies pour from my body and start to fill the room
>mommy's screams are drowned out by the caca-phony being emitted from my rumpus
>fast forward an hour and I'm eating all the Wendy's tendies my heart could desire
The key to dealing with normie moms is making sure that they know their place
>>Finds me in the pantry emptying my poop jug into the cat's litter box
>>Starts yelling at me, saying that I'm fucking disgusting
I don't see how that's anymore disgusting than when the cat does it.
is this a cringe thread? some real unfunny retarded shit here...
>4am last monday
>I have wandered out of my bedroom to the kitchen
>had specifically asked mom to buy me a cherry pie for this night
>I look through the fridge and then it catches my eye, a beautiful pie with a note that says "For user
It's a good boy thread, newfag
>in my room browsing Sup Forums and deviantart
>mom comes in
>"user, we're having company round later, could you please shower"
>remind her to call me shadow killer and tell her that water burns my skin (the only liquid I can touch is mountain dew)
>"o..okay shadow killer"
>throw a piss bottle at her to frighten her into never forgetting again
>5pm now
>ask my whore mom where my chicken nuggets are
>there are people here
>"everyone this is user" says my stupid dad
>scream at him that my name is fucking shadow killer
>everyone looks tense
>"hey user, what are you into?"
>tell them that I like hentai, mlp and Sup Forums
>"what's Sup Forums user?"
>that's it
>attack him with my blazing shadow technique while shouting that my name's shadow killer
>he dodges and I fall into the wall,smashing through because of my weight
>use my spell attack "mortem omnibus normies"
>"what's a normie?"
>grab the shitjug I was concealing under my trench coat
>smash it over the stupid cunts head
>shit's everywhere
>remember about my chicken nuggets
>hurl myself at my bitch mom
>screaming CHICKEN NUGGETS!!!
>she's crying
>grab her by the hair and drag her into the kitchen
>say get to work bitch
>"user, you're 28, can't you make your own chicken nuggets?"
>smash her head against the oven while screaming DARKNESS PILEDRIVE
>there's a loud snap
>go back upstairs
>check deviantart messages
>can hear ambulance sirens outside
Normie bitch rekt.
>can't you make your own chicken nuggets?"
Well that just fucking stupid. Who makes their own nuggets? That's what wagekeks are for.
>Mommy gives me $20 and tells me to go walk to the movies so she and New New Daddy can have some alone time
>"For tickets alone, this sum shall suffice. But I must eat too, and that begs a higher price!"
>Jesus user, when are you going to stop talking like that? It's really getting on my nerves
>bitch still gives me another $20
>"Mummy, upon leaving the theatre, the hour will be late. A ride I demand, and I don't like to wait!"
>user, the theater is a 5 minute walk away. Get home yourself
>"Neglect of your child is the worst of my triggers. Do you wish to see me set upon by unruly niggers?"
>user, don't use that language! We live in a safe neighborhood, now go
>"The march to the theatre looms long and unfriendly. To maintain my stamina, I require Tendies!"
>mummy is visibly mad at this point
>user, I'm not making you more tendies, you had two cases earlier. Your body doesn't need any more!
>"Ah, i see it's a matter of my digestive capacity. The solution, I assure you, is not beyond my sagacity!"
>stick thumb down throat
>puke all over mummy's special Just For Daddy dress
>"My stomach is emptied, it demands to be refilled! Now cook up more tendies, the only task in which you're skilled!"
>mummy starts crying
>walks toward bathroom
>I pull her back into the kitchen
>she makes tendies while crying silently
>2 AM
>really fucking want some Lunchables
>wake up my stupid bitch of a mother and tell her to go to Kroger and buy me some
>"user, it's 2 AM and I have work in the morning, I'll get you some after work tomorrow."
>start slamming my head against the wall while screaming LUNCHABLES so the neighbors wake up
>"user, go the fuck to bed or I'll call the police."
>tell her if she calls the police I'll kill myself
>finally the bitch gets in the car and leaves
>takes her 45 minutes to get them
>look in the bag and see she got the Lunchables with Reese's instead of Skittles just to spite me
>thiswillnotstand.jpg
>fetch the machete from dad's old toolshed that's gone unused ever since he left
>corner mummy
>"You think this is fucking funny you fucking know I hate Reese's you stupid BITCH"
>she begins sobbing and farting uncontrollably out of fear
>open up her mother's urn and pour her ashes into one of my piss bottle and start chugging it infront of her
>she faints at the sight of this
>she oversleeps and is fired for being late
>stupid bitch know not to fuck with me now
fucking normies
> Be healthy 300 pound baby with a loving mommy
> wake up right on time at 5:25pm after a night of intense gaming on garys mod
> Go out with mummy to buy the minecraft sword I was promised, to defend against normies
> Arrive at Gamestop, mom makes GBP transaction with the wagey behind the coutner
> Feel instant rush of anger when I finally get the sword, because I need to show I'm superior to dumb wagecucks
> I hit the wagey with it, as hard as my big boned muscles will allow me to
> "user! WHY!?"
> "DUMB WAGESLAVE MADE ME CAVE! LET ME GIVE HIM A BOO BOO OR I DO A POO POO!" I wittily reply
> "user! 200GBP GONE MISTER"
> This dumb bitch thinks she can get away with this, I warned her
> "REEEEEEE" I scream, as I pull down the shelves in the store to block off mommy
> Rip down my diaper, the stench immediately causes the two other customers in the store to vomit
> Put my brand new awesome sword between my bum bum cheeks, pointing it behind me
> Start fiercely grinding on the sword, the mere sight causes all the normies in the store to get shocked from amazement
> Can feel the individual pixel changing as I do move it
> Sword is now covered in my healthy, thick blood
> Pee on the sword for good measure
> I am now the master of all the elements, blood, pee pee and poo poo
> "GIVE ME TENDIES NOW MUM"
> Start hitting everyone in the store with the amalgamated weapon
> Everyone flees
> Start rolling around in the aftermath
> Pass out, because I was hungry
> Wake up in bed with tendies, mommy happily swinging on a rope by her neck
> Decisive victory
That's your average white woman there.