D&D stories? Greentext or screencap acceptable

D&D stories? Greentext or screencap acceptable.

Bump.

bump

I'm greentexting, keep the thread alive.

On it m8.

>A ranger, a cleric, a rogue, and a paladin are camping in the woods
>Hear a wagon trundling down the road
>Douse the fire, hide
>Dwarf ranger can see in the dark tells us it's kobolds
>He climbs a tree

TACTICAL BUMP INCOMING!!!!

>wagon passes by, they didn't see us
>ranger makes a perception check to see what's in the wagon
>It's shiny
>"Hey, kobolds are evil right?"
>Good enough 5 me
>Bolt whips through the air and takes out one of the kobold guards

Gordan Ramsey flavored Bump.

...

Bump of faith.

>No choice now but to help, what with our intertwined backstories
>Smash a wagon wheel to stop their escape
>Witnesses are bad for business I suppose
>The kobolds fall one by one until the driver makes a break for it
>Almost makes it before being downed by the ranger, once again

bump

>Fight's over, check the wagon
>It was a load of iron with one ingot of a silvery metal. Basically worthless.
>"Are we evil now?"

Bumping.

alright boys get keep bumping this because shits gonna get real

Bump

...

>Be AnonDM
>Run Side game when not every one can come to main game.
>Current side game goofy meatgrinder based on a Rifftraxed fantasy movie.
>Everyone is a knight (rank, not class) in service to the princess.
>Princess is captured. Have to save her from dragon riding wizard who is in love with her.
>Group gets through the illusions, traps and puzzles of the Castle far enough to find Princess.
>Group makes run for it.
>Barbarian "Fails" an int check and calls up at dragon overhead
>Dragon and wizard come down to taunt group (is actually another illusion
>Bard player panics then, in utracalm voice asks: "Wait. Wizards don't have healing magic."
>Bard pulls a knife and guts Princess
>"IF YOU WANT HER TO LIVE, LET US GO!"
>DM is broken for 15 minutes

That made me laugh pretty good there user.

Happened last time I DM'd. Tonight is the chase scene... through the traps they didn't bother to jam or destroy.

Good luck user, and Godspeed.

Oh fuck. While the princess bleeds out?

Bard has healing magic right? if anything the princess can take a seat on his Piccolo.

>have a party of 4
>be a gun slinger
>first time playing patherfinder
>were in some old cave with a base in it
>we end fucking killing everything we see
>FeelsGoodMan
>find a shit ton of gold
>go back to the town
>buy a buffalo to ride into battle with
>go back to the same cave
>we reach the end
>we see about 13 gray aliens
>our monk goes over to them and they decide to have tea
>13 aliens have tea with 4 really decked out shit, guns, swords, AND A FUCKING BUFFALO
>i decide to intimate the shit out them
>rule a 1
>shitfuck.png
>it turns out to be a fucking brawl
>we start to stand up and you could the hear the fear of death in our voices
>we start to run away
>my party is so fucking angry at me
>divine intervention comes in
>says my buffalo will by us time if it makes the ultimate sacrifice
>FuckNotTheseFeels.tiff
>i say alright
>we get away safe
sometimes i lay in bed wondering and thinking that my buffalo fought the better fight, and i will never forget that buffalo for as long as i live

Fair point, but... While running away AND dodging traps? That's like ASKING for failed rolls.

True, but if they have like a berserker or something can't they just punch a hole in a wall and jump out?

btw i'm no way an expert at D&D I have only viewed 2 games total (over twitch). and participated in 0.

This one happened some 8 years ago

>Be AnonDM
>Running a Post-Fantasy apoc world
>Players grubby scavengers of the old world
>They stumble across an old Dwarven city and delve into it.
>After several fights, find a column puzzle.
>they figure out the puzzle and find the treasure chest in a tight chamber at top of column.
>"How do we get it down?" They ask
>"Ahh....The chest is mostly friction-less against stone! An old dwarven trick." Replys AnonDM
>Players pull the treasure chest, dump out the treasure and ride around inside the treasure chest.
>Rest of the campaign is about develuping and marketing a Train transport based off of "Chestidy", the Treasure Chest.

>punch hole through wall
>barely fail
>wrong wall, still inside
If I was actually good at getting my thoughts onto paper, I'd definitely enjoy GMing.

Glorious improvisation for the win.

Just so all of you know, i'm screencapping alot of this. Just an fyi.

the party consists of a Goliath Barbarian, a stupid dragonborn paladin (and his goblin butler), An ASSHOLE of a half-elf Bard, A human sorcerer and an old Dwarf lady Cleric.

I'm flattered. and horrified.

That's plenty enough to bust through a wall right? Berserker and Paladin alone....

Much like the gif!

I have it set up as a series of challenges. First they need to get across the bridge they came in on, which is slick with a dead Gelatinus cube before the real dragon comes down and does a sweeping flyby of firebreath. Past that is the outer wall where they can take a breather. But past that is the columns with slicing blades which have switch past on. they can't stay too long in the building before the dragon gets through. past that they can either sneak around to the other tower and find a way down or make an end run around the dragon to get to they're boat.

She can't bleed out. one of the players sold his soul to Narlehotep to put her into stasis. HIS idea. Was so proud.

So.... What your saying is......

Your not going to let them break a wall?

Sorry about the typos, Having myself a drink or three.

It's ok your dubs will cover for ya.

>proud of selling soul
>bard guts the princess on a whim

I'm so sorry for you, anonDM. When's your next babysitting session?

They can bust through the gate wall if they wish. that would suprise the hell out of the dragon! Who knows what they'll do. That's why i love playing with this group. near ten years of gaming and they still suprise the hell out of me. Fun times!

Haha, wish I had people around my area who wanted to play D&D. Seems like a good time.

Tonight. and it's herding cats, not taking care of babies. Players do crazy shit man.

only if you have a fun, good group. I've been in some bad ones, let me tell you!

Much more apt analogy, there. Made me snort. Thanks for that.

oh feels bad man, its fun if you have the right people to play with

I see, welp guess ill just keep my eyes open for the right people then.

Playing 3.5-based pulp game (and later D&D 3.5). It's the first TTRPG most of us have played, so one friend is DM by merit of having played more than anyone else. He's awful at it. Doesn't realize you only need a combat map on the grid if you're going to fight, not for meetings, etc. Takes fucking forever to do even the most mundane thing. Over the course of a couple years gaming with mostly the same core group, I learn a lot more about the game mechanics than DM. Get called a rules lawyer simply for knowing the rules (though, mostly in good humor). One girl who plays in our group has severe assburgers and can never remember how to play, even though DM spends 2+ hours per session explaining shit to her. Her character is actually overpowered fighter, but because the player is half tard, doesn't do hardly anything (but not entirely useless). Some of the other players and I end up bringing hard liquor along with us for game nights and getting pretty lit and having a good time, since we know the game itself won't be very entertaining.

Our drinking adds to getting even less done. Probably our fondest memory is:

>Group is going to some kind of prohibition-era speakeasy that's underground
>Looking for clues in regard to some plot shit
>DM plans for us to get into a huge fight of some kind
>He spends literal hours drawing map for inevitable fight
>He's lazy, so doesn't start drawing map until we're there and it's time to play
>So, time for me to drink
>(forever later)
>Long story short, we actually navigate the entire scene without starting the fight he thought we'd have
>our group is successful in our mission
>trying to leave the map area
>for whatever reason he tells us to make a spot check (can't remember why)
>one guy rolls natural 20
>he successfully locates the stairs
>we leave

So that's always remembered as the time the only thing we got done was finding the stairs.

i live in utah and ive played with some hard core Mormons and im the type of guy that i play the guy who tries to sleep with everyone, so it doesn't mix well

Haha sounds like quite the story there user.

Do tell.

Yeah, see what I mean? It's all about the group. By far my worst group was the one I was in with my abusive ex. People where sleeping with each other, cheating on spouses and the like. And the GAMING WAS HORRIBLE. Stopping in the middle of combat to have in-character relationship fights, it was One Ring RPG but everyone wanted to play wizards, and i spent most of my time drunk, wondering why the hell i came ever week. Eventually i picked up DMing again and found a new group.

Dang user, welp At least ya found a better group. I didn't think D&D could even get that heated.

It's a social group, just like any other. It can have it's ups, downs and cancers just like any other social group. I think it gets worse as not all geeks are... well, use to being in social groups! Add booze and sex and BAM, you got that situation. Bad times, mang.

>so be me
>were in a city in the forest
>and theres a mountain right next to it
>its spilling out black goo
>have a party of 4
>we go to the tavern to see if have any leads
>ohshitwatup.jpeg
>grill hostess
>we get info about the goo and shit
>they leave but i stay
>i try to sex her
>i keep rolling 20s over and over again
>but im not getting anywhere
>wtf.esp
>fuck it ill go back to my party
>ends up the mormon in my party casted some bullshit spell on me that i cant do anything bad
>so we go the mountain
>i knock his ass out
>force him to drink the goo
>ends up with some nerf that he has to kill someone every day and have rape shit
>HOLYFUCKITSHAPPING.exe
>he says yolo and kills off his character
you honestly dont know how good i felt when it happened, i almost cried tears of joy

> be veteran player
> weekly pathfinder group
> have brand new player, first time playing an rpg
> rolls a sorcerer
> be paladin
> rogue in our party is dhampir
> her father is powerful vampire lord
> using his assets to complete quest
> paladin code means I'm pissed we're working with evil undead
> on vampire lord's ship
> salty as fuck
> get in shouting match with sailors
> fight about to break out
> newby sorcerer thinks he can handle it
> rolls 1
> DM rules sorcerer loses temper and calls the vampire a cuck
> swords drawn
> sorcerer wins initiative, casts fireball
> wrecking own team with fireball spell = noob initiation right
> ship goes up in flames
> party and crew alike burning alive
> be me wearing plate armor immune to fire
> idea
> "This vampire lord is rich, right?"
> DM, "yes"
> "And he'd have a lot of luxury and riches on his ship, right? "
> DM, "yes..."
> Immediately head to vampire's private quarters, take everything that isn't nailed down
>while party and ship burn around me, calmly carry loot to life boats
>takes several trips but i get it all
> row to shore with phat lootz, leave party to burn
> now rich beyond wildest dreams
> immediately become LE, lose paladin abilities, doesn't matter bc I'm ballin
> DM informs me vampire lord is pissed, going to track me down
> use newfound wealth to hire an army, equip them with holy weapons
> vampire can't touch me
> raid his castle with army and slaughter him
> set myself as new evil overlord of kindom
> /campaign
> just destroyed months of DM work
> to DM, "you mad bro?"

I've posted it before, but here's the story of "Distraction Lesbians".

Party:
Paladin: Male
Monk: Female
Rogue: Female
Cleric: Female
Warlock: Male
Archer (with guns): Male

>Need to get holy sword to slay red dragon
>Sword is in temple to Heironeous
>Paladin is of Heironeous
>They tell him he's unworthy
>Won't listen
>Monk, Cleric, and Rogue convene
>Announce operation: Distraction Lesbians
>DM: "...what."
>Cleric marries Rogue and Monk in crowded street
>Monk and Rogue pull each other to ground
and make love
>Paladin goes through front door of temple
>Asks out loud about laws concerning the two naked women having sex in public
>Gets trampled by mostly male attendees
>Warlock and archer sneak into abandoned temple, steal sword, replace with replica.
>Cleric blesses wedding as Paladins hnnngh

We went off, slew the dragon, and tried to replace it, got caught and put on trial.

It was noted that the Paladin hadn't fallen during the course of his actions, which meant Heironeous wasn't that pissed.

We were later informed by the High Priest no charges would be pressed because Heironeous was laughing too hard to be upset.

I remember the first time I truly just rolled with what the players did and had a blast doing it. this was... a little under 20 years ago? Damn i'm old.

>Be TeenagedAnonDM
>Be playing 2e
>Be sick with cold, but Highschool group are bored
>Say "Fuck it" and came up with side mission so wouldn't have to deal with plot stuff (had a fully written story back then. HA! what a fool)
>PC's wonder across dead body and zombies shambling away into forest
>Cleric refuses to follow, as it isn't about the plot and his character "Wouldn't care about a couple of undead"
>He sits off to side in a huff while we game
>Zombies lead to a tower, on which a green light blooms.
>Whole tower one large fight with zombies and ghouls.
>Paladin wrestles Ghast off balacony, saving group
>Druid struggles to keep party alive with out piss-ant cleric
>Fighter slays with glee
>Thief finds necromancer and tosses him off roof top.
>First GREATEST NIGHT OF GAMING.
>Forget lesson after getting better and go back to boring plot to appease cleric player

Fuck, that's funny as shit.

I really want this to be a true story.

...

>At Dragonflight
>Get into a pick-up AD&D game
>Con shuts down for the night, catch a bus, get off at first IHop we see
>Keep playing
>2nd or 3rd lvl at this time
>Situation arises and this 20th lvl char shows up
>turns out it's a char that belongs to GM and he's been playing him for years
>20th char makes some demand on our party and it's expected we go along with it because y'know, he'd kill us all
>I'm a veteran player and through a series of unlikely & unusual circumstances I manage to get his 20th char killed
>GM is a standup guy, and takes it in stride
>about an hour later the group falls into a pit trap
>there's an npc that didn't fall in
>ask npc to drop down a rope so we can get out
>npc refuses, entire party dies, night's over

>Be AnonPC
>Play a Buckler of the finest Swash.
>Adventuring with a rogue-fighter and a sorcerer.
>have to go down into sewers
>get chased by wave of shit
>Find Wererat with mcguffin of mission complete
>wererat dives down sewer pipe
>AnonPC draws the short straw and goes down first.
>Decides to tie rope around self so they can pull back up if need.
>Jump in pipe
>Get to end of rope
>Party argues wether to pull up AnonPC or let him go
>DM Watches clock, then smiles
>AnonPC Drowned while they bickered
>Spend rest of session as a bitter ghost following them around.

why wouldn't you just climb up the rope?

DM made the mistake of telling me one of the chests i grabbed was full of precious jewels. We used some simple math to figure out the volume of the chest and how many jewels would fit. Then rolled randomly for the types of jewels. When we added up the gp value it was a little over 40 million. DMs jaw dropped and he immediately realized the mistake he had made

OH, I tried. the force of the rushing water made the damn DC high and kept fucking the rolls up. If they had pulled or let me go, i would have been fine.

That poor local town's economy. They'll be using gems for fishing lures soon enough.

I got a good one.

>17 year olds, sell drugs and go to school
>make around 1,000 a week, lonewolf
>see middle school sweetheart for the first time in 5 years
>start dating her for a good long while

>1 year later, planning on getting married
>promise to stop selling drugs
>saved around 95,000k
>get phone call from someone anonymous

wait, wut?

...

>party is sea farers
>i roll up anti palladin
>intimidates owner of awesome ship
>rape.jpg
>party has awesome ship way out of price range
>lets celebrate
>go into bar
>steal drink from weakest nigga
>balls up and attacks me
>rape.jpg
>starts bar brawl
>15 crits later no one is alive except the bartender and op npc

Gm never let me be an anti palladin again. all up the character lasted an hour

bump