>Be masturbating to family photos of my mom when she was in middle school
>Mommy comes in and sees
>Asks me to stop
>Stand up, still masturbating (Slowly, dont want to cum yet, but dont wanna have to start over)
>Explain that incest was just invented by normies to make it harder for robots to get laid, and that only a fucking freak wouldn't be attracted to viable pussy when available
>She sighs and leaves
>finally able to finish up, want some spaghetti
>Go downstairs and see mommy in kitchen
>Cooking roast chicken
>Screech at her and ask why she didn't make spaghetti
>Her answer is the final straw
>"What? You didn't ask for spaghetti."
>Lunge at her and kick the shit out of her
>Shit on her whore face when she's down
>As she lays there, her pants ride up quite a lot
>See her ass clearly through her pants
>Mutter "Only a freak wouldn't be attracted to viable... viable pussy..."
>Don't want to lose virginity yet (saving for my highschool friend who I haven't spoken to in 17 years, still holding out hope we'll meet again and she'll have stayed pure for me too)
>Jerk off onto her ass instead, write a note on the white wall of the kitchen in my own shit
>"Spaghetti. One hour. Or next time, I'll do it worse, then kill myself and blame you in the suicide note."
Be masturbating to family photos of my mom when she was in middle school
Other urls found in this thread:
youtube.com
youtu.be
youtu.be
youtu.be
youtu.be
twitter.com
include me in the screenshot, this might get maybe two upvotes
Top Kek OP
I came.
medium kek at most faggot
I know this is purely bait
But if this is somehow a real story, you're a contemptible human being, and should seriously consider suicide if you don't already.
dawson, dis you?
...
>(saving for my highschool friend who I haven't spoken to in 17 years, still holding out hope we'll meet again and she'll have stayed pure for me too)
oh god lol
Hi, my name is Harambe. I live at the Cincinnati zoo with my dad, his breeder, and his mate. A lot of stuff has happened in the last 17 years but one thing is for sure, You NEVER know what is coming over that gate!
Hi, my name is Harambe. I live at the Cincinnati zoo with my dad, his breeder, and his mate. A lot of stuff has happened in the last 17 years but one thing is for sure; You NEVER know what is coming over that gate!
Hi, my name is Harambe, I live at the Cincinnati zoo with my dad, his breeder, and his mate. A lot of stuff has happened in the last 17 years but one thing is for sure, You NEVER know what is coming over that gate!
Hi, my name is Harambe. I live at the Cincinnati zoo with my dad, his breeder, and his mate. A lot of stuff has happened in the last 17 years but one thing is for sure! You NEVER know what is coming over that gate!
Hi, my name is Harambe. I live at the Cincinnati zoo with my dad, his breeder, and his mate. A lot of stuff has happened in the last 17 years but one thing is for sure, You NEVER know what is coming over that gate!!
>family photos
Any other hot ladies in that album besides your mum?
>Don't want to lose virginity yet (saving for my highschool friend who I haven't spoken to in 17 years,
>still holding out hope we'll meet again and she'll have stayed pure for me too)
god so close to my situation fuck it im gonna have sex with one of the three ugly girls
that chase me
thanks op for making me feel autistic.
oh my god kek
...
I've heard of these threads....
I thought they were just myths.
Welcome newfag
The only funny part of the story tbqh
we need some tendies autism greentext
Moar pls OP
>Wake up early its 4pm
>Dont smell tendies in the air.
>I waddle to my door around the piss bottles.
>Start slamming my head into the wall and screaming TENDIES TENDIES I WANT TENDIES
>Slut bitch Mommy slowly opens the door to my lair
>With tears in her eyes she slides in my tendies and juice-box.
>I tell her iCarly is on later so she better prepare the highest luxary goodboypoints can buy
>I make my way back to my bed exhausted from my journey across the room and back i rest
>my diaper seems almost full ill need a change before the big event later
>pondering what is going to happen in tonights episode i drift into slumber my little pony playing in the background
>I am awoken to mommy cleaning my piss jars up i tell her i need a diaper change aswell she nods with a look of disgust on her face
>Soon iCarly will be on the grand event
>The theme songs starts playing i scream at mommy to hurry or ill murder her and feed her to our dog buttersnout
>Mommy enters my room she is dressed in appropriate apperal plaid shorts converss sneekers and a hoodie her hair dyed the perfect shade of blonde.
>Now my Good boy favorite boy reward rivaled only by tendies and juice boxes begins
>I wait for a scene with sam in it my favorite icarly character she is the best i then have mommy do her special service to me and pretend its sam
>i came five times tonight it was the best i finish by blowing on sams i mean mommy butt and tell that dirty slut to go make me SOME FUCKING TENDIES
>she starts walking away when a sight i never witnessed before appears before my eyes SAM IN A BIKINI JUST SHOWED ON AIR OMG
>With a speed of achilles i move like a lion and grab mommy before she makes it out of my lair
>I throw her on my computer desk and did adult things too her more then i ever thought i could
>when im finally finished mommy isnt moving
>iCarly is over i lay down and start watching adventure time
>covered in my special sauce mommy starts crying
>i tell her GO GET ME FUCKING TENDIES
This thread keeps getting better and better
Thank you.
Thanks nigger you got me 11 likes on a shitty app
You got baited m8ed
>up at 3:AM because hard core gamer
>playing tf2
>looking at pony spray when suddenly I get killed by demonigger
>rage and nearly shit myself
>tummy rumbles
>rub my fap lotion on my belly and slide to the kitchen
>look in freezer for hot pockets
>none left
>tip toe to mommys room
>she tried to lock her door but I pick it with my handy screwdriver that I keep in my cloth diaper
>silently open door, get on the floor and do a tactical lizard crawl to her bedside
>m-mummy I shake her
>"yes, sweetie"
>your good boy needs more hot pockies
>"no user I have-"
>squeezes her boob and punch her in the nose
>she doesn't say anything, she gets up and leaves to Walmart
>go back to computer and fap on e621 to furry hentai
>she comes back leaves the hot pockets on the counter and goes back to bed
>I grab the box
>fucking ham and cheese
>thought I told that bitch pepporoni
>go to her room again
>door locked yet again
>this infuriates me
>with all my force I break open the door
>THE DOOR! THE DOOR! YOU TRIED TO LOCK IT, YOU TRIED TO POISEN ME WITH THE WRONG HOT POCKETS!!!!
>nail her in the eye with frozen hot pocket box
>same routine, made her go back to Walmart to buy the right hot pockets
>mfw she brought back two boxes
>mfw she even brought back Baja blast from Taco Bell just to be sure I was sated
Ifunny?
Good fucking god, WHAT
How old are you?
hey new friend
Hello friend and welcome to Sup Forums, we enjoy all sorts of humor here and we hope you feel accepted.We recommend catching up on some memes of ours on Know Your Meme dot com so you don't seem out of place, enjoy your visit!
ITT: god tier greentext
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PUT ME IN SCREENCAP FOR R/Sup Forums
Ur a fagoober
...
>be 35 year-old virgin NEET
>wake up at 6pm
>glance at my GBP board
>*gasp*
>momsey raized my Tendies by 5GBP EACH!
>Fucking makin me a bitch boy
>Go online lookin for advice
>I heard Reddit is helpfull
>Crawl through forest of NeckBeards
>Fined haven of the Gods!
>/r/Redpill
>Turns out momsey is just a whore needing an Alpha
>Must sell Beta Bux for RedPills
>Check Momsey's drawers, normie bitch has packets of Control pillz !!!
>Controll pillz will suffice
>Tear open packs swallow every last fucking Control pill
>I AM ALPHA
>I AM THE BRINGER OF DEATH
>I AM REDPILL
>Momsey walks in screaming at me, give her knowing smile, punch that bitch in her baby maker
>I AM ALPHA! I continue to shout while beating my chest like a Silverback Gorilla
>Pull out my peepee n slap momsey as she cries salty tears
>Belly is all Rumbly Tumbly, Control pills must be workin
>Start slapping Momsey showing my true dominance, I don't need no GBP I scream in her fucking normie face!!!!
>Black the Fuck out
>Wake up in hospital, stomach freshly pumped now Im hungry as fuck!
>Momsey crying in corner
>MFW nurse gives me pile of chicken tendies...
ALPHA AS FUCK!
...
>beating my chest like a Silverback Gorilla
ENOUGH WITH THE HARAMBE NONSENSE
Okay so I have a story to tell you all.
>Be me
>The rest of my family were gone for the weekend leaving the house all to myself
>Jacking off to some POW photos (pic related) listening to old war music [youtube.com
>GodblessAmerica.jpg
>Hear the door open
>"user we're ho- WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?"
cont?
cont.
>My parents are now clearly in my room but I keep going, it's my duty! No! My mission!
>"Why the fuck are you still going?!?!?"
>Out of surprise and pride I scream "I HAVE TO COMPLETE MY MISSION!!"
>My parents have looks of pure disgust on their faces now
>As I near my completion I scream out "FOR LIEUTENANT DAN!!!"
>I cum on my parents faces and they rush out of my room
>I hear fireworks outside of my window
>I investigate: They are red white and blue
>I stand up from my computer chair with my pants still down and salute
>A single tear drops down my face
>"God bless America..."
What a helluva way to go
Hi, my name is Harambe. I live at the Cincinnati zoo with my dad, his breeder, and his mate. A lot of stuff has happened in the last 17 years but one thing is for sure, You NEVER know what is coming over that gate!
>Settling down in my man-palace after a hard night of teaching scammers a lesson in Runescape.
>It's been a bit hot lately, so the Coke shit-jugs are starting to ferment. I can see gas-bubbles forming, and the bottles are expanding. Mommy's been getting lazy. I resolve to have a stern word with her.
>Feeling a bit peckish. I'm still only on my second dinner, after all.
>Check my GBP chart and see that I have 25 good boy points saved up! That's only 5 short of a whole box of tendies!
>"MOMMY! MOM! YOUR BEST-BOY NEEDS YOU!"
>I hear a glass smash, and a sob from outside my door. Obviously, in her rush to tend to me, the wench has dropped whatever beverage she was preparing for me. I scream louder.
>"MOMMY!! GET IN HERE NOW!". I start throwing piss bottles at the wall. One goes my window, and into the neighbour's house. I don't care. Mommy will fix it.
>All this exertion wears me out, no strength left. Lose control of my sphincter temporarily and blast shit all down the back of my limited edition Final Fantasy jammies.
>Mommy comes in and looks around the room, her face is all scrunched up, clearly distressed at how much she has displeased me.
>"I want tendies! Now!" I point in the direction of the kitchen, and expect to see her much dutifully away to prepare my nourishing reward.
>Mommy sighs and looks at the chart "user, you know the rules. You still need 5 more GBP for a box of chicken tenders."
>"They're called TENDIES you stupid BITCH!" I scream as I lunge towards her. I go to fetch my little league bat so I can bash her head in, but the fates cause me to miss by a TINY bit.
>"Sigh, clean up all these bottles, user, and I'll give you the last 5 points."
>Before I deliver the fatal blow, she walks out, and closes the door.
>In a weakened state, unable to continue the fight. I decide to clean up the jugs.
>Go to collect them all, too many for one trip. I refuse to take multiple trips, it's undignified, so I pile them all on my blanket and wrap them up.
(continued)
sam is best girl
>Shit and piss jugs leaking everywhere. No bottletops on any of the MTN Dew bottles (I keep all bottlecaps in my Fallout Limited Edition Vault while their value increases!)
>Put the poopy-pile in the secret area under my bed! :^)
>"MOMMY MOMMY. TENDIE TIME! A WHOLE PACK OF TENDIES WILL SOON BE MINE!"
>Another glass shatters outside the door. How stupid IS this woman? I hear another, louder sob.
>Mommy comes in, a bullet rolls in past her foot. Maybe she was buying me that new pistol I wanted! (I'm prestige in CoD)
>She looks around, checking for poopy-bottles and pissy-wissy jugs. She doesn't know our little secret! :^)
>Tendies already on a plate! She's semi-redeemed herself!
>Ready for my reward!
>"Sorry, user. I still see one bottle." Mom points, and holds the plate out of reach. I see one piss-bottle I've missed! Blast!
>"N-No mom! That's MTN Dew", noting the clearish yellow liquid.
>"Oh really? Then drink some." She says.
>Horrified at the idea, but really need those GBP! Still too exhausted from talking, and the shit is starting to pool around my feet.
>I walk over and pick up the bottle. Looking down in disgust, but trying to hide it, I take a swig.
>Immediately feel the overpowering urge to throw up. Try to keep it down, but can't. Still too tired from the battle with mom earlier.
>Start throwing up all over my room. Lurch forward and trip over my Pinkie Pie plushie.
>Vomit hits my mom in the eyes and she starts screaming and vomiting too. The tendies go flying in the air, and mom smashes into everything.
>Fall back onto the bed and the shit jugs burst out from underneath. Shit and piss everywhere.
>Mom slips over in the shit, unable to stand up. Eventually she crawls out. Crying. Probably in disgust at how lazy she is.
>Tendies land on the floor in a pool of liquid shit and piss.
>Not wasting 30GBP after all that.
>Sit down for my meal.
>as I work down the shit&piss covered tendies I hear one last, sad sob and then a loud BOOM
>MFW.
>and then a loud BOOM
???
I don't get it. Was it the exhaust of a car driving by?
Yes, user, that's what it was. Backfire from an old jalopy.
>Mommy gives me $20 and tells me to go walk to the movies so she and New New Daddy can have some alone time
>"For tickets alone, this sum shall suffice. But I must eat too, and that begs a higher price!"
>Jesus user, when are you going to stop talking like that? It's really getting on my nerves
>bitch still gives me another $20
>"Mummy, upon leaving the theatre, the hour will be late. A ride I demand, and I don't like to wait!"
>user, the theater is a 5 minute walk away. Get home yourself
>"Neglect of your child is the worst of my triggers. Do you wish to see me set upon by unruly niggers?"
>user, don't use that language! We live in a safe neighborhood, now go
>"The march to the theatre looms long and unfriendly. To maintain my stamina, I require Tendies!"
>mummy is visibly mad at this point
>user, I'm not making you more tendies, you had two cases earlier. Your body doesn't need any more!
>"Ah, i see it's a matter of my digestive capacity. The solution, I assure you, is not beyond my sagacity!"
>stick thumb down throat
>puke all over mummy's special Just For Daddy dress
>"My stomach is emptied, it demands to be refilled! Now cook up more tendies, the only task in which you're skilled!"
>mummy starts crying
>walks toward bathroom
>I pull her back into the kitchen
>she makes tendies while crying silently
Your manner of speaking is very poetic. Don't let that bitch try to change your way of speaking.
> Be me on 31st birthday
> Super excited for my party mother organised downstairs
> Mother comes inside my room to greet me as I've been a very good boy this year
> "MUMMIE MUMMIE WHERE IS MY PRESENTS!"
> "Not yet, user - the party is downstairs"
> "I WANT MY PRESENTS NOW!" I said
> Mother rolled her eyes and went down stairs
> I dont need any good boy points today, its me birthdaaaay!
> Decide to be extra good for the guests downstairs so I cleaned my asshole extra in the shower so no poopie will show.
> Run downstairs to show guests my clean no poopie butt
> -Silence-
> All guests are shocked at how clean my poopie free asshole is, all 2 of them (grammie and mummy)
> "GRAMMY LOOK AT MY POOOOPIE"
> Grandma so happy for me.
> mfw best birthday ever
>Mummy walks in the door holding bags of groceries
>"Looks like mummy got some groceries, and she looks friendly. I wonder perhaps, did she pick up my tendies?"
>Yes, user, I got you your tendies. They'll be ready in time for dinner.
>"Methinks, perhaps, they'd best be made now; Lest ye become burdened by poo poo somehow..."
>user, I don't have time. I need to go pick up your sister from school.
>"Sissy can wait, but poo poo cannot. The tendies will be here and they will be hot."
>Please don't do this again, user. We can't afford to keep buying you new diapers.
>"You've forsaken me whim, let the poo poo commence. The contents within will be quite immense"
>What are you... OH MY GOD, user. THAT SMELLS TERRIBLE
>"I warned you, dear mummy, most surely I did. This is what you get for neglecting your kid!"
Then I played CS: Go for 26 minutes before taking a lengthy nap. Upon my awakening, a warm plate of tendies. Life is comfy.
Feels like summer
Get rid of this Cancer Newfag
>be me
>wake up from ten hour nap, starving
>craving tendies
>saved up some extra gbp by helping mommy bring in groceries
>only problem is mommy's boyfriend chad is with her in their room making snugglies
>fucking hate that bitch i want tendies now
>yell at mommy through closed door
>"MOMMY! WENDY'S TENDIES! WENDY'S TENDIES! WENDY'S TENDIES!"
>"not now user ill get you some later"
>fucking bitch ill show her
>get my pissjugs from under my bed, along with my cum blanket, pretty much completely crusty at this point
>barge into mommy's room
>chad is on top of mommy
>take one of my pissjugs and pour contents onto them
>"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING" chad screams
>mommy is sobbing
>"WENDY'S TENDIES ARE SO SPLENDID! NONE FOR YOU AND ALL FOR ME. IF YOU WANT SOME TASTY TENDIES, GBP WILL BE THE FEE."
>chad punches me, fall over, breaking pissjugs on floor
>piss is everywhere
>pee is a fetish of mine, get really horny
>take out my iphone 6s and type in my favorite hentai
>start using my cum blanket to jerk off my dick
>chad and mommy are staring in shock
>chad gets up and leaves, mommy chasing after him
>"CHAD, WAIT!" mommy is crying
>"I can't handle this anymore Stacy, you're son is a fucking freak."
>chad slams door and drives away
>finish fapping, cum buckets into my cum blanket
>drape freshly minted blankey over mum's head
>"ill go get your tendies now user" she says, sadly
>tfw I break her
>mommy comes home with tendies
>gobble them up while watching the littlest pet shop and fapping some more
>and i still have 50 gbp left.
Too good
op didn't make you feel autistic. you've always felt autistic.
you are autistic
>while watching the littlest pet shop and fapping some more
Patrician choice of spank-material, sir!
Stop FUCKING RAIDING NEWFAG
>Be me
>Living with mommy and asshole stepdada
>Usually keep to myself down in the basement with my animes, and vidya while they screw around upstairs
>That fucking chimp thinks I cant hear him bang my mom in this house of paperthin walls
>One day he's doing laundry
>Motherfucker thinks he can put his undies in the same basket as mine and wash them together
>ThisFuckingNigger.jpg
>Tell him that's a big nono and tell mommy on him
>She has to listen to me, I've earned many GBP last week for calling a truce and not chucking my doodoo in the Tyrones aquarium
>That fucking junglebunny had the audacity to tell me to grow up and stop making my moms life a living hell and move out and get a job
>A job
>A FUCKING JOB
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>run to my batcave and take out my glorious 3rd Reich armband
>Eat this subby
>Parade around the house screaming Sieg Heil and Heil Hitler
>Notice my neighbours watching
>My middle schools bff dad, I heard he moved out and married a fitnessjock in SF
>Anyway
>Tyrone chimps out
>OOO OOO AAA AAA
>Comes at me full speed
>OHSHIT.gif
>Start spinning my arms in a forward direction
>Actually sock him in big fat apenose
>"MUTHAFUCKA WHITEBOI" "That's it Martha! I'm out!"
>Notice moms in the corridor crying like a little bitch and smoking ciggs
>Tyrone runs upstairs and starts packing his suitcase
>Run to mom and put my face a few inches from hers
>"Start vaping bitch"
>Run to Tyrones aquarium and lays the big poopie that was laying in my underino all this time
>That'll teach that slave
>Tyrone comes downstairs and goes out the front door
>Mom runs after him
>Tyrone pls dont! He's just a boy!
>"HE'S 32, FFS MARTHA!"
>kek, like age has anything to do with that
>Moms still screaming behind him and he stops, he looks like he's coming around
>NotOnMyWatchCoon.jpg
>run out and stand between him an mommy
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"NO! FUCK THIS"
>Steals neighbours car and drives off
>Mommy realizes I'm the only man for her
>Mommy's good boy wins again
Fucking brain damaged piece of degenerate rash
Kill yourself
>>Actually sock him in big fat apenose
I thought I said enough with the harambe nonsense!
FUCK THIS WEBSITE AMIRIGHT :D
>3.46 p.m.
>get a hankering for Dragon Ball Z (TV Series 1996 - 2003)
>cant get off couch due to muscular-skeletal indevelopment
>scream at mum upstairs
>doesnt reply
>hear sobbing, know the dumb bitch is awake
>yell that ill vomit on the cat
>hear her coming downstairs
>fucking whore took ages, i bet she needs those crutches because of her boyfriend tyrone's dick
>fucking an ape, racemixing filth could drop a dirty baby
>arrives after 44 seconds
>"three seconds late bitch!" i yell after swallowing a mouthfull of whipped cream and pizza
>"would you like me to put on muppets treasure island again dear?"
>stupid bitch cant even remember the schedule
>i keep staring at her, waiting for the timetable to work its way through her mushy brain
>"cars?" she says, clearly getting uncomfortable at her own incompetence
>im getting sick of this shit, dumb bitch needs to be broken in
>pick up a handfull of skittles
>"the lion king?" she says, watching my fist close around them
>sadistic cunt knows how hard activity is with my developmental problems
>pelt her with a handful of sticky skittles
>she flinches, and keeps guessing
>"monsters inc.?" her voice trembling now
>throw another handful of skittles
>this ones heavy on green
>greens my favourite
>now im fucking mad
>start turtling a shit in my pants
>she can tell from my face going red
>"b-b-bambi?" shes really scared now
>the estate agents not going to be impressed if she cant clean my shit up before tomorrow
>keep pushing my shit out
>"d-dragon b-b-ball?" shes sobbing now
>not close enough, i can feel the shit against the couch
>"dragon...ball...GT?"
>had enough
>"DRAGON BALL Z YOU FUCKING WHORE"
>shes weeping as she puts the tape in
>goes upstairs faster than she came down the lazy slut
>fucking bakugan starts playing
Fucking normies can't even read kanji
>lunge at her and kick the shit out of her
not in your fucking dreams, titties.
>5:45 PM
>Wake up from a particularly intense visit to tumblrs paw fetish tag
>Even managed to stretch over my belly and reach my peepee long enough to cum with out mummys help
>Awake now, I feel the need for about 50 tendies and an extra large glass of chokie pudding to wash it down
>Press the intercom I had mommy install for my birthday last year
>"TENDIES TENDIES AND CHOKIE PUDDY!"
>If this cunt is too stupid to decipher THAT, then she's beyond all fucking help
>Mommy sprints up the stairs 20 minutes later with 2 50 piece nuggets from mcdonalds and a large jug of puddy
>Nuggets
>"Do it again or I'll fucking kill myself and light the house on fire right before I pull the fucking trigger."
>"Wha- Oh right! Tendies, not nuggies! I'm so so sorry honey..."
>"Honey'
>Fucking HONEY
>Mommy knows I like to be called her sweetpea
>Roll out of bed and lunge at her, the poopoo from last weeks Poofap party in hand
>Smash it into her fucking face as hard as I can while screaming "POOPOO POISON PAWNCH!!!"
>Mommy falls backwards into the radiator, but this has happened so many times her skull is calloused enough to tank the shot, she scrambles to her feet and rushes back to the car
>By the time she returns, I've eaten all the nuggies and puddy
>She has the 50 tendies
>But no new puddy
Guys, I try to be understanding but this is borderline child neglect. How do I show her that this is unacceptable? It's obvious my gentle reminders won't be as effective now that her skull doesn't crack on the radiator anymore.
This pasta was around before harambe was even a thing...
>Mom gets off work early without calling first
>Finds me in the pantry emptying my poop jug into the cat's litter box
>Starts yelling at me, saying that I'm fucking disgusting
>Tell her that it's all her fault for breaking up with my dad when I was six
>She tells me that I need to be an adult
>Cry and scream and even throw my shit jug at her
>She says that from now on I have to go to bed before midnight
>Tell her to fuck off and go to my room
>Don't go to bed because it's fucking bullshit and I'm not a god damn wage slave
>She opens the door flat out at like one AM and is really pissed
>Tries to push me away from the computer, but I'm too heavy
>I start yelling at the top of my lungs
>She rips my computer tower out of the wall and takes it up to her room
>Knows I'm too fat to climb the stairs and thinks shes won
>Lay down at the bottom of the stairs and scream until my throat hurts
>Still no computer
>She goes to work the next day
>Wake up at like 3 PM and no computer
>Bitch has fucking overstepped her boundaries now
>Go into the bathroom and lift top off toilet tank so I can shit in it
>Sitting on tank and begin to turtle-head when I get an idea
>Pucker up my ass and waddle into the kitchen
>Take huge shit in the microwave and set the timer for three hours
>Mom comes home an hour later and the whole house fucking reeks
>She's screaming about a fire in the kitchen
>Can hear her crying for hours and even hear firemen stamping around
>Later that evening she comes in sobbing
>Sets up my computer tower for me
Flawless victory
I don't get it. What good would shitting in the toilet tank have done?
>8pm
>playing RuneScape solo
>vs KBD
>Antifire runs out, die
>Scream and punch my wall, putting another hole in it (they stopped getting fixed when dad left)
>Fucking normalscum mom yells up to me "user, please stop getting mad at your nintendo! Pause it and come down for din-dins!"
>Yell back "FUCK OFF MOM IT'S NOT A NINTENDO AND I CAN'T PAUSE IT I NEED TO GET MY ITEMS BACK BEFORE THEY DESPAWN"
>All the while I'm running back (~200k risk)
>DISCONNECTED FROM SERVER
>Start screaming, run downstairs, tripping over my pissbottles
>Mom is standing by the router, dumb bitch turned it off
>"Now, user, I'm sorry I had to do that, but Doctor Goldberg says I need to set limits-"
>Cock my fedora back and punch that smug cunt in the neck
>She drops to the ground with a gasp and just lies there shaking
>I start screaming, stamping my feet and turtleheading
>She pushes past me on the way to her room
>Yell "OW BITCH YOU HURT ME!" and start crying
>She ignores me, locks herself in the room
>I follow her, still crying, stand outside her door and start kicking it, chanting "YOU DON'T LOVE ME MOMMY YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR GOOD LITTLE BOY"
>She begs me to leave her alone
>I tell her I'm hungry and she's starving me and if she doesn't get me some tendies right fucking now i'll report her for child abuse
>She tells me dinner is on the table
>It's fucking broccoli and meatloaf and shit
>Start pounding on her door and demanding the tendies I am owed
>Eventually get tired, bitch isn't responding, curl up on the floor outside her door and fall asleep to the sound of her quietly sobbing on the other side
>Wake up in my own bed, tucked in, a note on my lamp:
>"Sweetie, you made yourself sick and messed yourself, so I changed you and bathed you while you were asleep, I hope you don't mind. I'm sorry. I love you, you're my special little guy. Don't ever stop being my little boy, honey. I'll love you forever. Please forgive me."
>Plate of tendies on my nightstand
tfw mummy realizes I call the shots
She would have to clean it
The following is completely true. Unlike the rest of you idiots I actually live the dream!
>29 years old
>In my play room
>Need to make poo
>Lean over my inflatable ottoman
>Put my toy dump truck between my legs and make a shipment.
>Poo-poo is a little runnier than usual, but it doesn't matter.
>Now I'm hauling a fresh load across the country
>Mummy brings in my lunch (nachos. I like to change it up)
>"user, I told you not to play with your poo poo!"
>I'm getting real fucking tired of hearing this.
>Flip the plate of nachos into the wall
>Start punching my own head
>"user stop PLEASE STOP!" she screams
>You made me do this I say.
>She runs out of the room to get the tethers to tie my arms back and stop me hitting myself
>Stand behind the door and wait for her to come back.
>As soon as she runs back in I punch her directly in the face as hard as I can, making a weird, wet cracking sound.
>She falls over and hits her head on my dinosaur table.
>I go back to playing with my toy trucks and stuffed animals
>She wakes up a bit later
>I don't say anything, I just stare at her
>She quietly leaves the room.
>I can hear her crying from her room.
>Am I worried? No. Regretful? Certainly not.
>I'll wait it out and things will go back to normal.
>It's easy for me to be a good boy.
>If Mummy does what I say I'll be a good little boy.
If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.
>be normal MLP fan at convention
>getting a photo with Twilight Sparkle
>get mummy to hold Samsung Galaxy Note 2
>Twilight Sparkle is very busy and mummy can't use the phone
>DONT MAKE ME ANGRY I yell
>Mummy starts to cry, I hate it when mummy cries in public
>with a mighty roar of frustration I swing twilight princess in an ark of blue legs, ketchup on ice cream sundae and 7up onto mummy and the floor
>UUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRGGGGH
>run off as fast as my leggies will let me, tears and 7up trailing in the air like vapour trails
>wheezing and heaving I crash into a staircase full of people waiting in line for a signing
>I fall into them
>as I am small I can nearly use the scales at the doctors, so I think probably only 400lb
>I crush three children and a baby stroller leaving the imprinted mark of my magic the gathering ring in the face of legolas
>Legolas with an almighty shout of "FRODO" saves the day, swinging his mighty axe down and beheading me
>If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.
Agreed! All our mothers used to be slutty normalfags bitches. We wouldn't have pity with them normally. Ironically the only reason we do pity them is because they forced us into existence, which is the same reason we should hate them even more.
>>getting a photo with Twilight Sparkle
I assume you're referring to Tara "Look at my Tits" Strong? If so lucky you.
exactly, why don't cunts ever shut their mouths. Maybe they would be less sad if they kept their legs shut
>Be me, working on my minecraft peaceful world
>mummy comes in, hands up in submission
>"a-user... It's time for your doctors appointment..."
>look her dead in the face
>"if you make me go to that jew Doctor I'm going to shit in your fucking bed."
>"now user, if you behave... I'll give you a triple Tendie meal from anywhere you want."
>sold, but resolve to give her as hard a time as possible to punish her for not just GIVING me the triple tendies for being her perfect little baby boy
>get in the car
>"oh boy mommy, I really do need to go to the docy docs! I am feeling so... Sick!"
>shit my big boy pants
>she screams at me to get out of the car so she can clean it, say no, docy docs now!
>she reluctantly drives me over, go inside office and wipe my shit on the Windows
>she apologizes, pays for damages and we wait for the doctor
>mommys shoe starts to dangle off her heel
>start jerking off
>mommy sees me and desperately whispers at me to stop before someone notices
>moan as loud as I can
>she's in tears now
>look her in the eye
>"Touch my cock, whore." I say loud enough for the whole room to hear
>she sobs loudly and shakes her head no
>pinch her nipple and twist until she agrees and gives me cummies
>Doctor calls me in, immediately call him a kike
>spend whole checkup farting, pissing, and belching strategically to ruin the doctors day
>checkup finally ends, mom is still sobbing
>"triple Tendie time now mummy!"
>lets out a louder sob and rushes to the car, me in pursuit
>"wh-where do you want tendies from, user?"
>tell her I want wendies tendies
>she takes me to wendies, and we discover, to her horror, that they only have nuggets now.
>REEEEE at her while shitting and pissing myself
>she rushes me home and leaves me there, saying she'll be back soon with as many tendies as I can eat
>comes home 20 minutes later with 7 orders of Popeyes tendies
>smile and thank her
>she sighs with relief and decides to take a nap after her ordeal
>Left her a surprise in bed
> not knowing what Twilight Sparkle is
>am now filthy NEET, its almost normie tier
>filthy whore mother informed me NEETBUX can be exchanged for GBP
>I do like GBP
>have her leave work to pick me up
>roll me to car to take me to NEETBUX vendor
>disgusting nazi at bum office asks if ive looked for a job yet
>fucking normie shmuck dares speak to me?
>start breathing in through my teeth and blowing out my nose
>snot starts running down
>starts getting sucked into my mouth
>wait till mouth is filled
>grab wagecuck social benefit bearocrat by his ugly tie and and scream PUSSY spitting my snot all over his face
>stand up flipping the desk with my belly
>guess mother dearest was tired as 5 security guards carried me to the car
>mfw I dont have to go to bum office anymore
>NEETBUX4LIFE
>be last night
>playing dota 2 since 9 a.m.
>get the hungies
>wake mummy up at 11:30 p.m.
>tell her I want cool ranch Doritos locos tacos and baja blast Mountain Dew
>specifically tell her cool ranch & baja blast
>comes back with pleb tier original nacho Doritos locos tacos and kill me tier regular flavor pepsi
>decide to get back at mummy
>wait until about 2 a.m.
>take a big watery Taco Bell shit in front if her bedroom door
>she gets up for work 4 hours later slips on my huge puddle of taco bell diarrhea
>bruises her butt and ruins her nice work pants
That'll teach that cunt to not listen to me!
>wacky in my bed after fapping until 3:45 AM to furry porn in my closet
>want to play pokemon alpha sapphire
>reach for 3Ds
>its not on its charger stand
>hyperventilate and rush to mommys room
>ask her if shes seen my 3ds
>"now now, sweaty you can't have your nintendo back until you clean your room"
>a bold move for such an ungreatful bitch
>snatch 3ds out of her hand and slowely start walking back to room
>"user!"
>stop dead in my tracks
>she thinks shes scared me
>look down and chuckle like in my animes
>i slowely turn around
>my eyes roll up
>lower my voice to a demonic tone
>open my moun and let out a booming
>MOM
>scared little bitch mom still tries to take control
>"a-a-an-n-non, h-and over that g-g-game this i-i-nstant"
>sorry mom, but i've gotta beat the elite four
>walk out of the room, bitch does nothing
>mfw
>Tell mommy to make me triple-tendie din dins since I have so many good boy points
>She tells me we're out of Tyson brand tendies
>Unacceptable
>REEEEEEEEEEE MUMY MUMMY I TOLD YOU YO BUY MORE TENDIES REEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"Okay user, I'm s-sorry"
>"WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME MUMMY REEEEEEEEEEEE"
>Start flailing around, banging my head on the wall and kicking my legs around
>Stop when she says we can go to Mcdonald's
>Waddle in the store, drooling
>Ask for 5 Chicken sandwhiches and 5 SUPER SIZE fries and a Large Coke and a Good Boy sized McFlurry with extra toppings
>Wagie says "We stopped selling super size freedom fries after 9/11"
>Start screaming and farting
>Manager tells mommy that we have to leave
>Start screaming even louder and throwing other peoples food everywhere
>Hop on one of the tables and take a massive poopie
>Walk out laughing like my hero Tidus from Final Fantasy X
>Mommie is kneeling on the sidewalk, crying asking how it could get this bad
Stories like the ones in this thread are the reason why "living with your parents" should be illegal if you have the capability to live on your own. Welfare used to be a good thing, but nowadays its just to exploitable to be a real thing. I bet you would all starve if your mothers died today.
Maybe the mom killed herself from the pistol
> be me
> 28 years old NEET
> raised as an only child
> I caused mummy and daddys divorce
> nothing matters except the scrumptious taste of tendies
> GOLDEN BROWN TENDY TOWN TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN
> mfw its 03:00am
> eww mummy is sleeping with nasty landlord
> mummy I'm hungries
> yell into intercom for snackitysnacks
> CLAIM THE MEAL OF THE CHICKEN GODS!! ITS TENDY TIME!!
> her tired voice reponds with "NOT NOW SWEETY MOMMY IS WORKING!!"
> insolent woman I know there are tendies in the freezer bring me my tendies
> challenging me at this hour?
> keep chanting for the tendies that are rightfully mine
> evil jew landlord tells mummy to shut me up
> naughty man. Making mummy's ladylettuce smell like sardines
> The war has begun.ctn
> enter sunrise. All Preparations are complete.
> nullifying any chance of escape I reeeee into mummies "office" on my valiant reinforced electric scooter.
> douse jew in two jugs of poopyjuice before he can activate his spells
> evil jew is unable to battle!
> ram him into the corner and then leap off of my valiant steed and mount mummy's face
> NO NO NO NO NO NO MUMMY! YOUR PUNISHMENT MUST BE MORE SEVERE!!
> "URGH! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME SWEET-- OH GOD HELP ME PLEASE NO!!"
> Groan as I release a big boy turd so nasty her fingernails begin to peel backwards
> gaze into her eyes as the impact sends mummy into panic attack
> expel the last of my poopies on the sheet. How many times must I break you?
> tidy up my toys and waddle into kitchen to await my spoils
> slithery jew slithers out of my castle and says we don't need to worry about rent ever again
> mummy finally arrives visibly shaken and broken inside
> opens the freezer to make my tendies and blows them until they are cool
> "mummy you have to chew them for me"
> mummy breaks down in tears and screams for death
> yawn, give myself 5 extra gbp and fall asleep without eating them.
>be 27 y.o.
>wakey time at noon, early start today so I can get my bonus 5 good boy points
>Mommy comes into bedroom with the cutest widdle bruises all over her face from my tantrum last night
>Looks worried
>Looks like she hasn't slept in days
>But it's all alright, she does it for the bestest son in the world
>Mommy has breakfast on a platter, it's chicken tendies and habanero sauce
>I only eat McDonald's habanero sauce
>I take a widdle bite of my tendies dipped in the sauce
>it's not McDonald's
>eyes dilate
>jaw dislocates
>open mouth
>scream "BITCH WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SAUCE?"
>Mommy looks scaredy waredy
>Her lip shakes a bit
>Starts to cry
>"It's discontinued user, McDonald's doesn't have it anymore"
>"YOU BETTER GET IT RIGHT NOW OR I'M GONNA GET UPSET!"
>Mommy just stands there crying
>I start shitting and pissing myself
>"MOMMY! POOPOO! PEEPEE! PLOPPIES! SWIRLIES!"
>Mommy just stands there crying
>"WELL BITCH GET A MOVE ON!"
>Mommy stops crying, looks at me with a scawy look
>Walks out of the room
>Walks back into the room with a big scawy tube that makes a loud noise that hurt my ears
>Woke up in white room with doctors all around and my chicken tendies across the room
>tfw too fat to get out of hospital bed to get tendies
>cry
>post my story on Sup Forums
>4 am
>happy tummy full of tendies
>be right in the middle of my 5 nights at freddy's session
>suddenly my pee pee feels funny and tickles from the inside
>"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY"
>she doesn't respond, she's been eating a lot of sleep-candies since when second daddy left (she promised she'll share with me soon enough yay! )
>i'm forced to waddle out of my 80 GBP gaming chair and go in her room while screaming "PEEEEEE PPEEEEEEEEEEEE FIZZY MUMMY HELP BABYYY GUU"
>the stress of this causes my belly to relax and I let out a steaming brown tendy-log in my XXL diapey - i'm mummys big baby boy, she always says that :)
>i plop down in her bed while she looks at me in horror and disgust
>"mummy my pee pee feels tickly, need pee pee funny dance"
> tears are falling on her cheeks, she closes her eyes and starts taking my diaper off
>the smell of fresh tendy-log and 2 days old diarrhea smeared on my hairy asscheeks makes her gag
> i let out a teehee while saying "mummy belly burp!"
>then, while sobbing, she grabs my pee pee stick and starts going up and down
>my smegma crusted foreskin hardly retreats while tear drops fall on my belly
>i let out my funny-happy milk on her hand "OOHUUHHHHHHU PEE PEE IS GLAD, I MADE IT FOR MUMMYY"
> "you're my special little baby boy, thank you for your gift to mommy" says her, while becoming red in face from happiness
>mummy grabs orange bottle from nightstand and rewards herself extra-helping of sleep candies, teehee she deserves it!
> i leave her room and the diaper on her bed and go back to my gaming session
> the next day she's still tired and sleeping on her bed
i wonder when she'll wake up, maybe she's preparing a surprise for babby boy gu? so many GBP await me for not waking her up!!
> Be healthy 300 pound baby with a loving mommy
> wake up right on time at 5:25pm after a night of intense gaming on garys mod
> Go out with mummy to buy the minecraft sword I was promised, to defend against normies
> Arrive at Gamestop, mom makes GBP transaction with the wagey behind the coutner
> Feel instant rush of anger when I finally get the sword, because I need to show I'm superior to dumb wagecucks
> I hit the wagey with it, as hard as my big boned muscles will allow me to
> "user! WHY!?"
> "DUMB WAGESLAVE MADE ME CAVE! LET ME GIVE HIM A BOO BOO OR I DO A POO POO!" I wittily reply
> "user! 200GBP GONE MISTER"
> This dumb bitch thinks she can get away with this, I warned her
> "REEEEEEE" I scream, as I pull down the shelves in the store to block off mommy
> Rip down my diaper, the stench immediately causes the two other customers in the store to vomit
> Put my brand new awesome sword between my bum bum cheeks, pointing it behind me
> Start fiercely grinding on the sword, the mere sight causes all the normies in the store to get shocked from amazement
> Can feel the individual pixel changing as I do move it
> Sword is now covered in my healthy, thick blood
> Pee on the sword for good measure
> I am now the master of all the elements, blood, pee pee and poo poo
> "GIVE ME TENDIES NOW MUM"
> Start hitting everyone in the store with the amalgamated weapon
> Everyone flees
> Start rolling around in the aftermath
> Pass out, because I was hungry
> Wake up in bed with tendies, mommy happily swinging on a rope by her neck
> Decisive victory
>Wednesday afternoon
>tugging it to Nick Jr all day long
>Finish squeezing big boy gooey gunk from my winker
>Mumsies comes home from work
>Poo poo in my diapie due to excitement
>Earned 70 good boy points earlier today by promising not to empty my piss bottles on mumsie's bed while she was at work
>Expect delicious tendies immediately
>Squat walk downstairs with full diaper of excitement
>No good smell
>Mumsie looks upset
>user you're 33, I talked with a friend about getting you a job
>Fucking normie mom
>Remove my shit filled diaper and wield it like a sling
>IM A GOD BOY I HAVE GOOD BOY POINTS GIVE ME CHICKEN TENDIES
>user please..
>IM DAVIE YOURE GOLIATH
>Swing my shit sling at her
>Diaper falls apart and flings wet sloppy big boy chocolate all over the room
>Ring of fecies whips her in the eye and she falls do the ground recoiling and grabbing her face
>Slap her open handed and squat over her face
>YOUR LACK OF TENDIES SEALS YOUR DOOM, I LOOSE MY BOWELS WITH A BOOM!
>Queue a huge wet fart bubble followed by a mexican mudslide in the rainy season
>Literally pours over her face like a generous helping of steaming hot chili
>She wipes it off her face and tries to gasp for air
>Quickly plug her shit covered mouth with my still-erect big boy weenie peenie
>GIVE ME EXTRA GOOD BOY POINTS OR ELSE ILL CHOKE YOU MUMSIE
>She spasms and mumbles what might be a yes
>waddle back to my room and play some XBox
>Serves me tendies later while sobbing and promises to give me lots of good boy points
>mfw I put that bitch in her place
>mfw I always get my way.
>>IM DAVIE YOURE GOLIATH
my sides
Lord of the newfags of this thread
Is this cringe thread?
>be at Burger King
>they have $1.49 for 10 nuggets deal
>this means I can order more nuggies!
>time to load up
>decide to get 200
>make ma-ma do the conversion from USD to GBP
>only 60 Good Boy Points for 200 nugnugs!
>I clean out their nuggie saucies (costs 0 GBP so I order extra, 1 sauce packet per 2 nuggies)
>my table looks like the famous Scarface scene but with nuggies instead of cocaine
>scarf down my nuggers n' sauce while ma-ma plays Candy Crush on her phone (shitty pleb game)
>mum tells me to slow down else I get a tum-tum ache
>stupid bitch thinks she can tell me what to do
>later that night I wake up with a big hurty poo
>rush-waddle to bathroom
>trip and fall before I reach toilet
>laying on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out and pooping all over the floor
>1 hour later i clean myself up in the toilet bowl and wake up mommy to clean my poopies
>didn't get my 50 GBP for sleeping through the night
>lose the 30 daily GBP bonus I get for keeping my poo-poos in the toilet
>can't go to sleep now
>do peepee fun rubby-squirty on the Baby Bop pages of my Barney and Friends picture book
>miss the pages and and get pee-pee mayonnaise all over my bedsheets
>mums get upset when she sees the stains and takes away the rest of my GBP
And that's why you never choose nuggies over tendies
Hi fucking kill yourself