Most embaressing moment in you life thread. i'll start

most embaressing moment in you life thread. i'll start

>be me
>15
>in the process of moving into a new house
>mother and brother are on the way to the old house to load the car with shit
>random thought crosses my mind
>go into the bathroom
>take of my clothes
>lay down in front of the wall in the shower and leans on it with my legs up on the wall (like in the picture)
>jack for a good 15 minuts(it's hard to cum when it's going to land on your face)
>just about to cum when my mom comes in
>she had forgotten her wallet and were going to take a toilet break as she was already in the house
>she comes in just as i cum on my face
>i tell her i want to see what i'd look like if i were a fag
>she leaves and we never speak about it again

btw has anyone else ever cummed on their face to see what they'd look like if they were a fag?

What the fuck

>be me
>19
>ask girl out in front of her two other friends
>she laughs
>calls me pathetic loser
>I almost cry
>punch her smugg ass face
>stay in jail for 3 days until my father decides to pay my fine
>feels good and bad fam, would not repeat tho

what did her friends do?

They laughed with her, one of them apologised to me later tho

i meant when you punched her

bitch deserved that. Gj

They just screamed and probably helped her up (I ran away like a pussy).

hehehehe

I cum on my face/in my mouth sometimes, but never to see what I look like.

so you must want to know what it feels and tastes like to be gay

>in high school
>14 or 15 (idk, it was decades ago)
>in a school band
>go to some festival with our families
>my parents don't come
>stay with another dude's family
>not enough beds, so we're all sleeping on the floor
>really attracted to his 8 year old sister for some reason
>stealth jerking it
>say her name under my breath
>not as quiet as I thought
>lights come on
>cock in hand
>the whole family is looking at me

One time I was laying on my back while jerking it and as I came it sprayed up into the air and some got on my belly, as well as my tongue. Shit was salty like plato boi. Never again.

...

rip

>me, 17
>break up with cheating gf
>she gets new bf
>she still wants to control me
>attempt to buy weed with bro one late evening
>apparently dealer told her (mutual friend, lame ass dealer)
>get instant phone call with a screaming banshee ex on the other end
>scream my heart out and then tell her to stfu and come to my place if she wants to talk
>she and her bf actually do come
>fuck up one, came to my property
>told her and her bf, they swing, i call the coppers
>Fuck up two, ignores my warnings
>Antagonize and bait her into hitting me
>fuck up three, first contact
>As I recover she goes in for a second swing, nah nigga, closed fist punch to her schnozzle, broke that shit and still broke today
>keep word and call cops, they attempt to flee
>spidey jump on her bfs trunk and tell the on-phone operator my "assualt details" and throw his liscense plate on the call for good measure
>Spidey jump off, let them run
>fuck up 4, fleeing
>cops arrive to a scuffed up me
>City wide search for these two
>find bf and gets arrested for molesting a minor, child porn, and attempted assualt on a minor
>Mfw you cant simmer the Zimmerman

Story about me being high asf

>be me
>16
>at my sisters house (shes married)
>shes having a small party just with her and 3 other friends
>they just drink and talk about life
>beer is running low
>brother in law starts rolling a joint
>she tells us to go to the store and pick up another 6 pack
>brother in law finishes the joint
>him and i go to CVS, and smoke the joint on the ride over
>i feel high as fuck but decide to head on inside with him
>feel like everyone is staring at me
>he looks at me and tells me my eyes are super red
>immediately feel panic
>walking with him looking for the alcohol aisle feels like an entire fucking adventure/journey
>i end up somehow losing him in the store (i forgot how, it's a blur)
>forget who i am, where i am, or why i am
>keep walking in circles, knowing something is definitely wrong
>literally blazed out of my mind in a different dimension as these niggas are just looking at me saying "this nigga on that molly"
>literally smoked half a joint and im in a psychological battle with myself
>i end up breaking the thought loop by latching on to a guy in the store and say "IM ON DRUGS" super loud
>store workers dont know what to do
>my brother in law ends up finding me, tugs on my arm saying "yeah we gotta go"
>i get paranoid and forget who the fuck he is
>suspect he's an evil entity trying to steal my soul
>he literally has to tug force me over to the cash register as we check out the beer and leave
>come to my senses on the ride over
>"im too high for this shit" i manage to say
>he gives me eye drops and we're chill on the ride over
>i end up passing out when i get home, slept for like 12 hours

yup. never smoked weed after that.

how was that embarrassing?

Huehuehue. Man. That takes me back.
Had a similar exp my first time smoking except I stole a few bags of munchies from a gas station on accident

Breaking up with my gf
>smoke blunt before school
>have to see gf in 30 min
>doesnt know i smoke
>she gets to school
>start talking while sitting down waiting for class to start
>gf asks to see phone
>thinks im cheating
>refuse to hand over phone because im not a fucking child
>break up
>we both stand up
>i turn to face her
>my extremly high mind tells me i should "clap her up"
>extend hand to clap her up
>she looks at my hand and walks away
>kek internally and say "hey! Why didnt you clap me up bro?"
>embarrassed.jpg
>fin

nah my mind wasn't think about food

it was wondering how i can get back to the 3rd dimension

It is because of the length I went to to screw over one woman

One time i said "not much" to a girl i like when she asked "hows it going"

embaressing how?

maybe she broke up with you because you were a fucking loser

likely

people like you shouldn't smoke weed or do drugs in general lmao

Probably

bump

I can't tell you how many times I've done shit like that.

At first I'd flop about on my mountain of spaghetti, but eventually i learned, when do that, to just make a quick dazed look and subtly shake my head twice quick ending with a smile & then the right response. If you don't overdo the theatrics, you can pass it off without needing to address it al all, and move right along with the conversation, and no one cares.

Expect to do this more, the older you get. :)

:/

Bumping

>captain autismo detected

>be me several years ago
>32
>at job interview
>drank crap ton of beer previous night
>interview goes smoothly
>get up to shake hand
>shart immediately
>retract hand
>don't say anything and walk out
>never answer phone or check email for the next month
>35 and jobless

>when uh oh spaghetti-o just frantically shake your head and pretend your brain is melting

Thanks for the advice fam.

When you said for a month, you meant for 3 years.

"lol he said not much, I do that sometimes"

"woah now what? Is he having a fit? He looks confused as fuck maybe his brain is melting"

"now he's smiling at me, do I smile back or? Wtf"

"ooh ok he answered again, better just move on with the conversation so he stops whatever the fuck that was"

He spergs in the name of justice

>be 19yo virgin
>meet a girl, kinda fat, but what the hell
>we spend several hour talking about stuff at her place when she suddenly gets up and starts licking my ear and whispering something
>dunnowhattodo.jpg so i just sit there all shivering
>we end up in bed
>she starts to play with my hard ding-a-ling
>tells me to take the action
>grab her and get on top of her licking her wherever i can
>suddenly don't know what to do
>stop
>"are you gay?"
>"no"
>fall asleep next to her
>wake up in the morning
>start crying
>go home

How hard is it to know you're supposed to stick your dick in her? Your autism gave me cancer

It was very hard

For those who got caught shoplifting,we have a solution. Just turn this baby on and no anti-theft system will ever alarm.

Same thing happened to me several times. I think I'll never lost my virginity.

So I'm not alone? Thank you!