Got problems, Sup Forums? Tell me about them and I will solve all your problems. Guaranteed!

Got problems, Sup Forums? Tell me about them and I will solve all your problems. Guaranteed!

I'm dead inside. Schizo since as long as I can remember. I can't tell what is real and what's not sometimes. My gf doesn't care which makes mr think she's not real.. or at least or love isn't. Why would someone put up with my bullshit but never ask to talk about their problems?

user... STOP IT!

gonna get laid off from work within the next couple of weeks, thats my biggest problem rn

How good are you at solving problems?

Hi I'm wanting to surprise/ impress my boyfriend in the sex department? Any ideas im open to anything

Get your resume together, start applying everywhere, even McDonalds. If you have an emergency fund, now is the time you might have to crack into it.

Do whatever you need to (legally of course) to keep money coming in until you find another good job. Make a budget if you haven't already. Cut back on non-essentials. Take to credit card companies and whoever else you have bills with, sometimes, they'll let you skip a payment.

Excellent.

Many men's ego is rooted in their penis and this fact holds them back. Surprise him by cutting it off. He will be mad at first, but soon liberated. In this way both of you may rise to full humanity from the animal state you occupy.

Call him at work, or in class or wherever. Tell him you're in the bathroom and that he's got five minutes to get in there and fuck your brains out. Send him titty pics.

I am an old loser who still lives with parents, ex wife took everything, I owe over 100k to courts. Can't get a job because courts will take away all my earnings, so stuck on welfare. Whut do?

What exactly is the 100k for? Have you looked into bankruptcy?

i was really sick about a week ago, and im a cronic weed smoker, but now ive become much too anxious and have anxiety attacks when i do
i used to smoke 5~ blunts a day now i cant smoke a half.
what do

Just on the chan?

To her, half is interest (goes to courts) the other half goes to her. I'm behind, they charge you interest when you get behind...

Stop smoking. Your body will learn to re-adjust. If necessary, seek help from a psychiatrist.

i cut myself down to a few hits a day, ive been smoking daily for years.. maybe ill just kms

Bankruptcy does not effect child support in any way this was the best deal my lawyer could get me. I refuse to work to pay it off because I will get less working than i get now being on the system and they can't touch me as long as I remain poor..

I plan on wanting to drop a few pounds before this Saturday. Suprise plans came up and due to working two jobs I have no time to work out. Adderall and water only sound good?
> according to anorexic fans you can lose 5-13 pounds this way

Where's my answer Op?

You need an attorney. And you need to file what's called an Alimony Modification. You'll need to show that you have no way of paying alimony. It's going to be a fight, but that is really all you can do.

Sorry forgot links

Well, enjoy your shit life then. But when your parents die and if they leave anything to you, they'll come after it.

Stop being a fag. Learn to live without weed, you fucking loser.

Tried this, read.

No, that does not sound good. That sounds shitty. 13 lbs isn't going to make a difference in your appearance.

Naw

You said "Guaranteed" Op you fucking poser!

Then get a better lawyer. You sound like you've just given up. If you want to change, then you have to put the effort into it. There is no magic fix in your case. You've got to work the system.

Where is Alice?

I've done nothing but reply to you, you fucking schmuck! I can see why your wife left you.

Alice Green or Alice McKay?

Thats not how the courts work where I am at. I have had more than a couple of lawyers try to help me deal with this, I have been battling with this for 20+ years, your answers suck op and you suck faggot...

You said " I will solve all your problems. Guaranteed!" You have not offered me a solution that works faggot

Alice the psychologist,she posts here every week

No, you fucking suck, you fucking faggot. You do realize that had you just paid 5k every year for the past 20 years, you would have had this shit paid off right now? Actually, you would have had it paid off much sooner since a lot of that is late fees and accumulated interest.

You fucked your own self on this one, user. Enjoy your shit life.

I don't believe in psychology. I'm a life coach.

Seems like a good time to quit m8

I could not pay it, my ex made it impossible to work by repeatedly having me locked up for fake domestic charges. You think I don't realize this? You are fucking weak op...

actually, i've had no problems recently, a told a good friend of mine that i was gonna take a break from talking to him for a while (it's been a whole week now) and i'm finally getting over my depression and finally enjoying things, i've even started to get some exercise now that i don't talk to anyone, life is good~

The number one thing you need to do in your life is quit blaming other people for your fuck ups. All you've done blame. You blame me, you blame your ex, you blame lawyers, you blame the law. Nothing is ever your fault, is it, user? The whole fucking world has conspired to make your life shit, right?

Grow the fuck up.

Awesome to hear, user! Keep your head up and the sunshine will keep coming your way!

Fuck you Op! you don't even know what you are talking about. All im hearing is assumptions you queer...

What if he's rejected from all the jobs he applies to, even if he's qualified for them?

My fuck up for her abusing the law and using dirty tactics? Strictly with the purpose of fucking me over? really? You're fucking retarded.

thanks! you too psych~chan~

I went to Hawaii for 3 weeks but my parents bossed me around the entire trip. I couldn't stay at the hotel if I wanted to because they wanted to go out, I wasn't allowed to sunbath all day and get a tan if I wanted to, it fucking sucked I hate my parents for bossing me around like that, I'm 20 ffs, if I could pay for myself I'd go on my own vacation and do what I wanted

I smell an angry man who doesn't have the balls to take life into his own hands and would rather blame anybody else

TRIPS CONFIRMS

I have fantasies of murder and fucking the corpses, sometimes I feel the urge to go stab my family. Im an alcoholic and drug user, pretty sure i wont even make it to age 40. Should they put me away in the nuthouse?

I see a fucking kid who doesn't know what they are talking about trying to be edgy and wise you fucking faggot...

>everything bad that happens is everyone else's fault and only bad things can ever happen to me

I don't doubt that getting fucked in a divorce settlement is a brutal, draining experience that makes it very hard to feel any hope for the future.
That said, people here are right for telling you to grow up and accept some goddamn responsibility. You've got a hell of a lot of work to do, and it's not necessarily fair that you have to do it - but so fucking what? Life, in case you haven't noticed, is not fair.

If you're not prepared to work your ass off to pay that cunt and the jew courts off, then you are condemned to be a NEET leech - but it is you who condemns yourself so, not your circumstances.
Do what needs to be done to pay those six figures off, or accept that you are helpless, and stop complaining about it.

Were you really expecting to be shown a way to get out of this situation without having to fulfill your obligations?

And you obviously know nothing of family courts where I'm from so go fuck yourself...

Then you keep applying. Get in SOMEWHERE. There are sex offenders making fucking bank right now because someone took a chance on them and they proved themselves worthy of that chance.

Going to work with a record is fucking hard. No one is saying it isn't. You start at the bottom, doing shit work. But you do that shit work with a smile. You volunteer for more shit work. You stay late and you show up early. You volunteer for extra shifts. You learn new skills when you get the chance. Someone will notice. You get a small promotion here or there. And eventually you move up the ladder.

Like I said, if fucking kiddy touchers can make it, a dude with a few priors for domestics sure as fuck can. Also, that 20 year gap in the employment history isn't helping either.

>calls me edgy while proceeding to insult me
wew lad

I know you're hurt user but you're gonna end up killing yourself unless you own up to your shit

This is my way of helping you, whether you accept it or hate me for it, I'm just trying to get the message across

You're bad at this, He does not want to give up this connection to his wife. The suffering he is putting himself through with the lawyers and hopelessness is as you say self-inflicted but this is him taking his life into his own hands. He's doing everything he can to make his ex-wife see he's unjustly hurt and suffering.

The problem isn't control, it isn't hopelessness. Its that he's a sad fuck who has nothing left in his life but trying to get a woman who does not love him any more to feel bad for hurting him.

Then don't post on Sup Forums if you don't need help. Fuck off, stop seeking attention if you're not gonna talk like a normal person.

Simply because Op said "Guaranteed"
Which he cannot do. I refuse to pay the state and that cunt because I feel its legal extortion and thats that.

How do you know that? You have people?

Like you said, you're 20. Why are you letting them boss you around? Unless they are paying for your college, there is no reason to be living at home. Go get a job and earn some money. If they are paying for school, well, suck it up and deal with it princess, it won't be forever and be grateful you have parents that are willing to do that. "Oh, boo-hoo-hoo! My 3 week Hawaiian vacation didn't go exactly as I wanted!"

Stop being a whiny bitch. Tell your parents I'll gladly go to Hawaii for 3 weeks next year and I'll do whatever they want.

Talk to a professional. Be completely honest about everything you are feeling. In-patient therapy might be necessary in your case. It's possible you might be in there for a very long while. But I think if you were to actually act out one of these fantasies, you'd never be able to live with yourself.

>missing the irony

Literally everyone here is a spoiled brat that didn't get the newest toy for their birthday

I've got weed to sell and no one to buy.

Good luck with that course of action, Mr. Sovereign Citizen.

Rand Paul 2020!

I'm a life coach. I work with folks from all walks of life.

I feel directionless and powerless. I completed an advanced degree but don't really have any desire to work in that field. I really just want to go back to school and continue learning and build interesting things, but life requires money, and I'm SO TIRED after working my normal 40 hour/week shift that I can't put in an extra 12 hours a week of extra work. Even when I take vacations, I can't pursue my interests because all of my vacation time is spent recuperating from work or making obligatory family time. I feel trapped in a cycle of working to the bone and spending what little free time I have on recovering.

I mean, I LIKE my work. It's engaging and challenging and pays well, it's just I can't work AND do something else. God it must be 2 years since I've read a book. I mean REALLY read a book. Like pick up a 600 page tome and read it in 2 days.

Sucks man! You gotta get out there and hustle! Build up your network! Talk to folks who smoke. Maybe you're not the hookup now, but next time they run out, you're in!

Is tough love a part of your program with clients?

doing that will simply give you flabby skin instead of tone. run every morning this week and fiber/water

What was it about your degree and career that made you pursue it? Could you find those in a less-demanding field?

Maybe 2 weeks vacation isn't enough for you. Maybe you need something longer. Try taking a leave of absence from work. Work your ass off and save for a year, then take a year off. Deliver pizzas or do Uber to bring in some cash if you need it. Take that time to really re-evaluate what you want out of life.

yeah, problem is I'm not really a smoker and have never really hung out with anyone who smokes. I also have a real job that wouldn't sit well if I were to associate with stoners.

I don't consider it "tough love." It's a wake up call. It's being honest. It's getting a person's attention. Sometimes people need a good smack in the face (metaphorically) to bring them back to reality.

And sometimes, it's just using language that they understand. I can say, "John, you need to listen." Sometimes that works. Other times, you need to say, "John, you fucking cocksucker! Pay attention to me, faggot!"

I dont think I could hurt my family.. but I couldnt say the same about anybody else. Im just afraid of being put away. Am very paranoid, constantly thinking the police are going to arrest me at any moment and i also experience episodes of extreme paranoid delusions.. I once believed that a cockroach in my room was a surveillance microphone from an alien civilization that has been following me. Some days I just want to fucking off myself and leave this life

Okay, so you want to sell weed or do you just have some weed you need to sell?

Go to the personals section of craigslist. Post and ad like this under platonic.

"Hey, just looking for some new buds to hang out with. I like video games, movies, etc! 420 friendly!"

You'll get a few leads. Be smart, make sure they aren't cops or informants, and don't bring your stash with you the first time.

I was good at it. I've got a damn near savant level of understanding for chemical formulae and reactions, pressure sensitivies and state changes, solvents and acids. I've completed diagrams that computers weren't able to figure out, because computers are kind of shitty at visualization.

It's just exhausting.

I'm having trouble passing medical school, because my ADD is dragging me down.

If you used that last quote in real life with a client, are you sure they responded in the right way to it that helped them out?

Your price is too expensive. 0.01 of a cent per post is all I'll pay.

You can't be arrested for having thoughts. And no one is surveilling you. And you are not going to locked away forever.

Now, you might not be able to own a firearm again, but that's not exactly a bad thing your case.

Just go talk to someone, maybe ease into the feelings you are having with them. Ask a lot of "what-if" questions. And know that if they do recommend in-patient, it is to help you.

How about taking a position with less responsibility in the same field? Maybe just temporarily until you figure out what you want to do and to give you some breathing room?

Been to a professional? On meds?

Sometimes, with ADD, you can get special considerations for things like taking tests.

Just seems like a waste of ability. I'd rather my coworkers just didn't suck so much and dump all the hard shit on me.

I Just have some to sell - hanging around the house. Not a bad idea regarding listing. thanks

I'm on meds, and I have the ability to get extra time for my tests. My main problem is my lack of ability to stay on task when I try to study...

Ok user., i might just take your advice. but the main reason i believe police are after me is because i am well known in my area for robberies and other crimes, i am very afraid i will have a warrant or some shit. Also i was sexually abused as a young child, i think that it may play a role in why i became such a fucked up adult.

Are you that Ran from last week's thread similar to this?

Sometimes the "right" response doesn't matter, you just need a response.

I got hired by this kid... kid... he was 24. Actually it was his parents. I'm sure he posted on here. Total autist, weeb, NEET, etc. His parents paid for everything. His apartment, food, clothes, etc. And they were sick of it. His apartment was waste deep with trash. He rarely went out... all that crap.

I tried to be understanding when I first started working with him. But he just wouldn't respond. Everything was too hard. It was too much work, there wasn't any point, all that crap. So I stopped being nice. I stopped being understanding. I told him his was living in in a fucking dump and he had one week to clean it up and if he didn't, I would call his landlord, who would evict him. I made his parents swear they would not take him back or get him a new place. Every day I went over there, and he still hadn't done anything. And every day I would say what a fucking loser he was and that he'd be on the street soon.

On the last day, I went there and was actually starting to clean.

Maybe you need to find a new place to work then? You seem like you're good at your job so you shouldn't have much of a problem finding someplace else, right?

> be 18
> be me
> ugly
> short
> SHITTY job paid minimum wage when I do the job of several professionals at once
> dad is a disgusting human being
> dad marries new wife and has baby with her when she's only in county for 1 yr
> mum is amazing but has constant drug and alcohol issues
> sister is a snake don't trust her anymore
> lose more friends everyday because all they do is get drunk i have no interest in that
> meet grills ( rare of me )
> get attatched
> rejected
> repeat several times
> meet amazing grill year ago
> fkin love her
> rejected probs cus ugly
> crippling anxiety so can't do the things I love to do
> large group of friends inc. 2 ppl i told everything to one day start ignoring me never tell me why
> down to around 2 - 4 friends
> wake up
> first thing i think is
> gonna be alone whole life
> hate myself
> hate how i look and am
> suicidal
> but its k because if i tell anyone they will say " it gets better " and " just dont be anxious "
lmfao kys

Then get rid of all distractions. No phone, no computer, no nothing. If you need to read something online, print it out. Go somewhere with no distractions. Libraries usually have areas like that.

But give yourself breaks. Say I'm going to study for one hour. Then I get to dick around on my phone or whatever for 20 minutes. Then it's back to work again.

I get chronic migraines, I have one right now.

Then get a lawyer and have them find out where you stand with the warrants. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. Maybe you will have to pay the price for your past crimes. Maybe the statute of limitations has expired if they were long ago. That's why you need a lawyer. Once all that is cleared up, then consider moving to a new town.

And still, find a good therapist.

> crippling anxiety so can't do the things I love to do

What is it that you want to do, user?

As far as friends and girls and people in general rejecting you, hey, that's life. I know it's cliche, but it's true. As we get older, our circle of friends shrinks. It's just how it is.

Take your meds.
Find a quiet, dark place to lay down.
Talk to your doctor.

What do you think about those who do what you do as a fetish if not a service?

Oh, and get away from screens, phone, computer, and TV. Screens are migraine fuel!

find a band bc i love guitar
get back into shit like football
be able to do stuff without fearing failure
i can't even play fucking ranked video games because I get to anxious about losing

maybe that is life but if all life is is fucking rejection maybe I'm not cut out for it

If you're a life coach, what was your toughest and most successful or rewarding case? Are you still seeing clients? Where is your business located (the region)?

You mean like a dominatrix or something?

Dominance is not my thing. I'm not here to control anyone's life and I don't get off on being in charge. I like to give people tools to make changes in their life. But it falls on them to make those changes.

I'm affraid to fight someone who has beaten me 1 year ago