What's the most autistic thing you've ever done Sup Forums?

What's the most autistic thing you've ever done Sup Forums?

>be 17
>have cute class mate in school
>start to small talk and she's really nice
>invite her out for a game of mini-golf
>have lots of fun, I ask if she wants to come back to my place
>she says yes
>we say hi to my mom and we go into my room, door open
>talk about random shit in school
>I ask if I may close the door, she says yes
>I close it, also lock it (will be relevant later on)
>keep talking, now it's time to make my move
>I ask if it's okay that I take my shirt off as "it's warm as fuck" (it's spring, barely 16 degrees outside)
>"Whatever, it's your home"
>I rip my shirt off, continue talking
>I decide to move from my computer chair to my bed, where she sits
>I get closer as we talk
>she gets noticeably more uncomfortable
>I don't notice, and this is it!
>I say, quite loudly "toooouuuuch meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
>She freaks out, says no and that she came along as friends.
>She rushes towards the door, realises it's locked (I have the key) and drops down onto the floor sobbing
>I say "are you sure you don't want to touch my belly?"
>keeps crying
>I unlock the door for her, say good bye and cry in bed
>have to switch school

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=kuYla0z6liA
youtube.com/watch?v=OAVL61yeCYs
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Good job OP

>I say "are you sure you don't want to touch my belly?"
Why would you say this?

next time just set up a secret camera when you bring a grill into your room so if she says no, you can fap to the video of her standing in ur room

Holy shit dude are you a white male?

Literal autism. I have Asperger's.
Nowdays I'm a lot more smooth in my social skills, but before I learned how to properly behave around people...

Yep.

>>"TOUCH MEEEEEEEEE"
Holy shit this can't be real

Sorry to hear that man, I'm glad you can control your condition now.

an autist giving another autist tips

autistic tips

God fucking dammit Sup Forums

Ones actually an autistic one, the other is just a creepy neck bearded fuck.

So I am an antisocial who likes to print out pictures of grills and cumtribute them for my own safe keeping.

ya I too scared to talk to women

Just quit your nasty habits, build up your testosterone, and say fuck it and go talk to girls. It's not rocket science. Faggot

>and say fuck it and go talk to girls
how? I am out of school, out of college. I am unemployed and don't own a car.

No I have no girls to talk to

Random chicks, on the street, in the bus, fat, skinny, even talk to other random dudes

C'mon dude it's 2016. There's malls for fucks sake. Just try not to dress creepy, freshen up a bit and you will reel in a fish. Believe me I used to be antisocial too but it all changed as soon as I stopped fapping all the god damn time. Get your experience boy!

This is the most fake Hollywood movie style thing ever. Not doing it

OP here again. I should also mention that I have a GF since 4 years back (I'm 27 now), so somewhere along the road I found out how to talk to women properly...

You're in my folder now OP

>Waa-waa I'm too much of a stubborn faggot with no balls to change anything about myself so I'll make up some stupid reason in my head to justify my continued sad and pathetic existence.

Fixed it for you :)

Lol don't do it then, do what ever your little heart desires. Just remember this, there's an actual real world out there.

It's not easy, putting yourself up for judgement
Rape yourself, your fucking ego
Go up to a complete stranger and say hello
You'll get a rush from it
Most of the time they'll say hi back
Go on from there, don't stop talking

This would be even funnier if you were particularly fat.

Don't listen to this faggot. It's the easiest shit ever. You jut gotta learn to not give a single fuck. Not one fuck. The real rush comes when the girl is taking her pants off and you realize you're about to get laid.

havent posted here, but ill tell you how i met my ex

she was walking around in a store that i worked in the meat counter

she is fine as fuck and i was looking at her ass that looked really good in the jeans she was wearing

she noticed me looking and we caught eye contact for a second

i think i saw a smile, she breaks eye contact and walks past the meat counter, to the other end to look at milk products

i walked up to her and said

"i dont do this ever, but can i have your number"

while i say this we're both smiling and giggling

and as i approached her i had a grin on my face that i made sure she would see so she would know what was gonna happen

for a moment she blushed and didnt know what to say

but ended up giving me her number

i called her 2-3 hours later after my shift, we met up in a ice cream store, bought some shakes and walked around for maybe 1 and half hour

after that we went my to my house and made out

she was crazy horny, i loved noticing how she trembled

i told her i had condoms but she said tomorrow

the rest is history, was a beautiful relationship, that summer we had sex in zoo parks and outside in public, up on mountains hikes and shit

a ton of anal, she loves that

all because i spared 4 seconds of just checking if this might work and asked

it would not have mattered if it had not

its not hollywood stuff

>Be me 16
>Ugly as fuck, awkward too
>See qt3.14 in biology
>start talking to her a bit each day
>one week passes and we are almost friends???
>Dissection of frog lab
>get put in the same lab group as her
>MyTimeToShine
>begin cutting open the stomach
>crush is watching
>get nervous
>palms sweaty
>lean on the lab station cuz nervous
>accidentally tip the plate/table/whatever that the frog is on
>Frog falls off of plate, gut wide open
>Slides down her shin and lands on her shoe
>grill screams and shakes frog off f00t
>tell her "its ok Ill get rid of it"
>pick it up
>small intestine/large intestine dangles out of the frog(idk im not a science man)
>she throws up on the floor
>I drop frog on floor
>teacher sends me outside

come to think of it im not sure if it was a frog or toad

This guy. He know what's up. Listen to this guy.

>Go on date with girl from my 3rd period class
>Take her to the movies
>Late by 10 minutes
>In line buying tickets
>Start snapping thumbs quietly (nervous tick)
>She notices
>I stop
>Get up to the register to buy the tickets
>Can only manage a mumble
>"H-hi, can I get t-two tickets to Nonstop at 9?"
>It's already 9:20
>"T-thanks"'
>Order 2 Large Popcorns, 2 large slushies, a hotdog and some twizzlers
>Cashier tells me to enjoy the movie
>Say "You too!" way too enthusiastically
>Sit down in the front row, it gives the best experience
>Theater is empty
>Immediately go to put arm around her
>Recoils instantly
>Start watching the movie
>It's a wide angle shot of the plane
>I have a crippling fear of planes and heights
>Get to the part in the movie where Liam Neeson kills a dude in the bathroom
>Have the urge to piss
>Go the bathroom to take a piss, zip up too fast and accidentally have piss on my crotch
>Cover it with my shirt and walk back to the theater
>End up making it through most of the movie
>Plane starts going down
>PANICATTACK.webm
>Start bouncing foot up and down, snapping, etc.
>Date is visibly uncomfortable at this point
>Movie ends, walk out of theater quickly
>Stand waiting for her in the lobby, made her carry all of the food and drinks without thinking about it
>Take the popcorn and throw it away
>I probably ate 1 handful the entire movie
>She tells me she was going to take it home
>Whoops
>Decide to try and become alpha
>Try and ask for a goodnight kiss
>Say "Midnight kiss" instead
>She just walks out
>Next day in 3rd period
>She's with her group of friends and I can hear them talking and laughing about me
>"What a creep"
>Haven't taken a girl on a date since

>Certain lunchtime, the bitchiko classmate who calls Protagonist "Pinch this month...", the story of schoolgirl prostitution is proposed. The bitchiko who invited Protagonist out to the back of the schoolhouse, the taste of semen that ejaculates intraoral is satisfied with after intense fellation. After school, when Protagonist walks down a corridor, it is called by a great popular older yariko. The yariko who is aiming at 100 male virgins falls in love with a huge penis of Protagonist. Aiming at 100 male virgins, it becomes trivial..

Forgot to attach pic related

nice

Did you fuck her?

Blew a job interview by making a really inappropriate joke...

>be me
>interviewing at mental health facility
>job is resident counselor for the patients who live on campus
>being interviewed by 3 people
>get asked a hypothetical...
>"user, you have a patient who needs to take his medication; you have someone on the phone threatening to commit suicide; and you have something on the stove cooking... what do you do first and in what order do you do it in?"
>think for a second
>"well, I'm Italian, so the cooking comes first!"
>no one's laughing
>nervous laughter

I didn't get a call back...

Kek

I was actually said to be on the autism spectrum as a kid. Will dump lots of stories if you faggots are interested.

>Here's a short one

>be me
>Elementary school
>In Special Ed class because I act like a tard
>don't give a shit

>funny idea
>come to the conclusion of how funny it would be if I ran out of the room

>tard in me bolts out of the door and runs around the school

>wrangler gets me and throws me in this room

>locks the door

>start screaming at top of my lungs demanding my mom come pick me up from school

>scream obscenities

>Cops come

>am put in Physc ward for week


Good times.

I'm interested
Tell me more

have you ever pooped on her?

>be me
>swimming class
>sitting on edge of pool
>cute girl tells me she likes my shorts
>says she has a tie dye fetish
>tell her I like her swimsuite
>silence
>begin to panic
>"I have a things that look good on you fetish"
>I'm so fucking smooth geez

Woah what a bunch of squares hahaha

>I didn't get a call back...
Wonder why

nope, but sometimes i got tiny pit of poop on my dick, and teased her by acting like i was gonna smear it off on her

OP
What was your objective? What did you expect?

I can't even fucking understand this thinking.

Right? I thought it was funny then and still think it's funny now

It was too soon, user.
Too soon...

>Elementary school
>Cops come
>am put in Physc ward for week

I don't know. Probably to get laid...
I can't remember what I was thinking.

It's called autism. Look it up moron

>Be 18 year old sperg
>Hang out with smoker kids
>One day before class one gives me a cigarette
>Don't want to seem like a fag
>"Thanks man I love these"
>Unfiltered American spirit
>Take one drag
>Shred my lungs and cough like a bitch for about a minute straight
>Headrush.jpg
>Sit down and fall over
>Try and take another drag
>Inhale it fully this time
>Feel like I have to puke
>Say "Man it's been awhile hahah-
>Proceed to vomit up my breakfast
>TFW it's lucky charms and you can see the charms

I'd have laughed

OK. I'm sifting through my memories to find the best.

>Middle School
>Still in tard classes because even though I'm highly intelligent I behave horribly.

>Decide I don't wanna do the math work I was given

>walk out of room and go to the tard detention room

>It's detention but in my school system the tards or any kid who is on autism spectrum is not allowed to have any contact with other normal kids. We had our own bathrooms and were not allowed to use locker rooms or walk in halls alone.

>anyway, in tard land there were a few people who were quite normal

>Jameson, Jaden were two of them, and they had detention too.

>Aw shit this gon b good
>Detention teacher watching netflix or some shit
>we decide what a meme it would be to make a fort
>we flip over study carols and build a wall, then put chairs on top
>Detention teacher doesn't give a fuck. She deals with this shit daily
>Our fort is fucking sweet
>We spend hours in there playing on our DSes and eating from our lunch boxes
>make airplanes and throw them at the poor detention teacher
>she snaps and calls administration
>2 cops come in the room
>wat
>apparently some tard tarded out and cops had to come
>they stopped by here before they left
>we scream "9-0! 9-0!" and close the paper door to our fort
>they threaten to remove us by force if we don't remove the fort
>we comply
>all sent to principles office
>Principle dealing with 4 cases of tards
>she's really old
>We're all suspended, no big deal, in tardland you get suspended a lot

Over my little suspension, I hear that the principle had a stroke and died.

Not my fault, right?

Ouch. what a fucking whore.

Yes. Anything can happen in Tardland. This was in the 3rd grade.

The saddest part is you've been on more dates than I ever have.

>>are you sure you don't want to touch my belly?

woah there actual Lassie

For real. This actually made me rage more than anything. How can someone have such a lack of humor. Granted it wasn't a great joke but still. Unless that was all you answered in which case you are retarded.

>Senior year, english class
>Sitting in back off class with hoodie up, look like pic related
>Listening to music on my headphones
>Rammstein, awe yiss
>Have it turned up WAY loud
>Teacher looks at me, can see headphones
>Motions for me to take them off and give him my phone
>Unplug headphones to hand to him
>Don't turn music off first
>MANN GEGEN MANN
>Panic, try to turn off music
>Phone fucks up sometimes and the screen stops working
>Can't stop the song
>Run out of class

They thought I was gay after that

German class*
Sorry I'm tired, but that's what makes it much worse

This is such a great thread

No I followed it up with the "correct" answer.

Honestly, losing that job was worth the keks.

It's so weird. I feel like I used to be extremely autistic but I can't remember anything. Maybe repressed memories?

Here's another.

After being in tard classes from elementary school to 8th grade, they finally send me off to normalfag school

>After being an aspie in 8th grade high school starts

>9th grade

>I'm pretty talented with computers

>make scripts to allow me to open staff applications

>in health class

>doing pc work

>I'm messing around in the network drives changing kid's file names to 'NIGGER' and 'JEW-KIKES'

>decide to sign into my brother's account

>know his password

>he's in middle school

>since I'm in his account I can see his school's drive

>wait

>what if I

>hit delete

>I do, wondering if it would delete it just for me or for everyone

>teacher walks by because of my giggling

>looks at my screen

>deleting 2219 files

>looks at me for a solid 10 seconds

>Makes me leave room

>calls principle

>Not allowed to use computers for rest of year

>On date with girl I'd been seeing for about a mont
>Nice day out, we decide to go to the zoo
>Starts off fine, we look at the Tigers, Gorillas, Elephants etc.
>She fucking loves animals
>I fucking love animals
>We go to the aquarium area
>Look at all the jellyfish
>I hold her from behind while we watch them, she presses her ass into my crotch
>Start chubbin', feels good man
>She feels it and starts giggling
>Have to find an excuse to get her off of me
>Walk to the Walrus exhibit
>See the extremely large walrus E.T. (Point Defiance Zoo for you Washington fags)
>He's sunbathing
>"Hey he kind of reminds me of you"
>Gf looks at me in shock
>"I mean, y-you know, cause he's subathing. He's tanning hahaha. Not because he's fat or anything"
>Gf is black
>"I mean even if you're kind of chubby I still like you"
>She's 5'4 and 125
>Doesn't say a word to me the rest of the day
>E.T. died a week lateer
>Find out and tell my gf
>"Heh he doesn't really remind me of you anymore, it wouldn't be that cool if you died"

The relationship didn't last that long

>17 years old
>big birthday party of a friend of mine, about 50-70 people there
>another friend tried to get a girl of my class
>solid 8/10
>got early drunk, as usual
>friend and girl disappears suddenly
>after 20 min they came back
>i whisper to the dude
>you already fucked her behind the bush there? And laugh
>unfortunatly the song stops in this moment and i shouted it out loud (drunk)
>everybody looks at me disgusted and shocked
>shit.jpg
>walk straight away and get a bottle of rum, piss in the bowl and leave party

Not your fault. In tardland it's quite normal

Last one before I depart for school.

>be me

>9th grade

>consider myself elite hacker

>In my school system the login is the first and last name and password is the student ID

>Find a sheet of paper on teacher' desk with 20+ Student names, Ages, IDs, and contact info


>JACK-FUCKING-POT

>Log in to their google education accounts

Each classroom has a google classroom where you can post messages for the class to see

>I post a thread on Sup Forums with all the student logins

>chaos ensues

>Online classrooms flooded with porn and gore pics


>Student Drives filled to capacity with Gay porn

>my sides are in orbit

It's the weekend so this shit stays up until monday

>Monday

>Called into principles office

>They are beyond mad

>20+ kids had to apologize and were called in here because of me

>Suspended 10 days
>7 months later
>Turns out one of the parents actually wanted to press charges, unknown to me
>so 7 months later I'm playing Counter Strike when knock on door
>There's a Cop and a detective at my door
>They question me
>I admit to all of it, again.
>Have to do month of community service

damage control at its finest

youtube.com/watch?v=kuYla0z6liA

I blew a job interview last year

>go for job interview
>death would be part of the job
>"So, user, how do you feel about death given the nature of the job"
>"Love it"
>"I mean no, I like it the normal amount"

Topkek

Fuck job interviews. So awkward

Goodness gracious

youtube.com/watch?v=OAVL61yeCYs

This walrus ruined your relationship and we can watch him making weird noises. The internet never ceases to amaze and inspire me.

It's so much worse if you really want the job. If it's something I'm not that bothered about I'm a great.

I didn't really want to work at a resident counselor anyway but I needed a job at the time.

I'm a teacher now, so fffuck it!

as*

1. Turn off the stove while staying on the phone
2. Assess the person on the phone for risk. They have already expressed suicidal ideation, do they have a plan and means to carry it out? If yes, are they in-house or outside the facility? If they are a patient put suicide protocols into place, if outside, start getting as much info as possibe while getting another staff member to dial 911.
3. Meds are the last priority outside of emergencies like epinephrine for anaphylaxis.

The scenario varies but that is a routine day for me.

>not a threat to self or others
>admitted to psych for a week
Don't bother asking him questions, it's bullshit.

So I was right then. The cooking does come first.

It's not bullshit. I was in the hospital for one day then they moved me to this residential thing for a week.

What's bullshit is that they would put a 3rd grader through that.

>be me around 15-16
>be in empty class room with my friend
>decide to prank one fat stupid classmate
>we open his schoolbag and pee in there
>after 20min the fat classmate steps in to takr his schoolbag
>we giggle like literal autists
>he opens his smelly piss soaken bag
>fatty looks into my eyes and suddenly his face changes
>he gets extremely mad, he starts to make weird noises, he looks like this mountain troll from The lord of the rings
>we didn't know what to do, so we just left the classroom, scared as fuck
>the fat classmate grabs a chair and starts chasing us, still doing this weird noises
>we run through the hallway and enter the bathroom, and lock the door
>now the fat mountain troll was trying to smash the door down
>we were dead scared, didn't know what to do
>see a window
>the door was almost smashed down
>friend tells me to escape the bathroom, while his holding the door
>at this moment we hear somebody's voice
>it was teacher
>they calmed the mountain troll down and asked if we are okay

Later the fat troll got suspended and we were sent to special ed class

Gold

Yeah you were, can't burn the place down... but probably shouldn't finish the meal right then and there lol.

A trap accidentally broke my phone and fucked me a week later.

>go out with wheelchair girl from art class
>she's applying for some college program or something by submitting a ton of her artwork
>It's phenomenal, best shit I've ever seen
>She invites me to her house to watch a movie
>think it'd be funny to cut her drawings in half while I went to the restroom
>leave immediately afterwards
>next day she strolls in class crying
>asks if I cut her drawings in half
>tell her yeah
>she asks me why
"I wanted to make them look more like you"
>everyone's laughing at this point
>she spends the rest of the class staring at her hands
I don't know what was wrong with me back then

You deserve to die

Trips don't lie.

>be me
>17
>in britbong school
>PE
>messing around with the football in the gym
>slick football (soccer) skills
>girls are also in the gym
>girls are digging it
>tell them I can hit the crossbar of the goalposts from one end to the other
>tell them to watch
>slowly chip the ball up in the air
>slam it
>give it a slight curve
>starts curving a little too much
>starts going towards female PE teacher
>mfw
>I go to scream 'heads' (heads up) at her to try and get her attention
>what actually comes out of my mouth is 'HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'
>she turns to see what was going on
>she turned in the direction the ball was flying at her
>bludgeons her directly in the face
>I panic
>collapse on the floor and pretend to have an asthma attack or seizure or something
>everyine looks at me for a few seconds before running to help the teacher
>I get up and run home

Fuck that made me laugh

>implying you wouldn't have done the same thing in my shoes

Yeah, real easy to act all high and mighty online but you know that's funny.

How'd they find out it was you?

...

Fucking hell, this pasta is stale. user you're a faggot for trying to pass it off as your own but everyone else is an even bigger faggot for believing you.

>when you're so autistic you can't think of your own autistic stories

Good fucking job OP, what a well-done pasta.

holy monkeyfuck I remember this exact thread

I most certainly wouldn't have done that. That wouldn't even cross my mind.
Even if you thought of it, you didn't have to go through with it. You did.

Alpha as fuck