Howdy, long time lurker here, however I'd like you share a story that turned my life around

Howdy, long time lurker here, however I'd like you share a story that turned my life around

> be me, virgin, 17, college coming soon
> always been a 8.5 - 9/10, 1000 Instagram followers, 400 likes per pic
> modeling offers, photographers ask to take pics of me, barbers want to cut my hair for free
> awkward awkward awkward
> people literally think I can't speak English
> awkward beyond belief, slight stutter
> always a try hard so attend Columbia
> move in, register for classes etc
> first day of semester, go to hour and half long sociology class
> required
> professor + students = 30 students
> 25 female
> "say your name and one interesting fact about you"
> 100% seriously considering suicide
> I get called on second to last
> "uh...I'm...user. Uh....uh...I'm asexual"
> quite a few people turn around
> "fuck they think I'm some tumblr faggot oh no time to drop out of college"
> everyone is actually very interested, actually supportive
> multiple people say that I can confide in them if I'd like, just to talk and stuff
> happy to avoid the awkward thing
> almost forgot I was at Columbia and everyone knows the definition of like every damn word there is
> realize
> I'm actually sex addicted, jerk off constantly to weird shit multiple times a day
> tfw every single on of my friends thinks I have zero interest in sex

Cont.

continue please

Bump

Yes, cont. hard.
Lurkin'

Continue. That's a genuinely good idea. Say you're asexual and have no interest in sex. Become friends with lots of girls. The one girl who falls in love with you will be easy to bang and she'll feel super special about it and shit. Doing this
Fool proof plan

...go on

>, 1000 Instagram followers, 400 likes per pic
stopped reading here

kys yourself faggot

Humpity bumpity type this shit out,
Youre bustin my balls its making me pout,
Hurry up and type a little quicker,
Cmon OP dont be a nigger.

> decide to ride the wave
> that day I go to lunch with five girls i met in that class
> every word I say is too soft to hear and stuttered
> they understand because I've obviously had it 'hard'
> they ask lots of questions
> answer them
> lot of them attracted to me, touching me and stuff
> they like me for some reason
> word spreads
> a lot of people start talking to me
> family intensely worried about me, I could never even order food at McDonald's by myself
> delighted to hear I'm worth something
> everything going well then
> Andrea
> 10/10 busty Asian girl with a nice ass and legs fucking amazing, starts to take interest in me
> literal girl of my dreams
> I would be fully willing to kill multiple people to smell her hair
> she actually likes hanging out with me because I listen and she has no fear of me being a some sort of sexual deviant
> right right, keep it up
> one day her roommates leave for winter break
> lives off campus
> afraid to be alone
> asks me to come with her and her other friend
> "what else am i doing, sure"
> visibly attracted that I don't really care but still care
> go there, friend cancels

Cont

Lol when millenials strike

This is actually interesting, keep this shit up, OP.

Bump for interest

>millenials
are you younger than 16?

Continue, fucking fag ! Hurry!

>The one girl who falls in love with you
There's the problem. Believe me, it doesn't get any easier if they think you're not interested in sex, the opposite actually.

>not having it pretyped.
Op just confirmed that he is a faggot.

> get there half last nine
> she's taken a shower and everything
> good lord almighty how long is prison time for rape
> she wants to watch a movie and stuff
> "whatever"
> smiles and sorta bounces away so adorably I want to fuck her throat
> start to watch
> the movie is the place beyond the pines with Ryan gosling
> good movie, she's emotionally invested
> starts to move closer
> si si si
> she asks if I'm cold
> "hmmm...yeah"
> me and her under blanket now
> literally cannot breathe
> literally
> asthma attack
> she starts to panic
> I am panicking
> run outside
> get my inhaler from car
> I feel better of like three puffs
> I go in, apologize and tell her I'm leaving
> she says no and to come in
> starts to cuddle me sorta, never really had human contact like this so I don't know what to do
> she kisses me
> also clueless, but it's okay because I'm asexual
> say "I've never really felt like this"
> eyes widen
> we make out, go to bed and she sorta sucks my dick
> I can't get hard because I'm a fucking autistic bastard
> it's okay because I'm asexual
> I slowly get harder and harder
> finally able to do it
> fuck for exactly 7 seconds and cum harder than ever before
> it's okay because I'm asexual

Cont

Hello user me again,
Type your shit for lolz my friend,
I do not have all fucking day,
You take so long it is a pain,
So "God speed pilgrim!" i quote John Wayne.

it's still a thing mostly retarded millenials do so irrelevant, you fucking retarded jew nigger cuck faggot

Bumping

keep this alive!

I was going to give you shit for this weird fucking rhyming thing you're doing, but then looked closer at the pic you posted and fucking lost it. Well played user.

>it's still a thing mostly retarded millenials do so irrelevant, you fucking retarded jew nigger cuck faggot
hablas englando?

someone seems to have picked up a lot of naughty words over the summer.

gogo op!

op is kill

> everyone is actually very interested, actually supportive

Nah, they just want a shot at fucking you.

fag op jerking off right now to us hyenas waiting for his made up story so we can fap to. basically he faps to us fapping. as i said, fag

op dont die!

> Andrea finds my phone that morning
> porn
> so much fucking porn
> weird shit, beastiality, incest, the whole nine years
> gigabytes of this on my phone
> wake up to her crying
> grab my phone
> heart drops
> she runs away from me
> this is bad
> try to talk my self out of this with my dumbass stutter
> oh no oh no
> she wants to call the police
> run home, leave car in her driveway
> realize she's going to tell everyone
> suicide is a viable option here
> lock myself in dorm room
> Columbia has a weird campus, rumors still happen
> check Twitter, Instagram constantly for hours
> await the news

Cont.

Stopped reading when I realized you're a man.
I thought you were a girl. Real man do not boast about faggotries
KYS quickly

>1 new post
20 min for that tiny bit of greentext dude how smashed are you

shut up. an interesting read is always appreaciated.

Not interesting anymore. You will not fuck anynother chicks. Going back to find a rekt thread. Bye.

Did you kill yourself?

Why would you keep porn on your phone?

Kill yourself nigger
This is just a snowflake autist being a fucking autist
Go gag on trap cocks somewhere else

Pretty much this

> Andrea calls me
> says she won't say anything if I never talk to her again and apologize
> agree, apologize
> I tell her that I honestly am asexual but I still have urges, but not attracted to anything normal people are
> she buys it with a 20% interest rate
> says okay we can be friends just don't come to my house or talk to me first
> yes yes okay
> jerk off to some more weird shit, breathe a sigh of relief
> friends hear that Andrea and I hung out
> tel them she wanted to do stuff but alas, I'm asexual
> they get mad, like dude just fucking do it you might like it
> "nah"
> people buy it like it was a thesis
> don't hear about it ever again

> notice girl from my old school in one of my second semester classes
> oh no
> she knows
> junior year of high school, I took pictures of girl's asses, paid popular dudes for nudes of them, took videos etc and entire school found out
> thankfully none of them are at Columbia and no one will remember
> wait
> she stares at me all day in class
> hate in her eyes

Cont

you mentioning trap cocks makes me assume that those are already on your mind.

What kind of autistic sexual deviant are you
Jesus fucking christ the ride never ends does it

>i get a knock on my door the next day
>its one of the campus coordinators and therapist
>they ask if I could come chat with them
>little do they know I'm mid gap and can't stop even while talking to them.
>they keep insisting that I come talk until I notice two make voices say its time
>they tell me they are the police and are going to come in
>I'm naked fapping standing up in the middle of my room
>I hear keys then
>open the door
>drop to the floor
>everyone walk the dinosaur

Gogogo, more of that Green shit!

Nice trips

Im glad that no ones pissed about my rhymes and banter,
If someone would get angry though I hope that they get cancer,
Its hard to make up poems especially on the spot,
I just think that rhymes are cool while being a dick is not.

Thank's, you have Nice trips too

Fucking Kek OP

Not OP

your doing the lords work, keep going.

> she says she knows everything
> friends with my new friends
> she says she'll expose me
> decide to kill her
> head to google
> later that night my mutual friend texts me "come to our party, Andrea and your friend from high school will be there"
> decide that I will be the bull and she'll be the genetically inferior spainard
> been lifting, cardio, 6'3"
> I'll throw her off the balcony
> might as well

Cont, almost over. Sorry I'm typing this on my phone and I did coccaine last night

Bumping so this stays alive

Oh user
What a shitty plan

well i came here expecting nothing

Ya know what, OP? I'm fucking PISSED. You get to go to college, you get to dick around without work, and you get to lie and do whatever you want, Yet,
>100% considering suicide

You are what people refer to when they say "PRIVILEGED". Mcfucking kill yourself, then, you colossal faggot. Talking about taking a shit ton of first world problems and then cramming them down everyone's throat like you're some fucking special snowflake, like this is a facebook post you want everyone on Sup Forums to read, gloating about yourself and patting yourself on the back like the little faggot you are. Eat a fat dick. Think you're 9/10? Post a pic and timestamp, until then, I'm going to season this bowl of shit with some /sage/

i like this thread.

>I have no choice now
>I have to use my sharingan like in my favorite show naruto.
>mfw I'm actually just an autistic 13 year old.

So this Andrea character attends Columbia, lives off campus.

Driveways on Manhattan? Sure bro.

Riled huh

I think i am doing well though my rhymes are not so swell,
I try my best with every line,
This shit is getting super fine,
Ill put my heart into this poem,
Then masturbate when im home alone,
For we are all birds of a feather,
And once You're here you're here forever.

Go on OP

Next time you greentext, have it typed out already OP

I thin they are swell indeed
mine tend to make ears bleed
but why not give it a try anyway
cause like you said,
we are all here to stay

> arrive
> a lot of people
> good
> see Andrea, turn away and make a sorta puppy dog face
> she stays looking at me
> nothing but hate
> she knows
> girl from high school, name is 'Becky'
> Becky likes 70 of my Instagram pics that night
> it's a modern day subliminal message for "I'm about to get you"
> think user think
> Andrea and friends following me around
> she's trying to get people's attention, stands on table
> she's about to say that I'm a sex offender
> yes I got a sex offender charge from that high school shit
> I leave before anyone can grab me
> she doesn't say it
> throw a few girls trying to dance on me off
> run outside
> Andrea and Becky in fast pursuit
> Jesus Christ do these hoes have anything better to do
> get in their car
> New York at 3 am so packed
> running to campus, I run across the street, don't look both ways
> suddenly a huge jolt from my right side
> fly across the street
> can still remember the feeling of the bumper in my pelvis
> I look around
> fine, bruises, cuts
> I look up, smile with joy
> Becky's best friend
> she hit me
> Andrea and Becky in the back of the car
> their faces
> my face
> I fall back to the floor and sell it
> they run over to me
> oh my god so sorry, crying whole thing
> still females at heart, so they cry

Cont

>once you're here
>you're here forever

I'm assuming he means older m8. Some of us are 80's fags. Back to school

this sucks. op is a faggot.

bump

allthough i enjoy this story indeed, i gotta agree with this user

This is so investing. I love it when bitches get stitches.

milenials are people born before 2000 so if he aint then hes

> witnesses run to me
> ask if I'm going
> i don't know, oh fuck I'm in pain
> I stand sorta
> I look at her and just say "leave me alone, please"
> they buy it al at this point
> I walk/limp to my dorm
> they help me to my room
> I tell them that I want them to leave me alone
> they agree
> we're even, essentially
> never talk to each other

> tfw Becky is a black girl, Andrea is Asian
> tfw a white man leveraged two minorities from power to submission
> tfw I'm a white guy, semi famous on Instagram for my face
> 3.8 GPA from Columbia, about to go into my sophomore year
> tfw I'm transferring to Harvard first chance I get
> I'm that guy with money who has no interest in girls so to a of girls flock to me, every time I say "I've never felt this was before" and the panties drop every time


I don't consider myself interesting but I told this to my best friend and he told me to share it online, I hope you guys slightly enjoyed it.

I'll be sure to do that, thanks

Nice realistic story
Enjoyed it
You won't give it but i may as swell all what your insta is. At least a safe to put to it

I honestly kind of enjoyed it. thanks for sharing op.

your story had no point and you're a useless waste of oxygen. sorry, faggot

I was waiting for a climax,
But the story was a drag,
I sound like the fucking lorax,
This shouldve been on 9gag,
You couldnt have made it better it wouldnt go to imax,
Point of this poem is OPs a fucking fag.

>> I'm that guy with my parents money
Fixed.

cool story op -_____-

thanks for the story!

okay so whats your instagram, its not like it actually confirms that this all happened just because someone wrote text on Sup Forums and linked an instagram account, its safe to say it

You either came here for a one time thing to feel superior or your story is fill of shit. Why would anyone tell you to share it online?
How does a Sup Forums fag have over 1000 instagram followers?
Also, even if she did look at your phone, so what?

> Accepted to Columbia
> Sex offender
Uh huh.

Nice story, even if fake.

That was really shitty and u write like a fucking autist. Kys.

TITS with timestamp for proof OP, or GTFO!

At long last the thread is dead,
Go now sweet anons rest thy heads,
As this ballad shall ease your mind,
The poet here hast served his time.