Greentext YLYL (OC preferred)

>Greentext YLYL (OC preferred)

>Be me
>9th grade
>At the time the way kids at my school logged into the computers and google classroom was first and last name and then their student ID

>Find a sheet with 40+ student names, ages, and logins

>Jackpot!!!

>Go home

>Get on Sup Forums

>Post a handful of student logins

>These logins allow access to a poor bastards Google Drive, and google classroom, an online class page where you can post things for everyone to see

>Hilarity ensues

>This one kid's google drive was filled with THOUSANDS of pictures of gay porn

>Sup Forumslacks chose to redpill the class pages

>Some asshole sent out physical threats

>My sides were in orbit

>This happened on a saturday so this was up all weekend

>Monday

>Called to principle's office

>Fuckers grabbed my IP and everyone else's IP

>Poor kids were so embarassed that that was under their names, they all had to come to the office and apologize

>The gore photos were "Deeply disturbing"

>I tell the principle "wasn't me it was hackers"

>he's not buying it

>suspended 10 days


But the autism doesn't stop there.

Bump for interest.

>ITT:
summerfags green texting what happened to them last year

Go home and decide to make an instagram account and harass the kids some more

>Message this 10/10 chick saying "You're getting hacked faggot"

>"We are anonymous"

>"We are just having fun"

I cringe when I look back at that.

Anyway,

7 months later,

At home playing on muh PC

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

I open door

>It's a detective and his pal from, and I kid you not, homeland security

>Luckily his homeland security friend had nothing to do with the case but came to back up the detective

>The girl I messaged on instagram was pressing charges

>detective is questioning me

>I admit to it all

>Court Date

>30 days of Community Service and I hafta do a 'youthful offender' program

>Ride around in a van with niggers and clean shit up

Worth it IMO

Kek'd

>There's this really annoying/autistic deaf kid who lived near me

>He comes to my house everyday because my mom insists I "learn to socialize"

>We go outside

>These younger kids are at the playground playing "Gravel"

It's basically where a seeker closes their eyes and feels around for the other people and if they go on the mulch they are out.

We choose Deafie to be it

>He closes his eyes

>We run away

>He's walking around the park for 30m trying to find us


>Keked hard

>but the autism doesn't stop there

Ya, I'm sure you've got plenty to spare in your reserves.

...

Sure do!

>Be me
>9th grade
>In health class
>On computer
>Decide to dick around on network drives and change names of files to 'nigger'

wonder what would happen if I deleted a drive

>For science!

>delete student share

>Halfway through deletion teacher walks up

>sees my screen

>flips shit

>Not allowed to use computers for rest of year

>Be op
>faggot

...

>be me
>want to remove the depression.exe
>decide for a travel, take some shitty advices from /trv/
>go to russia and say ''i want to fuck you bitch'' in russian
>they have told me it means ''a pack of cigarettes please''

>got beaten
>go to police for report crime but..
>i am really having anxiety issues without the cigarettes.
>told them what i told the other guy before told them what happens

>i slept in the police station beaten and without cigarettes

>depression goes away with such andrenaline

>work as computer tech in school
>windows 10 has just came out, kid decides to make bootable install USB.
>he finds a PC with the bios unlocked because lazy tech fucks, can't do our job apparently
>he upgrades PC to windows 10, downloads tor browser bundle from WiFi using phone as hot spot
>connects to our school WiFi with his username and password
>lol nice fuck up kid
>installs guy fawkes mask background with text saying " this PC is now free for use and unlocked for all"
>teachers reffer to him as a "hacker" all year haha

Anonamouse115 I hope your here you tard and enjoyed getting your computer privileges revoked.

i will post 15 short stories just for bump

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What happened to oc preferred..

Yeah can we get some OC in here?

>be me
>annual summer trip to Mexico
>had greasy tacos night before
>wake up 5 in the morning
>have to shit really badly
>can't seem to unlock door
>"why the fuck does this door lock from the inside?"
>"where's the keys?"
>panic and jump out window
>"shit, not going to make it in time"
>find nearest bush
>took the best shit of my life
>MFW took off socks and wiped my ass
>casually go back to bed
>next morning family came over
>oh shit
>cautiously exit
>angry uncle shoveling something
>MFW my uncle had to shovel the shit into the ground thinking it was his dog that did it
>MFW I never got caught

nice dubs, also, I kek'd

continue with 10 more

i am generous today

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Underage

>2006
>playing with hackeysack in my backyard
>need to poo
>don't want to go inside
>decide to go full retard
>shit in my garden
>suddenly realise my mom will definitely find this monster turd sitting in her begonias
>pick it up and throw it into my neighbor's yard
>hear my elderly neighbor scream
>she walks up to my house and knocks on the door
>mom and neighbor start arguing with each other anout this UFO poo that just magically flew over the fence for no goddamn reason
>neighbor tells mom to follow her, she wants her to see it for herself
>they walk into her yard
>their dog ate it
>thank you based puppy
>mfw that dog saved the day

Did the same thing except I threw it on a garden table. Shit was cash tho, my neighbors are jerks anyway

>Be me go to uni all chill, move out of home, gonna be the best version of myself, get /fit and get good clothes.
>Start class get along /w people get asked to go to drinks /w everyone.
>Only drink coke because i don't want to get wasted first time,
> 7/10 girl says If i'd have sex with her
> Say to her, not now mlady a gentlement waits till his fourth date.
> She gets mad says "what you think I'm easy!
> I start to have spaghetti fall out of my pockets start to sweat a bit
> she calls her mammoth lady friend overt to back her up other normies get interested and come over too
> They make some jokes she's offended and stuff
> Get up and scream well toodaloo I'm off to the loo
> When i come out they are all gone.
> The 7/10 qt bartender says they all left laughing.
> Gives me a drink on the house and we get talking
> Explain I'm trying my best to fit in but i say all the wrong things
> Says to me fuck them and invites me out /w her friends next day
> Meet them its on the otherside of town as she's a few years older (i was 19 she was 22)
> We go out and i take it slow again drink a little though. having a good time people are nice to me and a couple also into weep stuff and vidya
> The group of people I met in class come in all stare at me
> Girl notices the girl who got pissed at me and sits closer to me to make it look like i'm scoring.
> Guys from class look over and look shocked.
> They leave, go home few hours after pretty cool night.
> next day at class I guys come over and ask me what happend, Said the girl who got pissed at me got so wasted she ended up sucking some guy off at the club
> Got thrown out and aprantly felt so pissed she tried to throw herself on all of them and they all said no.
> She left the group and changed class
>MFW my autism forced a girl out
>MFW my autism got a qt bartender to take pity on me and we became friends and i got to meet new people who i clicked with.
>Mfw I also became friends with the class mates.
More?

No, that story is shit bait

>be me age 6, little bro age 5
>wake up one early summer morning
>we decide to go jump on the trampoline
>oh yeah I've failed to mention we were both nekkid
>we're jumping and horsing around and get tired, so we go underneath the trampoline
>notice a fuck ton of twigs around us
>also notice brother has a pee hole like me
>i.e twig goes inside pee hole
>he cried for 30 seconds and he fist bumped me after when he was cool with me again
>I start thinking of what we should do now
>suddenly a light bulb appears above my head, flickers out, and shatters on the ground
>"hey bro we should go ride our bikes to the park"
>"sure!"
>riding up the hill to the park still naked
>I suddenly get scared because we didn't ask for permission to go to the park
>"Mike we better go back home and ask daddy if we can go to the park"
>we ride back down the hill
>dat cool summer breeze down muh sack feels gud man
> see dad standing on front lawn in his boxers, arms folded
>"hey dad can we g-"
>"YOU TWO GET YOUR FUCKING INSIDE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW"
>first time hearing dad swear at me before
>we both got spanked really hard
At least we were wearing our helmets though

how is it bait I just spent 15mins writing it.

Hello newfriend

kek

>be me
>11 y/o at the time
>live in house out in the country with my parents, older brother, younger brother and younger sister
>dad is trophy hunter, has stuffed heads mounted everywhere
>mounts this big fucking moose head in our room (kinda poor, we only had 2 bedrooms, one for parents and one for the kids)
>the taxidermist must have been sniffing glue, this moose is a fucking abomination
>it scares me

>two weeks after it gets mounted, older brother is convinced that the head is haunted or some shit
>claims he looks out the window at night and sees a silhouette in the yard
>we all think he's full of shit
>evening rolls around
>younger brother, who's a movie fanatic, is trying to get set up on fandango
>he has no fucking idea what he's doing, cannot into computer at all
>thunderstorm rolls in and this huge fucking bolt of lightning make us all jump
>sister runs into room screaming and crying, obviously scared of the storm
>parents run into the room to see if she's okay
>all of us try talking at once

"I SEE A LITTLE SIHOUETTE-O OF A MAN!"
"SCARY MOOSE! SCARY MOOSE!"
"WILL YOU DO THE FANDANGO?"
"THUNDERBOLTS AND LIGHTNING, REALLY REALLY FRIGHTENING ME!"

Hey guys I got a pretyped story (it's a tl;dr story) about the monstrosity that passed through my colon one night when I was homeless. Anyone interesed?

yeh

Yes. Yes i would like that

tfw I probably made user cry because I mocked his story

>be me, 1st year of college
>years before Linux 0.01 was out, read 4 books on Unix and TCP/IP
>lab: Ultrix machine sporting 8 megabytes RAM, eight VT52 CRT terminals in use by students
>lurking around in the filesystem
>man pages are chmodded 0666 instead of 0644
>update_them.sh
>every manpage now is "CONVERT TO THE GOSPEL AND BELIEVE!" followed by original text
>students complain, lab chief says "WTF" and restores a backup
>an hour later, manpages get updated again; this time the CONVERT string has doublewidth/doubleheight
>lab chief shouts "WTF WTF WTF" and restores the backup again
>in the afternoon the CONVERT thing appears again
>lab chief in "WTF" infinite loop mode, starts inspecting every bit of the system
>in only two days he realizes the chmod thing and finally restores it to 0644.

Never caught.

>be me, 2nd year
>superlab: 8-processor machine, twenty VT220 terminals; hostname is "capri"
>see a fat neckbearded researcher bragging "I'm an hacker"
>he typed "cat /etc/passwd" and said: "these are the logins of the system"
>stunnedface.jpg
>he closes his session, very happy to impress me with his monster skills
>he didn't realize that I caught a glimpse of a "capri::0:0:", a passwordless alias for root, a forgotten maintenance thing
>few days later
>login: capri, password (none)
>first things first, erase utmp/wtmp to not let the admins know what terminal I used
>fiddle around filesystem, rename some files to "negro"-something, "gay"-something, and so on
>search teachers' home directories for immoral stuff - none found
>schedule an erase utmp/wtmp in a few minutes, and logout
>few days later, I'm home with flu
>next Monday I get back to the college
>lunch time - a friend tells me: ha, didn't you know? last week teachers called the cops, an hacker got root access on the holy Capri beast, bypassing multiple security layers! they now are reinstalling everything, with paranoid triple checks!"

Never caught.

>fat researcher scared to death, and questioned by cops

I will post for the trips.

This happened last year but I'm leaving the story unedited because lazy.

>be me homeless for about 4 months (why I am is not the point)
>I'm using my tablet while soaking up WiFi at a fast food place in case you're wondering about my internet access
>I have my "home" at the edge of town inside this wooded area next to where an interstate crosses over the busiest road in my town
>it's a very wooded area, and you have to walk through about 40 feet of thick brush to get to my estate
>thing is, it will be very hard for people to figure out I live here; I've been living here for about 3 months without a peep
>yesterday I hear of a local band festival downtown, which is only a 2 hour walk, best of all its free
>so I head there and find one of my friends I went to high school with
>I tell him life isn't so great for me after he asks how I've been
>he buys me a couple beers and cigs at the bar and it's the happiest I've been since I became homeless
>I insist he doesn't do this. I don't like handouts but he extended a helping hand and its hard to refuse it
>I see him perform in his band, which was surprisingly good, he's talented
>when the shows over he comes to me and we say goodbye and he hands me a twenty
>I refuse again and he insists again
>he says go get yourself a pack of cigs and whatever food you've been craving
>I almost fucking cried
>I buy me some cigs and and use some money to get on the bus
>I go over to the mcdonalds that just hired me the other day
>I've been cravin burgers (you know, cuz I'm American) and I get 50% off since I'm now an employee
>I get some food, chow down, smoke cigs outside
>I notice my stomach feels kind of weird. I feel bloated and constipated
>but I dismiss it because I haven't eaten for a few days and I just dumped a bunch of less than reputable comfort food inside of me
>of course I'd feel a little weird and bloated after that, who wouldn't
>little did I know what would occur just hours later

sounds like it was worth my trips

>be me
>live in Tolerance Zone #65
>be nu-trans fourth trimester transsensual Angst Profile ZETA-8 genderqueer pseudo-dyke reformed lesbiophilic heteromollusc
>see cis thin white male at the zoo
>ask "mommies, what's that?"
>they don't know
>Genderless Polyamorous Parental Unit #2 takes me into a Safe Zone and engages the Feelings Shield
>tells me that it is a monster from the beforetime
>tells me not to be scared, because the monsters' penisocracy was smashed by the forces of the LBJQGTA5 Coalition in the Patriarchy Wars
>start to cry
>s/he opens his and/or her rainbow mesh vest and retrieves an estrogen pill to cheer me up
>feeling the calming femininity wash over me
>s/he tells me that the monsters aren't allowed to hurt anyone anymore, only to work, to support our glorious society
>throw Privilege Peanuts at him
>everyone laughs
>take some soma
>go home and read some consensus-approved feelings-safe literature

> based puppy
my fucking sides

>I walk back to my fortress, smoke one last cig before going to bed
>sleep only in boxers and sleeveless since its hot
>sleeping well for once
>the sound of police sirens suddenly wake me up at approx 2am
>go into 'oh shit' mode but realize its just a cop who happened to pull some one over next to where my crib is
>alert goes down but I stay awake until they leave (protocol)
>but all of a sudden my stomach makes the mating call of a humpback whale
>I need to shit
>fuck I need to shit BAD
>oh god this is a power slam
>but the cop is still there
>more cops come
>that guy pulled over must've had something illegal on him or something
>my only escape is to go the gas station the equivalent to 3 blocks away
>but this dam is about to burst, I can't walk without leaking a little
>all of a sudden I get this terrible urge to shit, worse than anything I've experienced ever before.
>I'm still in my tent and struggle to open it and bring a towel with me
>I realize I'm goin to have to do my business in my own habitat
>I'm clenching so hard once I leave the tent
>I think of my place to shit about 20 feet away
>another urge strikes, and I am debilitated; I can not walk
>so I just clench and hope that my urge goes dormant after a minute
>it doesn't
>my bowels feel a little relentless tonight
>little did I know this then, but I was clenching so hard that I wasn't even breathing for about 2 minutes
>cops are still there
>I become unaware of my surroundings and become extremely disoriented and I'm suddenly nauseated because of the lack of oxygen in my brain
>my hearing goes away
>I have no idea why I'm suddenly so fucked up
>all I can think about is that I have to shit
>I walk the same path I take to leave my wooded area
>I forget the cops are there
>the entrance to my place is blocked by a 4 by 4 ameritech electrical box
>I'm about 20 feet from the cops but they can't see me
>I'm still incredibly disoriented and can't hear

...

That story, it was shit

Heyy,that's mildly adequate

>I take off my boxers and kick them to the side
>I release the kraken
>this liquid shit propels out of me
>but it doesn't feel relieving at all
>it's best compared to vomiting, where you're just standing there, and keep throwing up, feeling absolutely miserable and your abdominal muscles hurt from the heaving
>except this time it's coming out of my ass
>5 minutes pass of this and I think I'm done
>still somehow disoriented, but it's not as bad, I am able to recognize some surroundings and I know where I am now
>nonetheless I collapse on the ground all over my own shit
>so here I am, naked except for a sleeveless shirt, lying in my own shit and piss, completely disoriented while police officers stand 20 feet away from me, blissfully oblivious
>I lie there for a few minutes
>the cops leave
>I try to stand up
>it's incredibly hard to do so, my arms and legs go everywhere, but I somehow pull through and stand up
>my head is killing me
>but that goes away and my hearing comes back
>I realize my towel is still there. Its wrapped up around a bottle of shampoo
>I lather soap all over me and clean myself off with the towel
>I take my soiled shirt off and put my boxers back on
>I realize this is dumbass fucking place for me to be and go back to the tent
>I stand in my boxers and chain smoke three cigarettes to calm myself down
>I remember that at the next exit on the interstate about a mile from me has a truck stop with shower and a laundromat, all 24 hrs since trucking is a 24/7 job.
>I also can get the shower for free since my father is a trucker and I can just use his codes (i've done this quite a bit)
>I grab my money and my clothes
>I get to the truck stop and all I get is weird looks from people
And I realize
>I just fucking walked down the interstate with only fucking boxers, barefoot, and carrying an armful of clothes, with shit streaks all down my legs

Back to 9gag

>be 16
>brother and I are driving around town squirting mustard on cars because bored
>see this falafel joint owned by the jewiest jew to have ever shekeled
>fuck it, pull over
>put on a scream mask and grab two bottles of French's
>squeeze the shit out of both bottles aiming for the front window
>toucan-nose heeb behind the counter doesn't even notice
>unscrew the caps and douse the front window with mustard
>still nothing
>fuck it, huck both bottles against the window
>he turns and sees this fucking yellow mural on his business
>tries to scale the counter and fucking faceplants
>run to car
>brother gives him the finger as we drive away
>never get caught
ayy lmao

>i don't freak out too much, but I go straight to the bathroom and put on some dirty clothes, to look just a smidge more decent
>I go to the counter to get my shower, and put a load of laundry in
>I take my shower, put some clean clothes on, and leave
>get back to my place and sleep
>I wake up, trying to piece together everything that happened to me
>Jesus what the fuck. I'm so disturbed and almost want to cry, but I don't, because I can't see a reason to because that even tho that shitty thing happened to me, it still could have been a lot, lot worse
>the only thing that can calm me down are cigarettes and I have 10 left and I had planned for the pack to last me at least 5 days
>get to the mcdonalds I work at
>friend from yesterday messages me and says 'hey user I hope that money served you well and that it went to a good place. If you come back to the same bar tonight there's another beer with your name on it.'
>I sit in mcdonalds and laugh my fucking ass off, message him back and say that I'd love to
>type up this story right after

Thanks for tuning in guys.

kek
thanks for taking the time.

>Be me, 12 years old
>Everybody in class had to give a presentation
>Classmate gave one about hacking
>Sudden interest in hacking
>I look up some funny things to hack (windows xp times)
>I suddenly see a video ''How to change the passwords of other users on windows xp''
>Remember my father was always on the computer, laughing, and clicking things away whenever I walked in on him browsing
>Changed his password to Suckdick123
>Logged in on his account and lurked in each folder
>Funny porn videos, some nasty things, shit fucked the past me up
>I hear my dad coming up the stairs and in panic, I shut down the pc and walked to my room
>Dad couldn't log in, gets angry and smashed the desk
>user, WHAT DID YOU DO
>How the fuck does he know
>I walk up to him
>See username ''suckdick123''
>I dun fucked up
>Wasn't allowed to use the computer for a month
>Everytime my dad walked by he mumbles something about suckdick123 and shakes his head
>I told my dad to suckdick123

Giggle. Also its time for a get

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Shitpost bump

Soo.. Where do you get the electrical energy powering your tablet from if you're homeless?

Stole a charger from Wal-Mart, use it at the library or mcdicks. I was homeless, but im not in a third world country shithole man

So basically you could've gotten off Scott free but you just had to log in

>with his username and password
And if he had useen some one elses..?

I shared this one last night, no one really saw it before the thread 404'd. This is a story about my first date at the movies

>Be me, 17
>Invite girl to the movies with me
>Say I'll pick her up at her house at 8:40
>Pick her up at 9
>Get to the movie theater
>Get in line to buy tickets
>Nervous, so I start snapping my fingers quietly
>She notices so I stop
>Get to the front of the line
>H-Hi, can I get two tickets for Nonstop at 9?"
>It's already 9:15
>Buy 2 large popcorns, 2 large slushies, a large pepsi, a hotdog and some rainbow Twizzlers
>Pay like 60 bucks for all the shit
>Cashier tells me to enjoy the movie
>I say "You too!" loudly
>Get into the theater with her
>Sit in the front row, since it gives the best experience
>This is when I remember that I have a crippling fear of planes and heights
>Drink Pepsi to calm myself
>Get to the part where Liam Neeson is killing a dude in the bathroom
>I have to piss really badly
>Get in the bathroom, take a leak, feelsgoodman.
>Feel gung ho, zip up my zipper too fast without shaking off my dick and get piss in my underwear
>Tuck my shirt into my pants to cover it, look like a fucking idiot
>Get back into the theater
>Everything's going okay, I'm eating my hotdog, try and make a move on her
>Put my arm around her and she instantly recoils
>Watch the movie up until the ending where the plane is going down
>My anxiety is acting up, start snapping quietly and bouncing my foot up and down
>Get so anxious I squeeze her thigh really tightly, she's visibly uncomfortable at this point
>Movie ends, walk out of lobby quickly because I'm anxious
>Forgot about all the popcorn and drinks I bought
>She comes out carrying 50 pounds of drinks and popcorn
>"Oh I've got that don't worry"
>Take it from her and dump it in the trash
>"I was gonna take that home, user."
>Whoops
>Decide to become an alpha
>Try and go for a kiss, try and ask for a goodnight kiss and say "midnight kiss" instead
>She just walks out and we don't speak again

Reported for being underage

I TURNED 18 YESTERDAY

oh well

happy late birthday op

Oh god man.. Also movies is the worst place for a first date man.

Also I was bouncing my foot up and down reading this story and when I came to the part where you mentioned bouncing your foot, I instantly stopped.

it's Scaramouche btw

THAT'S NOT OP

OP here. Thanks for contributing *quality* content to my post. Made my day.

nah i liked it

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