Can someone help me with marriage/family problems...

Can someone help me with marriage/family problems? My son is a dumbass and refuses to find a job (hes 18) so I told him he either finds work or leaves my house. My wife however thinks differently than i do and wants to coddle and "protect him". She says to just leave him alone and let me find a job on his own terms.

Hes not going to college and hes not finding work. He is acting like a parasite and my wife is enabling him. What the hell do i do? What do i say to her to convince her to side with me?

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Anyone here dealt with similar issues?

Don't give your son money.

HELP

Why can't you convince her she's not helping him grow up?

Well i dont but anytime he needs something he just asks his mommy and she obliges.

You see what im dealing with?

Have you ever met a woman before?

I dont know why, thats why im asking for advice. I guess she is being manipulated by her maternal instincts.

Dude my stepson is 38.

Ended up I had to give him a job with me, find him an apartment & pay his deposit, buy furniture and move him in.

But being a stepchild it was a different situation then yours. He was 12 when I got him.

>yeah, I've met a woman

You gotta have a talk with her about how this is coming between your marriage.

Like I said - my situation was different because she felt he got fucked over in life not being raised by his bio-dad.

So explain to me. what do i need to do? Note: Its not about convincing my son but rather about convincing my wife that my son is a lazy fuck you needs to grow up.

Will throwing him out lead to your divorce? Stop enabling him to sit at home and play video games all day. Cut him off financially.

Oh looks like you already answered my question.

Have you tried working it on the other end?
Appeal to his side of how cool it would be to have his own cash.

Make him a deal to help buy a car or something.

OP watch this movie

Ive tried! I have had so many conversations with him about the benefits of being independent but he simply does not care. He does not want to drive, or work, or achieve anything.

What does your son do generally?

Honestly jobs suck right now, the feeling that you're getting screwed over and that your youth is being burned away is Rife in the air.

Least that's how I feel about things. I have a job but I'm not exactly ecstatic about it. If there was any possible way I could love now without feeling like a loser I would do it. I guess a lot of people would but yeah. Your son may not know anything else.

I would just cut him off and give them Bare Essentials. I only ended up getting a job because I was tired of starving and having no weed

probably not, but it will put a strain on it.

I cant really kick him out without my wifes approval. Lets say for instance that i throw him out, he will just come back to the house because she let him in through the door and lets him sleep on the couch.

Somethings gotta break.
This is unhealthy all around.

How about family counseling? Tried that yet?

Open a new bank account and start putting your paychecks there. Don't give wife access. Put her on an allowance that will cover whatever she's responsible for around the house, groceries & shit, and about $20 a week for personal expenses, snip her credit cards and nab her checkbook. Pay household bills from new account.

Kick son off all things you pay for. Drop his cell phone plans, change internet passwords, etc... nab the controllers and powercords for his vidya games.

Son will eventually get choked out due to lack of funds and have to go earn his own money.

Loaf, not love

I bet you guys have a shit relationship anyway, this isn't about him in any way, you have made this about you, you think your own child is a parasite after all?

You raised him (unless you're saying you left that up to his mother as well) so you should have a handle on his personality and be able to understand how to engage him.

You sound like a selfish loser tbh, probably deserve to lose your family like you're going to anyway

He's 18 bro. Just because your parents kicked you out at 18 right out of school doesn't mean you should do it to your kid. Be a better parent. I know very few kids who have their shit together at 18. Especially in this day and age. Give him some time to grow up more. Give him til 21 at least.

I was thrown out at 16. I am not fucking waiting another 3 years for this imbecile to find his way.

Lol, you have never dealt with the sheer unending apathy of a young man.

Short of threatening his life OP may not have many options other than to point his son a way and hope he finds something worth his attention

Well I don't really know what I would do to be honest. My son is only barely turning four but if I put myself in your position I can only imagine that I would be furious with him. If he refuses to get a job OR go to school I would not give him money, buy him shit, hell, he'd be lucky if I let him eat any of our food. But the difference is I'm sure my wife would back me up and we would both have our feet up his ass. My dad made me get my first job at 15 and I have been employed ever since. I could not tolerate having my boy still sucking my tit into his 20s.

All your doing is projecting your own parents bad parenting onto your kid. Think how hard it was for you at 16 and take that into consideration. Do you want him out so bad that you'll make him leave at the cost of his own future?

Also, what does he do that makes you so mad? Play video games all day at 18? This is what normal people that age do.

Buy yourself a new car new clothes leave your wife for 18 year old girl make new son!

>ITT kids raised by hardass parents give each other advice.

What's so unreasonable about wanting an 18 y/o kid to get a job?

I knew someone just like this actually. Kid never wanted to do anything but play games all day. His stepdad just like you went out of his way to get him a job at his work, an apartment, and furnishings. Actually paid off in the long run. Kid started liking living alone and worked harder to stay on his own. He's doing alright now. Not great but not terrible. Sometimes a forceful push is necessary.

Millenial NEET faggot detected. Get a job asshole and stop trying to ruin OP'S kid. You're like 15 years younger than him and you won't have kids for quote some time so you don't know shit. Why don't you just stfu and go back to playing video games and smoking weed, you goddamn loser.

you have to be clever and convince her, if you're too retarded sorry for you man

It's not unreasonable to want him to get a job. It's unreasonable to want to kick your own flesh and blood out to the streets fresh in the real life scene over something so trivial. I would understand if he was 24 or 25 or some shit like that sure, but not 18. Has he even been out of school for more than a year?

That much rage and projection and you think I'm the young one? Whoo boyyyy.

Enforce the law OP wtf??? Be a man bro, put your bum ass son in check

Someone was neglected a childhood. Too many long days on the orchard ranch at 12 years old?

shoot the lazy fucker

>something so trivial
Getting a job and learning work discipline is not trivial.
It's an important quality to have early on.
In your example he'd have 6-7 years of unproductive life to have to overcome.
That's a Hell of a hole to dig out from.

...are you my dad?

I got my first real job when I was 23. Before that my parents encouraged me to study and enjoy life.
I now make six figures as a lawyer. If you aren't poor af, let him be. It just sounds like you're projecting tbh.

What makes a bigger hole in someone's life?

Struggling to find their passion or being kicked out of home at a young age for superfluous reasons?

People who are abused from an early age grow up knowing only how to continue the cycle. these are the same faggots who cry about how tough they are on the Internet while their family actually thinks theyre retarded.

where did your life go so wrong that you have a wife and grown son, and yet you're here asking Sup Forums of all places for advice on interpersonal relationships

Take your lazy son to job interviews, show him you support him by actually driving him to each and every one until he lands a job somewhere, doing whatever at first, call center, waiter, Starbucks barista, anything will do.

Right now he lacks motivation because his mother and yourself (yes, YOURSELF for not having the pants in the house) are spoon-feeding him, so once he starts earning his own money and learns the value of hard work to get things he wants he will keep going until eventually he moves on to get a different job with a better salary, maybe even start saving up for college.

I have confidence in you, OP.

Idiot. Your parents should have kicked you out a long time ago. Look at yourself. Eating their food, sucking up their bandwidth to watch anime porn. You should be ashamed of himself. At least OP's kid has a dad who wants something better of his son, which is a lot more than I could say about your shitty bum dad. Raised a shitty bum child. KYS

This.

You're taking your frustrations at your own parents out on your kid. You think that since you had it tough, tough is the only way. Be the parent you wanted your parents to be instead of the parents they were.

Get a job faggot. Mommy and daddy won't be around to wipe your ass forever.

yourself*

Not living at home, stop projecting

>Struggling to find their passion
You were sold that [and any degree will get a good job] BS falsely.
Your job does not have to be your passion but a means of supporting yourself.

Your abused example is BS too. Not everyone who grew up like that continues the cycle.

Life's a balance. You're not always happy.

Maybe not, but all the money they're leaving me sure will.

Not all abused kids are like that, but a lot are.

OP, when I was 18, I had an abusive mother who had NO goddamn clue how to be a mother. I had a father who was taking care of another family and who I hadn't seen in ten years. My grandmother, who acted as my other parent and was also an abusive cunt (mom learned from the best) just died, which was actually a bright moment in my life. I still lived at home because my job didn't pay a damn.

I had a shit dead end job and was failing out of community college already. I saw two options: join the Navy or kill myself. I seriously saw those as equal.

Long story short, I joined the military, did my time and got out (because I'm not a brainwashed "patriotic" dullard). I have a job that pays well enough for my wife to stay home and raise my son. I haven't spoken to my mother in years and couldn't be happier.

I know she'll die alone because she's a miserable human being, and I'm okay with that. Are you okay with your son feeling the same way in 20 years?

Yeah no shit not everyone follows the same path, but exceptions don't mean the average overall is null and void.

No one is happy everyday obv. either, doesn't mean you shouldnt try and pursue what does make you happy just because the rest of the world thinks 9-5pm is A-OK because they've already had their spirits broken like dogs.

Don't preach balance on the side of abuse, thats retarded.

Give your children a chance to be themselves and feel safe with you, theyll turn away from you otherwise and you'll deserve it.

Didn't your son work at all when he was younger? Mowing lawns, or a part time summer job, or anything? If not, y'all dun goofed.

OP what do YOU do though? do you have a job?

Sell your house for 500k, give your son 100k profit?

>Don't preach balance on the side of abuse, thats retarded
So becoming and doing better then following the abusive pattern is retarded?

Did you think before you posted that?

Leave some prescription painkillers out so he steals them. Soon he'll be hooked and need heroin. Then he'll get a job.

user what the fuck. Are you the bread winner? Fucking threaten to cut him off and if your wife can't side with you then fuck her. Take initiative

This. Did you cosign anything, op? I really hope you haven't

He is 18 years old jesus kids gotta leave the womb sometime. Jesus do you all live in your moms basement eating her food and raging on 4 chan? Get a life you lazy fucks.

abused faggot detected

> Can someone help me with marriage/family problems?
You came to the right place.

Getting ass raped really hurts, and the act of being raped is truly scarring. Simply lube yourself up when on you and him are home, and then wrestle him to the ground. Then force your big sausage in his hairy asshole, and then tell him how happy you are that he is always around, and how much you appreciate him. Tell him he should never get a job, and just stay with your forever. Cum in him and breath deeply in his ear.

As to how you get him to move out and get a job, I can't really help you there.

Did you?

Op's son detected

does he weigh 350 lbs?
eat chips & drink coke all day?
complain his wrists hurt from holding vidya controllers all day?

Worked for me.

And you don't see the red flags from that? and you're clearly still with her? The fuck is wrong with you door mats, I mean people.

More so then you did.

Just had my 28th anniversary on Tuesday.
You don't bail out on marriage because it's not going your way all the time.

The boy was a different situation. I understood where my wife was coming from.
My [step] daughter was 2 when I got her. She's clearly not like her brother.

But I am proud of them both.

Dad? wth? what r u doin here ?!

wtf is wrong with you. you must have been not loved as a child. come here user let me hug you

ITT: people who were not loved argue with people who were.

sounds like
d e p r e s s i o n
no seriously your son sounds like he might be suffering with a mental illness talk to a doctor or something, not wanting to work or achieve anything isn't healthy

source : me and your son sound very similar

youtube.com/watch?v=KNDRb9_sZ9E

Don't give your son or wife money.

What! Why? Why would anyone give 1/5 the profit from a major asset to a do nothing manchild?

There's another thread right now about a woman who just did this to OP.

Word.

It appears that you forgot to teach your son how to be a man. Only thing to do now is take away his testicles till he proves he's earned them.