I'm drunk and about to green text a story thats completely true . . . I'm fucking crazy

I'm drunk and about to green text a story thats completely true . . . I'm fucking crazy.

>starting writing a chick in prison as a pen pal
>I'm somewhat attractive, educated, so she feels it's too good to be true
>we continue to write for 8 month - deep, thoughtful letters
>never asks me for money or anything - seems genuinely interested.
>we move to talking on the phone - all the time
>my flaws show more - I drink and she's a recovering alcoholic; we argue
>but things are still strong
>I fly out there to visit her
>before I'm getting on the plane to go out there, she says, 'this is so big; I love you!'
>First visit goes well; she says, how soon can you get out here
>Second visit goes 'ehh' - She says I'm skinnier than in my pictures - that kind of bothers me and that night she wants to watch tv instead of talking because 'we've seen each other all day' - I get pissed

Go on

>third visit . . .something feels 'off' but she ends with 'I love you'
>we talk that night things till feel 'off'
>I'm at the airport the next day, ready to go home, drinking and she calls
>I say, 'i'm moving out ASAP'
>She says, 'don't we're not together'
>says she was having doubts for a while (even though the day before the trip, she was saying how much she loved me)
>she says she realized I was serious about moving and didn't want me to commit if she wasn't committed
>I'm pissed, drunk for the next few days and we try to talk but I say a lot of mean shit; she hangs up never to call me again
>writes me saying, 'I don't regret anything; i didn't like who I was when I was with you; you're manipulative, but Im worried about you and will write if you write

>so, of course, I want to write her; she took me off her phone list, but I love this chick
>I write her 3 letters, very emotionally charged
> she responds saying how, 'it was difficult writing back because you're so insightful about why you do the things you do; I just wish you could've leaned on me to fix those issues when we were dating, like I did with you.'
>says I need to find God
>recommends an album that helped her through depression and I should listen to it
>says write whenever I want


did she break up with me because she saw me in person and didn't find me attractive?

Still here user. My ear is bent to you, drunken sir.

no bro, it just didn't work out
it's hard to tell whether you can love someone over letters/phone

Very true; but is she writing me out of pity? I still want her; we shared some very deep conversations and it hurts that she ended it the way she did.

I've been drinking myself silly since

Like most Sup Forumstards you are probably just awkward as fuck in person

appreciate it; when I first wrote her, it was honeslty out of intrigue and nothing else; and then it spiraled into this . . . me flying out there, 1000 miles, hotel, car rental, to see her and on the way back be told she's done with me.

Sounds like you wierded her out. Which is quite an accomplishment considering she was just in jail.

I mean, I was walking into a fucking state prison for the first time - but she was the one who saw me and was speechless for 30 minutes. made out with me after when the guards weren't looking and told me how attractive I was during the first visit; shit just isn't adding up

So, I weirded her out - why continue to write me?

it's probably for the best that you guys are split fam, just break ties and find someone who has their life a little more together

Might be irrelevant, but what landed her there to begin with? It sounds like she's in a pretty horrible place emotionally.

I was willing to date a fuckin' chick in the penitentiary; I don't have my life together, man.

You've recognized that, now change it! It's easier than you think.

A few charges - drugs/fraud/evading police; a bunch of fun shit - she definitely has issues; and I knew that getting into this, but we shared a lot of deep convos and she reeled me in

What was the album

>fraud
>drugs
I dunno user, sounds like someone you're better off without. Probably would get you involved and get your ass locked up

Hawthorne Heights album; the name escapes me right now

My thinking is. There's a whole lot that can go wrong with this situation right now. Your relationship is based on a different form of communication then when you visit. She's in prison so that's got to fuck with her head a little. And a prison visit your basically stuck with each other. Can't go on a date where you could pick an activity that would break up the silence. Sounds like the worst most awkward first date ever.

Keep writing her at some point she'll probably say maybe it could work and then tell her your not interested in visiting til she's out.

I do, in my heart, believes she's a good person; and the crazy thing is . . . I'm planning on moving out there, regardless, next month. and in my most recent letter, I told her that. didn't get a reply yet.

Best of luck to you user, do whatever your heart desires as cliche as that sounds

I'll echo what other anons have said - from one alcoholic to another, that's one hell of an extra liability you're taking on. I'm sure it seems like there's common ground there, but I can't see it ending very well for you given the circumstances. There are plenty of women out there who will have deep conversations with you outside of a prison. Chin up, buddy.

Kind of along the lines of what I was thinking . . .

She had this idea, image of me based on a voice on the phone, pictures on her wall and words on a paper and when I flew out to visit her it became 'too real' and was overwhelming and too much.

So she panicked; took me off her phone list (which is definitely a 'jump the gun' decision)

So I just want to write and slowly show her why she fell for me in the first place.

best wishes OP but TBH this sounds like a terrible choice based on what you've said

Completely agree; it's just that after a year of writing letters for months and month and months (that takes a lot of time and energy that most people don't do nowadays) and deep phone conversations for months, crying, arguing, building understanding . . .

I never left my state ever, but flew 1000 miles away to visit her and to have it end this way . . . it's fucking with me.

She has a few years left before she can get out, so I can still move out there and meet someone else and start a new life, even if she's not receptive to the idea of being with me

I really hate where I live now and have always wanted to move

Post a picture of yourself so we can judge wether or not it's about how attractive you are

where do you live? MO here it pretty much sucks too

OP here,

Here's what I wonder . . .

While I'm at the airport getting ready to visit her, she's super happy and excited and loves me

three days later, she breaks up with me; and she did say how I was skinnier in person and 'should put some meat on those bones'

did she just not find me attractive enough and is throwing shit at a wall to see what excuses will stick for ending it?

ripped her out of the pic, but that's at the prison

easy 8.5/10
bail on this grill and find someone better

Jesus fucking christ, don't listen to the delusional morons in this thread. Whatever you do, DON'T MOVE THERE.

You are kidding yourself, this chick is a fucking wreck and so are you. You need to step out of your current emotional state and get a third party perspective. Is this decision extremely pathetic? Yes. Has she turned you down? YES. Is there a chance? NO.

Don't you remember a time when you were a teen and you cringe hardcore about liking a girl too much? Being too obsessive? This chick is not your soul mate or even someone who gives a shit about you. Be a man, grow some balls and cut contact.

What did she do to get in there? Since no ones asking.

Another pic I took while I was out there

best post right here, listen OP

Drug charge, along with evading police and fraud; could get out in a year or 2.

Here's the thing - I know I'm fucking crazy; but like I tell people - it's hard when you've never been loved; I know I look okay; I know I could get someone, but mentally . . . I'm fucked up

maybe she realised she wasnt good for you?

maybe she just wanted someone to talk to while in prison her head wasnt on straight?

lots of us are bro, that's why we're here
that doesn't mean you have to settle for some chick who is only going to make your life worse

After the first day she did say, 'You could do so much better than someone in prison'

but with that said, wouldn't a chick want a guy out of her league?

try to stabilize yourself a little more before trying a relationship dude...maybe she didnt want to fall back into drinking and drugging?

have you ever seen that video by rihanna " We found love"

watch that video, perfectly sums your situation, some loves hurt you and even though you like it, its bad for you op.

I've been locked up before user, it does fuck with your head a little bit and any type of outside communication / visitation is like an escape. Tell her you'd like to see here again when she gets out if she's willing. Not telling you to not write her anymore but that's up to you.

maybe...i think maybe she was scared that you guys would start using together...

That could be true; a few month back she mentioned how my drinking was an issue; and I guess it falls in line with her saying 'I didn't feel I could be successful with you in my life.'

Makes me feel like shit; I'm that fucked that a chick with a few years left on her bid didn't want me?

It's not you it's her bro

nah get yourself clean and try again

It was years since she got any visitation and that was from her heroine addict girlfriend (she claims she's straight now) so maybe it was a shock;

My goal is to continue to write her and show her why she fell for me in the first place; not sure if it was a mistake or not to tell her I plan on moving out there in October.

Funny you say that, because during one of the visits she's like, 'I want to get drunk just once.'

and I'm like, 'with who?'

and she said, 'with you?'

and I was like, 'okay'

could've her way of seeing if I'd be strong enough to stop her from going back to that shit

maybe a bit of a bold move...

she most likely cant be with you due to ur drug and alcohol use
get clean and try again

It's a bad cycle I'm in - won't lie - have been drinking more than usual since this shit happened;

maybe. Women love to play mind games like that.

I'd hold off on moving but don't count it out completely. Just write her and be honest how you feel and let her know that you'd be willing to stop drinking and help her in her recovery. You seem like a stand up dude user and I kind of know where you're coming from because when I did my time (3.5 years) A girl I used to mess with found me and wrote me and begged to come see me but I refused and continued writing her the whole time I was gone. The day I got out a girl I was madly in love with contacted me and told me how she felt and basically ended up giving me the shaft and I ruined any chance I would have had of being happy with the girl who found me. I did get to hit that shit a few times though.

i just went through a breakup as well i was with this girl for 6 years
shot up for the first time
and drank for a loooooong time

it doesnt solve anything..but youll drink anyway..just like ill drink anyway again...
if you want her back i would decide to get clean and help support her not doing drugs anymore

Hi OP, read the thread. Couple things. First, you are codependent and coming on too strong. Second, you are codependent and moving is a stupid idea. She doesn't want a relationship now, and your insistence is only hurting whatever chance you have left and probably freaking her out.

Chill dude. I get coming onto Sup Forums for quarterbacking to see what went wrong or if you are an uggo, but you are being uber clingy and you turning that up to 11 isnt gonna help. You are planning on moving out and uprooting your life regardless of her feelings and she's pretty much said you come off as a crazy person, are mentally taxing and that she's done with you as a suitor until that changes but still cares for you.

I'm not going to tell you a magic phrase or action that'll rescue this, but take some time off and figure out why you cant treat her as a person and create your own boundaries so you arent stomping over hers.

I think about it more now and it seems that's what she was doing; I was stupid and felt I wanted to say yes to appease her and make her happy.

For a year + I was so committed to this chick; was willing to move out there, get things situated so when she got out she'd have a place and be able to get herself together, so for this to happen . . . it kind of fucks with me. When I went out there to visit her, I did enjoy it and realized I could see myself living there, but yeah . . . it'd be for her, even though she has no interest in dating, which makes me seem like a fucking idiot

Fucks sake OP.

She wanted money, you didn't give it to her.
Guaranteed at least one of the other people she's writing to does.

You didn't think it was only you playing that game did you?

good fucking advice..also getting clean would help you a bunch... girls dont like clingy...leave her alone and work on yourself...then slowly come back

I knew you were going to say this. Fuck everyone who thinks they are Tyler Durden hero of their own story bullshit. I hope everyone that you ever complain to abandons you because that's what you deserve for your shitting decision making skills.

You aren't Hunter S. Thompson. You aren't Anthony Bourdain. You probably work at some warehouse or some office, and you're going to wake up at 34 with no assets and no family because you squandered your 20s being led on by the most parasitic people possible. Being a drunk isn't an excuse. It is 100% you. You will look back on this time in your life the same way you look back on being 14, with nothing but utter embarrassment.

Amazed I'm saying this but solid advice ITT. Im a sober alky and alanon. Your sound like you have similar issues. If you dont fix them, they'll return with whoever you date.

Also, you could step it up a notch in fashion, /fit/ etc, but yeah man, nothing wrong with you physically

I've been drinking less, even if it only slightly; when she first hung up on me, I'd drink every time during the day that she'd usually call me - 12, 5, 7, 10 - so when she'd ultimately didn't, I'd be numb to the pain.

Now down to a 5-6 shots of vodka each night; I tell myself I'm going to stop next month on my birthday.

I was extremely needy for the last month or so, I can admit that; and it definitely hurt things; I'd show my emotions, cry . . . just real pathetic shit; I already sent her the letter saying I plan on moving, my reasoning was . . . while I was brought down the path to move for one reason, I feel just because that reason changes the path can continue for more important reasons, like removing myself from this toxic, unhealthy environment I'm in. Will probably (hopefully) get her letter in 9-10 days, so we'll see.

I was stupid and thought saying that may make her realize that I'm moving regardless, so we could still maintain something, visitations.

Considering she said I was skinnier in person than in my pictures (which was a hit to my ego), the fact that I should take a glance at the /fit/ board makes me feel worse, ha. And this is a chick who once said, 'I imagine you being ripped' - which lead me to believe it was a 'not finding me attractive' thing.

I know, man; but she was clingy, she wanted me to be clingy; I remember a saturday night I didn't answer my phone, she called me 12 times in a row, and when I did answer went off on me.And I told her, 'do you want me to be clingy, do you want me to put everything into this,' and she emphatically said , 'yes!"

girls fucking uncocniously dont like clingy its science yo

I guess when you're in it and you have no one else in your life, and she's the only person you have and who makes you happy . . . it's like a drug, you don't give a fuck how you look or how you come off . . . you need your next fix.

Sadly, I don't have anyone else in my life (not an understatement) so in the beginning, my 'clinginess ' was attractive to her, she was in prison and didn't have anyone.

But I became too much, so I'm hoping going back to letters for a while will help; not sure if I fucked shit up telling her I'm still moving, but I didn't want her to think she had control over me, like it's only because of her that I can move to a state