What will American Sup Forums do when it's discovered he was nothing more then a dope fraud and he's forced to...

What will American Sup Forums do when it's discovered he was nothing more then a dope fraud and he's forced to relinquish all of his medals?

Other urls found in this thread:

scientificamerican.com/article/what-makes-michael-phelps-so-good1/
generalgruff.bandcamp.com/track/michael-phelps-smoking-weed
youtube.com/watch?v=D8Q1fDf0GeY
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

what did they do with Armstrong?

Probably continue not giving a shit and hating my life desu.

I'll join in the shitposting with gleeful abandon

I would become a #cruzmissile

le every successful American is a doper meme

Not care since a lot of people (myself included) only use the Olympics for shitposting anyways.

You do know at the end of the day, Americans don't give a shit about the Olympics aside from the fact that we won when the world was watching. When Armstrong got caught doping, everyone cared for about a day, then stopped because MNF was coming on.

It just feels good knowing we're better than everyone else at sports we don't even care about, but know we could win if we just lift a finger.

calm down kim, talk to me when you have a gook on the same level of the greatest olympian of all time

>no one will care once it's discovered
>we will always look like the best

>only phelps is a dope fraud

EVERYONE OF THESE "SWIMMER ATHLETES" DOPE THE FUCK OUT THEMSELVES

>americups will defend this

>where was canada in the games?
Oh right.

>oh shit his doping marks are showing up on camera
>quick make a funny picture that "explains" it

Nigga he could practice voodo and bathe in pigs blood beforehand and I wouldnt care, its legal and he has like 20 golds now.

yeah i'm just joking

But how does putting giant welts on your body help you?

Something to do with blood circulation

>tfw Free didnt win

all these years of kyoani propaganda for nothing.

>americups

>doping marks
>doping
>marks

Here's your >you

google "cupping"

id let her suck my skin if you know what i mean

I did and all I got was some weird shit with two girls

Fuck this water slapping sport.

It's just white people medal padding.

It's like acupuncture with light bulbs. It increases blood circulation, loosens muscles and nerves.

does it actually tho

Probably not

U mad cuz your athlete came in 21th or something

How does shaving meme levels of hair off your face help you?
It doesn't. It's all psychological.

If it actually does, it's so miniscule I'm sure you wouldn't be able to notice.
But it probably acts as a good placebo to make Phelps feel calmer or some shit

I dunno, I thought he was an asshole before the doping thing broke. He apparently uses up $300k in water every year keeping his jungle plants in Austin alive, regardless of if there's a drought.

>pssh, I didn't care about the olympics anyway

He's using at least one kind of dope, hyuck hyuck hyuck.

>Several physical attributes particularly suit Phelps to swimming: his long, thin torso offers low drag; his arms span 6 feet 7 inches (201 cm)—disproportionate to his height of 6 feet 4 inches (193 cm)—and act as long, propulsive paddles.

>His relatively short legs lower drag, and perhaps add the speed enhancement of a hydrofoil; his size-14 feet provide the effect of flipper and his hypermobile ankles can extend beyond the pointe of a ballet dancer, enabling him to whip his feet as if they were fins for maximum thrust through the water.

>He also has a larger than average hand size which allows him to move more water.

>He has a genetic advantage that cause his muscles to produce 50% less lactic acid than other athletes. This means he can work at higher work loads for longer periods.

>Phelps is double-jointed in the chest area; this enables him to extend his arms higher above his head and pull down at an angle that increases his efficiency through the water by as much as 20%; this also allows him to have quicker starts and turns.

>His lungs are nearly twice the size of the average human, at 12 liters.

It doesn't, it's more of a placebo effect

he does looks like genetic freak, looks like he was sucked in by necronomikon book from evil dead

>He has a genetic advantage that cause his muscles to produce 50% less lactic acid than other athletes

guess who also had that, thats right, armstrong.

I hope he isnt cheating for the sports sake but a sentence like that is very fishy

" I’m sure if we could measure Phelps as much as we would like, we would find attributes better than average for swimming, but I don’t think we would find any glaring abnormalities. I suspected if we could comprehensively measure all Olympians in finals, we would see significant differences [when compared to non-Olympians], but we would not see them having freakish things like 200 percent more lung capacity, or muscles that can contract at twice the [maximum] force of a normal human muscle. I mean, come on."

scientificamerican.com/article/what-makes-michael-phelps-so-good1/

I've seen other countries with the marks form the suction cups too....

So ah, if I stuck my penis in there what would happen?

it would be painful

This actually became a minor news story here, since cupping is a TCM pseudoscience espoused by the kind of people who treat cancer with homeopathy and legitimately believe that yoga unlocks chakras

I'm a big guy

U U U U

I'd like to see a source on this shit. Most of it seems highly exaggerated/bullshit. No one's fucking lung capacity is 12 liters, that's double the average adult male and he doesn't have nearly enough thoracic volume for that at his height.

That's.... gay...

>implying anyone here will care
the only reason doping is a big concern this year is because the Russians were caught with a state sponsored program. Everyone hates/doesn't care about the Russians, all teams could be pissing blue and everyone would still tell the Russians to go fuck themselves

He stores it in his gills

There are plenty of Americans who think the US cycling team got off light and Justin Gatlin shouldn't be within a thousand miles of the Olympics. If Phelps is actually doping, I'll be the first person in line to take a nice, wet shit on his legacy. Fuck cheaters. Seriously, every goddamn sport these days, someone's gotta dope. Just start fucking perma-banning these assholes.

The Russian thing is ten times worse because the entire national anti-doping agency (not to mention domestic intelligence agency) was subverted to help vast numbers of the country's athletes dope. It ain't just individual athletes anymore, it's entire fucking countries. Fuck those guys with a cactus and then pour salt on their assholes.

Why do you think the team with the highest medal count, who consistently beats dopers, who has had several positive tests in their past, has no involvement with doping at all?

Not complaining though, doping is the only way we can see such excellent performances. It's just that the hypocrisy of several athletes irks me a bit. I mean you're faster than people you accuse of doping... but you don't. Wew lad

>Why do you think the team with the highest medal count, who consistently beats dopers, who has had several positive tests in their past, has no involvement with doping at all?
I never said that. If you read my post, it should be pretty clear that I think when they're caught they should be perma-banned, US athlete or not. What I'm quite sure of is the fact that the fucking US doping agency and the CIA are not running a doping program. That shit's just too fucking dumb for anyone but desperate slavs still trying to keep a fingernail in relevance.

>anymore

Eastern Germany was flagrant about it

...

calm the fuck down, bruce lee.
your flag is not fooling anyone.
guess the chink state sponsored chink herbal medicine is not strong enough. maybe add more plastic to it.

...

It's the Olympics. Literally everyone is doping. It's just a matter of not getting caught, which apparently Russians were too stupid to handle.

Almost every elite-level athlete from at least the last 40 years has doped, and you'd be naive to think otherwise

Yup, and they got off fucking light.

Until anti-doping agencies across all sports actually get some fucking teeth, this is the cesspool we fucking live in. Athletes would still risk doping if they got slapped with a permaban on first offense, or even second offense, but it'd be a hell of a lot less of them. Can you imagine if WADA and the IOC just flat permabanned a third of the Russian team last week? Who the fuck would even consider doping after that? Only the terminal idiots. The whole "everyone else is doing it, I have to keep up" excuse goes right out the fucking window.

Because, other than American football, basketball, baseball, and maybe hockey, we really don't give a fuck about these sports. It's not about watching pure athletic competition; it's about cheering for Team USA against other countries of the world

>Almost every elite-level athlete from at least the last 40 years has doped, and you'd be naive to think otherwise
If they pop positive, they're gone. It ain't that hard, and we might actually be able to enjoy our sports in relative peace, only having to piss and moan about refs and dirty play.

>Who the fuck would even consider doping after that? Only the terminal idiots.
It doesn't work like that

If you don't dope you won't win, as everyone is on something

Imagine avoiding to dope and lose the gold medal to some fuck who's doing a non-regulated drug, wasting 4 years of your life. In their mind it's better to take the risk and it makes sense

> implying Americans give a fuck about anything other than football

...

To be fair though, there was a TON of respect for an American marine weight lifter in the community because he won a bronze and was provably not doping (constant military drug testing.) People were awed by the fact that he won bronze when the open secret was "everybody dopes." It's not a stretch to say that a non-doper can beat a doper.

>If you don't dope you won't win,
No. That's just the excuse that athletes tell themselves when they feel like their a step behind.

>as everyone is on something
Masking agents or now, it will come out in retests eventually if this is true. Asserting that EVERYONE is on something is just as ridiculous as asserting that NO ONE is on anything. There are plenty of clean Olympic athletes. I've worked with a few that live and train on little to nothing money wise; they wouldn't be able to AFFORD doping even if they wanted it, and that's in the US. Access us neither universal nor cheap for drugs and masking agents high end enough to be undetectable to current testing methods.

Get your head out of your ass.

>Imagine avoiding to dope and lose the gold medal to some fuck who's doing a non-regulated drug
It's pretty goddamn shitty. The solution is not to dope yourself, but to lobby for stricter doping enforcement and call out dopers publicly, like the King fracas yesterday.

>In their mind it's better to take the risk and it makes sense
Only the really dumb/desperate ones, or the ones that really are in sports that are completely buried in PEDs (like cycling, for instance).

>their
they're

>now
no

goddamn phone

>when they feel like they're a step behind

And that's what they proceed to do

>is just as ridiculous

It really isn't, it's far far more likely than the latter, even if it literally isn't everyone it's still the overwhelming majority and the top of the top in all certainty

>I've worked with a few
Irrelevant

>money wise
Which is why they are supplied with it at their behest, not every PED is super expensive anyways

>or the ones that are completely buried in PEDs

It's amazing how you can admit one sport is completely buried in it yet find it astounding in other sports it is such a brash concept that this could happen

If you had the chance to gain fame and money, would you really not be doing something your competition is almost certainly doing?

generalgruff.bandcamp.com/track/michael-phelps-smoking-weed

we just have the best, russians are too busy killing brown people and fucking with their neighbors/too poor/too stupid to actually dope and not be caught

The percentage of each race who have the 'impunity gene'

which allows them to roid without detection

>Which is why they are supplied with it at their behest
By whom? Who is supplying the several thousand world class athletes in the US alone with PEDs? What fucking organization does this?

There's way too much fuzzy logic and tinfoil in your bullshit.

>It's amazing how you can admit one sport is completely buried in it yet find it astounding in other sports it is such a brash concept that this could happen
I don't find it astounding. It's simple fact. Track and Field has always been PED-ridden. Cycling has always been particularly bad. Swimming is generally moderate. It's very rare in Volleyball or Rugby. Etc. To think that PED usage saturation would be the same or extremely high across the board with no evidence (and continue suggesting that it's institutionalized at a high level in all countries) is paranoid-delusional rubbish. No group of people that large can keep a secret that long. If even 25 of the world's most prominent sporting associations were doing this, we'd hear about it. Constantly.

Fix your logic and actually do some reading on the subject.

That's some next level shitposting right there. Good luck getting (you)s from Chicoms, Japs and gooks. Maybe try not to throw the entire bait bucket in the water next time.

If your tinfoil were true, why do they revoke some medals and not all of them when they do their retests after a decade? Why do some athletes get stripped ten years later and others don't? It makes no sense. They keep and retest, at the very least, every medalist's sample for every Olympic games, going back decades. Do you not know anything about how any of the WADA shit works?

why are americans so insecure?

Because the liberal media is brainwashing us men into becoming nu-males

why cant mexicans win any medals?

Because all the Mexicans who could run, jump, or swim are in the US

We're not insecure. We just know we're better than everyone else, to the point where we'll take your teeming refuse and turn their descendants into Olympians who will stop the piss outta you scrubs

youtube.com/watch?v=D8Q1fDf0GeY

I would laugh and shrug my shoulders

3 (You)s in a few minutes. You're totally not insecure :-D

>literally everyone
Not even close. For example, there's no reason those sprinters couldn't run sub 10, even 9.8 in the 100 naturally. They've proven that if Jesse Owens had today's conditions he would have run about 9.77. Combine that with improved training techniques, globalisation of sport and a 1 in 10 billion freak (Bolt) and even something as ridiculous as 9.58 can seem possible.

I'm sure there are a lot of dopers but certainly not everyone

we're not saying we're not, we absolutely are, we're just saying (and showing, while we're at it) that we are literally better at everything than everyone on the planet.

Even if we are doping, we're doing it better than the slavs and chinamen, which further proves my point

He's still a rich cunt probably which goes to show crime pays.

Mate the only sport the universe cares about is football and you're absolute shit at it

Your girls are pretty good at beach volley so I'll give you that, they better fucking beat Larissa

Soccer is gay though

Not better at anything on the track anymore lads except the 400 and even then it's nothing like it was in the 90s. A bunch of weed smoking partying islanders and rice eating malnourished zulu warriors have fucked you in the ass

>FUTBOL

you couldn't say "I'm a huge homo please kick my ass and take my wallet" faster in the States unless you dressed in a miniskirt and vaped