ITT we share fucked up things we did when we were horny

ITT we share fucked up things we did when we were horny
>be me
>be 14
>jerk off like normal
>have an awesome idea
>nut in a sleeping bag
>perfect
>put half a bottle of lotion into sleeping bag
>nut
>feelsgood.jpeg
>spend the next hour cleaning my mess and being disgusted with myself
share your story user

Other urls found in this thread:

youtu.be/a8grWvWSu6U?t=30
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

>2 years ago
>be me
>be 16
>jerk off as usual
>have a great idea to see how it is to have a cock inside you
>get your hairbrush and stick it slowly in your ass
>that's pretty good.png
>cum
>ohshitmomhelp.png
>felt really good
>no regrets fuck you all

Cub cityKind of related to this I'm not opposed btw I'm straight
>be me in middle school
>discover masturbation
>masturbate all the live long day
>be in sleeping bag in living room
>parents are there watching tv
>i secretly jerk off in the sleeping bag in the same room
I used to do it all the time even when friends were over

> half a year ago
> obsessed with sissy shit
> get coconut oil
> shave asshole and pubes
> jerk off
> lube up my asshole
> stick finger in
> feels weird but ok
> jerk off with a finger in my ass
> push finger further
> suddenly hit something
> a new shit brewing inside
> around 4" deep feels like clay
> " but I just shat 30 minutes ago?"
> nut and clean myself up

didn't feel much tbh, no idea what gays love so much about anal.

dropped the hole sissy shit and Jack off to vanilla shit now.

sperg

faggot

Clean out your ass, faggot.

>be me
>be 12 at the time
>fuck a pound of ground beef

That's mince.

Ur mince

u wot m8

ill stab u I swear on me mam

I'll snake ur fooken gabber

nigga you ain't hotz

>be me
>16
>horny af
>bang 15 year old slut who has thing for me
>nut
>bitch won't leave me alone for 3 years
>fuck destroyed 50/50 of lock downs I had in highschool

i'd grind on random shit in front of people/family but i was like 8, no one stopped me and i didn't know better. cringe to this day though.

>masturbating
>lean upside down against wall so dick is above me
>cum on my own face and chest
>regret

>be 14-15
>mother cooking Australia Day roast dinner
>can't wait
>"user make sure the chicken doesn't burn. And fix up the seasoning. Put a little salt n shit"
>mum goes out to get more stuff
>get weird idea to fuck the semi raw warm chicken
>got it out of the oven
>fucked it
>came inside and all
>put it back
>watched some spongebob
>camp fire song song
>forget what I did
>dinner time
>me, brother, sister and mother eating dinner
>everyone's eating the chicken having a good dinner
>they ask me why I'm not very hungry
>"I made 5 sandwiches"
>my brother looking at me odd as he eats the seasoning
>his expression changes
>he's tasting the seasoning
>"do you like it? I helped with the seasoning"
>he and I don't talk much since that day.
>I don't know what bothers me more
>my brother not talking to me
>or the fact that he was 12 at the time and knew what cum tasted like.

>be 19
>read on Sup Forums that using your shit as lube was the best feeling of all time and nothing could compare
>month goes by
>feel like taking a shit
>do my usual routine of singing the first 20 seconds of youtu.be/a8grWvWSu6U?t=30
>then unleashing my ass in one huge strain
>remember post on Sup Forums
>look down at shit
>"that shit looks pretty clean"
>pick it up
>wtfamidoing.jpg
>start rubbing it on dick
>its solid af so i need to use force to smear it
>seriouslywtf.png
>smell suddenly hits me like a fucking train
>immediately start throwing up
>never again


who ever wrote that post that shit feels amazing, fuck you.

>be me
>in gf's house
>mother loves cider
>they both left the house for about 15 minutes
>jerked it and came in her cider
>poured her a glass when she came home
>I don't even find her attractive it just amuse me
>exclusively drink beer
>get gf to pour me a glass of beer and come upstairs
>take glass
>start swigging
>'yeah user there wasn't any beer here so I just poured you a glass of strongbow'
>almost choked on it
>mfw

> be me
> 15 at the time
> at friend's house
> friend has a hot older sister (23)
> sneak in her room
> take lace panties wrap around my dick
> cum on the panty
> leave it back
> go play with my friend outside

...

>be 17
>looking for ways to make jerking it feel better
>read somewhere that ice makes it feel better
>surewhynot.jpg
>jerk it with ice but nothing doing
>my dick is just cold now
>tfw I decided to stick ice wedges up my ass
>mfw it actually felt kinda good

...

...

>That shit looks pretty clean

>>that shit looks pretty clean

>mfw

not really fucked up, just came in a bottle I had and threw it away

This is from a similar thread a few days ago

Me everytime

>that shit looks pretty clean

savage

>"that shit looks pretty clean"

Actually made me kek

...

hahaha

>that shit looks pretty clean
C'mon man

I've done things you - people - wouldn't believe.
I've wanked under coats in my parents car while being driven.
I've watched Sabrina goes to Rome and ejaculated, ten hours a day.
And all these, moments, will be lost, like - semen, down the drain.
Time - to - fap.

>Be me, 13
>Fucking love pam anderson
>Baywatch comes on
>Hellyesnigga.bouncepng
>All alone
>living room fap
>Jerking to that sweet sweet pre hep c pussy
>Cumming hard as it jump cuts to the hoff giving mouth to mouth to a drowning faggot
>Dad walks in (homophobe as fuck)
>sees me covered in jizz as 2 men basocally make out
>Beats the shit outta me
>Barely speaks to me for years

To this day i still cant see david hasselhoff without wanting to go beat the shit outta my father

>be 16
>looking for ways to make jerking it feel better
>read somewhere that ice makes it feel better
>surewhynot.jpg
>jerk it with ice but nothing doing
>my dick is just cold now
>tfw I decided to stick ice cubes up my ass
>mfw it actually felt good
>go on masturbation
>keep putting ice cubes up my ass
>felt good
>eventually cum
>satisfying
>ass still full of half melted ice cubes
>nowwhat.jpg
>still half horny and alf stupid
>go in the bathtub, release the Kraken
>assfaterfalls.gig
>felt actually kinda good

>be david hasselhof, on Baywatch
>be filiming another resuscitation scene with a dude
>suddenly have the image of a 13 year old boy fapping over it then being beaten by his father
>start tonguing the extra while fantasizing about the violence
>after scene. talk with editors to have pam's scenes precede the homo tonguing scene
>still have the urge to fap whenever I read about a kid being beaten up by his father today

Fucking strayans. World would be a duller place without you fuckers.

Ahaha oh fuck, made me fart in laughter.
I think ill call my dad and tell him i fucked a couple ladyboys, just to piss him off

>be 12ish
>watching House Party 3 on HBO late night
>scene where that giant fat nigger is pounding that girl and breaks the bed comes on
>never thought to do this
>start humping the couch
>feelsgudman
>slips out of boxers and in between couch cushions
>thrust like a madman, cum
>keep doing that for years to the same sofa, always cumming inside of it
>crusty, stinks, stained all over
>the people who delivered the new sofa realized immediately
>had to carry it out to their truck anyway, gotta' do watcha gotta' do, it's yer job
>fuck the new couch the moment they leave and my parents went back upstairs
>wasn't the same
>spend years looking for same couch we got rid of online
>gave up when I got married

I miss that couch

Go to the local tip.
Pile of dead chickens
Get one that looks fresh
Fuck
Cum
>Oh god what have I done.

>be 16, be femanon
>looking for ways to make daubing it feel better
>copysomeoneelse'sstoryfromthesamethread.gif
>book a ticket on a cruise ship
>flirt with a mick cunt several classes below me
>he draws me
>go into crew area, suck off captain in dangerous waters
>he crashes ship, lol
>subhuman irish scum sinks in the icy water
>I grab a shard of frozen body parts floating nearby
>jam it repeatedly into my crevices until I'm done
>release duke nukem forever

Never give up on love user. You gotta find her. Shes waiting for you

If a real woman wrote this piece, than that just makes me happy.

>be 12 yo horny/confused sheltered boy
>family doesnt have internet or cable
>become obsessed with tits
>my sister is a year younger and somehow sprouted tits
>I get out of bed at night to creep into her room and feel her tits while I masturbate
>she catches me one time and I quickly crouch by her bed and tell her I was looking for her diary

kill me

Yea man, my 3rd wife was retarded too

You have a lot to learn, my son.
Like Macbeth's killer, happiness will never be born of a woman.

I M P L Y I N G
M
P
L
Y
I
N
G

N O
O

R U L E
U
L
E

3 0
0

Did you repeat it after?

Did you find her diary?

bo I think that was the last time...I did it several times before that though and even hid a camera in her closet for when she was drying off after shower.

was never even interested in her diary

I wonder if she realizes what I was doing those years ago and it makes me depressed to think I did shit like that.

our relationship seems fine now and shes married

>be 20
>at then gf's house
>bitch weird and crazy
>wants me to cum, but not in or on her
>take some cup
>it's her mother's favorite cup
>my cup somehow partly dissolves the walls of the cup
>mum asks a couple of days later wtf is wrong with her cup
>crazy bitch all happy with the situation

that sucks but I laughed

did you ever talk about that with him/explain youre not homofag?

...

>"that shit looks pretty clean"

you fool, you're supposed to touch the ice while you're cumming

my cum* partly dissolves the walls of the cup
I'm retarded

How's your life going?

Ever noticed that women have a fucking easy time of things.

>Be 13
>Fapping for almost a year
>Wonder what it's like with a real girl
>Curiosity gets the best of me and I sneak into little sisters room at night
>She's three
>Pull down her diaper (just a pullup thing for overnights)
>Rub and lick her a bit
>Try rubbing her with dick but position is weird
>Eventually jerk myself off and press against her when I jizz
>Little messy but doesn't take too long to cleanup
>Replace pullup and go back to my room

Dad caught me and asked me why I was up so late. I lied to him about her asking me to change her because she was soaked. Guess he fell for it.

What in the fuck is wrong with you?

>be 14 year old me
>get real horny
>home alone
>genius idea
>look through fridge to find a fruit I can shove my rhythm stick into
>watermelon spotted
>only half a watermelon
>after easily an hour of cutting, shaping and heating in the microwave i'm left with this abomination of a sex companion
>Cronenbergfuckmachine.jpeg
>put it on my coffee table with my laptop behind it for the porn
>cover the defenseless melon in a towel and put lifting weights on either side to keep it put
>insert dick
>instant regret
>don't want to give up after all this effort
>spend half an hour thrusting away with no pleasure, completely pointless
>jack off normally and cum on the melon
>spend ages cleaning everything up wallowing in shame

fuck I was stupid

A vagina is a vagina, faggot. I didn't share because I liked it, I shared because it was fucked up.

Kids get horny and do stupid things my friend.

...

Kys

The know

well yea it was a finger u douch.. nobody likes that shit. stick vanilla tho main

Go watch some League of Legends replays sport.

Better than I deserve but kind of shitty over the last year

"He fucked a hairbrush, now he's gay"

things would be better if you rubbed your sister's tits again

thanks for tha laff

>that shit looks pretty clean

Wat?

well thanx for not banging her... right?

First time my dad caught me masturbating

Watching wrestling with little brothers, see Stacy Keebler, my favorite
Cuts to commercial break, I go to my room and just punish myself, relentlessly wailing on my penis.

My dad walks in and for some reason at that point in my life I jacked off with my knees up, I have no clue why.

>are you okay son?
>yeah dad I just had an itch, a really bad one
>an itch huh? *laughs and walks away*

Very embarrassing

>Stacy Keebler
Good taste.

>Be me
>Only friend comes over to play games
>Lan Party
>Get on steam
>Put headphones on
>Can still hear porn I left on in steam browser BG going apeshit
>Realise I'm in a socially normal situation doing something fucked up like listening to porn
>Instantfetish.jpeg
>Rocksolid.png
>Freind is literally a meter away from me, facing me with only his and my monitor in between my raging rod and the subtle sound of brutal screaming
>"Hey user do you hear that?"
>"N...no what do you mean"
>Volume control for both PC's on his side of table
>Toolate.jpeg
>He swivels around, sees what I'm doing and glances and the trouser tent.
>Awkward stare
>Still screaming from bitch getting absolutely pounded
>Literally staring my friend in the eye with a banche scream over the top as he figures out what is going in
>This lasts for the longest 4 seconds of my life
>See his face distort from happy curiosity, to brow creasing questioning, then mouth gaping in disgust
>"WHAT THE FUCK user"
>Haven't seen him for 4 months
>twf it was the best nut of my life

I gave her baths and the like over the next few years, but nothing sexual after that.

>be me
>be a week ago
>see my 10yearold sister's minion toy
>could feel like a dick, right?
>get it lubed up
>start inserting it
>its eyes sting af
>get past the eyes, feels pretty good
>an hour passes
>cum buckets not even touching my dick
>no regrets
>go clean my ass
>toilet paper soaked red

guess that wasn't just shit i cleaned from the minion

done that too a year ago because the tip was flat like a horse dick. didn't feel as good as a minion. or a horse dick

>sleep in loose underwear
>while im asleep make sure my full cock is out so that my mother can accidentally walk in on me asleep with my dick poking out of my underwear
>mother is too nice to wake me up over this
>sometimes move shit she needs like her phone to the opposite side from the door so she has to walk past my full erection to get it

Sometimes you gotta ask yourself what your mom would do if she walked in and you dick was fully poking out your underwear while you were asleep

pretty tame compared to you niggers

>went to visit north dakota
>not for fun, who the fuck goes to north dakota
>some family lives there
>have a hot cousin
>no way to discreetly jerk off since im not my own home
>go into the bathroom to do the deed
>see cousin's underwear that she had worn during the day
>grab it, sniff the hell out of it and wrap it around my dick and jerk off

felt good

didnt mean to reply to u mate

>be 23
>be very horny
>let gf tie me down and do whatever
>turns out she's incredibly kinky and didn't know it

Now we are very freaky and I don't know where it will end. Help. My dick can only go so far