LET'S START A GREENTEXT THREAD

LET'S START A GREENTEXT THREAD.
Share your best greentexts. Bonus points for embarrassing child moments.
(pic obviously not related)

>this and this and this
>and myje the rekt tigd didn do nothin mi in thy nenene jeje jejejejejejej
>GREEN ENOUGH 4 U

I'll start (already written so I can get the whole story going fast)

THE STORY OF HOW MY LIFE ALMOST GOT RUINED.
>2008
>Be me, 16 year old fag desperate to get some pusseh.
>It occurs to me that working out might actually help
(inb4: user you're a fucking dumbass. Yes, I was a fucking idiot)
>start working out. Getting fitter by the day.
>Eventually got pretty buff (73kg lean mass and 10%bf) and chicks started realising.
>met this chick, well call her Lara.
>Lara wasn't the prettiest of girls, but she was enough above average for me at the time.
>Start talking to her and realize she's desperately craving dick.
>We get to know each other more and no less than 2 weeks passed when we started getting comfy with texting and shit.
>We lived like 40km apart (25 miles) and in the country I live one can't get his driving license until 18.
>Met each Sunday in church and ocassionally at her place.
>Fast forward 2 months.
>It's December.
>A group of friends had organised a trip to a cabin in the mountains for Christmass and New Year's.
>We decide to go.

Anyone interested in more?

ye sure, i have a really depressing one if you want

>We decide to go.
>Long story short. We ended up fucking like 3 times a day the whole week we stayed there.
(inb4: "But user... this shit's not worth a greentext")
>Whole group of friends+parents is Hardcore religious. And I mean it.

>Fast forward another 2 months.
>Lara and I ended our "relationship" publicly because our friends were suspecting some fony stuff was going on.
>In the midst of all, parents heard about Lara.
>Had to tell them we had "a thing" but it didn't work out.
>Life's all good. I keep seeing Lara from time to time and it seems nothing could go wrong.
>Oh boi... but I was wrong.
>One day I come back home after school.
>Mum's crying, Dad's not even home.
>Mind instantly goes to: I fucking hope no one close to our family died.
>Walk up to mom, she sees me and slaps me as hard as she could (no joke, left a pretty red mark)
>Not knowing how to react to that I go to my room and think what I could have done for her to react that way.
>Sit on my chair and instantly realize the computer's on.
>Facebook open, conversation with Lara opened aswell.
(INB4: "You know there's something called password, right user?"- PC was new and didn't bother to set one instantly)
>Realise my mom, who's extremely religious aswell, has read my texting with Lara.
>ohshit.jpg
>Stay in my room for 3 hours before having the balls to come out.
>Parents are in the living room. Silent. Not doing anything, just waiting.
>I see that my dad has some paper sheets in his hand and realise instantly what they are.
>ALL THE CHAT LOGS I HAD WITH LARA SINCE I FUCKING MET HER.

>bumping with some images so the thread won't insta die

Go ahead. You caught my attention

3/3

>I quietly sit on the couch.
>Dad, without even looking at me, reads, for the next 4 hours, every single text message I exchanged with Lara.
>I don't have the balls to tell him to stop.
>After he finishes, he stands up, slaps me with his bare hand open and kicks me out of the house.
>I was already 18 at the time so no legal problems...
>I don't know where to go.
>Decide to go to Lara's so I took the bus.
>Get to her home.
>Parents were pretty cool with us wondering in and out of the house whenever we wanted.
>Didn't even bother calling her, simply knocked her door.
>I hear screaming inside.
>Dad opens up, sees me and gives me the stare a lion gives to the gazelle he's about to eat.
>Got instapunched in the face (later on decided not to press charges).
>Simply wait out the door.
>Eventually, Lara comes out. Her whole face is red and she's still crying.
>She yells at me: user! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!
>I'm about to tell her what happened when she slaps me. (LEGIT, I SEEM TO BE EXTREMELY SLAPPABLE CAUSE HOLY SHIT)
>Rushes back inside and never talks to me again.

>Nothing of this would have mattered to me if it werent because my parents were paying for my college tuition and
because I had some lifelong friends at the church.
>Decide not to come back home for some weeks.
>Eventually mom calls me and tells me to come back. Dad was a bit too harsh on me and they're giving me another chance.
>A N O T H E R C H A N C E? ...
>Anyway, decide not to force it.
>Come back.
>2 years had to pass before I could build up enough trust with them.
>Never heard of Lara again.
>All of this could've been avoided so easily.
>Don't forget to set up a fucking password kids.
>You'll thank me

i have enough shit in here for this thread to reach image limit by itself

good shiet m8

Bump

Bumpin'

you asked for it
>be me
>about 5-6
>SO THIS YEAR XD
>my sister is has problems, i don't mean she's autistic or something, but he are a few exemples
>she watches love movies AND ONLY LOVE MOVIES
>she had 6 boyfriends until now, maybe 7, i lost count
>"only males should work, woman don't need to do anything"
>only ever watches reality shows and nothing else, and i fucking mean it
>i like to think that thats why she was like that, and that she's not just a cunt from birth
on with the story
>mom and brother are out
>only sister and i in the house
>have hamsters because cute af
>mother hamster is about to give birth
>"HOLY SHIT user GET OVER HERE"
>run into the living room to see mother hamster eating her babies
appearently mothers do that if they are scared for their children
>WHAT THE FUCK
>HOLY SHIT user DO SOMETHING
note she was about 20 at the time
i was 6
>reach into the cage to stop the mother from fucking eating the childs dick
>"DON'T TOUCH THAT IT HAS GERMS"
>gives me something that looks like a shovel head
>"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR DO IT"
why the fuck me!?
>"BECAUSE YOU ARE THE MAN"
what the fuck!?
>she started laughing
>fucking laughing
>as the mother ate the baby alive and moved on to the next one
long story short in the end the mother killed 2-3 babies and the one i saved has a scar on its leg
i have another one, cont?

on with the dump

Good shiet. Pls cont, you have my blessing

rebump for it not to die

this one's pretty good tho

thanks user
this one was only a couple of years ago
>mom and dad are divorced
>i live with my mom, in a state i can't say because you will say im trolling
>dad lives in the usa
>for the first time since i was a baby i get to see him again without him being on the computer screen
>his current wife does not allow him to see or talk to my mom so she can't come
>my brother has a mental problem, still has it today
>only one left to go with is my sister
>okthen.jpg
>flight took 16 fucking hours
>i was there for 2 months, ill cut to the important part
>we were on our way up a mountion
>cold af
>everyone was playing in my snow
>i remember running
>then i felt it
>a strong pain in my chance
>like i got shot by a small bullet
>feel chest
>nothing
>try to go to father to report on it
>wait
>im fall on the snow
>i had couldn't get up, i was too tired
>chest still hurt but i felt something
>use all my power to put a hand on it
>what i felt was pulse
>i realised that my heart just stopped for some reason
this-takes-forever-to-type-out-bump

how do i make green letters?
can i make other colors too?

don't worry, there's time

everything you write
> with this sign in front
will be green
> or yellow, that depends on your Sup Forums "skin"

>it was almost non existent
>i felt a beat every 4-5 seconds
>so there i am on the snow
>thinking i am going to die here
>with my father and sister watching
>they think im playing in the snow so they are no doing anything
>dad was besides me
>i manage to whiper out to him with all i had
>he somehow heard it
>i still don't know what is happening, don't have time to think about it
>he goes slowely to me
>he lifts me up
>"ye ok he gud"
>puts me back down
>that triggered something
>started seeing colors
>red, yellow, green.
>i can't remember the others
>mostly because im about to pass out

> test

go on...

White with a purple-greyish backgroud boi.

now show me the triangle thing you guys do..btw thanks

HAHHAHAHHA, NO.
That's for experienced fags, you must learn to do it yourself. Btw this is a greentext thread, contribute a lil bit..

>thinking im about to die, im trying to stay awake
>through sheer determination it passes
>my eyes are in pain
thinking about it now, i think why this didn't happen earlier is because my body was still slightly moving, so was the blood
>whisper out to my dad again, i can barely hear myself
>he must have seen my lips moving
>he came again
>he looks at my face
>its completely white
>all the blood fell down from there
>"a-user are you ok?"
>too weak to reply
>"move, were going to the car. now"
>yeah thats a bit too much
>he carried me to the car, making stop along the way to put me down so the blood can flow
>one of these times my hand reached my chest, i felt my own pulse
>a beat per 3 seconds
>im recovering, slowely
>and here is the fucked up part
>my sister followed my dad, a crowed is gathering around us at this point
>he put me down so i can recover for a bit
>a dog came up, he licked me
i must have had some sort of power so i could turn my head at this point

▲
▲▲

hahha, almost.
keep trying

Im not the guy from earlier

bump

>out of the crowd of 20 people every single one thinking something really fucked is happening to me.
>someone laughed
>can you guess who?
>my sister, thinking im about to die, laughed at the dog
why...are you...
>everyone is very fucking pissed off at her
>their looks must have been funny, she kept laughing
>some hero was about to punch her for laughing at a time like this, but my father managed to stop him
>same guy helped me get to the car
>i could talk slowly at this point
>i explained the entire thing to my dad
>he told me to lay down with my feet above my head
>it worked
don't let this thread die on me now

we won't user, we won't.

Did you confront her about it?

i would fucking kill her user

woah user.... why is she like that with you?

what a bitch

everyone is waiting for you user

>after 20 mins my heartbeat almost turned to normal
>i still would hold vomit down if i tried to walk, but i could sit
>the ambulance got here
>after 20 mins
>yeah ok real helpful
>i slept on the ambulance bed
america has real comfy cars ok
>i woke up near a hospital
>i felt fine at this moment i said no to staying there, just so my father could have more money
>im too fucking kind for my own good
>everything turned out fine in the end
>i never knew why it happened
>but im never going to high or cold places again
>then, my sister comes
>look, user! i took a photo of you
>you could see me in my ambulance bed
>i remember she laughed there as well
>my mother cried for hours when she found out
and thats the end of that
i did, she had no idea what she did wrong, she said it was funny at the moment so she laughed
so what im going to do is get every one of her new boyfriend numbers, and tell him what a fucking skank she is, and try my best to make him lose contact with her, just in fucking spite

well that was long, wanna ask anything?

sorry fam, this isn't pre-written
and sorry for the broken engrish, its not my native languge, besides english grammer is autistic

left me speechless fam

she "likes" me. i don't know what is wrong with her

say, can you guys cap this for me? i don't want my sister to find out what i just said about her if she ever searches the computer

bumping so SOMEONE will cap this

anyway, im gonna keep dumping stuff

no u

...

...

ok :c

>Be virgin 15 year old me
>have a girlfriend round my house for the first time in a year.
>go to room and start making out on my bed
>I told her I wanted to finger her so she let me
>I'm new to getting intimate with girls so I have no idea what I'm doing so fuck it il just copy what I saw in porn
>She pushes off me fast as fuck
>"what the fuck was that about?" Apparently I hurt her pussy bad when I tried to shove 3 fingers in to whatever hole my hand could find.

>Fast forward a week
>She calls me "user I can't come around your house because I'm not feeling very well Im sorry please dont be mad"
>Didnt think anything of it
>2 hours later she rings me telling me she has a urinal track infection.
>Never had one before
>put the phone down and realisation hit me
>dirty hands and I fingered the wrong hole
>she asked if it had anything to do with me 'fingering' her
>nope.jpg
>never spoke to her about it after that day
>relationship died a month after that
>mfw she probably knew it was my fault

...

heart failure user here, i have no idea how to edit so i just copy pasted it onto a .txt
ill ask you to edit this for me in a later thread maybe.
btw why did everyone leave just as i got to the ending?

...

...

must've sent some weird text if that was the response you got,tell us about it

is anyone in here or should i just let the thread die?

>I let my female manager call me names and once or twice a month I let her strangle me.
>It started out as a playful joke but she seems to love it and she knows I wont fight back.

is it in a sexual way user? you are a living fantasy

...

If it's sexual for her I've never seen her with her hand between her legs. It doesn't last long either a few minutes of her gritting her teeth and just going hell for leather. She can make it sexual if she wants but I'm not being pegged or having my bollocks twatted.