Key to self confidence?

key to self confidence?

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give up early

look attractive

he's got it all figured out

xanax

On the cupboard

I get that reference

Psycho-cybernetics

Self delusion

Just fake it until you can't tell you're faking it anymore

Remembering that nothing you do will ever matter after you're dead.

Visualizing. I'm gonna keep this short - but if you're someone like me (or rather how I used to be), you'll have that one really confident friend that you envy somewhat.
This might sound really simple, or basic but I think it's an idea that too often taken for granted. When I'm out, and I'm not feeling too confident, talkative, nervous or anxious, I literally pretend to be my confident friend. In every possible way. I imagine how he'd be standing, how he'd walk, the things he'd say, the way he'd look at people and engage with others. I don't pretend to be another guy all night, but to get past the entry point. The analogy I always use for that is the moment you jump in a swimming pool.
Would you like me to go on?

basically be like barney stinson?
and yes, do go on.

"Fake it" til u make it

Barney's character paints a satirical kind of picture in regards to that kind of confidence, but yeah - that kind of thing. Maybe think of someone you personally know, perhaps someone you look up to. Someone you can relate to. Here are a few other things that I can tell you have worked for me.

If you're going out (and that's an example I'll keep on using for this, I'm from England so going out basically means beer, not in the house), talk. And I mean before you actually leave the house. Discuss politics with your roommate, have a phone call with your mother, go buy some cigarettes and chat with the shop assistant. Just talk before you go out - think of it as a warm up.

My next tip. Don't drink! Okay so that doesn't add up with what I mentioned about "going out". By this I mean don't drink much. Have a glass of wine, or a pint, or a shot, or a whisky or a G+T, maybe just order a Coke! All I'm saying here is practicing this kind of thing is only going to help you if you're sober (or mostly sober).

My next tip. Don't be afraid to be werid or stand out. Actually start doing things that are strange or funny or just random acts that may not make sense to other, but that make you laugh. Be weird! (Not creepy, there's a big difference). You know when you look into the mirror and see all these little things you don't like about yourself, maybe it's your teeth, your hairline, your jaw, some spots on your face, anything... you're being critical as fuck. Because that's how we are. It's human. Always remember, that what others see in you, is not what YOU see in the mirror. Always remember that.

I could go on if you'd like to hear more tips from me. Just let me know.

though about taking Xanax to "gain confidence" but idk anymore, more tips, I literally looked in the mirror 20 minutes ago and noticed exactly what u said : the hair,spots on my face and teeth, please go on.

This

Or maybe that's the reason I have no self confidence myself...

-Imagine that you're the main character of a videogame and all the people around you are NPCs.
-Do not compare your "behind the scenes" with others' "on stage"
-Act like you have self confidence until you actually get some

Indifference

*seinfeld laugh track*

literally what

Yea had idea my bro was badd on em... He was crazy foreal.. Like trying to kill me snap out for no reason

Bad*

Don't be yourself.

I don't think they mean fake it literally like .. Face ur fear

and don't forget to sperg out

...

Sperg?

Learn to love yourself.

>the lifting will fix everything meme

...

I'm happy to go on. Okay so I'm going to tell you what happend to me on Friday. Let this inspire you. A little about me, I'm okay looking, not bad, but not great. Let's say I'm average looking. I'm about 5'8, I wear "okay" clothes - I have a pretty good smile. So from the outside, that's pretty much me. Average. I'm going to explain how I went from average, to very attractive.

I'd been working from home all day. Had a really prodictive day, I felt pretty good about myself. I think this was a good starting point. I was in a positive state of mind. it was around 9pm, my flat mate asked me if I'd like to go out for a beer. Of course I said yes! So I finished the whisky I was drinking (25ml Octomore 6.3 - wasn't drunk), and we went out for a beer.

We talked and talked and talked (see my last post). One moment it was about friendship and morals, the next it was about String Theory. This went on for a couple of hours, and yes I did have a couple of beers but I wasn't drunk. Just, comfortable. It was 00:20 at this point, and the bar was closing so I said we should go into town, to a pub that is open until 2:00am. I booked us an Uber, and away we went.

Upon arriving, we got another 2 beers and sat down. The conversation was actually all about how I once couldn't talk to girls, realised it, and then fixed it (when I was around 18 I figure I'd do something about it). What did I do you may ask? I practiced. I would just walk up to girls by myself and say something. Anything! Sometimes I'd suck and they'd outright reject me, I'd smile. Or laugh, but not in a condensing way. Just in a "okay whatever" kind of way. So this is just what my flat mate and I are talking about in the pub. We decide it's time for a cigarette. We go outside and spark up.

Will continue...

Lsd

True .. Look up videos on how to love ur self it's not easy for everybody it's not as easy as it sounds .. One thing I wouldn't think of is not avoiding things like when ur hesitant, be spontaneous or have a appointment be there if it's important just simple things u wouldn't think of

Sorry I fucked that last reply up ^

>autistic quote on some weird mystical eerie picture cliché

tumbler?
Facebook feed of a 14 yo?

Stop giving a fuck

>gif related

Realising that its okay to be afraid of things. That just because something is limiting you its okay to be reluctant to face it. But its not okay to freeze and not do it. Its not okay to let that fear to get a hold of you.

U would think of*

...

It's always ok to feel how u feel U just have to learn how to Face ur feelings so they don't hold u back

continue please

Nihilist in the streets, existentialist in the sheets.

In the beginning when you talked about videos, I could only think that you were trolling and advising people on how to fuck their own asshole.

But being confidence is all about knowing yourself and having no exceptions of what to come when you interact with someone, because if you expect someone to shake your hand or hug you, but it doesn't happen your mind gets fucked up because you make conclusions based on the things that you thought would happen but didn't.

Eating/drinking healthy. Seriously. I was a fat alcoholic for years until I quit and started eating healthy. I feel fucking great and confidence just comes with it. I'm losing about 2-4 lbs a week. Even though I'm still fat for now, it doesn't matter because I feel fucking good. I actually want to go out and do shit.

I didn't get the last paragraph, care to elaborate?

A woman approaches, looking a little dazed / lost, but she seemed okay. She went on to tell the two of us that the bar she was previously in had this dude who came up to her and was being all creepy and weird around her. We started talking to her, just in a friendly way to make sure she was alright. She was with a friend that I had once met in this very bar a few months ago. I reintroduced myself and then my flat mate (that's very important btw, don't leave your friends in the dark), and the 4 of us were engaged in conversation.

In my mind, I just clicked. I knew exactly what to say. I calibrated their sense of humour to an extent, I knew what they found funny. So I went with that. I'd listen to them, and make jokes about what they were saying, they'd do the same back to me. I was moving a lot. My hands, my arms, I wasn't afraid to use my space (very important also). I was dramatic. But not annoiyng. I wasn't afraid of people walking by me on the street thinking I was being strange or weird. I was being funny. And it was working. The next thing I did was to take my friend and tell the girls we'd maybe meet them back inside the pub.

More on it's way...

My flat mate and I went back in, I got us a couple of pints at the bar. Two mins later, the girls from outside are in, towards the end of the bar, around 15ft away from us. I can see them both looking over, giggling and smiling. I say this to my flatmate:

"In just a few moments, one of the girls is going to ask us both to go over there and sit with them"

He laughed. I smiled. A few more sips of my pint later and sure enough one of the girls leans over the bar and says, "hey why don't you come sit over here with us?".

I laughed, my flat mate smiled.

There was some drunk dude sat near them, being kind of a douche. So it was in everyones best interest to get rid of him. This would assert some kind of dominance. Sure enough it worked, and around 30 mins later the girls stated they were leaving to go home in a taxi. They asked us if we'd like to come with them. Plot twist, we both have girlfriends (truth) and polietly decline.

But you see where this was going. And the funny part is, neither of us went out with intent to find girls, or flirt. That's the whole point. Go out to have a good time, and good things may happen. Go out to find a woman and well, you might. But probably not.

XANAX IS CONFIDENCE FUEL MATE

Love yourself no matter what you or others think of you, love yourself so much that it will be 50% of people's mission to make you hate yourself and the other 50% mission to be accepted by you, the more you love yourself the better

This goes deeper, why can't you love yourself? Because weak willed people think loving themselves is more about counting acheivements when it's really about accepting flaws, you may be a retard, but you are YOUR retard, and nobody would spend more then an ounce of energy to help you out, so start helping n loving yourself and create the army of you.

(Not OP), good advice user. Been trying to help my girlfriend get passed that self confidence hurdle. She's still in that awkward phase where she say random things that usually don't relate to the topic. I love her to death, but I don't know how to go about it.

One thing I'd like to say to all those who use the phrase "fake it 'till you make it" -

you're right.

Listen to those people. It doesn't mean you can't ever be yourself. This is about confidence. Faking, or pretending to be confident, IS confidence. And eventually it'll stick (if you do it enough).

Alright, so I'll give you an example from my own life. Over this last summer I was working for a substitute firm that hires all kinds of people to replace people who are on vacation or sick leave for a longer period of time.

It was a easy job for me to get over the summer, because they didn't care if I only had two/three months to work for them. So part of my job was being sent out to factories who needed workers for simple tasks that required less than 30 minutes introduction.

The first time I go to a new work place I meet the leader of the department I was going to be working in and he just greets me with a smile and starts asking a few questions and then moves on to tell me what I will be working with/who/etc...

Now I didn't know what to expect, because I'm only 20 so I don't have a ton of work experience because I've been in school all of my life, but it was a good thing that I didn't expect him to shake my hand, because if I had expected it, it would have thrown me off, because it would start putting thoughts into my head like: "is he angry about something", "am I not what he expected of a substitute", etc...

I later learned that I was doing the job very well and they would be calling me in again later in the week and so on. I was also being told by a different employee that a lot of substitutes they have had previously was slacking a ton and doing less than half the work that I was capable of doing.

You could also say it like "Don't keep your hopes up". If you are going to buy a new "used car" from a private owner and not a dealership, you shouldn't expect the seller to give you a nice discount or something just because you are being polite.

I'm not sure if this was any better, but I hope you get a better idea of not keeping expectations, because it's really hard to understand people.

You rock.

Embrace her idiosyncrasies! She'll open up more and more over time. Just show her your love and understanding by your actions.
You sounds like a great guy.

(Amazing thread guys, keep it up), Thanks for the advice. Maybe I'm just going about it the wrong way. Like when I work, I interact, with other people and I have an amazing time talking with them. It then makes me think of her and how sometimes I get choked up and blank out trying to find the words to talk to her. We've been together for a year now and I don't want our conversations to get dull yah know?

On the topic of faking it 'til you make it, how do I let go of the feeling of being fake?

The fact that all this goes against the "just be yourself" bullshit confuses me.

Being fake just to make friends just makes me feel more pitiable.

>pretending to be confident, is confidence. And eventually it'll stick (if you do it enough)

YEEEEES. There is this one Youtuber from Arizona who does these sort of pranks, but it's really just about aproaching random people on the street/campus ASU and telling them some random lines/memes or in the case it's a girl it could be a pick-up line.

He was super awkward in the beginning, but for every video he did he kept building the "fake confidence" because he was doing it for his videos and eventually he just became so confident he never had problems approaching girls. Just watch one of his latest videos youtube.com/watch?v=XuaC3dXayAs he is on another level.

Brain surgery
It helped me tbh

I would like to remind everyone to stay away from benzos (xanax, klonopin, etc). Sure, it may help with anxiety and give you confidence but eventually they'll stop working and you'll be physically dependent on them and you'll die from withdrawals (similar to alcohol). I was taking klonopin, as prescribed, for years and now that I had to switch insurance/doctors I can no longer get it. I was cut off and treated as a drug abuser. Now, I have to buy them off the street and ween myself off it unless I want to die or spend tons of money on "rehab", as if I'm a fucking degenerate drug addict. Fuck US healthcare.

This.

Start accomplishing shit. Confidence is achieved through success. Accomplish something, gain confidence, accomplish more and gain more confidence.

When I have a goal I feel comfortable but when it's just talking I get bored I suppose and don't find words anymore.

In the pub for example I can have a great chat with a woman while playing a game of pool. I will be spontaneous and feel comfortable, but when I have to start an interaction with a woman or a man, only by talking, I lose interest in an otherwise amazing person

Im not super confident, but people think im cool, i have an attractive girlfriend and go out to social events regularly.

I just act like myself and let people think i like them, tbh im a two faced bitch but they dont know that. Im the leader of my group of friends which i thought id never be, seeing as i was a fat weeb in high school.

My advice: lose some weight, stop thinking the world is out to get you, and grow a pair of balls. Maybe if you just ask a girl out she will say yes. Sitting and hoping she notices you wont solve anything. And the same goes for friends, go be social, get outside of your comfort bubble and stop acting autistic till they are actually your friends

You don't need to achieve or accomplish big things.

For example if you want to be able to walk up to any girl and have no anxiety about talking to them. It would be about talking to people when you have anxiety, even if the outcome is horrible, the most important thing is to look at the bad things you said or did with your body language and improve on them. It takes time, but as long as you keep a positive attitude towards improving yourself you will make great progress.

Small accomplishes builds up and you start moving forward. Quickly!

I myself am in a long distance relationship (4,500 miles long!) so talking a lot and keeping conversations upbeat and not dull is very important. If we're talking over the phone and there's not a lot to say, we usually end the call and speak a bit later on. It gives us time to get in sync a little bit and not get stuck in a blackhole of silence. Time apart is just as important as time spent together.
Topics that lead to long insightful conversations involve us sharing our philosophies, our deep thoughts on how we are and interact with other people. The kind of conversationd you'd have after a smoke if only you could remember what the start of your own sentence was.

Don't be afraid to get deep. You'll learn a lot about your SO, and yourself.

fake it til u make it

Key to confidence is not giving a fuck about anything underneath.

Once you can stop giving a fuck about what other people think of you, you'll truly open up.

...

I'm really self conscious about being skinny, 120lbs, 19yo, can't even grow a beard to hide my baby face literally look 16.

any tips Bros?

Damn, so you know my pain user. I'm also in a Long Distance relationship. It went from close to a long distance one because I left to go follow a dream that she 100% supported me on. I've been here for a few months and I occasionally take bus rides to go see her now and then. Just so I maintain that physical aspect yah know? I want to support her, and make her life a little easier. Her mom doesn't help much and starts petty squabbles over nothing. (We're both Puerto Rican btw, her dad's Jewish. Weird combo I know)
Her dad wants the best for her and obviously wants her to date some one who can support her. It also doesn't help I'm her first boyfriend, like ever! So there's alot of things she hasn't done that I just yawn at because I've been there, yah know?

Am I just over thinking things? And stressing myself out?

I have a similar apperence and I deal with it pretty well. Could you provide me with some context here? Do you just feel out of place a lot? Having trouble with the ladies? I want to help you, and I think I can.

self conscious about the things I wear, too embarrassed to wear any tank tops and such..

trouble talking to girls without having my heart beat like crazy.

Good thread

When I started high school I weighted about 88 pounds, half a year into it I started training with a class mate who was already pretty fit.

Throughout the three years I went there before graduating (Danish version called gymnasium which is only 3 years and not 4 like in US). I gained 33 pounds mostly in muscles and grew about 4 inches in height. In the beginning I was really out of place because I looked like someone much younger, but I didn't hate myself for it, but I didn't love who I was or what I looked like.

I still have a lot of muscle mass to gain, but I don't give people the impression of myself like I used to.

It's not only about how you look, but also the way you walk yourself around, it gives people a very strict image of how you may be and that's why you always keep a good posture and walking normally.

I was already walking quickly through the hallways because I didn't want people eyeballing me too much between classes, but now I couldn't give less of a fuck about how people view me, because their perspective changes anyway when they get to know me.

(side note, I wasn't malnourished when I started in high school, I was just under different circumstances than your average teenage boy is)

So, I had to deal with the parents thing a while ago. As in, meeting them for the first time. It was a big deal. I wanted them to like me and they now do. Here are some of the things I did to get there.

Try not to stress about it for number one. Try to relax. Now, whether they admit it or not, all the want for their daughter is the best. They want a standup guy. A guy who is independant, confident but most of all, someone who would take a bullet for their daughter.

Be charming. Don't try to lick anybody's ass here. They'll see through that. Show them little signs of how much you care about your girl. I have a habbit of always asking "are you alright?". Y'know, just to make sure everything is okay with my girl. I don't do it too much so that it's annoying, but I always want to know that she's okay and her parents would see that I do this.

Try to see her as much as you possibly can. Probably one of the best things you can do here, is to suprise her. Just turn up one day.

I don't know what else to say man, but just love her and be there for her. Support her. And eventually her parents may one day support you.

Okay anons, listen up, while there has been some very inciteful advice, I'm here to tell you the real of things. The key to self confidence is realizing that you're a fucking loser. That may sounds very destructive but allow me to explain; we're all fucking losers. Every last one of us. But that's okay. Because there's literally millions of people in this world probably even more of a loser than yourself, but owning that fact will only make you appear more confident (than you really are) and in doing so will make the faggots in denial look like even bigger losers. Just keep in mind self-doubting anons, that no matter how ugly you are, how small your dick is, or how much of a cringey, stupid, piece of actual human garbage you are, there have been people in history that were even uglier, had a smaller dick, or have been even cringier that still got laid, or still had a good life. In conclusion, we all fucking suck in some way or another, but that doesn't fucking matter because literally nobody unimportant or dear to us gives a shit or even cares about those things, so fuck those guys. What I'm saying is Wear your loser badge with pride user, unless you want to be one of those weird white kids from school that no matter how much everyone tells them they suck, they just believe this false sense of entitlement. Have a good day user, you fucking loser.

It's simple:
>Do things that make you feel proud of yourself.
>Don't do things that make you ashamed.

As you progress in this, you build self-love and self-appreciation for your discovered talents along with discovering your limits.

With this you become well defined and learn yourself.

>/thread.

Embrace your baby face nignog. Chick's live it. Imagine being 50 and still looking 30.

Embrace it. Go to the gym, don't fucking do drugs until you're 25 at least. Meal prep, just don't be a faggot about it. Keep it to yourself. Try not to drink alot. If you need poison maybe smoke weed occasionly but what I said above re drugs still should apply.

Watch Alan Watts - The Real You

The put on some Fernada Martins, loudly. Then change it to whatever music you like because schranz isn't for everyone.

Sleep early wake early. Run.

Oats every morning. They're a natural anti dep and extremely good for you.

Fuck. Do what I say. It will help. I kicked a substance abuse and alcohol problems a year ago and I couldn't feel better.

Warp 9 number 1,engage!

Not caring if you look like a fool.

Dude, thanks a bunch for the advice. I greatly appreciate it man. It's quite a relief knowing I'm not alone in this.

Dude I love that guy! I forgot his name but now I know! Thanks user

Okay, that's enough context. First off, I share your pain dude. People will always tell you or make out that it's a "good thing" that you're skinny, and why you may polietly agree, you're thinking to yourself "man I don't want this!".

So, back to you. Don't wear tank tops. Just don't wear 'em. Don't buy 'em don't wear 'em. That's not to say no one should ever wear tank tops, but it won't work well with your build, and there are plenty of tops that will.

So in terms of "what to wear?", literally have a look online at some clothing stores. You don't need to buy a bunch of stuff (you may already have it), but most of these stores usually have "styles" or "outfits" built up from clothes you can buy on the site. You'll find a model that you can resonate with in terms of what they're wearing, and when it makes you feel good or confident, try it out. Maybe you have some items you can already pull out that make you feel good.

The thing about the clothes, is to feel good. I doesn't matter if it's not what everyone else is wearing. It just has to make you feel good. When you start to feel good, you can start to work on your confidence.

I'm going to continue this for you...

Know that your actions and opinions will be accepted only by a bunch, anyone else just gives a fuck.
>Pro tip: Don't let these last ones influence your actions and opinions.

Shit man I really enjoyed reading all of that. I'll try to use some of this advice. I'm a really quiet and shy person, and it's difficult trying to find what to say to people. I'm not even just talking about girls, either. I find it difficult to interact with guys as well

Rip

So now you've found some better clothes. You're feeling good. You look nice.

Girls.

You mentioned that you're heart beats really quick when you talk to girls. This is not uncommon, but I'd suggest you conduct some very simple breating exercises. Learn to get yourself in to a calm state of mind. Practice it, by yourself. Just deap slow breaths, let thoughts enter your mind and then leave. Learn to relax. If you're going out one night, or you'll be in the presence of girls, do this before you leave. Be calm. Be cool.

My last thing on this topic, to is say this. Assume attraction. What's really important when talking to girls is to have a powerful subtext. If what's in the back of your mind is "oh my god what do I say to her?!?!", that will show in both your verbal and non-verbal language. Let your subtext be a little arrogant. Try keep this in the back of your mind "you'd be a fool not to be attracted to me". Just leave that sitting there in your subconscious and let your conscious self do all the work.

Trust me.

Thanks for your kind words. There is some really great advice in this thread. Just find what works best for you, and practice practice practice. One day you'll look back and laugh at the fact you couldn't talk to girls. Hey, maybe one day you'll have a conversation about just that, in a pub with your friend, before leaving for a cigarette...

All the best dude!

Not him but man I do the heavy breathing thing as well before I do anything that makes me feel anxious. It actually does help

share exercises?

Uuuh owkay... You weird buddy. But that's okay.. you fuckin loser

Hey guys, I've been reading through the thread and I just want to say thanks for all your advice.

Not an exercise, just if I start feeling anxious I breath deeply. Breath in and hold it in for a few seconds, breath out for a few seconds. Just do this a few times quietly

btw

>gif

torn between :

>breathing exercises
>Xanax
>faking it

bumping

bump

never xanax