Anons who self-harm, or have in the past, can you explain in simple terms why you did it and what helped you stop?
Im a guy that works with suicidal and mentally unwell people here attempting to learn a little from the source. Whenever I read about the phenomenon it always seems so wishy washy.
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For me personally I felt like if I could deal with intense physical pain, I'd be able to deal with emotional pain as well. Not how it worked out. I was very young then anyways.
What helped me stop? Honestly, I moved in with my father because my mother threw me out, and he was a christian and wouldn't tolerate bad behaviour :s
Can you explain the thought process a bit more because I hear this a lot but it makes no fucking sense to me.
You thought that if you inflicted pain on yourself that it would somehow translate to being able to tolerate emotional issues?
when I was first cutting it is because I was actually trying to die. and it almost worked but my friend stopped me. I would cut at least 1/2 an inch deep.
now the only reason I "cut" is because im a fucking masochist. theyre all just skin deep scratches now. and it honestly makes me happy.
there are hundreds of reasons why cutters cut. and very few cutters are actually suicidal even if they may claim or believe themselves to be
I was very young. I didn't understand that there was a difference between emotional and psychical pain, so because I didn't know how to deal with emotional pain, I figured psychical pain would be a fine substitute...
used to self harm as a way to get back at my girlfriend.
was like, maybe 13 at the time so more than 10 years ago. she would call me every single night saying she's gonna kill herself, pretty terrible relationship etc etc. she would cut herself, i would do it back, once we broke up i kept doing it for a bit but realized its fucking retarded.
now i regret it, gonna get a tattoo over it cause it's fucking embarrassing.
It's part of your character. That's how I see mine though.
You can see my old scars, the red is a heat mark. It stayed there for a long time.
People do it for all kinds of reasons
for me it's an acclimatization to suicide
also it fits my antisocial behaviors, it gives me an excuse not to want to see anyone because my eyes are black and my face is swollen like ET (I cut just a little if it's in the moment and I have something sharp, usually I just beat the shit out of my face)
Can't wait to die, I'm gonna make an exit bag soon
Mine were pretty severe I dont like to look at them. The reason I started was when I was about 11 my whole world was basically broken as is. THE nail in the coffin was my parents divorce. My dad was never around as a kid and the realization of how much of a piece of SHIT he was really started to hit hard. I was forced to live with him for a year where he abused me and yelled at me every day. He always plays with my emotions and Tries to hurt me. He's called the police on me 4 times. Had me arrested because he said I was doing drugs. I devolved a severe depression and anxiety too there's that I haven't ever told anyone except on Sup Forums. I started cutting because it was the only pain I could control. Everything else was unsolicited and really random so when I cut I knew I was in control of at least one pain in my life. I stopped when I got out his house and never had to see him again. If you really wanna know what helped me stop a lot It was fashion. I got into fashion around 13 and I realized that you a lot out outfits I liked were shirt sleeves and that new hobby of mine gave me a reason to stop. Anyways I like not sure if this was rambling or not but I hoped I helped
eh, not really though. i was young and stupid. definitely would never do it again because it's visible. and people will judge you over it.
It was like letting steam through a pressure valve for me; a full emotional and physical release to erase all the anxiety and mental anguish.
That is some grade A nonsense. That's the reason self harm gets such a bad name.
OK I can understand it sounds like you had a difficult and chaotic childhood. But can you explain to me how cutting yourself made you feel in control?
See through my eyes if I was doing that it would just be evidence to me that I've lost even more control.
Please illuminate me.
So when you actually cut yourself you felt better? For how long?
Also did you know about self harm as a phenomenon before you started?
Well think about it this way. If there is 3 pains in life and you have zero control over them. They happen at random. If you add A 4th that you can control it face me a sense of control and acclamation to all these pains. ITS weird for others but it was a freedom for me
It makes me feel better for a time. I haven't cut for a few weeks as I can't find my blades but I get a similar feeling from hitting myself until I bruise badly. It's a release. It is addictive. I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression and I will most likely kill myself at some point within the next few years. Overall didn't have an overly shitty childhood or anything in that regard, though I had few friends, was bullied relentlessly by my peers and I'm not close with my parents. I've been like this for a while, close to a decade now, and it's just gotten worse with time. I'm a real worthless piece of shit.
Self harm for me personally is a release from how bad I am feeling, if I'm not mistaken it releases endorphins, I feel better afterwards.
Why don't you go lift weights instead? Deadlift 300 pounds and you'll get a release.
Yeah actually, it felt better. It forced more to get perspective on whatever was bothering me at the time. Like, if I was hurt, emotionally, by something, a gash on my arm allowed me to feel *real* pain and see that everything else was just kind of stupid. I'd channel all that emotional pain into the wound.
Had a friend in high school who I knew was a cutter, but we never really talked about it. This wasn't a way for me to fit into a cutting identity, it was more of a way to understand, and control, my body. Very personal/private.
Because that's hard and causes real pain. I won't get attention by doing that?
Why I did it? Simplest way to put it; I had emotional pain I couldn't find an outlet for. I was self deprecating and was a sucker for a fucking succubus. The intense pain and blood rush was such a wave of endorphins that it helped dispel some of my emotional pain.
What made me stop? First, I now have scars where people see them everyday, and I get a little self-conscious of them still. Second, I tried my best to move on from what caused my emotional pain, yet sadly, I conditioned myself to know and accept pain, even emotionally.
My wife has helped me a great deal, and thankfully I haven't done any self mutilation in many years.
It is a strange thing, I'll agree. Try to look at it from a drug addicts point of reference. They look for that high, and that "high" for me was essentially trying to feel better, for all the wrong reasons.
If you want OP, I can continue but you asked for simple, so I gave you convoluted.
Self disgust, it also helped me drop 70lb
I have a similar story user just lived with my dad for 4 years till I ran away and eventually got caught. My aunt and uncle went to court and got custody of my and I lived with them till I turned 18 but I'm still mentally fucked, if only because he played mind games with me and tried to fuck with every aspect of my life. Plus he was on drugs and was an alkie too
when you cut into yourself your brain focuses away from whatever thing has made you sad and you think of the cut.
drugs work better. cutting is for people who have no access to drugs (i'm probably an addict now but whatever)
Its all about control Sup Forumsro read about it
Anyone here ever see that episode of House where House is withdrawing from his vicodin addiction and in order to deal with the pain of withdrawals, he breaks his hand with a hammer to release endorphins and give his body a source of pain to focus on?
As someone who has dealt with self harm in the past and now studies it,
Its a bit like that, honestly. The physical pain of your self harm drowns out any emotional pain you may be feeling, and the release of endorphins from a physical injury also helps numb the pain.
Most self-harmers become drug addicts if given access to the drugs that can cause addiction or drugs that numb their pain.
I went from self-harm to opiates and speed (amphetamine salts) after getting access to them, and after a while of being strung out on drugs, I realized that I had stopped self-harming.
Same goes for cigarettes. I and others I know who smoke usually only smoke when they're under emotional duress or depression.
If you're interested in learning more about the fundamental aspects of any addiction, this video is an excellent source of information.
Hardly for attention, I've never discussed it outside of Sup Forums nor has anyone seen them IRL.
i keked
This worlds dumb and boring, some people aren't little faggots who are to afraid to take the leap. Unfortunately I pussyed out. Hopefully when god emperor trump blesses the world with nuclear pyre, it won't be an issue.
> no self esteem due to childhood abuse and being mindfucked all the time
> one day I was so out of it (probably my first panic attack or something) I stabbed at my legs with a hairpin
> felt like immediate release
> continued hitting, scratching or poking/stabbing myself when shit became unbearable
I never had "cutting-sessions", I never wanted anyone to see them. When I was little it felt like I was punishing myself for being a bad child. Later it was a way of channeling emotional pain to physical. At some point it became an easy solution, I immediately tried stopping from then on (and succeeded).
I was drunk
You literally are only cutting for the attention at least have the balls to admit it. That's why you cut on your arms and legs where they're easily visible, so people will notice you.
i literally cum in my pants when i feel cold blood dripping down my legs and seeping through my jeans
some sort of drug. my first drug lol
This guys pretty much spot on. Cut for a while when I didn't care about much of anything, would beat myself too, but now I just best myself when shit gets bad, I'm pushed to that point, etc. Channels thinky pain into physical pain, feels like releasing it. Also a sense of punishing myself/I deserve it
I feels great. You get a super endorphin rush. The problem is diminishing returns. Eventually it takes too much to get anything from it.
I was a Friend of scene kids who didn't cut himself but watched everyone else do it, so grain of salt.
According to them, it causes your brain to release endorphins because of the pain, so the kids that are numbed by trauma/emotions/etc. cut because it's like a little high.
Hello fellow mental health worker. I've a little over three years in the industry, working on mental health units, intake assessments, and crisis intervention.
Most people do it for attention. They do it in obvious places, so people will inquire about it. Others get a "release" from it, or to see if they can still "feel"
...they're all fucking faggots and should kill themselves, regardless of the reason. At the very least, sterilize yourselves so you can't procreate.
The physical pain feels better than the emotional pain. Essentially it's a distraction, a coping mechanism.
I stopped because I figured I'd stop blaming myself for the shitty life I had lived as a child and just try to keep moving forwards.
Sometimes I get very frustrated and hit myself still, but nothing more than that.
Sure
First of all I don't do it anymore but I don't trust myself around knives not when I'm alone at least because then the thought pops in my head
So anyways I did it purely put of curiosity I had the "Oh this guy cut himself and si can I" I used press down knife deep into the soft wrist flesh and slowly dragged the knife leaving a rather deep cut behind
It burned for the period of knife against my skin but a nice feeling of warmth and pulsating blood was left behind
I got told by a friend to stop because soon it won't become a pleasure only thing.
Tits or GTFO
I do it to punish myself for doing bad things like overeating or being a lazy piece of shit.
No tits here good sir.
I guess I felt I needed to punish myself for being wierd and disgusting.
I still do it for those reasons.
>scratching a layer of skin off. Daily.
>13 years
>not even trying to stop.
i just wanted to punish myself for being such a shitbag
did it for the pain, dont know what made me stop....
my ex, who used to self harm described it as a little part of herself that never felt up to standard and it just urged her to do it to make the world see her how she saw herself and partly as a form of punishment.
sometimes i get drunk and i come across a sharp thing and then i like to make cool designs out of scars on my arms, i don't really see the difference between cutting myself, and getting a tattoo
Apologies for no green text, anons
When I was 15 I thought I was in love, as you do when you're that age. My girl at the time told me that she had depression and self harmed and it spiraled out of control with her constantly telling me how she thought she was fat and ugly & whenever I told her she wasn't, blah blah blah, she would call me a liar. Arguments became more frequent and she eventually emotionally drained me to the point where she would go into detail about her self injuring and being suicidal until I became lowkey depressed. Sometimes she said things such as, if I told anyone, she would hang herself whenever she could. And of course, I didn't. I began to self harm because I'd genuinely began to see the world in a negative light.
I told her about it a month later because-as we usually did-we stopped arguing for a brief amount of time enough for her to engage in a heart to heart. She told me she didn't care as no one cared for her (which of course, was a lie) and we barely discussed it again, apart from when she used my self harm or her self harm against me ('if you tell the school I cut, they'll know you do') I broke up with her a month later because I finally told a friend who told me she was borderline emotionally abusing me, or as much as you could for a pair of 15 year olds. I continued self harming for a few months after that, until I realised I was being a little faggot that wasn't going to get anywhere.
Needless to say, I'm just over four years clean, which shouldn't be a thing I should have to say, but the stuff she put me through for the 8 months of us dating, that I endured because I thought i was being the good Samaritan, has stuck around with me for a long time.
I was 15, see , and I did it on my upper thigh where no one ever saw it, nor did I want them to. I was extremely happy to see them fading and it was more incentive to stay on the steady ramp to not being a pussy.
Borderline, bipolar male here with a long history of trauma (just fuck my emotions right up), abusive neglect, abandonment (I had a fun childhood), and narcissistic/antisocial behavior (not strong enough to be comorbid apparently).
I do it because of the emotional build up of anger. At the core i feel empty because lack of love during formative years which then turns to sadness and terror, but in order to cope i convert it to anger because being a little bitch isnt acceptable in this society, and since i have emotional instability: the disorder, i end up having to convert a lot of shit into anger. However, i dont always get to expel it in healthy ways, like sublimation into hobbies, or the occasional fist fight. Generally, i intellectualize the fuck out of everything to cope so i feel numb instead of angry, but sometimes it has no where to go, i cant numb myself, and i have no downers, so it feels like im going to explode. Knowing this, i either have to destroy something within close vicinity to myself, or myself, because primal instincts are a fucking pain in the ass. I choose myself because i can hide that shit and destruction of property always brings the law to my doorstep, which is fantastic because theyre antisocial (this has been proven in case the occasional bootlicker feels like getting defensive) as fuck and love putting people in jail or fining them to fund their system.
I dont do it often. As a matter of fact, its one of those last resort choices because if i dont, i go into an altered state of consciousness where i try to kill everything, sort of like some creepy shit youd seen in the movies. Honestly, i dont know how im not in prison or dead because ive nearly blown up my school and torn someones throat out with my teeth. That state of consciousness is nothing to fuck with.
> :s
So easy to detect your gender. Feel fry to deny it, it's so obvious that it doesn't matter.
>heat mark
Wtf is that?
Look a few posts up, I was in almost exactly the same position as you were, only a bit older which is embarrassing. How long did the negativity stick with you, outside of the cutting?
Maybe this is not dangerous self harm but I'll eat really spicy peppers because the pain from the spice helps clear my mind and i get a bit of adrenalin rush i think
I did it because I thought i was a bad person. Got bullied in school, and thought that it was my own fault. Wanted to commit suicide, but was a pussy and couldn't do it. So I punished myself with cuts and beatings, for being a fucking pussy and a bad person
People burn themselves for funsies. Mental illness isnt necessarily the movies. People get creative. Burning isnt even one of the creative ones.
I don't know actually I just couldn't handle the emotional pain.
I never really cut, only scratched my skin a lot with a blade, I drew stuff only my skin, they are hardly visible anymore which I'm glad of.
I guess it felt like leaving a reminder of the times and I could remember how sad I was back then and how things have changed
Oh its a burn scar
The adrenaline made me feel better, and there was also the self-flagellation aspect.
Thank you africa and india.
Became an addiction. Had to stop before I lost control.
>little over three years in the industry
Right lmao. Im sure.
i did only 3 cuts at my arm, i did it because i was desperate and edgy following what retarded fuckers post online
i stoped by just stop thinking about life and things, take it but take it easy, thats what i learned
Sorry
Nice tits
my ex gf used to when she was depressed or anxious she said she couldn't really explain why it help said it was like relieving tension she was keeping inside. she eventually stopped when she started making bracelets out of string as a hobby if she was upset she would just make them it was a mindless activity she could lose herself in. we broke up at some point be remained friends eventually things got better for her at home and became more confiendiant in herself and she stopped making bracelets.
I sometimes cut myself
most of the time just small cuts, nothing that really hurts
I'm very bored and lonely, maybe that's why?
I don't know why I'm doing it, I wish I could cut more/deeper but I'm too afraid
I don't like pain
I just like how blood looks
seeing blood coming out of my body makes me calm
I don't really know why
it's not because I watched dexter or some shit like that
also I expriemented with self burning to try to understand what she was experiencing, and there was something good about the pain it's distracting and the healing process was almost metaphorical to dealing with emotional pain
>do my best to explain myself thoroughly to oppie when i dont like talking about it
>BPD males are just now truly being investigated properly
>oppie wants to learn about the psychology behind cutting, which requires understanding it from several perspectives
>this means my comment data is actually useful
>still doesnt reply
You had me there for a sec oppie.
Woah buddy that's coming edgy
SWIM liked the blood. SWIM grew up highly prone to bleeding, mainly due to nose bleeds. SWIM'd play with the blood. SWIM's parents freaked out when one day SWIM made the bathroom look like a murder scene, SWIM was 6, maybe 7 then. SWIM'd let the blood run into a glass sometimes, and SWIM'd paint with it. SWIM liked how it tasted, the rich color, the texture, the smell. Finally around highschool, SWIM started getting into other bad habits involving harming SWIM's pets, and learned about how some other kids around SWIM's age self harmed. SWIM wasn't depressed, but SWIM liked blood among other fucked up things, so SWIM cut into them self and liked the way it looked. SWIM didn't cut deep, but still it was gratifying and SWIM was always kind of an imagery guy. SWIM stopped when it started leaving noticeable scars and people took notice. SWIM didn't like the idea of possibly being perceived as a little emo bitch, so SWIM quit. Their nosebleeds also got better, and they stopped playing with their blood. SWIM still likes blood because it is in SWIM'S eyes, beautiful. SWIM still doesn't like not being able to go to the pool.
I cut to use the physical pain to bring me out of the hellscape that was my mind. Music helped me.
user, when i was younger I used to burn myself. I had ballbusting hard-nose parents at the time, no freedom of expression to speak of, or really any freedom of choice. I just wanted some form of control, a symbol of defiance as it were. The scars are faded, my arm hair is darker now, they are barely visible. My parents arent bad people mind you, its hard to set a precident for raising a delveloping gestalt being.
top kek
>Best guess for this image: wood
I cringed
Same here, user. Hope things pick up for you.
It felt pretty good.
I generally didn't feel good.
I wanted attention.
Bout it.
I've stopped for the most part, cept it's become a sexual thing too, now. So it makes me horny/relieves horniness.
Everyone knows what SWIM is at this point faggot, it wont protect you in court. Referring to yourself in third person certainly suits the thread though.
Thats hot. Id cut you all you wanted bb.
this one makes me rock hard everytime
I realized I was a wimpy beta cunt. Realized my mind was stronger than my body, found strength beyond strength and became alpha centauri
To be perfectly honest, i just enjoyed the pain. I liked seeing the red lines grow on my skin as i moved the razor across.i loved the feeling of running my hands over my scarred and mutilated hips. But then i found it was because me, being such a relaxed person, had no way to deal with the stresses of a whiny family, part time college, part time job when i wasnt at college, a fucking annoying indecisive insane girlfriend that fucking blamed me for everything, but i didnt want people to bug me with the "attention seeker emo' bullshit so i cut my hips and stomach.. My dad found out when he burst into the bathroom when i was showering because he had to check my legs (long story short, i spilt a boiling jug of water all down my front including my cock so i was showering in ice cold water)so he made me see a doctor that is a family friend and she made me take happy pills because im 'depressed' lol. So now im dependant on these Fucking pills but all my cuts are gone and only scars remain
It feels good to torture myself because I deserve pain. It's like a compromise of what I've done to others. Death is my eventually choice.
Gonna need to eat a big meal after that.
Honestly that's fucked
Your doctor is shit. Pills are just a band aid. you need to figure out how to readjust your psyche so you can not be on the shit pills. You gotta figure out what made you do it at the core, and you already have leads that show the surface problems. Crazy gf etc. Medical system is kind of fucked, but the data you need to recover is all there. They just dont do it right because money and bureaucracy.
t. borderline fag up top
All these phenomenons are simply too much fucking time doing sweet fuck all, you never see them where people have real hardship and are struggling to survive. If I had to deal with any of these fucking emos I would send them to some sort of work camp where they are nearly starved to death.
You have to figure out why you have time to do this shit, get a job, support yourself and you'll battle to find 30 minutes to kill yourself let alone time to think about your selfish ass.
I used to have some breakdowns and go full emo
It's like I wouldn't think straight and just cut until I get anxiety attacks
Fuck off you coward, if death was your choice you would have done it without the need to tell everyone about it. You're probably too scared to go score some H from a shitty part of town and inject the shit, so you play cut yourself from the comfort of your bedroom.