God fucking damnit Sup Forums. ive got a possum in my house...

god fucking damnit Sup Forums. ive got a possum in my house. and this motherfucker refuses to move out of the tiny little crack he's in. he's currently hiding out behind an old tv and dvd rack that are on the floor. ive left the doors open for him, i've tried not to intimidate the little guy, but he just REFUSES TO MOVE. how do i get this cunt out of my house?

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Have you used food

yea ive got a paper bowl with some fucking cashews and some cat food in case he has nigger tastes, less than 2 feet away from him. he just doesnt seem interested

give it a hug

...

just throw a rock at it and hide

take a knife, duct tape to end of broom, impromtu spear the bastard in the head.

>hide
ive been staying still out of its line of sight for about 30 minute intervals, and then checking to see if its in the same spot. at this point im just giving up and going the fuck to bed
maybe my cat will get him

no throw your iron man disc at him

Domesticate him, OP. Give him a name and post regular updates about his health and shit. It'd be fucking epic.

don't be such a fucking cuck, get your weapon of choice and end the bastard for daring to come into your domain.

Shovel works best. a few good hits and your golden.

man you know i would get a live-trap for it, but i bet you my cat would get caught instead.
>cuck
oh god, i better harm this terrified animal to prove im a man.

Is he hissing at you or making noise when you come near? It's probably scared. You could brute force em out with a broom or just let him find his way out patiently.

yea he's barked (hiss/growl/flail) at me a few times, when i put down the treats, and when my cat first discovered he was there

I had those before to catch fox and low and behold, some cat ended up getting caught in it. Has he moved at all?

Keep your cat away for sure if you can. You never know when it comes to diseases or just the two animals fighting. It'd suck to have to pay for a wildlife person to come take it out. Do you have any really thick gauntlets around?

eat his ass

nah he's still back there. hasnt moved, and theres still the same amount of nut in the bowl

just crawl back there and punt him to hell

fuck i knew i shouldnt have put my SCA gear in storage :/ closest i have is oven mitts but frankly dude i couldnt even reach him.

check this out.

apartmenttherapy.com/how-to-coax-a-w-122712

not all wild animals carry disease, I had a pet wild chipmunk

Says pet food, apples and fish are decent baits for possum.

yea but you cant make a cat wear a condom when it fucks up a possum, so better safe than sorry

Why is there even a possum in your home?

Yeah. Best to be safe than sorry though. Was your pet chipmunk's name Alvin?

>being this dense

yea, ive got cat food and cashews at the ready for him, unfortunately no apples or fish and im not going to the grocery store for this nigger tonight. maybe tomorrow omw home
oh i just thought i would invite it in for tea, you know be a friendly neighbor

dubs name's OP's possum

my ticket is : Opossum my Possum

law prohibits the intentional and malicious killing of animals, but “any animal known as dangerous to life, limb, or property” is fair game. Do God's work

idk if this would work or what but ill keep looking stuff up for ya, OP

youtube.com/watch?v=bz31xeSJxQ8

Just grow a pair, grab it and flush it down the toilet
It will probably survive it

Well give it some tea then

Roll for Hans

Just block off any other hiding places, stand somewhere where it will run towards the door and coax it out with a broom or something.

looks like im definitely going shopping tomorrow then
hans it is
but surely, hans must have a last name?

tried that with a roll of wrapping paper, but i dont think he knows where to go, no doors are visible from where he is. he just hunkered down and hissed

You're fucked OP squatter's rights. That hairy little bitch got you by the balls. Just accept it. Hell, make friends with it. You're gonna have to live with him until his life ceases. Just designate that room the "possum room"

fuck its my living room....
er
hans' living room

Hitler

1. Buy lot of balloons
2. Sedate the possum. U can use any sweet drink mixed with alcool
3. NEW Sup Forums SPACE PROGRAM
4. Post results

LOL

Fuckin shoot it. No gun, then stab it. Then fuck it for trips.

rolling for this

Roll

Name it Kim.
Kim Possumle.
Do it.
Please.

Move the fucking TV and fucking DVD rack, chase him out with a water pistol.

...

sorry bro its already Hans Hitler
this is a CRT from the 90s, im gonna do everything else before i try to move that bitch

Ultimate autist here:

Get a bunch of stuff you can form a line with (books, laundry hamper, boxes, etc. and create a path leading from the possum to the back door. Line them up so that the possum can't sneak out the sides. Then just push him through the maze with a stick until he's outside your house.

Flawless.

It'd probably run and hide in some other pain-in-the-ass crevice.

I'm starting to think the best thing to do is allow it access to outside and hope it just leaves on it's own.

>inb4 more possums come in and start spawning

just accept it as your pet and buy a cage for it and try to lead it in using 's method

You scared of it?

Just grab the fucker and put it outside, pussy boy

Wear gloves if you're scared of your soft little hands getting scratched, faggot

If it already Hans Hilter at least draw him some proper mustache before the space program. We need it.

>t. edgy 12 year old

yea thats what the internet recommends, just let the dude wander out on his own. its been 3 hours

Put food on the end of a fishing pole and stand outside. Reel it in and hopefully the fucker leaves. I'm assuming you're in the south so I'm sure you have a fishing pole.

Ever saved a cat from a tree? It claws the fuck out of your face before anything else. Ever tried to "grab" a wild animal?

Another keyboard warrior, folks.

So squirt it.

Or just pick the fucker up and put it outside like a man

Give him a decent prod with something more sturdy. If you have a dark cardboard box or something similar put that on one end of the DVD rack or whatever it is. If you piss it off enough it will run for somewhere else to hide.

Piss it off enough and it will move. I got an echidna off a carpet floor in an office using this method. If you know what their claws are like coupled with the spines. There was no way I was lifting that fucker off the floor or moving it anywhere.

bruh that creature will royally fuck your cat up.

man the fuck up you flapping vagina.

Stomp his fucking brains out is how.

Get a broom or some shit and capture it in a cage, and be the first member of the Sup Forums space program to send a Possum up into space.

That'll teach the fucker.

Get a fucking hessian sack, throw it at the little fuck, and pick it up that way if you're scared of breaking a nail princess

If dubs, this.

REROLL

Yeah let me go fashion a hessian sack out of the contents of my asshole.

I'm trying to get a possum out of my house, not imitate fucking bear grylls.

I call him The Awesome Possum

Slice your penis off and call yourself Caitlyn, you have no balls

Beat it with a sowwy stick or put poison in it's sketti.

just keep the little shit in a cage and keep it as a pet
It's going to come back to your home anyway so why even bother

You won't coax it out with food. It won't be looking for food until it feels safe. With user around and the cat. It won't feel safe.
Also all these heroes saying 'just pick it up you pussy' obv never dealt with a wild animal before. Those things will bite, and bite fucking hard.

bruce still has his penis and balls though.

Have it eat your ass

Put some gardening gloves on, pick it up and throw it out the front door

You're seriously scared of a fucking possum?

Make a path for him to an exit, block off and turns so he only has one way to go. Get behind him and let off an air horn, that fucker will run like hell.

alright, ive got a box here, i doubt it will be enough to actually trap him but i may be able to get him if he settles down inside.

His actually work.

Faggot princess who is scared of a fucking possum, has no working balls.

Ignore this faggot OP, do this.Only you can save this from being a cringe thread about some faggot who was too much of a bitch to pick up and throw out a fucking animal.

Post more extended photo, maybe will find safe solution (if you dont like the space program one...)

Found the underage b^

What does pointlessly calling people a "pussy" and shit even accomplish for you? It's not clever. It's not enticing. It's fucking retarded.

Pic related, it's you

You leaving it standing up or lying it on it's side?

So you can't lift a TV and are scared of a possum? Buy a dress, you aren't a man

lying on its side, the picture is oddly rotated, but the bowl tells you which was is down

Gotcha. Has he moved at all yet?

sprinkle ammonia around the place. It smells like the male possum scent glands and they freak the fuck out and escape.

do not stand between it and the nearest exit though fam

Take the fucking food out of the box. Put it on its side. Making sure it is dark. Put a blanket over the top half of the entrance so it looks like it's a fucking dark hidey cosy place to hide. Then start poking the fuck out of it towards the box like you're sticking your cock in Katy Perry. Once its inside the box cover the box with the blanket. Hold tight (because it will flail like all shit) and pick up the box and take it outside. Close door to house and release. Fucking GG

It's simple: Rev up big ass speakers and blast metal at full volume. The little faggot will be so scared that it either falls into shock and you can pick it up and toss it outside or will run for it's life.

Watch out, possum will get ya

no i think hans has settled in for the long haul.

Kek do this OP post results

That wont work, before you can pick it up he will be again under the tv... u need a bigger box, a sack or a net... something u can rapidly pick up when Hans is inside.

Finally an interesting thread

fire a weapon in his general direction preferably at his forehead

Just get a water pistol, fill it with piss, unplug your TV that's too heavy to move, squirt the little beast while the front door's open and resign from manhood you fucking wuss

THIS. Could actually be good. Traumatize Hans than pick it up while he's playing dead.

Hans Hitler and The Living Room Escapade

maybe you guys dont understand the position this guy is in, i cannot get behind him. if he's still here tomorrow, i'll consider rearranging my living room

Do you have a crossbow?