I found out I was schizophrenic recently, I never bothered to admit it but it worsened the fast few months

I found out I was schizophrenic recently, I never bothered to admit it but it worsened the fast few months.
>be 14
>start hearing things
>deny schizo and move on
Age 16
>voices aren't normal, more like a moan whisper sound
>hearing them frequent but I ignore it
Age 18
>find it hard to sleep it times, moans turn to screams and feel a sudden kick to stay awake
>job requires me to drive so when i get tired they wake me
>ignore the fact that it's schizophrenia and move on
Now 19
>still work driving cars but it has gotten worse
>screams are now often
>I hear them when I'm not focusing
>day dream when all of sudden screams and shrieking
>it was all in my head
Hanging out with friends recently
>play pokemon platinum on dsi because shit was cash
>hear scream and talking
>I'm in the room while others get snacks
>silence after I realize what happened
>friends asked if I was ok and they recalled times I talked when no one was around
I feel normal, I'm frightened when they come back but I can deal with it. As always I ignore them but I don't how long I can last. It's all gibberish but the screams are the worst, sleepless nights. Any of you schizophrenic? how bad is it?
>inb4 me trying to be edgy
I met people who pretended, high school, and they were all faking. It came to mind when I was 15, some former friends said they were schizo but turned out false, edgy teens in high.
>pic related
My waifu also AMA

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talk to doc

user, what do the voices say?

And how loud does it get?

Im sorry for you user

I considered but I don't want to be put on meds, I know the consequences but I have a back up plan that consist of me getting knocked out by my friend if I get too crazy and taken to a hospital or psychiatrist

The voices as I said are gibberish, I once talked to them when I was 13 and my mom told me I was speaking some weird language.
The loudest they have gotten are the screams, they are like a the scream of a jump care, woman screaming in agony.
>ever played Darksouls? They sounds like the witch in New Londo when you kill them

Yeah, ive played dark souls. That is horrifying. Is it all the time everyday, or like more frequent during the night? Its really interesting and scary at the same time

Just go to a psychologist or someone. They know a lot more than you and can help. I know one guy who ended up trying to stab his dad. Do yourself, your friends, and your family a favor and get help before it becomes too unmanageable.

gotta suck but hopefully you don't get out of hand in a bad place where it can cause problems for many

>the witch in New Londo when you kill them
you mean the ghosts?

Well as I said, had them for a year but never thought about them in any way. The happen during the day where I'm more aware. Recently I have gotten a bit on the edge, turn around, look in my room, close closet, etc. Night not so much, my brain is tired because work has me going but there were times where I woke up and panicked, past midnight is the worst.

Thanks user, I'll consider this on my next paycheck, dogs and bills are coming in so a few days isn't much. I'll see for monthly payments so I don't get screwed.

Well it's slowly becoming a problem that it's causing sleep deprivation, not getting any violent. Being here and watching porn, gore, torture, spooky stuff has me controlled. As I said feel like I'm getting a bit crazy every week or so

Yes, that is as close as I can get, I replayed the game recently and felt like PTSD hit and got me startled. Had to put an end to it been off scary games for a few days now

Even if you don't want to take meds and whatnot seeing a psychiatrist who specializes in such issues might be good, they could give you techniques to be more aware and in control of these situations or at least give you official diagnosis of being schizo early, so if it starts to impact your life/job/etc worse in the future docs will already know what it is and the government might be required to give you assistance and shit. If you don't have money to see such an expert I understand, and even if you're in a country with health care it still sucks balls because systems of medicine that are free are BS to deal with. The system sucks bad and is really broken but 9/10 of the individual doctors are fine, or at worst they're too fucking normie to be competent to help people with real problems.

I can relate, when I'm not focused and daydreaming I might see "shadow people". Ive never heard voices though except for when I'm tripping bawlz.

For me it's almost like they are guardian angels that snap me back to reality at just the right moment.

P.S. I also drive for a living so ya...

I'm considering, money isn't tight but I'll try to look for a cheap doctor. Dogs need food, cars needs payment, I'm financially stable but this can fuck me up financially if I don't do some research.

Never really seen things besides experiences involving me seeing things but they disappear quick. I always ignore that because I thought it was my eyes blinking autonomously, it's rare though.

Hello user, i'm not schizophrenic myself, but i do suffer from some severe HPPD after taking some incredibly toxic NBOMe's. I advise you to just take a quick look at Wikipedia if you're not familiar with the symptoms

I have visual snow, long-lasting after images, auras around everything, tracers, if i stare at all wall long enough, it starts to form fractals, waves and so forth.

Sometimes i hear people calling my name, no screaming or shrieking, but it has kept me awake at night more then once.

I don't know if my advice is helpful, but all i can tell you is: It gets easier.

Look for people who also suffer from your condition, join support groups, try to get into a nice, healthy lifestyle and move on.

All of your symptoms will eventually become bothersome at most. Invest in a project you can be devoted to, and look back at it in tough times, just so you can tell yourself it's worth it to keep on living.

My symptoms have been bothersome, nothing extreme and I have since ignored them untill now. I do enjoy tampering with computers. I'll see if I cam quit and find a les stressful job, cars got me working day and night. I'm tired right now but staying until thread dies because this was the first time I tell anyone about my issues. I feel a little relief.
You and another anons post got me to worry less and handle my situation.

Thanks guys.

I'll try my best to keep things rolling smooth until I get help.

I'm not that bad but I have heard my name called a lot while trying to go to sleep. You can grow out of it but you need to just find someone you can trust to talk about it with. If it's too much I would suggest medicating with marijuana and seeing which strains/methods you like the most. It may not be legal or free but it does help ease the mania I have. I also suggest trying to find a girlfriend, but let it happen naturally after meeting someone kind and sweet. Be good to yourself op, you sound like a really modest guy. I don't think you deserve to go through the stuff you suggest at all.

I ignored the voices in my head because I had no clue of what was going on, it was working until I found out, things went a little down hill. I'm seeing someone but wouldn't call it a relationship. There is someone I do trust but she got out of my life after graduation, wouldn't mind hitting her up. Pot isn't my thing, bad smell. Thanks for suggesting me this method, I'll keep it as last resort

Is Schizophrenia something good to have? There's been times when I want to be diagnosed with it but I don't hear voices but I do talk out loud as if somebody's there.

...

...

Not good to have. If it worsens over time it can be troublesome. My went undetected until now, got worse over the years.

>more or less you lose yourself from reality. You think you are ok but because it's too late you have lost your mind
You become edgy or trust what your head tells you. Some cases you lose trust in everyone, you think everyone is after you.

No problem user. Dealing with a disorder so subjective as Schizophrenia can be really tough, because it's difficult to find people to relate to, especially when assholes trying to be edgy fake the shit out of disorders.

I i was first diagnosed with HPPD, i was losing my shit. I contemplated suicide multiple times, was having regular panic attacks almost everyday.

I was crying out of fear for fucking up my eyesight for a lifetime, and could not even talk to people without looking like a complete nerve-wrack.

But as time went on, things started to brighten up. Support and treatment from online forums and a therapist really helped me get my shit together. Today, i just find the symptoms to be almost entertaining, like when i'm bored at class i'll just stare at the teacher paint the room with different colors as it moves.

So, hang in there user. I wish you my best wishes.

wipe that disorder from the face of this earth

>it's difficult to find people to relate to, especially when assholes trying to be edgy fake the shit out of disorders.
For the first time I can relate, I can see why it's no joke but I don't mind if people joke about it, don't get offended and I understand them because I too made fun of schizo.

I lost myself a little when I found out I had it, of course I just carried on but found sleeping a bit harder since I payed more attention to it. I'll probably just the pills.

I hope you make it through your HPPD.

If I could,I would. Sadly is a thing were it might get worse but I'll handle it
>nice pics, reminds me of autumn

fuck me, how do you cope with being jumpscared all the time?

Well after a few weeks I got used to it, once the screaming started it was a nightmare
>Darksouls, Resident Evil, Scary/horror movies, pearl Jam album, novelas
Couple of things that got me scared.
>pearl Jam has an album where the remastered the sound and for some reason he screams at the beginning of a couple songs
>novellas have women scream often so I spilled my drink when my mom or sister watched TV

After a while I lost myself and started looking where the noises came from. Months later I found out I was schizo

hey man ive had bad hppd for a year any advice

Well, i can give you the rundown of stuff i started doing after i got the diagnosis:

1. Stop all drug use. Obviously. Weed, alcohol, cigarretes, and any other psychedelics
2. Get set on a routine. Like, i'll do x in the morning, y in the evening and so forth.
3. Don't get into the mindset that you're going insane. It's just your eyesight. Your brain is fine, and running like clockwork.
4. If bright lights, like a 12 o clock sunshine, or fluorescent lamps, worsen your symptoms, try wearing some sunglasses. It can help, a lot.
5. Get into a decent diet. Drink water, eat healthy.
6. Exercise can help. If you're up to it.
7. Meds can help if you're feeling panicky or depressed. Talk to someone, a therapist, or someone you can be open to, like a close friend.

And lastly, be patient. HPPD is bad, but it's not something that you can't get over it. I've had it for about 3 years, just try to your best to move one day at a time.

I'm coping with it pretty good and its not as bad as yours I don't think, I don't get fractals at least. The routine and drug use is what I'll have to focus on the most, though weed honestly has been just ruined by hppd so no problems there. Did weed change for you?


Seriously though thanks so much. I've been kinda panicking in my head recently and been possessed by this feeling of brokenness because of it. Definitely vibe with the thinking im going insane. to see someone with such a similar problem and get this advice means a ton, the reassurance is powerful.

If thread dies, take care fellow anons. Thanks for the help. Hope you guys get through these hard times and hope you guys the best

Im just posting in this thread to tell you that you need to learn how to use greentext.
1 paragraph is in normal writing then the next is in greentext then its back to normal writing again

It's a pleasure user. No need to thank me!

Weed actually triggered my visual snow. But i can't completely blame it on weed, HPPD is so unknown and has little to no research on it, it's tough to say weed is super bad.

As long you can smoke weed, not over do it, and feel like it's not making things worse, go for it! Weed is no longer enjoyable for me since it just makes me feel anxious as hell.

And again user, every time you feel like you're breaking, remember. It's just your eyesight. Everything else is fine.

Good night user. I'm glad i could help people a little!

opened chackras and unbalaced you must ground yourself with mother earth

You're right, the smell is bad, but you can get the same effects without smoking.
leafly.com/home/androidsplash?origurl=https://www.leafly.com/news/lifestyle/recipe-how-to-make-cannabis-cooking-oil

Any visual hallucinations? Violent dreams?

As a last resort I'll keep it in mind, weed is the last thing I want to do but if it needs to be done then it will be done.

No hallucinations, I've gotten violent dreams, as said, screaming and screeching until I wake up

Firstly I want to thank you OP for reassuring me that I definitely will not be getting schizophrenia anytime soon. I always worried that it would just happen at the snap of a finger, but I guess it would make more sense that it would gradually make its way into you.

Secondly, I pity you. I truly do. There's really nearly nothing you can do besides medicate yourself. You also have the choice to an hero, but I think you'd be stronger than that. I wish you luck in your coming years. God speed.

I worry sometimes i have schizophreania, but i honestly think people just hate me. I always think people are subtly insulting me or threatening me. When Im in a crowded room people whisper about me. Ill hear people whisper idiot to me. I just heard my dad say "its basic science you retard" under his breath, like i imagine that as unlikely but maybe he really has just grown to hate me that much. He attempts to get me to leave the room a lot and insult me like that. I dunno no one else seems to see it happen so im starting to think its in my head. Also the same sorta thing happens with online post and in chats like i think people are hinting shit at me, like rn im thinking op might be secretly one of the people who hate me making fun of me.

That is not schizophrenia, i believe. I'm just a psychology student, but it sure sounds like a Paranoid/Agressive disorder.

You seem to show symptoms of being hunted, bad-mouthed, and people judging you. Do you ever make up conspiracies like: "This particular group of people is plotting something..." or something of the sort?

If that is the case, and again, i'm no doctor or psychiatrist, try relaxing a little more. Try to enjoy your time without ever thinking that the world is after you. Did you ever tell anyone about this?

Hey OP

I'm a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, living with this shit since about 8 years

What can I say, it's different for everyone this illness. With me, when shit hits the fan, my voices tell me I'm the Messiahs, so I go on adventures to save humankind, and end up thinking I'm literally God.. most times police gets involved and I locked up and put on meds again.

Only protip I have: go to a psychiatrist, get on antipsychotic meds and keep taking them

although reddit is gay as fuck, /r/schizophrenia is kind of a nice community for this shit, maybe look around there, if you're looking for other schizos to talk to about this stuff

but im really passive and i just shut in. I definitely not aggressive.

Tbh hope it's real, especially since you're trying to be openly serious but having a "waifu" at the end.
Hope it never goes silent and is always terrible to live with.

Hey user, if you're comfortable talking about it, how is it?

I mean, when the psychotic break hits it, what is it like? Do you just start to change your concepts of reality on the fly? Or is it something that gradually bubbles up?

Just asking because i'm genuinely curious.

I see. It might be another branch of paranoia, but i'm quite sure it's not schizophrenia.

But seriously though, go after some treatment. Especially if it affects your daily live, there are meds for this kinda of stuff.

It's a rather sudden change in perspective, so rather on the fly. Well to get more into detail, last time it was like this: I heard a voice talking to me in the back of my head that wasn't my own thoughts again, telling me to pick up this book again, nietzsches zarathustra, and read it.. from there on it went downhill with the book containing cipher in it for me, code that only I could decipher, hidden meaning to guide me to awaken as fully formed Ubermensch, as Messiah to guide humanity over the bridge to the promised land. Or something like that..

To achieve that goal I also made a blog on the internet whole humanity would read and follow! now medicated I decided to write some of my psychotic experiences and ramblings down there, because fuck it why not, for anyone like you who's interested, have fun reading this psychotic nonsense:

zarathustrablog.com/

Diagnosed schizo here, the symptoms started around 16 or 17, at first it was faint whispers and I didn't think it was really anything abnormal. Never really told any docs about my drug use so it could've been a big trigger for it. I don't ever see things. I hear voices and screams on a daily basis though. It's not overwhelming and it hasn't ever been. Just a bit unsettling at most.

Thanks for the explaining, user!

I'll sure check it out, disorders like these are super interesting to read trough it. It is rather nice for you to share such odd experiences with the whole internet.

Glad to know you're medicated and feeling better. As a last question, how long does it last? Does it have a specific time-set? Or changes it from episode to episode?

Which drugs do you use? There seems to be some research that even weed could trigger dormant disorders.

My HPPD was triggered after some shitty-quality acid and absurd amounts of terrible weed.

As far as I can tell it just goes on and gets more intense with passing weeks and months until I get (luckily) forced to take meds. Last time it went on for about 3 months, and then I went into catatonia (a state of mind where you can't move a muscle anymore and are completely shut in, can't communicate anymore and nothing) for a week, that's when they found me and treated me with meds, otherwise I'd probably died of dehydration in this catatonic state (you also can't drink or eat or sleep or nothing in this state).

I have taken research chemicals. I know most of the time it was 25i NBOMe or whatever, but some of it could've been other research chems. I smoke a lot of pot and take pain meds occasionally. used to smoke H a lot, been clean off of that. I occasionally smoke opium. any combination of these could've been a trigger in my opinion.

So it could last for months? That's brutal.

I've had relatives who would fall into a catatonia state, it's terrifying to watch it. Good thing you made it out alive though.

Thank you for answering all my incessant questioning.

Hang in there user! Best wishes.

Yeah, research chemicals are the devil. When i got the blotter on my mouth and it tasted like battery i knew i was in for a ride.

I believe mine was 25i as well, made stuff colorful as shit, patterns everywhere, and for the first hour i was puking my guts out. I legit thought i would die right there, laying on my friends toilet listening to some trippy ass music trough my earplugs.

Glad you're off of H. Stuff could have taken a very dark turn if you haven't stopped.