Craigslist stories:

Craigslist stories:

I'll start with something that happened today and started a few weeks ago.

>Reply to ad of some older woman wanting a no strings attached relationship
>At this point I've responded to literally hundreds of ads over the months, kind of starting to lose hope, the only thing keeping me going is my horniness and I basically send a generic copy and paste message to every girl that I modify just a little and tailor to their ad.
>This milf responds back and forth.
>We talk about what we are into sexually.
>She says she's into bondage and being tied up
>I personally have never played with bondage or the like, but I'm willing to try new things.
>At some point I ask her like 20 questions. All sexual, all intimate.
>She answers each one and admits she would do anal with me.
>I haven't even sent this woman a pic of me yet.
>Usually when I send a woman a pic of me on Craigslist, she suddenly loses interest.
>On a side note, one time I posed as a gay guy wanting to lose his virginity to a redhead and a redhead actually responded with a pic.
>As soon as I sent her my pic, she lost interest.
>Anyway, back to my story. So I didn't send this woman my pic.
>She sends me a pic.
>Chubby older woman with big tits, but no ass.
>I decide to keep talking to her

Cont'd

Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vasectomy
twitter.com/AnonBabble

mhmm?

waiting silently

Alright.. this literally just happened the other week:

>This one time I was looking for a couch
>Find one that looks pretty decent.
>Usual shit, email "is dumb couch still available
>"Yeah, come get it at (address)
>Turns out... they lived on a houseboat


True story.

>Eventually, I type her up 3 fantasies.
>One of them is this fantasy where she's blind folds herself, waits in her apartment for me to enter, allows me tie her up and fuck her without her even knowing what I look like.
>Out of all the stories, I made that one the most detailed.
>I ask her which one she likes the most.
>She responds that it's that one.
>I tell her that we should make the story a reality.
>I suggest one day, but she seems to keep making excuses to do it another day.
>I don't email her back for like a week or 2.
>Finally I email her today and say I'm free to hang out.
>She talks about how she just got out of class and is free for a few hours and asks if I want to hang.
>I respond with, "So you don't want to play out your fantasy of me fucking you without knowing what I look like first?"
>She says she does want to do the fantasy.
>whatamireadingicantbelievethis.jpg
>She responds that I should just call her
>Well, I guess at least she will know what my voice sounds like. Good opportunity for me to find out if she's legit too.
>We talk, and it sounds like your average older woman.
>Find out that she literally lives 15 minutes from me (I live kind of in the middle of nowhere far away from town)
>We agree to meet at 2 pm.
>I put the address in my phone. She tells me to let her know that it's me once I walk in the door.
>At this point, I literally cannot believe this is actually happening.
>I mean, this is like every boy's dream.
>I'm 32, btw. She's like 45 or 50.
>I get to the address. These are fancy new apartments. Like millions of dollars in construction. Find the apartment. Door is unlocked.

Cont'd

Type faster Op.

If it takes more than one paragraph it WILL end in bel air.

Post the ugly picture of yourself that women find repulsive.

>I take my cell phone out and start recording everything.
>I walk in and in a medium voice say, "It's me."
>Hear female voice go, "Ok."
>I'm thinking of all the fucking To Catch a Predator episodes where they fool the guy into thinking it's an actual girl looking for sex, but he's about to be ambushed.
>But I'm not worried. I didn't say I'm here to fuck a young girl. I'm looking to fuck an older woman and I have the emails to prove it.
>Walk through this fancy condo/apartment. Literally everything is brand new and clean.
>Still worried it could be a trap. I walk around the corner of the kitchen.
>See the woman from the pic sitting there with blind fold on on the bed.
>Walk in and see dildos laid out on dresser across from us.
>I ask her where the ropes are.
>She points to some ropes laying next to the dildos. They're thin white ropes, probably made just for that.
>She tells me that there's ring bolts on all 4 corners and I can tie the ropes to that.
>I push her over as she likely was expecting me to be rough, since she likes being slapped and whipped, etc. She's not wearing underwear. Shaved pussy. Not bad. I turn her over on her stomach. Expose ass. Not a huge ass, but still pretty big and rounded. Pales in comparison to her big belly though.
>I check the corner of the bed. I see fucking ring bolts with tons of that white rope already wrapped through it, like she'd been tied up many times by different people... Get a bit worried that this could be a total whore with STDs, but don't really think about it after that. Her house is super clean, and she seems clean personally too.
>I tie her down. Finish both feet. Tie her left arm to the corner of the bed.
>She tells me that I won't be able to get her shirt off if I tie her hands up first.
>I go, "You're smart..." and add, "Alright, I'll cut you loose just this once..."
>Cut the rope with some scissors she made me get from the dining room.
>She takes the shirt and bra off. I tie her down completely.

Cont'd

COME ON OPPPP

OP post her tits

Delivar

>I put my recording phone on her dresser to record myself dominating her
>I do the dominant talk that women like a lot. Learned all this shit from Vocaroo threads on /soc/ and pre-/soc/ Vocaroo Sup Forums threads.
>Tease her. Ask her dominantly, "You want my cock, don't you?"
>"Yes sireee... " *moans*
>At this point I'm errect
>I didn't know I was going to be fucking someone today, so I had masturbated all fucking morning. I came like 4 times that day alone. But I'm hard in anticipation to be fucking this woman.
>Feel bare dick at her soft ass. So turned on.
>Decide to give myself time to think about if I'll fuck her without a condom by teasing her and putting some of the dildos inside her.
>She has lube sitting next to the dildos. I use some on the dildo and put just the tip in.
>She moans.
>I rub her clit and stick both fingers in rubbing inside her pussy to her g-spot.
>Moans louder.
>Just remembered then, she only told me her partial first name in the next message, but she never answered my question as to what her real name was.
>I like having girl's full names in order to put them on my Excel spreadsheet of women I fucked.
>In her email she said her name was Kat. I texted her and asked... is it Kathryn? Katherine? or Katrina?
>All I got was a response by her saying: TI
>Which I guess meant: Too much information
>So fast forward to me having her tied up now I asked if she wanted my dick
>She says, "yes please."
>So I tell her that she has to tell me her real first name.
>She tells me that she already texted me back and told me. And she says it's Kathryn.
>I ask about the TI and she just said it was a typo.
>At this point I now rub the head of my dick at her pussy without a condom
>I say, "I should probably find my condom."
>She doesn't say anything...

Cont'd

OP FASTER

>then her blindfold came off
>she saw my ugly fucking face
>get the fuck out of my house
>I left, and jerked off with my own tears
>fin

bump

Kekled

shh... he's gotta have some time to come up with a good
>open door
>get on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur

Kek

>I reach for my pants and pull out the magnum (8 incher here)
>Put it on, roll it back, and push my dick at her pussy.
>Remembered at that moment why I hate wearing condoms. They let you feel so much less...
>But her pussy feels amazing, as does any new pussy to me... So I thrust inside her in and out.
>She said again that she' s about to cum.
>I told her before that, while I was fingering her pussy, that she's not allowed to cum, because she hasn't been a good girl by not telling me her first name right away.
>Anyway, she says again, she's about to cum, but I tell her she's not allowed to again.
>I decide I want to fuck her without the condom, but need an excuse to take the condom off
>I pull out and take the condom off
>I put my dick by her mouth at the edge of the bed and have her suck me
>She sucks wayyy too hard. Like almost biting.
>I don't like that shit, but I let her do it for a while.
>Then I tell her that I won't let her cum because she's not sucking my dick softly. And that she should suck softly.
>She reduces the pressure like one tiny bit. Almost not at all.
>I bare with it and start moaning from the pain/pleasure
>Start to have enough of that after a while and get back on her with my dick between her ass cheeks
>See the condom curled up on the floor
>Decide that since I had already rubbed my bare dick at her pussy lips, a little bit further in can't hurt
>I push the head and a bit after it in
>It feels sooooo good
>I can't help myself and push it in further.
>She moans
>I grip her and start fucking her like crazy
>I look over and grab my phone
>Fucking Galaxy S5 was recording in 4K and overheated. I try to hit record again, but it tells me to try again once the phone has cooled down.
>So I decide to pound her for a few minutes while my phone cools down before I ask her on video if she wants me to cum inside her. As I want it on video in case she tries to call rape or anything.

Cont'd

Continue, nigger

Pretype this shit

>Was looking for pokemans blue brothers all summer long on cl
>I live in a small city so not many people post good vidya on craigslist. Usually stuff like wii, sports games, guiter hero, or shitty games made for kids.
>back to story, almost lost hope (just like my will to live) and finally someone post an ad for pokemans blue for 30 dollars.
>texted him, said he still had it.
>told him to meet me near the movie theater the next day since i was going to see Suicide everybody-says-they-wish-there-was-more-Jared-Leto Squad.
> After movie end (it was ok, i guess?) he texted me back saying he was going to be a little late
>"kkk. lol"
half an hour passes by and finally he pulls over the curve with his red toy yoda while almost running over me.
>he sells me the game
>still havent touched it since
>

...

bump

I don't have a story, but I have been looking on there for a really big black cock to suck off

But I'm not looking for just any big cock, I want to find one that would bring friends and even rob me and use my credit cards to buy stuff online while I'm choking on their cock and taking pics of me.

Using my laptop to post them on my FB and kick me outside with cum on my face and back

bumpity

Bump

>I reduce the resolution from 4K to 1080 (honestly, I don't even know why they have that fucking option if the phone just keeps overheating)
>I start recording again and ask her, "You want me to cum inside you?"
>She goes, "Yes."
>I have it on video...
>Now I wonder if she could have kids or some shit.
>She gives me some informational statement about some dildo or something she has that I can us. I don't remember. But since she broke the role play character, I decide to do the same and ask her, "I can cum inside you though, right? You're not gonna get pregnant?"
>She goes, "I had a vasectomy, I always want to be safe."
>I guess that gives me the go-ahead to cum inside her.
>Still worry she could do a rape test afterwards... even though I have her on video saying I should cum inside...
>I pound her for a few more minutes. My legs are clenching up and I feel her pussy juices at my dick.
>Then she suddenly says, "Don't cum yet, I have a toy that I'm going to use on you. Can you get it? It's in that blue bag."
>I get up and get the bag. She grab it with her tied up but somewhat loosened hand
>All of a sudden remember that she has never seen my face before, and the fact that I'm fucking a woman who doesn't know what I look like turns me on to no end.
>Decide I want to cum inside her because I'll never get a chance like this again, "Cumming in a woman who doesn't know what I look like."
>I say, "Before I let you use that toy, I gotta pound you for a bit." I get back on her and start pounding her like crazy.
>Decide to cum inside her without letting her know I did. I keep thrusting until I'm cumming. I'm cumming quite hard and feel myself throbbing, so while I'm cumming, I thrust hard to not let on.
>Feel every ounce of my sperm enter this woman's insides.
>Get up and pretend like I didn't just cum a huge load.
>I get the scissors and cut her loose.
>I now allow her to see me.

Cont'd

cmon man

keep it coming op

post vid

>She goes, "I had a vasectomy, I always want to be safe."
???

Bumping

What's weird about this?

LOL, same!! WTF?

...

>She takes the blindfold off, and I notice that she's not too pretty either. Kind of chubby chin.
>She smiles and says, "Now let me use this on you."
>Now you have to remember that I've came like 4 or 5 times all morning already.
>And again just now.
>She gets out this like, electrode pack for doctors that treat sore muscles. It's basically a little battery pack with a knob and 4 pads to send electricity through your muscles.
>I lay down on my back with my dick now becoming flaccid.
>She puts the electrodes around my dick, but not on it.
>I'm a little scared, but excited to be trying this. I think to myself that this will probably hurt, as she bit my dick previously.
>She slowly starts turning up the power.
>I slowly start feeling little nudges at 2 of the pads.
>I tell her that I can feel it now.
>She turns it up just a slight bit more.
>Honestly, it wasn't doing that much for me, but I moan anyways and just lay there.
>Ask her to rub me. (Normally, I'd be able to stay hard no problem, but since I had been up early and fapped all day, I may need some help."
>She gets the lube and rubs my dick.
>I have trouble staying hard.
>Decide in order to stay hard, I need to focus and think of some of the hottest moments of my life.
>Think of this milf I used to date, who was over at my apartment one time, and her 28 year old daughter called and at some point in the conversation joked about a 3some.
>Think about what could have happened if I would have pursued it. The mom was super religious, but always down for jokes. I play a fantasy in my head of them both sucking my dick, it works for a while and I get hard, but then feel that it just wasn't very realistic and my dick gets semi-hard to semi-flaccid (still a good 6 inch size though)

Cont'd

Always wants to be safe to not have kids.

A vasectomy is considered a permanent method of birth control. A vasectomy prevents the release of sperm when a man ejaculates. During a vasectomy, the vas deferens from each testicle is clamped, cut, or otherwise sealed.

You work it out.

I sucked a guess cock twice when I was 18, mainly just because I thought I might be bi and wanted to find out. Met him on Craigslist. He started getting weird and controlling in his texts after the second time, so I blocked his number and never talked to him again.

Turns out I am bi, but I would never hook up again over Craigslist.

You shut your fucking whore mouth! OP is currently typing at a blistering rate of 19 GWAM! You fucking ungrateful pleb faggot.

>vasectomy
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vasectomy
"During the procedure, the **MALE** vas deferens are severed"

i just wanna know how this story ends. gon be sad if its a dinosaur

...

>chubby older woman
>being so ugly that one has to make up excuses for not being seen
>desperatley trying to fuck her while she is blindfolded
>every boys dream
>kek

>She puts Electrodes on his dick
>He cums x1000
>goes to leave
>whistles for cab and it when it comes near, the license plate says FRESH and it has Dice in the mirror

Hey, not everyone is a Chad who got lucky in the genetic lottery

OP is still a disgusting degenerate loser though

32 and not married with kids, but looking for used up whore pussy on CL

Dont knock it til u try it

Tried it. Didn't like it.

why do you have to use lube on everything?

Gross!

>She keeps rubbing, but not well. Like. She rubs the way I like it: Softly up and down with lots of lube.
>But then she rubs just the head really hard and it kills the boner
>I get somewhat soft.
>she tells me that she's a master teaser
>Jokes about how she will just leave my dick alone once I'm about to cum
>I kind of grin and moan at the same time. Think to myself that that's a good excuse to get flaccid a bit, even though the real reason I kept getting flaccid was because I had fapped so much
>She keeps going. rubs my dick great for like 40 seconds or so and i can feel it building up to where I can cum soon, but then she changes the style again and only pulls on the foreskin from the bottom up, not exposing the head of my dick anymore as she only pulls upward again and again without pulling the skin back down.
>After about 12 minutes, she slows down and says, "doesn't look like I'll get you to cum."
>I tell her that I will if she just rubs me up and down softly and with lots of lube
>She cycle continues once more, and she STILL stops the good stroke every now and then to rub the head and kill the boner
>So I eventually start to think of another hot scenario I can use in my head to make myself hard again

Cont'd

He was just getting the point across that she had her tubes tied, I'm pretty sure he wasn't quoting her word for word

Is she still alive?

Jesus christ op skip the filler posts and get to the good stuff

13 minutes between post.
I'm not waiting around

This is the story all about how OP now has an excel sheet with one name in it wich he uses to pretend he is not an ugly degenerate.

Lurking

this

Kek

Get on with it i wanna go to bed

Need photo of OP!
DELIVAR

>After a while, she moves the electrodes form the sides of my dick onto my actual dick. When she takes off 1 electrode, all the electricity is forced through the other one into the 2 grounds. And it sings hard. My dick gets flaccid for a while. I think of ways to get it hard again.
>I think of that same milf whose daughter joked about a 3some. Now I know the mom wouldn't be down to do a 3some if I straight up asked.
>But then I remembered that during my many attempts to bring up her daughter in any sexual conversation with just the milf and me, the milf one time complemented my dick and suggested how her daughter, who is a great pencil artist, should draw my dick with just a drip of precum at my dick.
>Had not remembered that conversation in like 5 years. But now I remembered that she had mentioned that over and over. And all I would have had to do was get her to ask the daughter.
>So I imagined how I would actually get to that situation. And how her mom would have to get me and keep me hard in order for it to pose so that she could draw me.
>I imagined how I would eventually joke about letting the daughter get to kiss my dick. This WAS realistic in my mind and could have totally happened.
>Suddenly my dick gets super hard again.
>She then moves 2 of the electrodes directly on to my dick.
>She gets the power level just right so that I can feel every fucking nerve of my dick.
>She rubs my dick at the same time.
>She also sucked on my dick with the electrodes on it, but had to stop because it kept zapping her tongue.
>Eventually, she takes the electrodes off and just rubs my bare dick. But not the way I told her to.

Cont'd

you must be a blast at parties, arent you, Mr. Storyteller?

>This WAS realistic in my mind and could have totally happened.
toppest kek

>After a few more minutes, she slows down again and says, "You're not gonna cum, are you."
>I tell her, "No, you will, just rub me up and down very softly with lots of lube."
>She acts like she's almost out of lube, but then gets more.
>Starts rubbing my dick very tenderly and massaging the balls almost like a soft pussy rubbing at me. Rubs the shaft and moves foreskin up and down.
>I now picture the milf's daughter fucking me after she drew my dick. See in my mind a clear view of her asshole while she fucks me.
>Suddenly tense up.
>Cum like the fists of a mighty god. Like Earth shattering orgasm. Hadn't cum like that in maybe 2 or 3 years. Hoooly fuck.
>She goes to the bathroom while I get dressed. I collect the condom and wrapper (I leave no evidence) and put it in my pocket
>an hour and a half had passed. She needed to get back to class and I needed to get back home before gf comes home from work.
>We chit chat for a bit.
>Talk about her apartment. About her ex husband and how he's taking care of her daughters and son. And how she's only living off his alimony.
>Tells me daughter is 16 with drug problems. And the other is 18 and already had 2 kids.
>Think to myself, I might be able to do stuff with the daughters later (the other one once she turns 18)
>Decide to do this again sometime.
>Drive home. Take condom out of pocket and put it in to-dispose pile of condoms I have in my secret place
>Gf never knew

Awesome day

Stop pressuring him.

>be amerilard
>find fat whore on net into degenerate bdsm
>shameless woman is tied up
>probably has kids and shit
>respectable_american_woman.jpg
>fuck her
>she pulls out a device that electrocutes my dick
>standard_american_sexuality.jpg

America, fuck yeah. What a disgusting, degenerate nation.

Yes continue OP I need to jeeeeerk offfff

Fucking terrible man you are goddamn awkward. Now post your beastiality rape roleplay video and your ugly fucking face.

expect at least one shart in his story

POST FACE, OP!

Hey! I resemble that comment!

This has been one of the worst fucking greentexts I've read. Fucking Sage. As usual, OP is a faggot

Once a chick on craigslist messaged me with this scathing rant about how terrible men are and kept dropping hints she wanted a dick pic.
I sent her eight, and developed a misandry fetish.

You fucking bastard.

So this was your story? KILL YOURSELF

not only for fucking fat disgusting landwhales but for wasting our time


REEEEE

wat

For you tards Vasectomy is male only.

It's pretty common for older women to have done Mastectomies though and OP is probably just retarded.

Make it up by posting Face, OP!
MAKE IT UP. Post face!

Why. The fucking story had a happy ending. I got to fuck the milf, cum inside her, gf never found out.

how much more perfect can it get?

Also, this is supposed to be a fucking Craigslist stories share thread. Meanwhile I've been the only one fucking posting any stories.

>gf
kek
>Think to myself, I might be able to do stuff with the daughters later (the other one once she turns 18)
toppest kek, ugly degenerate
>Drive home. Take condom out of pocket and put it in to-dispose pile of condoms I have in my secret place
oh wow, how much harder can one call himself a beta loser?
>Gf
kek again

shitty story of a shitty person, so verall thank you, this is the spirit of Sup Forumsb. Losers who make me feel better about mysellf by sharing stories of their pathetic lifes.

Chubby older women were my fantasy as a kid. Not everyone likes the 'pretty' women.

I was poor and moving, I needed a fridge, so I let this older guy do me and he delivered the fridge to my new place. When we were driving to my new place I looked over at him and he looked over at me and almost ran off the road from staring, it was weird.

Isn't craiglist just filled with hooker ads and spam? I can't tell who's real or not.

Has anyone gotten actual results?

What the fuck were you expecting? Like, a plot twist or something? How could that story even have ended better? It was perfect.

I got a virtual boy practically new in box for $200

you fucked some fugly craigslist woman, how much of a happy ending is that?

OP here. Like I said. Took me replying to literally 80 to 100 ads. A few would respond for a while, but eventually stopped. 60% was spam trying to get me to email at a different address.

met my husband on there haha
there are some diamonds in the rough, just takes a lot of sifting

You knew you were getting that since the first post.

Why even stay in the thread and keep reading that far if you're not into it?

Because even as a kid you were so ugly, you knew a desperate, chubby housewive is your limit.

not a craigslist story but how do i choose a hooker to fuck?
too many options

I expected you to kill her or find something out about her which is totally disgusting or funny.

When you told us about the bag with her "toys" inside I hoped there were dead animals inside or something weird.

But you came up with a lame electrocutor story.

I like pretty women. But they are hard to get. Most the pretty women I have gotten so far were drunk chicks. Thank god for bars.

>Took me replying to literally 80 to 100 ads. A few would respond for a while, but eventually stopped.

probably guys looking for dick pics posing as women then stop when they get them.

Bro you fucked a fat 50 year old woman.

I can't really talk I fucked a fat midget nigger, twice off Craigslist. She begged me to cum inside her and I caught her eating food every time I went to piss (I was pounding beers as fast as I could)

was hoping for you smashing her daughter or you fucking something up for the humor of the thread honestly

arent you worried about possible diseases or no?

Make a list of hookers you want to fuck and work the list.

Time doesnt run that fast.

I never send dick pics. And if I do, they're not my dick.

>Fucking Galaxy S5 was recording
goddamnit post the video op

6/10 cuz you made me read your whole shitty bullshit story. You didn't even post the vid