Doug Stanhope: Johnny Depp Is Being Blackmailed by Amber Heard – Here’s How I Know

>Doug Stanhope: Johnny Depp Is Being Blackmailed by Amber Heard – Here’s How I Know

thewrap.com/johnny-depp-is-being-blackmailed-by-amber-heard-heres-how-i-know-guest-column/

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God I want a beer

>mfw when im having one right now

No matter what comes of any of this, Doug just made a good career move.

Come tomorrow, a day everyone has off from work, there'll be a shit storm over this article on social media.

Fuck. All I have is some brandy and half a bottle of cheap vodka.

holy shit this guy drinks beer and smokes cigarettes

bad.ass.

>ARGHHHH, HELP ME DOUG

>My girlfriend, Bingo, and I have known Johnny Depp for a few years now.

is he dating his dog wtf kinda name is that

not gonna lie, you sound like a negro, but if you have something to mix that vodka with it could be a decent night cap.

Best stand up comic working right now

Drinking beer and sake right now senpai

Toss up between him and billy freckle dick.

Dave Attell is still working right? Then you'd be wrong.

Dave has admitted that he is the sizzler to Dougs outback.

just came off a four day bender on vodka.

i drink 3/4 of it, then the next day i drink the rest and go buy another bottle, leaving me with half a bottle. the next day i drink the half and buy another bottle, leaving me with 3/4, i finish this the last day and dont buy any more cause im satisfied.

i need help.

True

Not a dog, just a retard.

what did he mean by this?

Muster up some will power and just stop. That's what I do. Sure you'll be irritable and feel like shit for a day or two but the fact youre in control of yourself defeats that feeling.

It's less of a name and more of a name-o

He just basically said Johnny has no real friends or bros.

holy kek

It's quite telling of her mediocre acting ability that you can see how unconvincing she is in still images

That's a special kind of liar

...

I wonder how much Johnny Depp had to pay him to write this bullshit article.

Also, while he was there the night of the incident, he wasn't there during the incident like he implied in his tweet.

Stanhope really doesn't seem like a liar

>have to be paid to defend a friend from some lying bitch

you lead a sad life

Like it.

Amy Bingaman. Do you understand how nicknames work?

Sorry, but this guys testimony is biased since he's a friend of Johnny Depp and naturally a friend is gonna side with him. And the only other people that have come to his defiance are biased as well, such as his ex wife because of unresolved feelings and his daughter, because she's only 17 and of course she's gonna stick up for daddy.

>tfw no movie featuring Stanhope, Depp, and Bettany going out at night and getting into various situations as they get drunker and drunker

Since when can't people testify in defense of a friend?

>A nigger's ex-wife is disqualified if her opinion is in his favor

So this is the power of cultural marxism.

youtube.com/watch?v=WG7pRy5c1fY

Stanhope & Bingo on Howard Stern, good listening. Talks about his friendship with Depp.

Who is Lena Dunham???

He means:
>I love guzzling an Entire bucket of semen from Horse, dogs and negros, shaken not stirred.

...

How long before Winona Ryder comes out, says that Johnny abused her and even raped her?

Ronnie is the best thing to happen to the Howard Stern show

I don't think she can stand up

Winona has an undying and unrequited love for Johnny

Bet he feels pretty stupid now for giving up on her just because shes a little crazy and chasing after that young hot poon

is it possible he did hit her with the phone but shes embellishing it and making it out like he was violent all the time?

Exactly how hard is it to get your woman to sign a pre-nup?

I love stanhope but I care so little about celebrity and "drama".

Hell I was only half amused when bingo told him on stern she banged a bus driver.

Today I had my sip(s) of alcohol in over 6 months. Feels good.

>something horrific
allegedly threw a phone that hit her in the face

LETS BLOW THIS REAL OUT OF PROPORTION. People are acting like he fucking went Rocky Balboa on her ass.

...

Based Doug, a real pal

>Sake
this is literally the only drink I can't get into. Just tastes like watered down banana-y rice vinegar to me.

Stanhope is a renowned bridge burner. He's widely recognized as a brilliant comedian yet lives in bumfuck, Arizona and performs at rundown comedy clubs and backyard BBQ's. If he cared about money he would have sold at years ago.

You can call me a misogynistic red pilled cuck but this picture just about literally makes my blood boil

Jesus, what a freak circus.

well tbf shes claiming a lot more

'Johnny then grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me onto the bed, blocking the bedroom door. He them grabbed me by the hair and violently shoved me to the floor.

'Johnny was also screaming and threatening me, taunting me to stand up. After several minutes, Johnny stormed out of the condominium, but not before tossing aside and breaking nearly everything in his path.

I agree you misogynistic red pilled cuck.

White women. The new black plague.

>possible

More like probable. My GF accidentally hit me in the eye with a TV remote once. I should've called the cops about it.

kek

She could be lying but then I'd be lying if I said I felt bad about a mega-rich hack like Johnny Depp getting his money stolen from him.

Is this supposed to be bad? Because if my mother just died and my wife of a year told me shes leaving me two days later and she wanted millions of dollars that I earned Id do much worse than shake and push her around a bit. Maybe i'm just a horrible person.

I refuse to believe Depp lived in a condo

>no bruise or even makeup covering bruise

Burn this bitch.

lol she looks like a witch queen cackling over her new army of skeletons

There are swanky, beachside stand-alone condos are worth millions in places like California, Florida, Italy etc. my very unintelligent newfriend.

Did Stanhope cause Johnny to beat his wife?

laughingallthewaytothebank.jpg

One day men arent going to take this anymore and are going to collectively snap

who knows what will happen

Cunt

You'll go to work, come home, rub one out, and shitpost on Sup Forums. Same as everyone else. Everyday. You won't do shit and neither will anyone responding to this.

it phrased like a dufus but yeah, doug saying that shit to him could have pissed him off at his wife to beat her

I meant cause that was his house. And that's not a fucking condo

...

nothing lasts forever cunt

>Schwartz

kekkerino

Link?

DELETE THIS DO NOT BESMIRCH MY HUSBANDO'S GOOD NAME

So they are both classy as fuck?

Oprah lived in a 4million dollar condo, the stinking rich own a lot of places, here's Depp's private island

UH definitely? If he really wanted to beat this bitch he'd have done more than leave a little red scrape. Looking back now I bet he regrets that he didn't. Id even go as far as to say that he was in a blind (maybe drunken) rage and was just throwing shit all over the place (something Amber said he actually was doing) and accidentally hit her in the face with something. Honestly if a grown ass man purposefully threw a fucking phone directly at a woman's face it would do much worse damage

Put it in beer. I never drink by itself.

did him and bingo get back together?

We need Russell Crowe to weigh in. That nigga is like the phone throwing expert.

>Schwartz

>that smear
subtle

>unrequited
They loved each other and also fucked for a time, I don't see what's unrequited about it. Also she left him.

traditionally you drink it warm, simps from those funky little sake glasses.

it's not bad when served correctly, otherwise i just hold my nose and shot it.

I don't get it

...

you've done well here user

Oh you mean literally

She looks like Preacher Kane from the Poltergeist films.

Fucking creepy arse American slut.

Dude you're a really pathetic piece of shit.

im sorry user
i just thought the laugh looked similar

she left him because he wouldn't marry her

has she even been romantically linked with anyone since?

>act like a crazy psycho bitch all the time
>be up in peoples faces
>yell and scream, don't respond to logic or talking
>hurl abuse inches from face at the top of their lungs
>get pushed out of the way and they slam themselves into a doorframe and immediately start calling everyone telling them you've gone insane the she feels terrified

happened to me, some girls just get off on it. amber heard seems like the type.

Stanhope doesn't have a reason to lie, and if you knew anything about the way he handles situations you'd know he is all about telling the truth on stage, and about his personal life.
Everything Stanhope has said makes perfect sense. Amber Heard is young, and NOT that successful an actress, probably jealous, probably willing to back-stab to get what she wants.

Remember when Rihanna was laughing and happy two days after she was beaten to a pulp?

Remember when those girls that were abused by Ariel Castro were joking around with their brand new partner and laughing a few days after they were freed?

Remember when Madonna had a new boyfriend and was laughing it up in front of Paparazzi after she was abused by Sean Penn?

Yeah, me neither.

>getting married with a girl like Amber Heard

c'mon, what can you expect from a cokehead histrionic lesbian?. You have to be extra careful with sluts when you're rich and famous.

it's a doug stanhope hates womyn episode

Same here except I never even touched her. She just spread a rumor through my high school that I tried to rape her and had my own friends keep me away from her and then had to talk to a counselor and get death threats from her father. All because I freaked out when she mouth fucked some guy for a ride home. Oh yeah and then a few years later when she realized I was a nice guy and no one wanted her, broke down and begged me for forgiveness and to take her back. When I refused she told everyone I had herpes.

Take it from me. The first time you get a whiff of the crazy get the fuck out.