Sup Sup Forums, I just had a massage for the first time and it was a disaster

Sup Sup Forums, I just had a massage for the first time and it was a disaster

>go to the clinic to see massage therapist
>she's this nice, 40yo milf and tells me to come in her room
>she says get undressed and get under the blankets face down on the table
>i did just that and got completely naked
>she came in and dimmed the lights and put soothing music on
>asked where i was tense and started to massage
>because I'm disgusting I had some big zits on my back and the pressure was irritating them
>less than 10min into my 45min massage she ruptured one of the boils and mount Vesuvius erupted with blood and puss
>she stops and asks me to clean up and gives me tissues so I wipe up the blood and leave tissue stuck to the crater
>she continues on my shoulders and when she leaned over me her boob touched me back which gave me a boner
>she then asks me to turn onto my back under the sheet so she can do my neck
>I do so trying to squeeze my dick between my legs
>as soon as she starts touching my neck my legs relaxed and i pitched a tent so big Indians would sing songs around it
>she obviously noticed and kept going for a min, then said times up and told me to get dressed
>I said its only been 30min this was supposed to me 45min and sat up
>as I swung my legs over the table to sit up right the sheet fell off revealing my erection
>she looked away then left the room
>i sat on the table in my underwear for 5 or 6 minutes like some retard waiting for her to come back
>i realised she wasn't coming back so i got dressed, left the room and passed reception without paying
>they have my fucking phone number and I'm just waiting for the call telling me to pay.
>worst massage ever

>I'm disgusting
>worst massage ever

are we comparing bad days?
i finally mustered up the courage to ask the girl i've had a crush on for a while now if she wants to go out for a coffee with me on the weekend since we had been getting along so well on a party we both worked at.
reply; nope, good times were had, but "not like that", plus recently got a bf

i've only fallen in love 3 times in my life and every single time ended more or less like this.

fuck today

Worst massage ever for that poor woman.

I was diagnosed with melanoma ,had the biopsy on Monday found out today

I guess I really am the cancer in this thread

I had a milkshake today
it wasn't so good

I'm sorry for your loss user

I made a milkshake today, and jizzed in the cup

How is that a bad day? She was honest and upfront instead of "trying to let you down nicely" by leading you on then bailing on you then just ignoring you.

Isnt it very treatable with surgery though?

I think you might have gotten a free massage user nicely done

Unrelated to thread, but u just sound like a pussy dawg, why you even fall in love with people before they want you? Only hurting yourself making fictional romances in your head, I speak from experience user and sometimes silence is better than mustering confidence to get shot down everytime

I sneezed unexpectedly....shifted my manbun off center a 1/4 inch. I left work afterwards in tears..fuck this day.

Not when you went to the doctor for chest problems ,by then it's stage 4 and you are dead

this

>Sup Sup Forums, I just had a massage for the first time and it was a disaster

Um...maybe you should start with hookers and work your way up from there??

You didn't fall in love with her. You fell in love with a fantasy that you made this chick the star of in your head. You cannot love someone you hardly know and certainly not intimately. You were in lust. It' normal. Learn from it.

Rip

I got McDonalds for my third lunch an hour ago. the fries were the same batch from when I ate their 30 minute beforehand. I screamed at the entire staff and got my entire meal free under the condition that I don't return to that McDonalds. Now I have to drive to the McDonalds closer to my house that has a broken drive through.

>but... but happy endings

>American Problems

Yeah, last time I went to the doctor for chest problems, he told me I was already dead.
I was devastated.

I dressed up like a cup today, got a free facial

Hahaha I lost it at the part where you sat and waited for her to come back for 5 minutes. Holy shit. Sorry about your shitty spots and awkward erections man, that sounds like a day you will want to erase from memory. But don't worry, time is awesome at making you forget horrible and embarrassing shit like this.

I milked a bull today and sold his semen as milk to some naive buyers. Shit was cash.

wise words mr man

I woke up at 2pm today ;[

>mcdonalds
>third lunch
I pray this is bait

Massage is a person-to-person contact event.
If you're not going to meet the therapist half way,
you shouldn't even bother showing up.
Fuck, I even clip my toenails before going.

Why were you naked you fucking moron? You keep your underwear on.

Shit would have been more cash if you had sold it as actual bull spunk

She said get undressed, i figure naked for ass massage idk

What did you want him to do, cut his spots off and get castrated for a massage?

Dude, the reason you got "nope" is because you claim you "love" the girl whilst barely knowing her! You're a melt and she knows it.

>I bought some bull semen today
>hick farmer thought it was milk
>Jamal and I both laughed in our mud hut whilst drinking fresh steamin semen
>Aids you say? Not today!

So you live in Detroit?

melt. kek

Don't be a melt, OP.

I think you just didn't convey to her how much you truly love her well enough. She'll change her mind when you do.

very seldom do I see these bits of wisdom here, but it makes the traps, tentacles, and gore worth it.

She's probably fucking that BF right now. It doesn't mean much to her, it's just sex after all.

>TLDR; girl you love is getting easy sex from Chad right now.

but he's still going to remember it in sleepless nights

at least it was free right?

make a thread when you will be on the verge of death so we can say goodbye and talk you into murdering hospital staff

Only reason his nights should be sleepless is more awkward massages man. Fuck that bitch if she can't deal with something as common as acne, and popping a boner ain't such a big deal if you're a teenager, or even early twenties. Fuck, if she was a total milf then why not pop one just to explore the outcome... you never know. What ended up being an awkward occasion could have been a fucking great one

OP can be a melt if he wants to be.

>What did you want him to do, cut his spots off and get castrated for a massage?

How about not even show up in the first place
if you're covered with boils and get inappropriate hard-ons?
If this is your life, that's why god made fat and ugly girlfriends.

Im scared of the phone call

A boner is never inappropriate

Ya fuckin dumb cunt what do you think these people get paid for, this shit is common for people and they have to deal with it

If they haven't already called by now, then they wont call.

Kek
Love you, user. Cancer sucks

Same thing happened to me a couple weeks ago. Love sucks my man

>in love
>has never hung out with the bitch, EVER

trust me we thank you for that. If it were me I'd offer a handy.

: totally worth it
I'm a melt too

you're not "in love: at all, that's just infatuation -- in other words you're "in love" with an image of her you have in your head, you're not in love with the real woman, ffs.
get out of your head and live in the real world...or it will happen over and over.

Kek thanks OP

hard ons e a common occur ancestors actually. she was just too uncomfortable with it. probably the way he acted. instead of asking for a towel to cover it he gets autistic.

OPs story is better kill yourself.

love isnt real bro, what ur experiencin is infatuation which ofc fades away.

if u talk to enough girls u'll realize u slightly love them all.

I fucking hate auto correct.

Post started out alpha and turned beta as fuck.

>pitched a tent so big Indians would sing songs around it

I got a good laugh from that. On a side note, why are you such a dirty bastard? Is basic hygiene really that much of a struggle for you? It should be effortless and second nature. As the other user has stated, if you are gross then you don't get to go for massages, simple as that. I agree with her decision to nope the fuck out.

imo going to need faggy posts like this to stay in r9k.

nobody else wants to read ur faggy cuck fantasy posts u fuckin freak

>be me had turned 15
>have older brother who is 17
>older brother is king of highschool, handsome and very intelligent dude, also fit and on the football team and spanish club,chess club,math club ect..
>basically older brother is a golden demi god.
>on night his gf says she has a cousin that is coming with her my age
>brother is cool dude and offers me to come with to try and get me laid
>fuck yea, luckily i got some of the good handsome genes as well
>we all get into my brothers mustang
>drive around all night talking and shit
>girl im with is a knockout blonde but kinda stupid
>brothers gf and her cousin argue and giggle like girls do
>at this point iv already gotten a few kisses from the girl in the backseat
>15 year old me, thinking im hot shit righ now boys
>brother is teasing his gf says something like " whats the matter you on the rag ? "
>we all laugh a little cause we were passing a blunt
>me ridding with my cool older brother with chicks in a mustang smoking weed
>i felt like a boss guise
>lean up and say, " so what was you fist period like, ill bet it was super scary huh? "
>everyone stops talking
>I keep going, " whats the matter? its a natural thing guise dont be ashamed "
>Brother looks back, " how bout we change the subject bro, thats a personal thing "
>shrug and laugh it off
>go back to trying to snuggle and kiss former date
>nothappening
>we stop and eat, then afterwards my girl decides to sit with them in the front seat
>brother looks at me and shrugs as if to say " sorry dude, i tried to hook you up, you fucked it up "
>sit there and pout for the rest of the date night
>sit through a movie with all of them
>sit alone in the back of the car the ride home
>dont hang out with brother again much til i was 21

This shit keeps me up at night thinking about sometimes..the fucking cringe...its...its unreal guise.

I feel bad for the masseuse, you got zits and fucking boils on your back, probably grease and fat as fuck too. Poor lady had to actually touch you, and you in your delusional state of mind thought she was going to actually massage your ass. She probably went and bought a hazmat suit to wear for the next time you show up.

I was standing around in the field today (live on a farm) with my gigantic aching bull balls full of cum. Well just when I thought they would be like that forever the damned farmer comes out and gives me the best handy-j of my fucking life. Shit was so cash. He was catching all the jizz in some jars. Had some shit written on them but I was too busy skeetin to give a shit what it said. Kept landing on his hand and he kept licking it off. Grossed me out for a second then made me cum harder. Was a good day. Sorry bout your bad day OP.

He didn't pay he will never go back

Jesus christ that's rough. The worst thing about some top shelf cringe is how much stronger it gets festering in your memory. My condolences user.