Sup Forums, how do I get rid of writers block?

Sup Forums, how do I get rid of writers block?
I'm trying to write jokes for my comedy gigs but I cant seem to put pen to paper.
help a brother out

Write funny shit down.

oh right, silly me.

Well, you can start by picking up a pen, putting a peice of paper down, and applying force from pen to paper. Proceed to write letters in english on what words you have to write. You're welcome.

Take a drive. Have a voice recorder ready. Then replay all the quirky oddball shit that just fell out of your skull.

best comedians make fun of themselves. Just write down everything you suck at, and all your failures, including comedy, and the magic will fall out like every relationship you've ever had

Writer's block is just a shitty excuse for a shit imagination.

Through all my years of writing papers, never gave I had a moment of Writer's block, and knowing everyone who has said that I know they're just uncreative and have weak writing skills in general.

you aren't going to come up with a joke sitting at home. go out and do something worth talking about ya cunt

thanks mate

I think I might, cheers mate thats actually really good advice

Writing jokes is a bit different to writing novels, but people like stephen king talk about writers block all the time

Yeah, I've been gigging for a while, I've got punchlines and premises for different jokes Im Just having a hard time putting it all together

You're just scared of writing shit that's bad.

Worry less. You can keep most of what you ever produce hidden from the world forever, and only let the good stuff you manage to nail down every now and then see the light of day.

It's the same reason I spend at least a little bit of time on this god-awful website every day shitposting. Every hundred posts I shit one out that accidentally manages to express a thought worth remembering, so I remember it and go about my days that tiny little bit wiser.

I've got pleanty of stuff to write about, its just Im struggling to work it out at the moment

That's really good advice, I might write that quote down for next time I'm struggling with trying to write, cheers man

fine, give me your premise or whatever and ill write a damn joke for you

Good luck user. It's actually advice from a Patton Oswalt routine

Glad I could help. Now excuse me, I have to go argue with some shitcunt on Sup Forums about how his taste in waifus is fucking horrible and the series he likes is bad. See you in 99 posts fam.

Nah man, thanks for the offer but then it'd be your joke. Good comedy comes from your own experiences and personality

get your phone out and do voice recording.
then just talk about you favorite subjects and use language and descriptive choices you would never use in front of your co workers/ boss/ parents/ family / important people of status.
Have fun be relaxed (unless your act is going to be of a nervous worrying type) just let whatever you are thinking on that topic come out of you mouth and just go with it try to make sense of it or dont. comedy isn't always predictable or explainable. just like the shitty ear rape vines we see that are funny to use but if someone where to ask "funny how" you wont have a reasonable answer.

Pic related

just think about how hot male penises are

Just have punch lines. Lots of peol

op post some samples so we can make fun of you

I might try the voice recorder but its not that I am new to comedy, I've been gigging for a while, its just Im having a hard time writing today

You sound like a shitty writer

Nah mate come watch me do it live, The Classic comedy Club, Monday the 5th of September 8pm In Auckland New Zealand.

so be it i'll tell you a joke i came up with today while bantering at work. I was having a conversation about hearts and this fella mentioned that the dog he just put down had a heart. I told him i would be interested in taking the dead dogs heart off his hands as long as it didn't have lassie-rations. not a great joke but i came up with it on the spot.

Not a bad pun, especially for on the spot.
I'm not the biggest fan of puns on stage but they're good laughs when you're just hanging out with the boys

Ok
Op heres what to do .
1- place pen in pooper
2- post pic
3- cured of writers block

this.

>male penises

do a shitty old joke everyone knows the punchline to and just take forever to get to the punchline

>how do I get rid of writers block?
find a reliable way to clear your mind

Think of shit that truly pisses u off . then bring comedy to that

I have a ton of high-quality jokes I will share with you in exchang for noodz of your wife/girlfriend

You need to understand something.
EVERYBODY gets that shit, dude. All the bits you see popular, A-list comedians doing are their masterpieces, their best and brightest punchlines. Every shitty joke that nobody laughed at never saw the light of day. What looks like their "normal," isn't; it's literally the best shit they've ever come up with so they can make people laugh and put food on the table.

Now, about curing this writer's block shit.
Your brain is not an endless font of original, pure comedy gold. It can't continually churn out ideas at the same quality because it has a limited amount of material to work with.
Fix that fucking problem.
Diversify your materials. Read a popular book that you haven't read. See some weird-ass, indie, avant-garde bullshit movie that you'd never ordinarily go see. Listen to some podcast that you've never even heard of before. Feed your brain new material, and it'll be back to shitting out jokes in no time.

Op here this should help you I use this when I need idea's of what to write about

...

I'm on Sup Forums I dont have a wife/girlfriend

Just keep writing. Write shitty jokes. As many stupid, shitty jokes as you can think of. Keep doing that every day.

Now take your shitty jokes and translate every 10th word into Spanish. Write a final joke about your mother beating you with her flip-flop.

Congratulations, you're now Carlos Mencia.

Thanks man I'll give it a try for sure

Saved it, I'll give it a try

>2016
>not being aware of feminine penises

Get bitcoins from localbitcoins.
Mux them if you can.
Find a dark net market.
Find a review team for psychedelics.
Find the top reviewed seller in your area (don't cheap out ever).
Buy LSD (paper so it's easy to hide in a letter, safe as milk).

>print it on a large sheet of paper
>get a hen
>chop its head off
>let its headless body run on the printed sheet until it collapses
>???
>profit