Quotes your dad told you thread

Quotes your dad told you thread

bonus points if he passed away doing something badass

"Never make promises when you're happy, never make decisions when you're angry"

-some Sup Forums guy's dad


"Know the difference between what you're seeing and what people are telling you you're seeing".
"Nothing worth doing in life is easy."
>Money isn't the most important thing in life user....... but it's up there with oxygen

>Son, the most important is not to know about stuff, it's find someone who knows about stuff

> Watch how her mom treats her dad because that's how she'll treat you.

"Work smarter not harder."

>never trust anyone's advice, not because they could be out to get you, but because they could be retarded

don't trust a paki as far as you can throw one

não existe felicidade plena, apenas momentos felizes

Lol'd

Don't let people control how you react

Shut up, get on the bed and pull your pants down.

>You keep acting like this, one day, someone's going to put you out of your misery.
>Cut the shit, user.
Circa 2005.

Get out of my house you useless sack of shit!

well shit

>you don't look at the mantle piece when you're stoking the fire
>they're all pink inside

> Time flies when you're a faggot

Need a virtual hug?

quit being a pussy

>everyone on /b is a comedian...

>if you were a little bit more retarded, you would receive state aid

>it is what it is
he'd always say this whenever something shitty would happen and it's pretty generic but still

kek'ed

I think it holds it's weight well

It is what it is

Started a list when I was 17 of general advice/tips I would think of. I have a ton more I can post if you guys are interested

>The only worst things in the world are the things your imagination create. Real life isn't that scary.

>Never buy the first house you look at. No matter how good it may seem.

>Always read what's in the package. Never judge by the picture labeled.

>You can't fully enjoy life if you have nice things happening all the time.

>Kids are easily influenced. Watch what you say around them. They remember little things you overlook while talking and mean nonsense to you, but they remember it and take to heart.

>Don't hold grudges with coworkers or bosses. It'll make your life exponentially harder and you'll make yourself miserable.

>Vomit if you can. You'll feel so much better afterwards.

>It's always calm before the storm.

>It's better to not punish someone but rather let their conscience do that. It'll be the ultimate judge.

>The older you get the more bad you see in a person. Don't let that stop you from seeing what good is at least there though.

>Don't try to lucid dream. Once you do you'll have more nightmares than good dreams and you'll wake up restless.

>Base your relationship on the person's personality, not looks.

>Try to use the bathroom before going anywhere. Most likely you'll have to go 10 minutes after you leave.

>Sometimes it's best not to think but rather just act.

>If two people know something, it's not a secret.

> Don't blame a company or the item itself for being addictive, blame yourself for not knowing moderation.

>What's the point of making money if you can't spend it. I'm not saying don't save any because there are bad days, but don't restrict yourself so much that you can't have a good time.

>It is one thing you use a weapon. It's another to kill.

>It is always a strength to know the weaknesses of your friends.

>Never buy a plunger before it's too late. Always be prepared for the inevitable.

>What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

Bumping

Build your own dreams before someone pays you to build their's.

>A lot of things you can postpone for a day for maintaining. Hygiene isn't one of them.

>You can't like the reward if you don't like the hard work that was put in.

>No one can judge you for what you've done, it's all a matter of perspective.

>You can't please everyone. Just be yourself.

>If you buy the cheapest version of something, expect it to be shit reguardless.

>Treat people with respect online, we are all people. You might be surprised when they treat you with respect back.

>It's okay to have gray hair. It's just battle scars.

>Don't walk away from a fight (mental or challenge), you will always learn something if you power through it.

>You learn something new everyday.

>Natural talent counts for little unless it's supercharged by self-discipline.

>It's okay to be self aware. You learn things more thoroughly and can learn to fix a mistake before it escalates.

>Take advice from people who have experience.

>Cliche aside, honesty does hurt, but it doesn't negate the fact that it's true.

>Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill.

>Words aren't as powerful as actions.

>Age doesn't make a person. Experience does.

>The best way to find something lost is to stop looking for it.

>People who like things don't make a point to tell others they like it. But people who don't like things make a point in telling everyone just how much they don't like it.

>Looks are completely deceiving.

>A simple man can still have complex thoughts.

>Some tasks may be hard to do but as time goes on it'll become easier.

>You gonna play, you gonna pay.

>Lies travel faster than truth.

>Everything affects people differently.

>You do have good luck. Just not the luck you're looking for.

Is everyone back here? No one is replying about their dad's quotes.

you missed out on the best time of your life

he said to my 20 yo self

Every person has something to "give" you. Even if he's a millionaire or the trash guy

Black*

"Never open your mouth when you're angry. You'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."

Good one.

>Watch out for those that try to make everything about themselves. They'll tire you out in a second.

>Learn to discern what's important from what's not worth getting upset about. If you find humor in the lesser, but take care of important things, you'll be fine, and people will love you.

>Relax. You have plenty more time than I do.

Leave it better than you found it.

See what her mother looks like, she might end up looking the same way.

"You choose to be happy. If you aren't happy, then do something about it. Don't sit in your unhappiness and let it settle in you. Because if you do, then you're only going to get worse."

He said this to me a few days before I tried to kill myself.

> Don't be silly, wrap the willy
> Everything is relative
> Don't be afraid of the consequences. Live life and have fun, just don't be a dumbass in the process
> If you're going to drink at the party tonight do it right. Don't act like you're some cool guy. Drink because it's what society has been doing for centuries. For some reason the US is being stupid with the 21 year old laws.
> I swear to god son. If you ever kill yourself remember these three things. Make sure it's not just because you're in a rut. Experience the good in life first. And do something expressive.

Don't think of it as buying an axe to kill someone, think of it as paying for memories that will last a lifetime

>Everyone sees nature through different eyes.

>No matter what you love it'll always eventually turn to ashes.

>Propaganda is everywhere.

>You will be presented with options. Just probably not the options you were hoping for.

>Just because you're bad at one thing, it doesn't mean you're bad at everything. Have hope.

>Some people take different precautions from others depending on the different experiences they've had.

>When things are bad, just remember they can always be worse.

>If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

>You're never too old to sleep with a stuffed animal if it makes you comfortable.

>Small injuries are the ones that hurt. The big ones don't hurt as much.

>Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.

>It's not the getting out that's hard. It's the surviving on the outside that's hard.

>Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today is a blessing.

>Winning does have a taste. Champagne.

>If the particles are fine enough and heat is involved. It will combust.

>Don't underestimate the power of water when it's moving. Even if it's shallow.

>Even though some people may have similarities in their life, it doesn't mean their life isn't still unique and worth listening to and learning.

>With enough money you can buy anything.

>You can't change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails to reach your destination.

>Everyone has different goals and everyone completes them differently.

>Confidence grows with success.

>Learn from history or you're bound to relive it.

>Most people do things differently, that's why they sometimes get mad at the way you do things.

>A long journey is better if done with a nice companion.

>People will talk shit to you no matter what you do. The amount of power they have, however, is determined by how much you let them affect you.

and the last 3 I have

>Evolution is the product of repetition.

>Science flies you into space, and religion into buildings.

>Everyone thinks everyone else's job is easy while theirs is the hardest

"The only difference between motivational speakers and cult leaders are long term career goals"

"If there's only one thing you can learn from me let it be this: turn gay now, don't have kids. Like, you don't have to have sex with dudes, just be gay"

Don't ever shave your ass hair

If everyone has guns everyone will be on the same level, so make sure you have a bigger gun

From time to time, you will make mistakes. They are inevitable. Sometimes, those mistakes will be huge. What matters is that you learn from them. There is nothing wrong with falling down, as long as you end up just two inches taller, when you pick yourself up off the floor. At times, you may end far away from home. You may not be sure of where you belong anymore more. Home is always there, because home is not a place. It is where ever your passion takes you.
As you continue on your path, you will lose some friends and gain new ones. The process is painful, but often necessary. They will change and you will change, because life is change. From time to time, they must find their own way and that way may not be yours. Enjoy them for what they are and remember them for what they were.
I believe. I really do believe that sooner or later, no matter what happens, things do work out. We have hard times. We suffer. We lose loved ones. The road is never easy. It was never meant to be easy, but in the long run, if you stay true to what you believe, things do work out.
Always be willing to fight for what you believe in. It doesn't matter if a thousand people agree with you or one person agrees with you. It doesn't matter if you stand completely alone. Fight for what you believe. But remember, Never start a fight, but always finish it.

Always whittle away from yourself.

"they hear me, but they don't listen"

about my older siblings with drugs and alcohol.

>"Did you kill Martin Luther King in your last life?"

The intent of the question is sometimes as important as the answer.

Big concerns grow from small concerns. You plant them, water them with tears, fertilize them with unconcern. If you ignore them they grow.

If you are going to be worried everytime the world doesn't make sense, you are going to be worried every moment of every day for the rest of your life.

"If anyone has a problem with you keeping a coffee pot in the bathroom tell them to go straight to hell"

"Shoot'em in the ass and they might live, Shoot'em in the head that ass is dead"

"A minute is defined by which side of the bathroom food your on"

"Love is finding someone who laughs at all the things you do, like rugburn. Find a chick that thinks rugburn is hilarious and your set"

"Don't hate people for the color of their skin, just be an equal opertinist and hate everyone"

Faith and Reason are the shoes on your feet. You can travel alot further with both than you can with just one.

My Dad: "Keep your peter in your pants." He told me this after I had my drivers license and already lost my virginity.

Me to my son: "Don't stick your dick in crazy."

>"tequila makes you frisky. That's why there's so many goddamn Mexicans"

>What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which

"If I ran 'em over we could fuck 'em while they're still warm"

You can't lose if you don't play but you'll also never win

"You have to do well in school. You don't know why now, but one day you will."

Also

"You have to love your mother, you only have one mother. For me she is another woman, I can leave her, it doesn't matter. But you must always love your mother"

"Dont end up in here bud. After a while i start looking like an easy target so they fuck with me. I have to put them down or kill them and i only get more time. Viscous cycle"

I was 8. Last time i saw him.
Turned 20 last month

>And so it is.

Personal favourite.

>Bad things are always going to happen to you, it's only up to you to make everything work out well

>Always keep learning, no matter what. Keep curious about the world

>you will never amount to anything.

He was right.

"You're too smart and you have too many opportunities and resources to be caught up doing this shit. Some people's lives are live mistake after mistake. You must learn a lesson from this first mistake from the git-go, or you'll fall into that cycle"

>After getting caught stealing from Walmart and being detained in their security room until he came and picked me up

Probably 10 years ago, and I've taken the advice to heart. One of the fastest way to knock yourself down the ladder of success is to brand yourself a thief to all your future employers and contacts when you first start out

>"Don't put your dick in the toaster"

"why do you think i have so many guns? the mafia loves me"
-my dad

>You're running out of time user

>Don't try to lucid dream. Once you do you'll have more nightmares than good dreams and you'll wake up restless.

It's true but lucid dreaming is still cool

If it flys, floats, or fucks. Its cheaper to rent it. -

No matter how good looking she is, somewhere there is a guy who is tired of her shit. -

"You're fucking useless!"
Then he went to prison.

Nice. Bumping.

Shut the fuck up Adam.

Underrated

>I'm just going to the store real quick.

It's been 17 years.

>winrar.

"When I die you can just put a stick up my ass and stand me up in the field"

he was dying from a fatal blood disorder already but he instead got drunk and died from falling on his head.

>pull out in time, because nothing fucks up your life worse than having to support a useless son you never wanted in the first place.

Bring me beer

momento feliz foi comer o cu da sua mãe seu arrombado

A bird in the hand, is worth far less than a bird you can fit your whole hand in her bush.

"Always walk away."
- My dad in reference to someone trying to pick a fight.

Dem quads

Sounds like your dad was a FUCKING CUCK

"The guy who invented this beer Can should be stuffed into it, then he could see how little space there is".

Sure is a sticky viscous cycle user

your dads dead get over it

Dads are overrated.

compleanos feliz

>Leave I never want to see you again

Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.

Basically just dont waste anything was the motto

>if you never try, you never fail

Th-thanks dad

BULLSHIT THAT'S FROM FUCKIN ROBOTS WITH ROBIN WILLIAMS YOU FAGGOT

Was told he was my dad for 12 years.
>watching snooker on 90s TV with shadowing image picture.
>m it looks like the second one is a ghost playing!
>H SHUT THE FUCK UP
>stewed on it like 11 year like any one would

>Mum moving house
>Place is small
>Not enough room to swing a dead cat in here

"Never half ass anything, if something needs doing then do it right the first time"
"Sympathy is between shit and syphilis"

>You scared of that team just because they're niggers?
>No
>I can see it in your face and they can too. They think you're weak and that they'll walk all over you. Let me tell you something, I grew up with city trash like that all my life and they're not any better than you or I
>They're not tougher, they don't hit harder, and they bleed just like us
>You're gonna quit that sissy shit right now and go out there and smash them in their mouth because you can.
>You practice harder and you want it more than they do.
>You've come to far to be afraid of some fucking nike-wearing niggers. You take that football and you shove it down their god damn throat.
>I want you to wipe every shit-eating grin off of their faces before this game is over. I want them to go crying to their mothers about how you made them bleed.
>I want THEM to be afraid of playing white kids.

Kicked the shit out of that team every year after that lecture.

Really? I thought my dad came up with it.
For some reason I am disappointed.

dude that quote is as old as humanity

That reminded me of something else my dad said that caught me off guard.
We were talking on the phone about the road conditions up where he is working. The roads and shit and it was raining all week. So I said "oh fuck, yeah that would be like driving in soup"
So he says "yep, slicker then cum on a nigger's gold tooth"
Oh dad

"She slipped me some pill, and I fucked her in the ass."
-Jim
He's not big on advice...

"Arabs are like a disease"

"instincts exist for a reason."

"I don't worry about whether my employees respect me or not; that'll either come or it won't. I just do my job as a manager."

Both my dad. He's an incredibly smart person, and he played rugby for his country's team.

Well memed, good sir.