Sup Forums please help. what do I do?

Sup Forums please help. what do I do?

>be me 19
>at university
>live on campus
>keep mostly to myself but have a few friends I talk to here and going to classes keeps me sane
>the last two weeks were mid semester break
>everyone goes home leaving only a few people scattered across campus
>my entire dorm minus one guy and his girlfriend who also keep to themselves are gone
>through the first week I just masturbated and surfed Sup Forums a lot.
>barely sleep at all
>start trying to entertain myself
>walk around naked as a thrill
>wank a couple of times into the kitchen sink
>harmless fun really
>2 days ago I was walking around the dorm and found the key to some sluts room in one of bathrooms under this pot thing
>people leave their keys places so they don't lose them on nights out
>everyone with a brain took them when they went home
>go into her room
>holy fuck Sup Forums I don't need to tell you I had a fucking field day
>no computer or anything or even a dildo which was sad but plenty of panties for me to bust a load in
>bring my laptop down into her room and set up
>have marathon wank session on Sup Forums and /gif/
>put her g strings into a pile and cum on them
>that night I took a bunch of meth I had and went back there
>was out of my fucking mind and ended up on really weird porn
>scat shit
>get an idea in my methed out mind
>take a huge shit onto her bed
>chicken out and don't wank with it
>get most of it cleaned up but it's smeared into the bed sheets
>after that I walked like 4 hours to McDonald's and back then went to bed
>didn't really sleep just had those vivid half dream half thinking things you get on uppers
>it's Sunday night now. People started getting back before I woke up.
>no idea if the girl is back yet
>haven't left my room today because I'm terrified
>I don't think I closed her door and I still have her key
>I haven't heard anyone freak the fuck out yet. So I think most people aren't coming back until tomorrow.

Wot do? Please help fix my shit

Trips confirms autism

This is pretty fucking interesting. Bump

Not diagnosed. But yeah probably

Take more meth. Clean that shit, throw away the key and act normal if anyone ask. Or take more meth and poop more

Lay low for a few weeks and everything will be fine. (Be cool) keep the key though ;)

I already took it all. There are people around now, I can't just go pull the sheets off her bed. Maybe in the middle of the night

Fuck fuck fuck!!!!!

is this autism?

>who was here over break? WTF???
>it was only that couple and that one weird guy
>I wonder who it could have been!?

Youre fucked, possibly expelled.

Yes. I already said that.

I'm so fucked. Can they really expel me for this? What with sexual freedom and all that shit people love now?

>What with sexual freedom and all that shit people love now?
>Sexual freedom

Kek!

Tell them you brought your dog into the dorms and she left hers unlocked. You tried to clean up doggo's nervous shit and missed a few spots. You'll get bashed for having animals in the building but that's it

This sounds like a plan that I could maybe pull off, but maybe I've seen too many movies.

Someone else confirm if this will work?

It sounds better than "ya I broke in and shot on her bed"

Lol yeah true. I also remembered while writing this thread up that there are a bunch of panties with cum in them in her room. It's not really my main concern but still

What real choice do you have OP? Come clean with this or lay low and pray to whatever god will forgive your meth driven antics.

Yeah, it'll work, as long as you can prove you have a dog. It won't explain the undergarments, assuming you haven't cleaned those up yet
Also, morphine is better than meth and you don't lose your mind

>come clean
How does this play out for me?

Don't give in, you didn't do a damn thing.

Go to grill, say you were DRUNK, maybe say your friends put you up to it, apologize profusely, offer money for damages. 50/50 she doesn't flip shit and keeps quiet, other 50 is she still gets some authority, rendering you fucked.
If you have any bros lying around get some "witnesses"

Not very well. If you are good with lies, go get a dog and do as the user say.

I don't have a dog. I can probably get a hold of one though.

Fuck, I'm just gonna go get 2 weeks of food then lock myself in my room and pretend I'm not here. Fuck my life.

OP do you still have this key? if so timestamp? I would love to know that this story is legit.

If you've left anything in there that can identify you, you are completely fucked. If not, keep quiet, ditch the key and act ignorant. Not much else you can do. Based on what you've said, you'll get away with it if you keep your cool. Also that's badarse as hell, would have a beer with/10.

>>didn't really sleep just had those vivid half dream half thinking things you get on uppers

i thought i was the only one

>Gets food
>locks self in room
>roommate flips
>cops show
>resist arrest
>land in infinitely more shit
Naw, OP, you gotta do something. 1% chance of survival is better than 0%
Unless you an hero, but that seems extreme

Nah there's nothing in there but my shit and cum.

It's literally just a plain blue key.

Go to administration or some shit and say you say some really dodgey homeless looking guy run out of the building and dropped the key as he ran off. They'll think some creep brown in and did it unless they have security cameras

Say you were taking care of your parents' dog or something

Fuck man I could write essays on that shit. It's so fucking weird.

If you get questioned on it, you need to present your best case possible. If campus security comes in and your room is in complete squalor they will suspect you immediately. Get your room looking spotless like your not a psycho, as normal looking as possible.

(Follow up) might not cause if she wants police involved they'll go through cameras but what choice do you have?

We don't have roommates. Just a shit load of tiny rooms

This thread is fucking gold

Broke in*

If nobody noticed you going in there LAY THE FUCK LOW. There's no good reason to take the heat for something stupid as this if there was no real damage done. Get rid of the key.

They get me talking as if I'm in the situation I'm dreaming about, and it's trips me out hard...

Fuck this is a good idea. I'll get cleaning right now.

There are no cameras as far as I know

The police could probably identify you by the cum, if they wanted to (and are contacted).
Could you maybe make up some homeless guy who broke into the dorm? Fake some evidence and you will be fine, if you are suspected.

Only the sheets are filled with shit or the matress too?

You're golden then. Act cool, don't act all reserved in front of your roomies or else it will reflect suspicion back on you. Chill out and do stuff in the common room with other people and act ignorant. This is coming from someone who lived on campus for 1 year (before moving into a shared rental), and I tormented the fuck out of my entire dorm. Did drugs constantly, crow bared doors open to steal booze, terrorized the shit out of random people, walking around on shrooms at 2am. Play this cool and you WILL get away with it.

a spotless dorm room?? totally not suspicious at all

I'll doubt they do a dna test if police get involved, it will probs be a campus issue

I guess so. I'll go for a sneaky walk in a bit I guess to see if there are any people around. If it's clear, what kind of evidence do I plant?

This sounds like UNSW from the dorm descriptions.

I'm not sure about murrican laws, but here in yurop the police can't just come over and demand a dna sample. If there's no reason why they would suspect you anyways.

post pictures of her panties and the cum on them.

Better than one filled with drugs and jizz

Maybe just act completely ignorant? Unless the police are going to do DNA tests then there's absolutely no solid proof you did anything.

What law would you actually be breaking?

You can probably lie your out of it if there's no cameras

Like what lol? They have bathrooms and no roommates?

There are people out there who don't enjoy living in dirt. I know it's hard to comprehend, but these people actually keep their shit sorted and clean.
Fucking weird . right?

>sexual freedom
are you:
a) a girl/trans/genderfluid/other in
or
b) a cis white male

if a, you're fine
if b, it doesn't apply to you

Dildos, butt plugs, Sup Forumsanana peel

An hero in her room with key stapled to cock or in your ass.

supposed to reply to

Wow user, you're fucked, not fucked as in bad stuff will happen to you, but fucked as in fucked in the head, probably from all the meth.

...

Another suggestion is to come out as trans and blame the patriarchy.

I'm not an addict. It's just occasional recreational drugs

>interlaced png

RRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Go to a homeless guy, and put on a mask.
Say that if he wants to earn some money he'll have to do exactly what you did.
Give him the key and afterwards pay him.

Sounds like you really shit the bed op

good one mate

Maybe like a torn up piece of clothing that a hobo would wear, or you could just take the panties put them in a bag go some where like 10 mins away and throw them out. Someone would be less pissed that someone stole their underwear than that someone came in them

To do what?

>the last two weeks were mid semester break
bit early for that don't you think?

Alright I'm gonna scope out the place and see if people are around.

What university user?

In Aus it's mid

No need for conspiracy theories

The police aren't going to DNA test a whole dorm full of people. Half of them have rich parents who would shit themselves at the invasion of privacy and sue, and the police know this. Don't go saying anything or making up stories it won't work. Remember they have nothing on you at this point. Absolute ignorance is the best game plan. A simple "I have no idea" is what you should be working with here.

Could be trimesters or quarters. Although it is weird he said semesters.

walk by and toss the key inside if the door is still open
if its shut then put it in the pot at a safe time

>story the whole campus will go crazy over
>is afraid of being identified as culprit
>posts the complete story with details that clearly identify him on Sup Forums
I like your style OP

Sounds alot like Monash/RMIT at the moment lmao

>be me 19
fuck outta here

oh shit
he's fucked

What details? No one Can figure it out right?

What

get out of here old man
i was browsing this shit when i was 12 and im 21 now

I'd add to that that even if the door's open, it'll take you like what, thirty seconds at most to lock it, and another thirty seconds at most to put the key back. All you need is a minute where people aren't around.

What Campus you at? I'm willing to be a "witness" for you and say you were hanging with me in my dorm during the time of the incident.

sounds like your shit out of bunk, op.

your up shit sheet without a pillow. .

Deny everything. Forever.

Top kek

Yeah but it's still fucked in there. Does it change anything weather she has to unlock the door or not before she freaks out?

How the fuck would that even work?
>anons friend (anon2) says he was with him at the time, in his dorm. Oh yeah? What dorm is anon2 in?

I feel like I shouldn't say that

I've heard of three sheets to the wind, but three shits to the sheet?

Breaking and entering, trespassing, vandalism

>going inside
leave that bitch open. don't even look inside, do a motion like youre going to scrath your head or something and just extend your hand out a little
ez

Not breaking and entering if he had a key, retard.

>be me 19
>my entire dorm minus one guy and his girlfriend who also keep to themselves are gone
So the one single weirdo who was still there did it. Or do you want to claim that "the homeless guy" made this thread to make you the suspect when someone from your campus sees this?

Anybody got a good idea of how to sneak into a girl's room and hide somewhere while she has sex? I'd like to listen

I knew someone would say that and I realised my mistake just before I posted it but laziness hoped nobody would point it out

Wow fuck. Seriously considering killing myself

It looks obvious someone was in the room if the door's unlocked and the key's not in its usual place. By leaving everything as it was beforehand the shit stains could be attributed to something else like a leak from the roof/floor above.

Fair enough.

Worst that could happen is you get expelled user, schools and universities etc don't like getting police involved because it makes a good news story

Relax man, they have nothing on you at this point. Anyone could have got that key, she could have left for the holidays with the door open. Don't put the key back, that will prove it was someone who lives in the building. Ditch the fucking key and tidy your room. If you're that worried, put a photo of a random girl in a frame in your room and hang a local sports team banner on your wall. You must become as normal as possible. Second you start lying about seeing a homeless guy or something in there they will immediately know it was you. Any anime posters must be removed. You sound like you are going to fuck yourself over with obvious lies at this point.