Tfw no good movies about the Trojan War

>tfw no good movies about the Trojan War
>tfw pic related is the closest we have
>tfw it was shit

When will peplum make his comeback?

We'll never get grand pseudo historic films ever again.

have you seen the director's cut, OP? much better.

What was the last one?

ALEXANDER. has a bad reputation, and for good reason, but the Final Cut is actually worthwhile.

I don't care, it's retarded. It's not even impressive. And why did they make Patroclus Achille's cousin? That's lame.

>we will never get a movie that celebrates white history and culture ever again

I kinda like it but Colin Farrell was really bad.

I don't even care anymore.
Kingdom of Heaven DC is nothing but muh noble muslims can do no wrong and still I'd kill for another movie like KoH.

Americans aren't used to heroes having gay fuckboys, I think it's our lack of culture.

The Fury of Achilles, an Italian movie from 1962 is pretty good, although it streamlines the story and cuts just as much out as Troy does.

>director!s cut meme

love it

why was Troy so mad at Hector that he had to kill him?

While you promote disgusting degenerate trannies.

>2016
>making movies without black people

yeah bros, i miss epics too

Patroclus was actually older than Achilles in the Iliad. Patroclus was a more masculine, bearded man while Achilles was a beautiful clean shaven man who had somewhat of an androgynous quality to him. Achilles liked to have Patroclus give him his attention and contemplate upon him while he played his lyre or whatever other activity he was doing. He liked having Patroclus witness the perfection of his form.

It was just war and Troy wanted to sack Paris.

That scene was great though.

Hector kills Patroclus and it makes Achilles mad. In the mythology Achilles and Patroclus are lovers so it makes sense.

>they will never show us prime diane's ass and tits again

Ah, okay, I read the Illiad but didn't pick up on that.

It's a common misconception that Achilles and Patroclus were lovers. There is much deeper thematic significance to their relationship. The core conflict within the character of Achilles in the Illiad is the struggle he has between fulfilling his divine fate, to achieve apotheosis in the Trojan War and be forever remembered as a God among men, and his desire to live the life of a mortal man in peace and happiness. He lives out his desires to be a mortal man vicariously through being a part of Patroclus life. It's undoubted that Achilles loved Patroclus beyond a mere platonic friendship, but it was because he was everything that Achilles wanted to be deep down.

Patroclus on the other hand most certainly only saw Achilles as his best friend. They were never at any point lovers or sexually attracted to each other. It's very clearly shown to make Achilles happy when Patroclus has women as lovers.

>It's very clearly shown to make Achilles happy when Patroclus has women as lovers

Achilles is a cuck?

>psuedo-historic

There is no doubt the war happened. Homer couldn't have just made up a fucking war. Obviously as to whether or not any of the figures with in it are based partly on real historical figures and to what degree is fair game but a seemingly monumental cultural event like that is very unlikely to have been fabricated

The very reason Achilles refused to fight for the Greeks is because King Agamemnon slighted him by taking the preferred concubine he had already claimed as his war prize. Achilles, in the process of living the mortal life he wanted vicariously through Patroclus, just always makes sure Patroclus had everything he wanted. He was kind of like a doting mother spoiling her son with Patroclus.

It's been the subject of debate for thousands of years whether or not they were actually lovers, not clear-cut either way. If they had any romantic relationship, it still would have been taboo at the time for them to actually have sex because they were both adult males. Either way, it wouldn't have prevented them from seeking wives or concubines so they could have children.

>Homer couldn't have just made up a fucking war.

Why not? The Jews did with WW2

The story is obviously a mythohistoric allegory for several decades of campaigns into the lands of Troy. There is no doubt that the Iliad is a mythicized tale, as it features extreme displays of Godly power throughout it.

>tfw no movies about the peloponnesian wars
Fuck this shit

>There is no doubt that the Iliad is a mythicized tale, as it features extreme displays of Godly power throughout it.

HECTOOOOOOOR!!!!!

Don't be a retard.

HEEECTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!!!!

Patroclus and Achillies were bros, not lovers. Homosexuality as a sexual orientation as we conceive it now didn't exist back then; it fell along lines of submission and dominance. Being submissive in Greek culture was seen as less desired than being in the dominant role, as submissiveness usually referred to feminine and female qualities and most Greeks treated woman like dirt (except Spartans surprisingly enough). Achillies was one of the most celebrated cultural heroes of Greek history that Alexander the Great modeled his personality after him (also, Alexander was absolutely not gay and I can provide contemporary scholarship to back this up)

Being gay back then was definitely not like how it is now, Greeks weren't super progressive and hip with it; forcibly raping a weaker male was absolutely acceptable (depending on his social status) and usually considered the victim of the assault to be in the wrong as he was too weak to defend himself. Also, there is evidence to suggest that the average Greek commoner who wasn't part of the intelligentsia often held practices of pederasty in contempt, resentment and sometimes even disgust.

Don't get me wrong, I love the gays, really I do but it is sort of dishonest to pretend like the way Greek's conceptualized sexuality was in any way similar to our own 21st century beliefs.

Hect the door?

>magic doesn't exist
>critical thinking
>all my thoughts are scientific accurate
Back to plebbit.

Heck, I forgot to close the door!

It really conflicts with the themes of the story if you imagine them as lovers. Achilles as a genuine romance with Briseis while having his passionate love for Patroclus at the same time. Both men have women as romantic partners, so it's clear that their love isn't based on a sexual attraction to one another. This was just an era in which men could love one another without being homosexual.

>provide contemporary scholarship to back this up
Please do so I can shut the fuck up the retards who say Alexander was a faggot.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying dude. Of course the Gods and legendary heroes aren't real but an actual large scale conflict on the Mediterranean involving athens and sparta almost certainly happened

>When will peplum make his comeback?
Capeshit is the new peplum.

director's cut is horrible because the soundtrack is randomly shoved, and makes it much worse than the theatrical version

I believe in God personally, but it's clear that the Illiad is a mythic dramatization of real life events. It literally features Achilles battling living forces of nature that take personified forms and chase him across the lands of Troy. The heroes of the Iliad are imbued with divine powers frequently. It's not that the Greeks didn't think that these things actually existed, as magic was most certainly a part of their reality, it's just clear that the Iliad is a mythic allegory.

Exodus got ravaged by critics and bombed at the box office

Western audiences don't want historical epics anymore for whatever reason

>Alexander was absolutely not gay and I can provide contemporary scholarship to back this up
So Hephaiston never fucked him in the ass? Prove it.

Exodus was shit tho

Well, if they will be the quality of Exodus, it's better not have them

It's not the concept of historical epics that's at fault, it's the fault of them being poorly made by people who don't understand them.

Did you know this movie was made by the same D&D who are sacking GoT atm?

Okay, then don't come back to plebbit.

Troy fucking Rockwell.

In fact, this may be a surprise to many, but I come from Greensboro. I even attended Greensboro high, and I remember that fateful day that the Greensboro Jock blessed me with his presence.

I was a total nerd in high school, but it didn't matter. he was king, a local god. He had banged three seniors the first week of his freshman year, and from there the legend only grew. He had a personal army of lesser athletes and even the faculty worshiped him.

When he was a junior, he threw a house party and told his parents to stay upstairs all night. someone took a picture with a flip phone of him passed out in his room with half the women there, all naked passed out around him.

He killed another player during his senior year when he hit him too hard.

I don't remember what happened to Troy in the long run, but I remember that day. I turned around and started to run down the hall, but I bumped directly into his massive chest when I turned the corner and went flying in the opposite direction. I slipped and fell, but he caught me before I hit the ground by slipping one of his meatsausage fingers in between my backpack loop. I said thanks Troy, and he said back to me "Good Check, Pussy."

I'll never forget those words.

I know this sounds stupid and mythical but the guy seriously was like a fucking alien. He was cool as fuck and was worshiped like a literal god. his abs were weird though, I saw them in the locker room once. he had like a triangle shape in the center of them.

TLDR: went to his highschool, he was god

Most of the legendary heroes of Greek mythology were real Kings who had cults of personality developed around them over time. The legend of who they were just grows perpetually.

For starters, Plutarch mentions that Alexander was strictly professional with men. He offers up an account that claims that a highly sought after Ionian boy was offered to Alexander as a gift.

Here's how Alexander responded: "You are the most hideous and malign of all men, have you ever seen me involved in such dirty (sexual) work that you found the urge to flatter me with such hedonistic business?"

Also, another account offered by Plutarch. This time in regards to young male slaves available for purchase:

>"When Philoxenus, the commander of his forces on the sea-board, wrote that there was with him a certain Theodorus of Tarentum, who had two youths of surpassing beauty to sell, and inquired whether Alexander would buy them, Alexander was incensed, and cried out many times to his friends, asking them what shameful thing Philoxenus had ever seen in him that he should spend his time in making such disgraceful proposals."

Both of these are found in Plutarch's "On The Fortune of Alexander", which can be found anywhere online.

>tripping out super hard when anyone asks if youre gay
>not a obvious sign of being gay

It's clear if you actually study the life of Alexander that he was disgusted by all things related to sexual activity, even with women. He thought of sexuality as something lowered natured and filthy. He was a stalwart intellectual that had overcome the physical desires of his body.

Anachronistic projection. People loved everything about Alexander when he was alive, they wouldn't have cared if he was having sex with men.

I didn't get "repressed homophobe" at all from those accounts. He just strikes me as a prudent man who was more interested strict military discipline over indulgences. That being said, he was a notorious alcoholic and womanizer for which I can also provide sources.

What?

That's the mentality that degenerates project outwardly out of shame for their debased sexual desires. Alexander fucked all the whores in India and it killed him.

Good, sex and sexual desire are repulsive and disgusting between anybody. Heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals I don't care. If I could wish it and the libido away I absolutely would.

relax bruv im only having a giggle
Alex can ramrod whatever holes he wants

I can smell the virginity through my screen

Didn't Alexander fuck a sandnigger boy?

Bogoas, maybe? He was very powerful eunnuch of the time. He was also allegedly a lover of Darius, the King of Persia and an active member of his court. Theres only one passing reference to this supposed romantic relationship made by a relatively obscure 3rd century Greek historian whose surviving works are about grammar

Plutarch mentions also that his soldiers urged him to kiss Bogoas in front of all of them but it isnt clear if he actually did it or not.

>He's the biggest man I've ever seen i wouldn't want to fight him
>That's why no one will remember your name

leave mythology kino to me

...

Yeah that's him I was talking about.

>Plutarch mentions also that his soldiers urged him to kiss Bogoas in front of all of them but it isnt clear if he actually did it or not.
In the movie he kisses him in front of everyone and his soldiers seem upset about it.