Ask a guy who's never masturbated anything

Ask a guy who's never masturbated anything

Are you a virgin ?

why are you gay?

Why do you insist on writing lies on the internet?

>Doesn't jack off.
>Gets to fuck a girl
>She gets pregnant
>"WHY DIDN'T I JUST MASTURBATE!?"

Asexual?
Impotent?

How does it feel like to lie about not masturbating?

Nope, although not a stud either
I'm not
I'm telling the truth
Nope and nope, straight

Same. Haven't jerked my junk in months. Meth is a strong central nervous system stimulant.

If this don't make you reach for the old pork dagger and furiously polish it, I don't know what will.

Trust me I've tried to masturbate before, I just can't reach

>I'm not

someone's in denial

So you're literally just too fat?

do you have a boyfriend?

I'm a straight male m8. Will admit I'm a bit bicurious though

How many balls u have?

Do you lie about everything, or just this?

>I'm a straight male

just come out, people will respect you more for stepping out of the closet

I genuinely can't masturbate mate. I would if I could, but I can't

Do you have arms?

Yes. How's this related?

Why can't you. Explain why you can't m8.

Because I can't reach my dick mate. Idk if my neck is shorter than average or I'm just not flexible enough

Do you not have hands and gyped this shit with your toes or something?

Or has your dick been cut off by ancry feminazis?

Or are you so hardcore SJW that you cut your own penis off?

What's it like to lie to yourself?

Are your hands located on your head? Or do you suffer mass brain defects?

whaaat

What?
I can't reach my dick with my mouth, therefore I can't masturbate. Is that hard to understand?

Is this a thread where you're trying to convince us that masturbating is giving yourself a blowie?
otherwise neck has nothing to do with it.
Plus you get hands free masturbation. Just do that.

Ummmm mate...most people use their hands to masturbate

You can jerk off with your hands anyhow dumbass

I caught ya faggot.

Why do you go on the internet just to lie?

Lol stop baiting. I'm not that stupid

Fellate*

pirate bay or extra torrent? and also, what would be their proper url's

this had better be some good bait or blissful ignorance

Oh shit. Sorry guys OP here. I confused fellatio with masturbation. Sorry I am an idiot.

It's neither. OP has terminal retardedness.

What?

Fellating is when you suck someone else's dick. Masturbation is when you suck your own dick.

Not me
Screencap and prove it

Which things have you considered masturbating?

Mainly I want to masturbate my dick. Haven't thought about masturbating someone else tbh

Why would this be ignorance?

I just simply cant believe this. How can you have never tried? Aren't you curious? I mean I have been jacking it since before I could shoot nearly every fucking day, ussually more than once. How is it even possible?

Self-fellatio is what I mean.

>Fellating is when you suck someone else's dick. Masturbation is when you suck your own dick.
Auto-felatio is when you suck your own dick
Masturbation isn't limited to auto-felatio.
Masturbation by definition is getting yourself off sexually in anyway that builds sexual tension.

Yeah. Self-fellatio is another term for masturbation

Yeah I guess you could hump something and that would also be masturbation, but I wouldn't want to do that tbh

>but I wouldn't want to do that tbh
You could possibly be asexual.

do you not have arms? That would be a legit excuse for never masturbating. Maybe the only legit excuse.

Auto-fellatio is sucking your own dick.

How would you use your arms for masturbating
Nope, love sex, just don't like the idea of fucking an inanimate object. Might hurt my dick

why are you such a pathetic loser? you should shoot your own head fast.

Nigga use your hands. Make a circle with your dominant hand, put it on your dick, and do whatever feels good from there.

so how the fuck would user type without arms
by being a wood pecker and using his nose

Lol people don't masturbate like that, they suck their dicks

Voice to text

>How would you use your arms for masturbating
rub it for starters or don't like using your hands get a flesh light

Hey couldn't hurt to try

This is literally the most cancerous thread i've ever been on and i've been browsing Sup Forums for at least an hour or so

But it causes warts on your hands, that's why people suck their own dicks
Finally accomplished something mama

im guessing you haven't a clue what a flesh light is right?

You use it to light up dark rooms

ok there is know way some one on Sup Forums is this clueless

Exactly. How did this retard figure out how to install firefox.

...

Never say never, my friend. I knew what it was
Gonna assume your mother didn't hug you
Give me a fucking break

You really must have issues
Up yours

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Did you look up bait on google and look for the most relevant one?

...

OP here, first word of each line

I downloaded that one in particular because everybody is baiting each other in this thread

Check your fucking emails mate

fuck you

...

How swollen are your balls?

no

are you a T-rex?

Have you ever ejaculated before?