You now have super powers, but they have an ironic/weird twist/restriction to them

you now have super powers, but they have an ironic/weird twist/restriction to them
ill start

am immune to all sickness

But constantly look like you're having chemo.

Can move anything with the power of thought alone.

But has to have at least one at all times

but you are paralyzed

Can manipulate time

Pass out after

Nothing over 5lbs

Can jump very far, and high.

but ur mom says it's not ok after 8pm

can turn hair on fire at will

Power to make everyone like you

only when going 88mph
can't handle the impact force

locked in a freezer

they don't like u 4 u

But relativity means you generate a huge amount of gravity the further you travel.

on the internet

My feels

Everyone becomes that creepy obsessive friend who doesnt give you any personal space.

You can see people's future with a touch.

is only ever platonic

Xray Vision

Ill become a youtuber get that adscense mane

only if you finger their ass

Of their corpse

So can they

Only instances where pooping is involved.

I can shape shift.

but you're down with the sickness

but once you shapeshift one time you cant do it again for a year

Jesus, thats horrifying

But you have no arms

Only into things that start with the letter p

you can turn invisible

You can (and will) do this on accident

Can fire stairway beams at will, eye lasers that create staircases

Worlds greatest swordsman...

But you have no arms!

Unlimited money

... but you can never turn back to yourself.

I can make people shit themselves by snapping my fingers.

Can't turn off this power
your eyelids are invisible, so you will have lots of trouble sleeping or generally ignoring anything

You can only buy things for other people (except for paying your own bills)

The process of doing so is severely painful, the equivalent feeling of child birth burns within your eyes.

Can communicate with the paranormal

But they see your most painful, guarded memory

Can separate any elements or compounds from substances I touch

>teleportation

...in foreign coins.

I can run at 500 mph

You are affected by your own snaps

I can eat/drink without having to shit/piss later

ability to stop time but for only 10 minutes at a time and once a day

Only when your shoes are tied.

constantly tripping up and down them
2nd great depression
also affects you
can only hear the ghost sex
turns your favorite food or items into base elements
not right behind someone

That's kind of a waste considering paranormals don't exist

But you also shit yourself.

Having voodoo powers where injuries inflicted on yourself happen to your enemy.

Instead you regurgitate your shit/piss.

Can make any woman want to fuck me.

Can time travel

the first use is after your head gets cut off by isis

but you have a tiny penis

I can work with this

only when you dream

For a radius of 5feet - affects the self as well


I can become invisible...

Have aids

Only backwards.

Can ejaculate on command

You can only ever be an hour away from the present in either direction

You react to your enemy's injuries the way he would react to them.

Grow hair extra fast, always have a cough from too much phlegm.

can't stop ejaculating for an hour once you use it

Ejaculations last a second

Can breath fire...

Cant ejaculate more than 1nce a week

Only when no ones looking
>who understood that reference?
I can turn into shadows

but you stay a virgin forever

is not fire proof

You must be naked.

Can melt steel beams...

You exhale fire no matter what, making fireballs the size of your mouth

No laws apply to you. Always win in court

But can only use jet fuel
>kek
I have a hugh mungus penis

live in the woods

only the ones in the twin towers tho. you lost your train a while ago (or should i say plane?)

My superpower is being as cool as fonzie

Nah if you where invisible the light would pass thru your retna. you would only see darkness.

is always accused of sexual assault

you're as old as he would be today

criminals always target you if they see you

you are also as dated as fonzie

You can access any account for any site on the internet without needing to know the password, username, or associated email

You turn black
>rip

Infinite lung capacity but
..

So you're blind
That's also a terrible fate

But you don't know you can

not immune to fire.

Cant swim

but secretly your an autistic neck beard who lives in his mothers basement. oh nevermind thats not much of a secret.

But only when your mother is what watching


Can give anyone an orgasm at a single touch...

can never have an orgasm

They think you raped them

you can make objects slightly damp through will-power alone

But realise that it could be the worst power ever and kill yourself.

Regrow severed limbs.

but no one believes you.

Is extremely lucky...

But your dick shrinks an inch every time you do
Btw nice suns

They grow back with a different skin color

Power to make people my slaves but only after I fistfuck them

Lucky because you keep surviving terrible diseases you contract.

You can posses others and control their actions.

how about the ability to make my dad come home, havent seen him in years

You can stop time

By having all their living male relatives pound your ass

>You can posses others and control their actions.
Only while you are inside them, in any way

Granted, but you're now a nigger

Twist: He loves raping his kids after he beat them into submission now. While around his offspring, his minimum physical power and speed is twice that of his offspring.

But he fucks your ass.

occasionally regrow limbs twice. Your body gets confused about which one is real; cannot rip its own arm off.

Can compress and manipulate air

-For one trillionth of a second.

My happiness will always exceed the happiest person on earth.

Only the air in your lungs

i can make any girl i want become my sex slave forever

when there's only one person on earth.

Only girls under 4 and they stop aging.

their vagina and anus get sealed up, they have a sensitive gag reflex