What did you learn about your nations history in school (years 1-9)

What did you learn about your nations history in school (years 1-9)

>vikings murdered and raped and we shouldn't be proud of that (brought to you by Muhammed Ibn Fadlans stories about the Rus)
>Sweden was conquered by Denmark and became a part of the Kalmar Union
>Gustav Vasa liberated Sweden and adopted protestantism so he could out-jew the pope and take the church silver for himself
>Gustav II Adolf fought in the great war and died at Lützen (nothing more, nothing about Breitenfeld or the other nations in the war)
>Karl XII defended Sweden against Denmark, Poland and Russia, defeated them at Narva but got btfo at Poltava (nothing about his exile or Fredriksten)
>We imported a French King and noone had any problems with this. There were definitely no riots against him.
>Norwegian-Swedish Union
>Norwegian-Swedish Union dissolved
>In WW2 Sweden was almost a nazi so we have to make up for that by importing 6 gorillion arabs
>end

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I learnt fuck all about Swedish history. All history classes were about very basic history: middle ages - renaissance - American, French, Industrial revolutions. I don't think we ever got to the world wars. When I look back at history class I think I must have gone to some really horrible schools. I mean I skipped year 5, but still.

>vikings murdered and raped and we shouldn't be proud of that (brought to you by Muhammed Ibn Fadlans stories about the Rus)
>In WW2 Sweden was almost a nazi so we have to make up for that by importing 6 gorillion arabs
I don't remember learning about these. If anything, vikings were described as pretty cool, and the WWII classes didn't say much about Sweden at all.

The others are spot on, though.

>The Black Death was pretty shit
>Best archers and ships in Europe due to quality of wood
>"GOD BLEW AND THE SPANISH ARMADA WAS NO MORE"
>Hitler had shitty grades at school
>Hitler's mother died and a Jewish doctor failed to save her
>Hiter got rejected from art school by a Jewish prof

Elementary school:
>anasazi tribe and other desert indians
>cowboys
>spanish missions
>gold rush
>britain set up colonies on the east coast
>american revolution
>declaration of independence

Middle school
>ancient egypt, greece, rome, china, mesoamerica, incans
>beginnings of christianity, islam, and judaism
>medieval europe
>charlemagne
>feudalism
>mercantilism
>city-states
>bubonic plague
>civil rights movement
>slavery
>civil war

High school
>more european history from 18th century onward
>ottoman empire
>prohibition
>mass migration from europe
>sacco and vanzetti
>socialism in america, childrens rights, unions
>jim crow and more on civil rights movement
>boxer rebellion
>scramble for africa
>wwi, wwii, and the cold war
>USSR
>space race
>manifest destiny
>mexican-american war
>spanish-american war
>collapse of british empire

I might be a feeble woman but I have the will and stomach of a man
A king of england at that

Fag

>mysterious iberians used to live here, then celts come and colonise the lands
>phoenicians, carthaginians and greeks come later
>suddenly Rome invades Lusitânia, home of the lusitans
>first great general Viriato tries to fight back, almost kicks romans out of portugal, betrayed by friend
>Rome is fine
>muslims come after the fall of Rome
>muslims were actually peaceful guys back then sort of compared to nowadays
>until the reconquista where D. Afonso Henriques, first king, removes muslims down from Porto to the Tagus river
>second "proper" independent country (from Castile and Leon) in the world (after San Marino), in 1143 from the Treaty of Zamora
>muslims removed shortly after
>stability and flourishment of culture, portuguese language practically intelligible (in written record) from 12th century onwards
>D. Fernando dies with no heirs
>his daughter marries the king of Castile
>he wants the throne
>badass son of D. Pedro (the dead king's father) wants it too
>they battle
>castile sieges Lisbon
>we win with the help of the English and the guidance of second great general D. Nuno Álvares Pereira, a catholic saint - REMEMBER ALJUBARROTA
>period of prosperity under the second dynasty ensues
>Infante D. Henrique suggests we should expand to the seas
>suddenly Africa is ours
>suddenly Bartolomeu Dias goes beyond the Cape of Good Hope (which he named)
>suddenly Vasco da Gama discovers a sea route to India and brings home spices and inspires our people's epic narrative - Os Lusíadas
>suddenly Pedro Álvares Cabral reaches Brazil
>suddenly we go to Japan and help Oda Nobunaga win some battles
>suddenly we're all over Malacca, Makassar and some say we even discovered Australia
>then a young king, D. Sebastião, dies in a lame battle in Morocco
>no one is in the throne
>Philip II of Spain (a legitimate heir to the throne) invades
>part of Spain for 60 years
>lose places in West Africa, India (fuck you Holland) and America
>then glorious independence is returned
(pt.1)

elementary school:
>no history lessons
secondary school:
>ötzi
>gay greek gods
>the romans
>middleages
>renaissance
>holy roman empire
>fucking burgers get their cunt
>industrialization
>ww1 (goddammit serbia)
>All of Europe fucking us over
>ww2 (fuck you france)
>rise of modern germany
>iron curtain
>fall of wall

In regards to America,
>Native America
>Renaissance influences on the West (Spice Trade)
>Portuguese explorations of the African coasts
>Columbus
>Colonization of the New World
>Early Colonial settlements
>First Great Awakening
>French and Indian War (7 Years War)
>Colonial dissent
>REVOLUTION
>Constitutional Convention
>Early Presidencies
>Napoleonic Wars' influences on US Foreign policy
>War of 1812
>Era of Good Feelings
>Jacksonian Democracy
>Rise and fall of the Whigs and slavery related legislation
>Civil War
>Reconstruction
>Wild West
>Gilded Age
>Progressive movement
>WWI
>Roaring Twenties
>Great Depression
>WWII
>50's
>60's and Vietnam
>70's
Public education stopped after Carter so I never got to learn about Ronald Reagan or learn anything about the events that transpired afterwards to bring us to present day

Kosovar here.

>WE WUZ PELASGIANS
>WE WUZ ILLYRIANS OF DARDANIA TRIBE
>SKANDERBEG WAS A GOD AMONGST MEN AND THE ETERNAL HERO AND SAVIOUR OF EUROPE
>OTTOMAN OPPRESSION
>FUCKING SERBS
>WW1-WW2
>the end

>not for long
>empire starts to eclipse because of lost national hope and riches
>we still want to prove ourselves to the world
>build huge palace that inspires Saramago to write a novel about it later on
>1775, the earth rumbles, even Voltaire realises it
>the marquis of Pombal decides to build a new Lisbon
>suddenly we start to get poor
>1802-1810, Napoleon thinks he's hot shit around Europe, tries to invade
>loses thanks to our english third great general, Arthur Wellesley, the duke of Wellington
>country still in the gutter, royal family fled to Brazil
>someone stays there and founds Brazil, the absolute madman
>then more liberal\conservative revolutions
>then, in 1908, king D. Carlos and his son, D. Luís, are shot and killed in public
>in 1910 the republic is put in place
>it only lasts 18 years
>a military coup arises
>the new leader is António de Oliveira Salazar, a fascist dictator (according to every year 3-9 [after year 10 I didn't have History, it's too much honestly] schoolbook) rises to power, he's evil, cruel, bad, crazy, christian, puritan, defends censorship and was probably friends with Mussolini and liked to kill little puppies and drink their blood
>he was just an economics professor at the Coimbra University
>african """"colonies""" want """independence""" (thanks USA you dipshits)
>engage in war in the 60\70s - my grandparents are war veterans
>salazar falls from chair and dies
>african colonies get independence
>our last shred of naval empire is gone
>1974 coup d'état happens, two people die
>current government style stays in place
>join EU in 1986
>buttfucked even more even since
>win European Football Championship in 2016

That's what we learn in school at least until 9th grade. I hated history lesson because of that.

1-4
Kievan Rus
principality of Polotsk
5-6
Ancient Egypt
Ancient Rome
Ancient Greece
ancient wars
8-9
Middle Ages in Europe
geographical discoveries
Grand Duchy of Lithuania
Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth Russian Empire (after 1795)
9
policy pursued in Belarus in the 19th century
Napoleonic wars
unification of Germany
colonial policy of Europe
industrial Revolution
10-11
World War I
October Revolution
Belarusian People's Republic
Polish-Soviet War
western Belarus in 1921 - 1939 industrialization
Stalin's policy
The Second World War
cold war
he collapse of the colonial system
China / India / Germany / Sweden / Japan / Korea ... after the Second World War
restructuring
the collapse of the Soviet Union

vikings n shit

>Abos have been in Australia for over 10,000 years, oldest living culture in the world
>Abo society
>Dreamtime
>Arrival of Captain Cook
>Arrival of First Fleet
>Europeans genociding Abos
>Ned Kelly
>Eureka Stockade and Victorian Gold Rush
>Stolen Generation
>Federation of the six Colonies
>Galipoli Campaign in WWI
>Japan bombing Darwin in WWII
>Little bit on the White Australia Policy
>1975 Constitutional Crisis

Dutch history is world history. From the top of my head I got.

Elementary school we got no history.
Middle/high school:

Hunter gatherers / stone / bronze and iron age (in the Netherlands)
Ancient Egyptians
Ancient Greeks
Ancient Romans
Europe during the middle ages / Frankish empire / HRE / black plague / Turks / Mongols
War against Spain / catholics being corrupt shitheads
Dutch Golden Age / colonialism / Japan / China / wars against UK/France/Germany
Slavery across the world
Enlightenment
American revolution / Indians
Napoleon
Industrial revolution in the UK
WW1
WW2 / pacific
Cold war / Vietnam/ Watergate / Berlin
Rise and fall of communism.
Life under communism in Russia and China

The exams were about the industrial revolution in the UK.

My 8th grade teacher just sat around and told us stories of battles we had won against the moors, Spaniards, Dutch and French, with the help of the Brits who betrayed us, but then we forgave them and helped them against the krauts mk.1

He knew a ton about boats and weapons, too.

Thank god there's no national history exam and we were able to go way off the planned course. Dude was absolutely based, and made me hate the next year's history class for how boring it was.

Portugal wasn't even mentioned in my history books.

The Dutch colony in Brazil wasn't mentioned either by the way. I only found out about it on Sup Forums when a Brazilian bragged about it.

The Netherlands also weren't mentioned in ours, desu. Just that teacher went above and beyond and explained what he liked the most.

I think we just despise each other too much. It came out in the 2006 world cup, too.

All the way from the central asian steppes to the gates of vienna.
Too long to write all the subjects

Take in mind the following is all official narrative for public school up to high school. You learn the "counter" history if you go for an humanities degree in University.


>Olmecs, Aztecs, and Mayans in a really folklore like way
>Conquista, aztecs died from smallpox
>Colonial times, the spanish were pretty rude
>Independence, never mentioned that we almost failed at it and needed a Spain's chimp out to get it
>Mexican-American War, unjust war, muh territory
>French Invasion: Cake War, they teach us It was caused by the claims of a mad french patisserie
>Reform Wars that pit Liberals (ala americana way) vs Conservatives (pro-monarchy ala european), separation from the Church and State, Benito Juarez the liberal, an indio emerges as THE national leader
>French Invasion: Electric Boogalo, the French wanted an Empire, with the help of the bad and butthurt mexican conservatives they invade Mexico again and install Maximiliano
>A short Empire follows till Juarez takes the reign again, with the help of the United States
>Juarez dies, Porfirio Diaz, a young mestizo general gets into power and installs a dictatorship
>He laid some railroads and built some really really savage capitalism in Mexico
>The people revolt and overthrow Diaz in 1910, called la Revolución, a lot of modern mexican culture was built on it
>Pancho Villa and Emiliano Zapata, both revolutionaries, become national heroes
>New constitution, now a federal republic

What follows is +80 years of single party rule, with some highlights like Lazaro Cardenas who expropriated oil, or in the 50s to 70s when were growing at current China-like rates. Or the democratic alternancy of the year 2000 when the single party rule ended.

>the indios used to live happily and peacefully until the portuguese came and brought war, disease and corruption
>the Bandeirates were just Portugal's dog, they only killed and enslaved indios
>Dom João VI was a real dumbass, he was literally retarded
>Portugal exploited us and left nothing, they must be blamed for everything that happens in this country
>Dom Pedro I tried to rule as an absolutist emperor, he also had affairs with every women in Brazil and Portugal(ok, this last part is quite true)
>Dom Pedro II was useless, he spent public money on his travels and did nothing to the poor slaves
>ALWAYS REMEMBER THE SALVES, THEY SUFFERED MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE
>we were never relevant, always a shit third-world country
>the Paraguayan War was just a British attempt to stop Paraguay, who could've surpassed them if we weren't such a english's bitch
>NEVER FORGET THE 60000000000 ZILLIONS OF PARAGUAYANS KILLED DURING THE WAR
>the Republic saved this country from the absolutism
>our only good leader was Vargas and Lula(was president at the time) is his rightful succesor, both of them are the "Father of the Poor"(yes, Vargas used this nickname and Lula uses it too)
>we didn't fought in WWI or in WWII, remember we were irrelevant
>the Military Government was the worst period in the entire history, the left-wing were heroes of the people(also remember they were not terrorist, it was just their way of fighting back)
>the "Diretas Já" saved us by bringing back democracy, but we still irrelevant

>Portugal signs tordesillas treaty and colonises us
>sugar cane farming and timber exportation in first century of colonisation
>evil french and dutch people colonise parts of our territory
>epic battles between farmers and french/dutch invaders, invaders get massacrated and Portugal wins back the land
>slavery starts on second half of 17th century
>9999 revolts and uprisings by separatist groups between the 17th and 19th century, we're forced to learn the motivations of every single one and their major leaders
>Portugal royal family comes to Brasil in 1808, makes Rio the empire capital
>they leave when Napoleon gets crushed in Europe, but leave the crown prince Pedro I here
>Pedro I had daddy issues and declare independency on his own dad - Brasil is born
>we lose uruguay because of Europe meddling
>more revolts and uprisings we have to memorise
>Pedro II was a very good emperor, he was friends with Gran bell and wanted to industrialise the country
>develops the country, we receive a many german and italian immigrants
>military coup happens, we turn into a republic with an agrarian elite
>country set back 50 years until a dictator Vargas takes over power in 1930 and starts industrialising the country
>military dictatorship in 1964, backed by USA
>our first elected president after the military dictatorship gets impeached by corruption
>neoliberal period from 1994-2002
>quasi-socialist period between 2003-2016 (impeachment)

Did you study in a public school, just asking?

yes
what's about you? is it different on private schools?

I find it very weird that for both good and evil you guys separate Brazil from Pre-1822 Portugal.

I mean, by 1800, there were as many Portuguese in Portugal as there were in Brazil. It was the United Kingdom of Portugal and Brazil. Every Portuguese feat since 1500 until 1820 was Brazilian as well.

It also weren't the Portuguese that fucked Brazil any more than the white Brazilians at the time that chose to secede. Especially considering you kept a valid royal lineage. It's not like you expelled the Portuguese away. Sure, a lot of gold was invested in Portugal, but you guys also built a lot of churches there, and both populations saw about as much. I guess 1m people in Portugal come into contact with it more than 1m people in Brazil, but populationally it wasn't as disparate as it would've been today with Brazil's extra 190m people.

On the other hand, all those Battles in the indies in the XVI and XVII centuries against the Ottoturks and the local Indians were as much an achievement of ours as yours. I guess we were the ones keeping the name continuity, but it is odd. Those were mostly your trees and half your men.

I studied in a high profile private school, every history teacher was nationalist af, and europe (minus Portugal) are all evil guys.

well, every european is portrayed as evil in public school too, but for different reasons

I think it's because when our independency happened everyone was trying to create a separate culture of our own. The romantic literature of the time only talked about nationalist feats and some writers even misspelled words in hope of creating a separate language. We're not that nationalist today, but the romantic period of our independency changed our culture drastically.

I guess that's fair enough, but I figure that if you would be going full-nationalist, you'd claim half the achievements we did, since in this case they'd be rightfully claimed.

For all that's worth, It worked. I think that Brazil is actually the American country with the most distinct culture from the colonisers.

I feel like despite your problems, you've managed to create something that's very "your own", whilst keeping some core identity intact.

Food and Bossa Nova are the most obvious to me: completely different and almost antithetical from what we have here, but there is a common root with our stuff. Your food is often more enjoyed by us than Spanish food, which should be closer, ingredients-wise.

Like-wise, Bossa nova has this happy sound that's so unlike anything we ever made, but if you listen closely it comes from a place of sadness and saudade, which is our meme thing.

I feel like other countries haven't managed it as well, with the exception of the US, probably.

I will do primary school and early secondary school as Irish history later than that in education is quite advanced

>Learned about Celtic (that is to say, Irish Celts) traditions, festivals, farming methods, cooking methods, dress, and military tactics/equipment
>Learned about early high kings, mainly Brian Boru
>Related to Boru, learned a metric shit-ton about vikings and their effect on early christianity
>Learned about Irish Saints and monasteries
>Learned about King Diarmait, the Norman invasion and subsequent integration of some normans into Irish ruling class
>Learned about English invasions and plantations (a lot as you might expect)
>Learned about all rebellions, United Irishmen, Catholic Emancipation, French revolution (this is related to Ireland as French tried more than once to join national liberation wars), famine, rising, independence (as you might expect these are what you give the most time to in Ireland)

In the media, nobody's ever really painted Vikings that way. They're just painted as a bunch of uppity brutes that like to sail the world.

It's too long to greentext it, and nobody would read it anyway, so here's a tl;dr version instead:
fuck you Europeans, you deserve the worst

That Rio de Janeiro is the only place that really matters, both culturally and historically.

I'd like to read it, my polaco friend...

I would like to read it, I was never directly taught non-1900s history about poland until i went to college (obviously I knew much before and it was nothing new but still)

I think we got heavily influenced by USA in the 20th century, every single music genre we developed in the period are actually variants of American genres. On the other side, some of our foods are heavily influenced by Portugal too, specially cod dishes. Nobody would guess a tropical nation would be a heavy consumer of artic cod.

>every single music genre we developed in the period are actually variants of American genres

Please don't tell me you think Bossa Nova is just the brazilian version of Jazz.

>came by boat centuries ago
>dudes looking to make dosh and some women sent by the king to babby all over the place
>hunted beavers and sold that shit to the people back home so they could make bomb ass felt hats
>buddied up with some natives, fought the others, mostly co-existed
>mostly stagnant and shitty until the English and French start warring at home
>duke it out with the English settlers for a while, they can't take our forts
>France gets its shit pushed in
>the English get tons of reinforcements
>we get our shit pushed in
>life's been tolerably shit ever since
>spent a long ass time isolated from the Mère Patrie so we start talking like retards

the rest is mostly petty political bullshit that would send you fucks to sleep

Yeah, but even the dishes not based in Portuguese cuisine still feel like something a Portuguese would do, if he had access to them. The palates and home culture are definitely similar, for better or worse.

As for the songs, Bossa may have started from a Jazz influence, but a closer look at the chord structure it ha very very little to do with contemporaneous Jazz. They were full of ii - V7 - I progressions over and over, and Bossa has way more complex shit than that.

The lyrics in Bossa nova are also a lot fucking deeper and overall more meaningful than Jazz, although that might be because Portuguese is a rather poetry-friendly language, and American Jazz lyrics were usual second-plan to the melodies, and were just taken from Broadway or something.

Don't underestimate Bossa. It really is a very very complex music genre, in a lot more ways than the traditional American swing (even if jazz as a genre is bigger by almost definition).

Sure as fuck didn't come from us. Our music is/was fairly simple, with just a couple chords, with the exception of more modern, post-Brazilian-independence fado.

>columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492
>england decides to set up colonies in jamestown and the NE
>Spain sets up kickass missions all along the southern west coast
>indian wars
>patriots decide enough is enough
>limeys BTFO with help from best friend
>hey, fuck these indians, we manifest destiny now
>fuck you Limeys, we didnt want canada anyway
>little house on the prarie
>cotton gin
>beans down south give us texas and California after losing the war
>had to put down a few thousand dixie inbreds, no big deal
>our worst mistake ever, reconstruction
>industrial revolution
>based teddy BTFO's political corruption, we BTFO the carribean and spain
>best ally gives us a sexy green lady, population boom explodes
>anglos and germans flock to our shores for freedom en masse
>also let in non whites like chinks, flips, micks, dagos, and commies
>we make a better plane than the hues
>women nag us enough so we give em voting rights to shut them up
>WW1, we arrive late in the war but still help the allied push. nvr 4get the lusitania
>roaring 20's. Based era for jazz
>market crash, bad times ahead
>the Great Bambino quits Baseball
>dust bowl. huge dust Storms in the midwest, Woodie guthrey makes the greatest americana music of all time. Everyone flocks to CA for work. FDR acts as grandpa and tells us stories about banks and money
>Jesse owens BTFO'S the germans
>hitler fucking up europe, we dont want anything to do with it, isolationism
>dirty rotten no good nipps bomb pear harbor
>we save England's sorry ass in the Battle of Britain
>save best friend france with the greatest land invasion in history
>marching in on the krauts, BTFOing nipps back to nippon
>some weird deals with the commies and churchill, who cares
>2 bombs werent enough, anime invented
>Win WW2 singlehandedly
>post war, golden age of america. The jetsons, hanna barbera cartoons, rock n roll, white utopia
>commies detonate an a-bomb
>60's roll in, hippies, drugs, psych music. 'nam through '75

cont

>ancient kangdom
>majapahit empire
>sultanate of demak
>sultanate of mataram
>voc
>swampjews
>ww1 frans ferdinand
>ww2

>Civil rights movement, JFK and MLK shot. Robert Kennedy too
>LBJ takes over, torpedoes the US economy by escalating vietnam and trying to build The Great Society
>we win the space race
>LBJ forfeits reelection, Nixon takes over
>destroys labor unions, drops acid on the great wall, tricks the commies into fighting each other, goes on a treasure hunt in the watergate hotel, gets kicked out after reelection
>peanut farmer takes over, does basically nothing after reaching a peace agreement in the middle east(watch his crisis of confidence speech, its GOAT), massive oil crisis and Iran hostage crisis
>worst president of all time takes over, swears to fuck the commies shit up. Almost starts WW3 like 4 times.Watches too many star wars movies, creates a project to build a SPACE LASER
>we literally nothing from Bush Sr to the lewinsky sex scandal, for some reason
>first gulf war, I guess?
>controversial Dubya election, 9/11
>Enron scandal
>great recession

modern day

youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g

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