NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE:

NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE:

>me and her together 4 months
>I'm her first real boyfriend, her first kiss, and lost her virginity to me, things been mostly great
>'mostly' because she gets in this mood sometimes where she feels like everything is crashing down on her, and she finds reasons to end the relationship because she gives up (she has low self esteem)

She broken up with me a few times now and the other day I had enough. I was hurt and decided to go for a walk. She seen me and practically begged to talk to me, I tried ignoring her but she spoke, I just stood there while she said sorry, she hates herself for having hurt me, and she's lucky to even have a guy like me, and she gave me a long kiss on the cheek and when she hugged me I could feel her shaking a little. Her friend told me she wants to get back with me but feels she just treats me like a dick and hurts me.

We spoke for few days, hung out on one and we held hands, and she sent me some cute pics later that night (like she always done) then the next day I asked her back out. But she said she doesn't know if she can do it, and that she thinks we're better as friends. Once again that annoyed me. I told her 'friends' don't hold hands and send sexy pics and shit.

Just last week, she was saying she loves me, she misses me, and how it can get hard sometimes but we will get through it. I made out I'm done and moving back to my old town (as we live in a pretty small village). She came in the local shop where I work after I deleted fb and everything, after hearing I was leaving, she was in tears. Saying why am I leaving. She fell into my arms and kept crying, how she wouldn't be able to cope, and how her heart broke into a million pieces. Literally for 20 long minutes she was like this. Saying "I don't want you to leave" while sobbing.

>Continued


I was finally hoping it would make her realise she loves me and everything. When I asked her later that day she said she doesn't know what she feels, and she doesn't wanna date anyone. And that she wants to be friends but she knows I can't just do that. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Run, OP. She sounds like she has a personality disorder of some kind.

Additionally, her happiness is not your responsibility, and if you allow her to, she will use you for whatever she can get out of you.

Very much this
OP it's not worth it, in the long run she's just going to use you up to make herself feel better

I don't think it's her using me or whatever I swear she has depression or something because when she gets in that mood there is so much self loathing and thinking she's not good enough, and saying I deserve better etc.

Like I said I'm her first for everything, so that's gotta mean something.

Nigger, tell her to sort her shit, or leave her. As romantic as you may be, use some logic over feelings.

Post the pics faggot

The deeper you go into this, the more it's gonna hurt when you have to let go.
Trust me, personal experience.

> if dubs post sexy pics

post pics

Complete fucking psychopath,stay away and thank your god you don't have to be stuck with her,people don't change and you don't want that shit in your life!

She's using you.

If that was true she would continue going out as I always done stuff for her and bought her things. And she wouldn't of came running to the shop yesterday in tears etc.

Please elaborate

you know OP, sometimes you hold on to someone just for the sake of not being alone.
even if that person makes you feel miserable at times.

and while i think that every relationship needs work, there are many cases where the foundation is on a completely different level. you seem like the guy who knows what he wants and you don't hide it.
but her emotional instability caused you to start playing her game. don't get me wrong, i don't think she is doing it on purpose or means you harm.
i think she hasn't figured out what she wants in life. what she needs in a guy. she hasn't had a boyfriend before, so you're the benchmark. maybe some day she will realize how much better you were than some of her boyfriends.
maybe she won't.

what i'm trying to say is that she isn't ready to commit. and her irrationality will hurt you in the long run and you will think back on it and loathe the time you wasted on chasing someone who didn't want to be caught.

So when I see her today what do I say? Because she's gonna wanna stay friends but she knows I can't do that, I still want more. Wanna do something where I don't abandon her because I feel she really does have some deep issues, but I also don't just wanna be some emotional tampon and make her think I'm always there as a 'friend'

Get out while you can. It's a mine field OP; could you really imagine waking up every day and not knowing what sort of mood she's going to be in? If she gets suicidal, are you gonna be able to deal with it? If you're married and have kids would you be able to handle them and want the kids to deal with her possible separation from reality?

She doesn't know what she wants and isn't courageous enough to pick something and commit to it. You shouldn't have to carry the relationship, which is what will happen. You will be an emotional sponge for all of her feelings, because she can't deal with them properly.

Quit while you're ahead and move on.

She sounds mental. Some girls feel like for a relationship to be real, there has to be drama. Almost as though if you're not breaking up and making up every week there's no passion, but it's bullshit. You know yourself, there is no off and on switch with wanting to be with someone.

Sounds like she's the sort of person to let small things completely ruin her image of life.

truth

she's not just using you for things. And I doubt she's using you knowingly. She is just fucked up in the head. When she goes through periods of doubt and self loathing and the rest it's legitimate confusion for her. The problems she faces are bigger than the ones regarding the relationship. They are deep inside her mind. It will take a lot of her life to sort it out. You will both end up hurting if you try to stay together. You will both get more and more attached and there will be more and more drama to one day when it all hits the fan. Then there's you considering suicide over some girl you once knew nothing about.

Take what you have experienced as a positive, wish her all the best in her struggles and move on OP

Drama mama with low self esteem

Enjoy that roller coaster kid

Our you can man up and tell her to grow the fuck up. Its' not all about her.
Tell her to get a hobby or into a sport and stop fucking being so needy

Say just that. You do care about her and you don't want her to feel completely abandoned but it's not your responsibility to look after her. You've got your own shit to deal with

She does do her own thing like studies and works doing horse riding etc, I wouldn't say she is needy.

the thing i've come to learn in the last few years (i'm 27 now) is the more honest you are, the better.
and i don't mean you have to be rude or incosiderate.

if i were you, i'd tell her straight that i'll never be "just a friend" for her. we had sex, we shared intimacy and connected on an emotional level. you can't just go back to being a friend.
i'd tell her that i wanted more but couldn't force her. so if she isn't ready, it's her call. i'd remind her of everything that comes with this decision and be blunt about how i'll behave afterwards.
i'd repeat that i wouldn't do that out of spite, but for myself and my well-being, just like she chooses to do the things she feels she must do, so would i.

you already laid your hand on the table. make her take responsibility for her actions. if she wants to commit, tell her under which circumstances you would too.
if she doesn't, tell her how and why you will react to it.

Yeah I will, that's all I can do really. I can't just be a friend but I also can't force a relationship, if she really does have such esteem problems or maybe depression I don't wanna push her away or make her feel like I'm moving on, just dunno what to do besides reminding her of how good we were together and how close we are, and all the things she's said to me, like not wanting to give up on me, she wouldn't change me for anything etc.

On the 7th was our 4 months together and she written me a long ass message of how much she loves me etc, and how she loves how I don't give up on her, she couldn't imagine spending that much time with anybody else, and it's been the best months of her life, saying i hope it continues. But then a week later we're in this situation. :(

Women are snakes, waiting for their golden chance to pounce you. While their victim (you) are standing in front of them, aware of all their movements, they remain silent, harmlessly. Once you turn your back, there's no going back. Boom. You died. That was just a matter of time, nothing else. You became her puppet for a little while, and now she discarded you after she felt like it. And that's how things works. They make that scene to melt your heart, and then when you're "convinced" she's all up to you, they sting their venom into you. And it's a never-ending cycle.

don't take her words too seriously. she is obviously extremely emotionally inconsistent.
girls under 20 (and some way over that age too) don't work the way you would think. she subconsciously chains you to her side, regardless of how you feel in that situation.
you have the right to be happy. she can't force you to stay with her "as a friend", and you shouldn't do it, even if you feel like you're betraying her.
her behavior is the reason you feel this way. the message you talked about is as obvious as it gets.

seriously, she had a life before you and she will live on after you. she will love again and so will you. 4 months is still the "infatuation"-phase, far from the feeling i'd call love. you fancy each other, and that's fine.
but when fancy comes with hardship, you should think about ending it soon, before it all becomes toxic.

What is her name? First name, or nickname?

I know but I do still want her, and I know she does me too she hasn't felt this way or spent this much time with any other guy other than me. And we get along so well and just 'fit' I told her before right, and I know it sounds kinda selfish, but if she was to ever date someone else I'd be done with her for good.

lol why

this happened to me but she wasn't a saint like your girl. my girl was a slut and said she didn't want a relationship (since apparently i am too aggressive) and would proceed to flirt/fuck with other guys since we were just friends (we still fucked regularly enough though). she would threaten suicide whenever i tried to leave. worst part was i kinda like crazy chicks and the drama was actually exciting even though heart breaking at same time.

actually worst part is i lent her $3000 and told her not to worry about it when i said to never contact me again. i just wanted her gone by the end of it all. could use that money now though :(

I kinda had the same years ago, she was a slut and thought she wasn't good enough for me, but that was probably just a 'nice way' of letting me go. This girl however is nothing like her, she isn't one to play games I mean she doesn't even have the experience, I'm her first for everything, but I don't know what to do to get her back, and she doesn't know what to do either. Only that she wants me in her life.