>be bunch of tribes in Kazakhstan or whatever
>form empires
>fight wars with China, steppe niggers, Persians, control trade, get rich and glorious
>one day bunch of sand niggers show up and demand we convert to their religion
>no, fuck off
>Persian preachers come and...
>I said, no thanks...oh fug
>Allah akbar!
>take over Persia
>take over everywhere in Middle East
>smash Byzantine emperor at Manzikert
>fight crusaders, basically create all culture of any importance in Middle East
>small clan (Osmani) wage wars and unify Anatolia
>get cannons
>take Constantinople
>Yuropoors shit the bed
>conquer sand niggers
>conquer Balkanshits and Gayreeks
>take half their women every year as tribute
>fight wars with Yuropoors
>and more wars with Persia
>and more wars
>eventually go bankrupt thanks to wars and inbred retard sultans
>lose clay to Habsburgs and Russians
>kick Napoleon from Egypt
>everyone starts rebelling
ITT: Greentext your country's history
>try to modernize and adopt European army reform and government system
>more wars, more loss of clay
>British prop us up so Russians don't take our remaining shit
>Balkanshits revolt
>lose last clay in Europe and North Africa
>Germany promise us return of clay if we ally with them
>last time we trust them
>A*menians revolt
>mmmmuh six gorillian
>80,000 guys freeze to death invading Russia in the Caucasus (thanks, Enver you fucking Jew)
>lose Arab provinces and Gayreeks invade us
>beat them up at terrible cost
>half of population dies
>based Atagod creates republic, gets rid of Arabic writing, state Pisslam, and other barbaric shit
>avoid fighting in WWII because too weak and afraid of Russians
>become US ally because afraid of Russians
>army does coups a couple of times to stop Pisslam and Russian agent from taking over
>Erdojew becomes president
>army tries to get rid of him, they fail
>shoot down Russian jet
>shitskin refugees flood us
>let me off this wild ride
You are Anatolian, you history is like this
>be me
>be hittite
>get raped by Assyrians
>get raped by Greeks
>get raped by Persians
>get raped by Romans
>get raped by Turkics
800 years later
>WE IZ TURKS N SHIETT STRAIGHT FROM UZBEKISTAN ÖGLÜR BÖGLÜR
>>A*menians revolt
>>mmmmuh six gorillian
This is why everybody hates you, Turkey
>Nomads arrive
>fertile lands
>settle and carve giant stone heads
>more nomads arrive
>establish a lot of city states
>Mayas create empire
>Mexica people arrive from the north
>See a edgy eagle eat a snake
>Settle in the middle of lake
>Create empire
>The white man came
>the white man wages war against the empire
>deceases kill the empire
>the Spaniard destroys the empireal capital
>Settle above the ruins
>more Spaniards arrive
>300 years of Vice-royalty of New Spain
>No more Spanish rule said a bunch of criollo and mestizo rebels
>Priest calls to revolution
>Fails they get killed
>Another priest and peasant rebellion
>Guerrilla warfare keeps on for a while
>Trigarante army forms
>Viceroy accepts defeat and concedes independence
>Be Mexican Empire
>Kingdom of Guatemala stays as part of the Empire
>The empire colapses
>Central America decides it wants to be its own thing
>Centralist Republic is declared
>Spain is back
>Nope
>War with France
>Fucking illegal immigrants
>War with illegal burgers
>War with burgers
>Country decides to get shit together
>Well nope civil war
>Fucking frogs again
>2nd Empire
>The republic gains control again
>Benito Juarez Era
>General Porfirio is here
>Modernise
> Oil and Railways
>Too much oppression Revolution!
> Have first air to air interception and air to surface combat
> By accident burn a gringo town
> Gringos are back
> Let them spill their spaghetti back across the border
> Revolution "triumphs"
>Formal army navy and air force are established
>This guy wants to cease power again
>Nope
> Foreign companies are fucking us over
> Create another public university
> Nationalise oil
> Burgers and Brits are mad
> WW 2 Blows up
> German sub thinks mexican vessel is a fake italian tanker
> Make a cameo appearance in WW2 in the Pacific
> End of war prosperity
> Single party state era
> PRI is becoming tyrannical
> CRISIS
> NAFTA
> Rebellion in Chiapas
> They get reck
> Free democratic elections
> War on Drugs
>PRI IS BACK
>hunter gatherers come here after the ice age
>build great monuments, trading copper with phonicians, wars, human sacrifice in winter to bring back the sun etc
>celtic language comes somehow
>cattle raiding, compose a great mythological cycle (while scandinavians are still naked and flinging poo at each other mind you)
>slave raiding
>romans dont come here and we are the last unconquered people in western europe
>christanity comes with writing
>writing, latin and learning is preserved and flourishes in Ireland while the rest of europe is overrun by semi naked shit flingers who bring it back to the stone age
>spread latin, writing and christanity back to europe with missionaries
>Normans invade England and then Ireland
>they build castles and stuff but are slowly pushed back until they only control Dublin
>hundreds of years later the English come
>war, genocide, English colonisiation etc
>rebellion and English colonists get massacred
>English army comes and more Irish genocide
>rebellion, England invades Ulster and more Genocide
>kill or enslave entire population of Ulster and replace them with protestant Scottish settlers
>rebellion, protestants get genocided
>English come back to genocide the Irish
>all Irish people are removed to a small place in the west and the land is taken
>Irish people cannot go to school or own property, or speak Irish, or have jobs.
>more rebellion
>after a few hundred of years the population is 8 million living on a tiny part of the island
>England causes the famine and millions die or emigrate
>population 10 years later is now 3-4 million of which only 66% are actually Irish and the rest are colonists
>Irish people decide to kick these cunts out once and for all
>more rebellion
>slowly take back the land by murdering English landlords and their agents
>more rebellion during ww1, English execute many and engage in mass murder and mass destruction which finally leads to the end of their presence as the population refuses to cooperate with the puppet government and their occupation becomes impossible
>protestants and landlords are shot, the rest leave
>Northern Ireland is created
>becomes a shithole
>remains a shithole
>now Ireland is better than England in every way and can suck my fucking dick
>be bunch of tribe in Arabian peninsula
>Muhammed come along, unite everyone, give us religion
>conquer most of civilized world
>caliphs start fighting with each other and become puppet of Turk and Persians who steal credit for Arab accomplishments
>Arabian peninsula becomes irrelevant and poor again
>Mongols destroy remaining caliphate
>Turkroach conquer Middle East and sultans illegally claim caliph title for themselves
>revolt against roach
>Abdullah al Saud is executed in Constantinople
>subhuman roaches sack and destroy Mecca
>100 years pass where nothing happens
>in WWI, British help us remove Turkroach
>Ibn al Saud unite Arabian peninsula
>British help build oil drilling
>we rich naow
>Iranians taken over by ayatollahs and use false Islam as tool of imperialism
>wars and IS and stuff like that
>getting pushed to far by France over and over again causing us to sperg out from time to time
low quality b8
we wuz normans
we wuz empires
>>British prop us up so Russians don't take our remaining shit
>implying brits did the heavy lifting in the Crimean war
Not a fan of this meme
>british and french fight over several thousand acres of snow
>150 years later we have a multicultural socialist frozen hellhole
>we wuz the great maritime empires
>we wuz the rulers of south east asia
It's a big history
That including how Muhammed Ali betrayed and rebelled against us?
No earlier than the rise of Islam.
You don't consider yourselves the successors of Ancient Egyptians, do you?
With this great moment and "war" yes.
We are in fact yes.
This is correct, they console themselves by identifying with the invader
t. Historian
>people no one care about came
>built stone henge
>celts came
>romans came
>saxons came
>vikings came
>vikings got kicked out
>vikings came back
>vikings got kicked out
>vickings came back
>Vickings got kicked out
>Normans came
>fight France
>fight Scotland
>fight Ireland
>fight arabs
>hundred year war
>tudors
>Protestant
>Stewart
>3 kingdoms
>Cromwell
>dead Irish
>Scottish slaves
>Stewart's again
>Catholicism
>Dutch come
>dead Irish
>Protestantism
>act of union
>beating up France
>beating up France again
>getting beaten up by France and colonials
>beating up France again
>ruling the world unopposed
>industrial revolution
>dead Irish
>ww1
>dead Irish
>ww2
>depressing shit
>falklands
>Hong Kong surrender
End
>subhuman roaches sack and destroy Mecca
This is killer right here.
>Ottoman army sacks Mecca once 200 years ago
>today, KSA loads city with tacky, horrible modern architecture skyscrapers and try to bulldoze house where Muhammed was born
>And then asiatic steppe niggers came and ruined everything
There, that's our entire history.
4u
They despise so much being arabs that they prefer to identify themselves with chinese horse-archers
For you
Exactly, it's like roleplay but more pathological in nature
WE
Oh come on. We never even annex you as province like Greece, Serbia, etc, you were self-governing tributary.
>spain
>white
You are amoorindians, Omar Almeida del Taco Grande
We still had to pay a shitton of money to remain self-governing and before you assholes rolled along we were successfuly shitting on hungary and tatars and expanding our territory.
>be iberian
>living the barbarian life
>romans came and brought """"pax romana""""
>Roads and infra-structures are built, roman names are given to pagan gods
>Rome falls, Visigoths and Suebii come in
>Visigoths conquer the suebii territory
>They fight each other like retards and the moors start wandering about that white boipucci
>The moors come in and stay for a quite good time and introduce us the semitic arts of being cheap and greedy
>Some years pass, the moors start to fight each other like retards and the christians in the north start to wonder about that brown boipucci
>Reconquista begins, in the proccess the kingdom of Portugal is born because of church rivalries
>Kick the ass of the spainiards in the process
>Medieval ages go by without nothing much of notice. Kingdom is somewhat decent
>Discovery era begins
>Slaves, Gold, Hueland, rich and goodies flowing all over
>"Invest the money? No! It's time to pimp this fuckin palace bitch. Bling BLing mofocka"
>Legally retarded king takes up the throne
>Perfidious Spain sends him in a suicide mission in north africa
>The whole army is wiped out and the kingdom is without a prince
>Spainiard take the crown, fuck us all over and we loose everything
>Earthquake destroys what was left
>Wearedunmer.jpg
>Nothing much happens after that
>Napoleonic invasions, brits take care of them in exchange of the monopoly of the Porto Wine productions
>We are poor and backwards
>Dicatorship arises
>We become even poorer and even more backwards
>Dictatorship falls, corrupt governments take the spot
>Still a poor, backwards hopeless country
Thankfully British came and liberate us from eternal cockroach.
>Be a fuckton of celtic tribes
>fight each others
>fight those southern cunts
>burn their capitals
>oh fuck they're coming back
>we're romanz and sheit now
>PAX ROMANA
>barbarian invasions
>we're germanz and sheit now
>there be crusades, plague and stuff
>suddenly half of the country decides it's to change religion
>other half of the country decides it's time to purge heresy
>colonisation and stuff
>fighting against the eternal spaniard and the eternal anglo
>anglo steal big piece of land in north america
>so let's help anglo's colony to get rids of them
>suddenly think monarchy is crap
>we're a republic now
>actually we're an empire
>fuck up the entire continent
>destroy the reich
>get rekt by fucking snow in Russia
>ok so we're a monarchy again now
>ok now we're a republic again
>ok so now we're an empire
>get rekt by krauts
>republic again
>big war happens
>destroy the reich a second time
>fuck, another one?
>get rekt by krauts
>america pls help
>ok now we're back
>thanks USA for liberation
>fuck this nato thing though
>we also want nukes
>lose colonies
>decide to create European Union with Germany
>hey this whole unique currency for UE seems a pretty good idea
>oh shit what have we done
> bunch of people not doing anything for real
> Greeks get good, decide to imitate them
> Romans gain power cause they like to fight
> fucking conquer everything and everyone
> build best empire in history but Germans ruined it
> German barbarians think now they are cool cause we are poor and shit
> pull out fucking Renaissance
> new barbaric countries get so mad about it that they start invading from every side
> whatever for 200 years.jpg
> Germans wanna become Germany, no one is looking us anymore
> make Italy lol its just a prank bro
> no idea what I'm doing, let's try some Allie
> eventually win WWI like CriRo at Euro 2016
> lose WWII but no one seems to care that much, thx but no thx Germany
> found EU and get comfy with those barbarians that now are friends
> Life is strange
>WE WUZ VIKINGZ
>WE WUZ KANGZ
>WE WUZ WORLD POWAH
>be Spain
>get ESPAÑOL'D
>dying shithole flooded by Morrocans/"Spanish" sudacas
>europeans try to get to south america
>they are chased out of argentina by mighty amerindians
>they all flee to uruguay and south brazil (white)
>hundreds years later Argentina remains 100% pure pedigree AMERINDIAN.
the end, did you like it?
wut
(very boring)
>indigenous live a basic lifestyle hunter-gatherer for 40,000 years in tough conditions
>small population yet hundreds of tribes, languages who have very little in common with each other
>they possibly traded with malays and indos
>dutch come, don't settle
>portuguese come, don't settle
>british come
>first city is born, Sydney
>Colony of NSW established
>seen as an ideal place for penal transportation
>thousands of British and Irish convicts sent here
>much indigenous resistance to settlement
>indiegnous have no concept of land ownership, so they are easily tricked
>european diseases nearly wipe out the local population
>gradually the population grows through both convict transportation and anglo-celtic immigration
>boring independence (federation in 1901, no wars or patriotism: we were still very much Britain 2.0 until after WWII)
>die for the Brits at Gallipoli
>immigration is no longer just from Britain/Ireland
>white australia policy slowly vanishes
>allies with the US, fight gommies
>Be chillin
>get roasted
>get free market
>make money
>be chillin again
that's what school taught me
ignore flag
>be asian ice niggers
>chase hair elephants
>nice weather down south
>settle desert
>fight amongst ourselves
>fight plainsniggers
>have pseudo-agriculture, build primitive trade networks
>can't into written language, but build some badass stone castles on some mesas
>rivers dry up or some shit
>abandon castles and revert to savage nomads
>spainards show up
>attack some of them, get killed, but mostly ignored
>mormons show up
>lulwut
>eastcoast redniggers show up, fight them
>cavalry shows up, get raped
>make baskets
>sell to white man
>become alcoholic
>leave shitty reservations to be drunk elswhere
>die off due to racemixing
>early Slavs settle in Bohemia/Moravia in Dark Ages
>they get attacked by steppe niggers
>ask Frankish kings for help
>during this time, Bohemia is slowly Christianized
>form Duchy of Bohemia during early Middle Ages
>eventually it ends up as part of Habsburg domains
>Renaissance and shit
>Ferdinand II sends army to stamp out Protestantism
>in doing so, he triggers apocalyptic war that gets Germany reduced to ruins
>whoops
>Enlightenment, Napoleonic Wars, other shit that goes down
>Austrian Empire breaks up in WWI
>we become independent for first time in 600 years
>too bad Germoney have other ideas
>British stab us in the back
>HEIL HITLER
>ok at least there's no fighting on our soil, this can't be that bad right?
>oh hi, Ivan. Nice you got rid of Germans for us. Now can you please go...fug
>fucking shit fuck, now we have to be of gommie
>Stalin puppet and mass murderer takes over and fucks Czechoslovakia with giant dildo
>he dies and then Stalin too
>more commies, but they gradually liberalize country
>we go too far for Ivan
>he has to "liberate" us from fascism
>fug
>back to depressing hardline gommunism
>economy totally in ruins, political dissenters being arrested left and right
>Gorbachev pulls out of Eastern Europe
>cool--get lost, gommies
>also get lost, Slovakia you're poor inbred rednecks
>join EU
>become Mecca of adult entertainment in Europe
Aiiiyyyy...
I'm surprised to say that this is actually a really interesting thread.
Learned a lot about countries I rarely think of, finally Sup Forums does something useful besides just posting Bart Simpson smoking weed, keep up the good work guys.
>be random tribes in present day russia 5000 years ago
>some start moving to west
>ends up in finland and estonia
>random finn tribes worshipping forests
>swedes crusade finland in 1200's
>turn christian
>become österland
>finns adapt to new order and turns "modern european"
>fight against germans and russians etc as swedes
>lose finally
>russians gives us indentity as an ethnostate
>finns unite as finns
>russian revolution
>we arent into communism
>declare independance
>civil war
>kill all commies in war and in concentration camps
>finland its happening
>soviet union attacks us
>attemps to make us an ssr as commie revolution failed in civil war
>commies btfo
>join germany
>manage to occupy our lost lands
>and a lot more lands, finland with three seas
>germans lose
>we start losing too
>ww2 ends, we are forced to give a lot of our lands
>start living as a neutral nordic country in corner of europe
>quickly fix things and become 1st world from ashes
>nothing happens for some time
>90s economical depression
>were fine now
>2015
>refugee crisis
>turbocucking begins
>were now sweden tier
>bart smoking weed
so you have been on /lat/ all the time
When did your country decide to name itself after a large, delicious, and healthy bird?
turn off your proxy, mario
>be literal KHANZ coming from Iran/Central Asia or whatever the newest theory about us is
>Form a country centered near the Azov sea(Ukraine)
>Dissolve after 50 years due to steppe kikes(khazars)
>One of Kubrat's(muh founder of cunt ;^) allies with the slavs and btfos the Byzantines
>Bulgaria most notably btfos Byzantines in 811 where we get all barbarianzz an shiett and kill their emperor making a cup out of his skulls(could just be a legend about that skull mug)
>We create a new national identity of slavs, thracians and bulgarians and continiously btfo the Byzantines until they conquer us in 1018 because of filthy bolyar kikes wanting gold
>Finally shake off the Byzantines in 1185
>The eternal ''friendly'' neighbours get their shit fucked up by crusaders
>We want to ally the Latins but they act tsundere and tell us to fuck off
>We get kinda pissed off and fuck them in the ass so hard we get their emperor as a prisoner and he dies
>We gradually become the Balkans leading power again in 1230 when we practically destroy Epirus' ambitions of uniting the Byzantine empire
>Fast forward to 1396 after a series of internal conflicts we get ottoman'd
>We liberate ourselves in 1878 with the help of Russia and neighbours
>Win the 1st balkan war only to lose the second because of stupid classical balkan banter
why are some amerindians so fucking ugly?
i'm mestizo and pretty good lucking, i don't understand
>saxons came
When does the people who "nobody cared about"?
If they weren't already there where did they come from?
>Bulgarians kinda get butthurt about their lost lands and start fighting alongside Germany both world wars because they are the only ones who promised clay
>We lose both of them ofc and get a communist puppet regime installed by the (((USSR))
>Tell commies to fuck off in 1989
>They still fucking stay and basically jew us out with their new ''democratic and western'' parties
>Join NATO and EU eventually and start feeling yuropean
Europe they crossed during the ice age or some shit
Well the ice age was a good time for crossing shit. We should have another.
>fight everyone around for thousand years
>grab useless frozen tundra
That's it basically.
I wanna hear China, c'mon lads
>be hunting and gathering and shit
>get invaded by indoniggers who hit you in the head with hammers
>get invaded by uralic mongoloids
>get invaded by swedes
>get invaded by russians
>become independent
>be very important country in ww2
I liek this
Cry some more Paddy
aight
>once upon a time, naked boobs
>then, conquistador'd boobs
>then catholically covered boobs
>then independent boobs
>then landlocked boobs
>then warmongering boobs
>then ravaged by triple alliance boobs
>then barely surviving but irrelevant fertile boobs
>then clashing with bolivian boobs
>then dictatorship covered boobs
>then dictatorship uncovered boobs
>then 2010 famous boobs
>then irrelevant boobs again
>some plebs build city in the middle
>take some north
>take some south
>empire
>steppe niggers destroy everything
>empire but holy + terroni
>no more
>small cunts
>risorgimento
>win war
>"empire"
>lose war
>development
Rome wasn't the only civilisation on the Italian peninsula, most of their battle tactics and organisational structure that remained throughout the history of Rome was created while conquering the peninsula because it took so much effort and they suffered so many defeats
You can't pretend that level of consistency whenever you aim to make a single country out of Europe
>Brits make 13 colonies on the eastern coast
>Fight Canadian-French fags in 7 Years War
>Brits say we can't expand past the Apalachian Mountains cuz muh native allies' rights
>"Oi also you 'ave to 'Leo pay for the war we just fought even though we kinda left you on yer own, m8s"
>New tax
>Tax repealed
>New tax
>Tax repealed
>Get fed up and revolt
>France helps a lot and Spain does a little
>Be freed
>Quasi-war with French
>War with Britain 2.0: Electric Boogaloo
>Capital is burned by fucking Leafs
>Mother nature BTFOs Leafs in DC
>War ends with nothing changed
>Fight natives/expand
>BTFO Mexico and adopt Texas
>South leaves, Civil War begins
>North loses first 2 years, wins the last 2
>Tell France to fuck off from Mexico with the force of a veteran army fresh from the Civil War
>"Reconstruction" of the South begins and then ends, having accomplished not that much
>Spanish-American war
>Only 1 dead American at Battle of Manila Bay, fat guy who had a heart attack (Most American death to this day)
>Spain BTFO
>Teddy Roosevelt makes America sexy in the eyes of many Euro countries
>Also pisses off some Latin countries
>ohwell.jpg
>WWI, force Germany's hand in 1918 with prospect of holy-fucktons of American troops if the war goes any longer, speeding up the end of the war
>Make Euros pay debts for war material
>Only Finland doesn't default at all on any payments (love ya)
>Depression, everyone's a hobo now
>FDR does stuff, doesn't really work but people are happy so whatever
>"Lol look at the Nazis beating everyone up, let's give Britain stuff so they ca-HOLY FUCK MUH PEARL HARBOR"
>WWII, supply a shitton of stuff to the allies, keeping Britain and the USSR from collapsing under the continuously Nazi onslaught
>Nuke Japs
>Nuke 'em again
>Suddenly catapulted to the position of the most powerful nation on Earth, nobody can touch us
>WeMakeTheseRules.gif
>USSR gets nukes, Cold War Begins
(cont. next post)
>kievan rus and shiet
>we're christians now
>central government in kiev falls, the era of clusterfuck begins
>oh shit mongols
>divided principalities cannot do shit against mongols for 300 years
>some swedes try to invade, got rekt
>moscow prince outjew other princes and start to collect taxes from all rus lands
>moscow suddenly became relevant
>moscow prince fuck mongols and declare himself a tsar
>fuck mongols and tatars even more, some war with poles and swedes
>holy shiet our tsar dies and leaves no son
>nobility cannot agree with each other, poles invade and took moscow
>oh shiet it's time to do something
>people's militia fucks poles out of moscow
>okay here's our new tsar
>and here is peter the great
>rapes swedes and turks
>builds new city
>fugg peter died
>okay so now it's cool to have fancy palaces and empresses
>of shit napoleon invades
>got rekt, we r police of europe now!
>some nobility started a coup, failed
>new tsar is paranoid as shit, engage in war vs UK and France, lose it like retard
>okay new emperor right here. abolish selfdom, but revolutionist retards kill him
>so his son is paranoid as fuck and rapes all his father's reform
>new tsar, the bloody nick
>manages to fuck up the country so hard
>god bless people who killed him
>okay so we're now commies and shiet
>manages to develop industry and educate people
>fugg germany invades
>long war, we nearly lost but finally won
>country is destroyed but we have to carry on because amerisharts already have nukes but we don't
>work work work, now we have nukes
>sputnik, gagarin and shiet
>oh fugg our economy is fugged
>gorbi thinks it would be a good idea to surrender for american mercy, they'll probably treat us as good as they treat germans and japs
>turns out americunts don't fucking care
>economy is ripped, lose large parts of our core territory, war in chechnya
>putin comes to office and oil prices sky rocketed
>well now we live not so bad
>were ooga boogas in the Red river delta
>form some cheftains that we like to we wuz nowaday
>first actual dynasty
>get invaded by Chinks
>rebellions, rebellions, rebellions
>finally based Ngô Quyền kicked Chinks out
>he died, two followed dynasties were two short life because shit leaders and Chinks
>Lý dynasty - our first big dynasty, won a war with Chinks
>Trần dynasty, kickled the Mongols three times, best time of Đại Việt history
>Hồ dynasty
>got rekted by Chinks
>become a province for 20 years
>Lê Lợi rekted them back, Lê dynasty formed
>Mạc coup d'etat, civil wars and shietz, then Trịnh- Nguyễn war
>Lê kings then were puppet, Trịnh lords were the real kings, Vietnamese version of shogunate
>Nguyễn dynasty, the shittiest big dynasty in our history, after the first four shit-decent kings, are a bunch of French puppet
>French colony
>Independent
>Amerifats said hello
>Unification
>Khmer Rouge and border wars
We wuz
>be farming tribes in Pannonia 10000 B.C.
>Hunter tribes arrive in 4000 B.C.
>mix with them
>new tribes arrive
>mix with them too
>do this for centuries
>celts arrive
>adopt their language and be celtic for a while
>romans arrive
>adopt their language and be roman for a while
>slavs arrive
>adopt their language and be slav for a while
>some savage tribe from Asia arrives
>adopt their language and be Hungarian for 1000 years now
We are the biggest country of cucks history has ever known.
Yea, don't mention all your defeats against us.
>Korean war, BTFO North, China attacks, war "ends" in same position it started
>Still technically at war today
>Vietnam War, bomb the shit out of Vietnamese, can't decisively win since China will attack us if we invade the North and we don't want that
>Rock'n'roll takes over, American culture spreads to Western Europe
>Big business spread around the world
>Euros are driven into our arms because of Russian threat
>WeOwnYouNow.jpg
>Land troops in a few more Latin American countries/islands (always gives a good giggle)
>USSR falls underneath the economic onslaught of the US's manufacturing ability
>Once more the undisputed most powerful country in the world
>Desert Storm, smash the 4th largest army in the world in the blink of an eye
>Balkan shenanigans, with your host: Slick Willy!
>Bush 2.0
>9/11
>Invade Afghanistan for the terrorists, and Iraq for the "terrorists"
>Obama
>Meddle in Near Eastern stuff, cause a huge disaster
>Muh refugees start going to Europe
>Everyone hates us because we meddle and invade and screw the world up as self-proclaimed "policeman of the world"
>Decide "Fuck it, if you don't want us, we're going home"
>Elect neo-isolationist businessman and tv-star as president
And now we're here :)
>Canadian-French fags
delet
mak me
>Irrelevant
>Relevant
>Irrelevant
>Relevant
>Irrelevant
>semi-relevant
>Irrelevant
>VERY irrelevant (nao)
And that's about it.
WE WUZ REAL TURKICZ N SHIET NIGGA
Turkish nationalism is retarded. It's even worse than European Jews LARPing as Semites.
Si vous voulez ecrire une bonne histoire pour la France, vous devez choisir LE PEN!
>Native Americans lose civilization; gain Bibles
>Qin
A powerful red-haired Caucasoid from the Western frontier uses Western inventions such as the chariot to invade the East and conquers all the yellow-skinned submissive Mongoloids and rules over them. He institutes strict laws and standards throughout his empire to dominate and control his subjects and this leads to the Chinese cultural identity.
>Han
Chinese Mongoloid peasants rebel and oust their Caucasoid masters and make a peasant their supreme emperor. Thanks to all the technology and culture brought to them by their Western conquerors, the Chinese experience a golden age.
>3 Kingdoms
Constant warfare between a bunch of peasants who want to be emperor. Someone writes a bullshit novel about them 1000 years later making them superheroes.
>Sui then Tang
A northern Turkic people called the Xianbei conquer all of China. Tang is another golden age where Western culture is prevalent. For instance, the beauty standard is imported from Caucasoid Turkic northerners and fat lewd chicks are seen as the ultimate sex symbol.
>Liao then Jin
Northern steppe warriors invade and conquer half of China and enslave the Chinese population.
>Song
The remaining southern half of China.
>Yuan
Founded by Genghis Khan (who had red hair according to historical documents) and his Mongolian descendants. They first conquer Jin, which is already foreign-occupied, and then they conquer Song and rape all the Chinese women. Chinese are relegated to the lowest social class in the multi-ethnic Yuan empire.
>Ming
Chinese peasants rebel and oust the Mongols. They once again make a peasant their supreme emperor.
>Qing
Northern steppe warriors called the Manchu invade and conquer all of China and subjugate the entire population. They force all Chinese men to shave half their head and massacre 30 million Chinese.
>Modern
Japan defeats Qing in a war and liberates the Chinese from 300 years of Manchu domination. Later, Japan weakens the KMT, and Communist peasants take over China.