Cursed Child, the canon sequel play to the books just had it's first preview and the plot is genuinely worse than garbage fanfiction
Rowling is already in full damage control mode and is calling anyone who discusses spoilers Wormtongues.
twitter.com
Even Reddit and Tumblr hate it, the play script is released July 31st and this could be a bigger shitstorm than the Phantom Menace
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Fuck off, we don't need another pointless, permanent general thread devoted to some childish franchise.
>This blond boy introduces himself as Scorpius Malfoy, son of Draco. Despite the kids’ open discussion that his real father could be Voldemort, Albus decides to stay.
>Albus is intrigued by this older girl with silver and blue hair
>Bane, the centaur,
>She tells him to get back to school or he’s going to ruin Voldemort Day.
>Every conversation in this alternate reality ends by people crossing their wrists and saying: For Voldemort and valor.
>Every girl at Hogwarts is hoping Scorpius—known as the Scorpion King—will ask them to the Blood Ball. The other kids do his homework.
>Snape lets him into a secret room where Hermione and Ron are in hiding. Hermione is the most wanted wizard in the world.
I can't go on, it's just too funny
BANE?
They work for the centaur, the horse man
>Perhaps they're wondering why you would jinx a boy before throwing him from his broomstick.
>Yer a big wizard, Harry.
>For you.
i thought she was done with the harry potter universe
She's doing this play and is scripting a movie trilogy spinoff about the fantastic beasts guy. Literally the opposite of done.
She came in and helped produce the play, but it's written and performed without much involvement on her part. I'll never understand why she thought it was good enough to call it canon though.
She came up with the plot and got someone else to write it, she was also definitely involved in casting.
>caring about her opinion after the release of 7th book
coming up with stupid information to keep her in news.
>hermione is black
>dumbledore is gay
fuck you bitch.
holy shit i thought you were joking.
tell me about mars! why does it shine brightly?!
Give me a reason not to fuck your shit up again, Sup Forums crossie
You know I know who you are
Just be honest with me here Sup Forums is that time traveling shit about Hermione not ending up with Ron real? Sure, it was forced to begin with but actually doing it really pisses me off.
So... is it?
Just get a seat at the play and stream it for the world to see :)
Wait, is Snape not dead?
Shit fanfic that should be laughed at is now considered acceptable.
Not in the Voldermort universe, which isn't so bad considering
Ron is barely in the play and his relationship with Hermione is barely covered. They don't get divorced or anything.
one things for sure, fanfag, its still easily one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
>the Voldemort universe
Holy shit, there are alternate timelines? This is theaterpotterkino.
>Even Reddit and Tumblr hate it,
Why do you know this? Are you finally admitting youre not from here?
>Written by J.K. Rowling
>Rose Granger-Weasley
Ron is a confirmed cuck
Gatsby is shit though.
>>Bane, the centaur,
Thanks user... i really found that level of fan fiction beneath Rowling and was pretty sure it was fake but you know... better writers have gone full retard to keep milking their franchises so one can never know.
>it's a JK Rowling thinks her success is attributed to the quality of her writing and not the movies episode
You're shit, Odran, you low IQ
>Voldermort universe
So wait, they're actually dealing with alternate realities now?
What the fuck?
Why do people give so much shit about a play. Is there also going to be a book next to it?
waitasec. are people actually confusing quality with the Harry Potter franchise? have you tried reading any of it? the writing is fucking atrocious. how is teh sequel any worse?
jeez, there must be more kids on this board than i thought, or really deluded adults.
Because Rowling said it was canon
>thinking potter wasn't gigantic before the joints
You will immediately cease and not continue to access the site if you are under the age of 18.
Is this play going to be uploaded online or be available to buy on DVD?
otherwise why are we discussing a play that we will never see?
for real though fanfag. when are you going to stay on /r/Harrypotter or Sup Forums
Does this mean Bane is the Stallion who Will Mount The World?
IF I SADDLE YOU UP
COULD I RIDE YOU
>Why do people give so much shit about a play.
Because they need to get likes on facebook for being ""nerds"".
Are you joking, or were you just not alive in 1999?
July 31st
Why the fuck isn't Dune in this list?
REEEEEEEEEEE
Hilarious!
what the actual fuck...? I thought this was just a play not a book as well
>Muh Gatsby
>Glow in the dark not below shit-tier
HOW CAN HERMIONE CHANGE SKIN COLOR IF IT IS CANON? DID SHE BECOME ONE OF THOSE GANGURO SLUTS? IF SO I'M FINE WITH THAT.
Time traveling was stupid in the third book and just raises the question "why was it never used again?"
This play is somehow even worse, they just jump between different time periods and fuck shit up.
rowling fucked up in book 1 anyway for not making draco malfoy a girl.
instead of harry banging a used up ginger whore he could have had a 10/10 aryan slytherin tsundere girl.
>7 books of serious sexual tension between harry and femdraco
>femdraco being the ultimate tsundere
>getting in to fights with harry, insulting like male draco did in the books, they dont have to change those parts.
>but when femdraco gets to bed she cant stop thinking about harry when she touches her self, and she hates her self for it.
>in the last book when draco has his redemption part, make it so that she and harry kiss when harry saved her.
>instead of another retard weasley kids harry can have superior potter/malfoy children.
>every night when he gets home from his job at the ministery he gets to bang his 10/10 wife pic related.
desu Gatsby is pretty bad.
Ulysses is where its at.
>They don't get divorced or anything
I'd consider it if my wife suddenly became black
I never understood why people like Harry Potter. I got the first book for Christmas though I didn't even ask for it and never finished it because of how boring it was. I saw the first two films in cinema because I got the tickets for free and they were boring as fuck too.
>So we could not make it into a book and make nothing
>Or we could make it into a book as well and make even more money for next to no effort
Voldemort treated Bellatrix like furniture. He hated family bonds and was a sociopathic soulless immortal snakeman
why would he have a daughter
you had to be a kid to like them.
Plays and books are not Sup Forums related just because /lit/ makes you insecure.
Pedophilia is also not fine just because you like the game of thrones janny(I know you're in here)
WHEN WAS BELLATRIX PREGNANT
omg this so true! XD
Did we get any explanation as to why Voldemort looked like a snake at the end or is it just a British thing?
>blood ball
so goffik
This might actually be watchable though
The first two movies aren't very good. It gets way better with the third one.
you're everything wrong with internet fanbases
they use the last time turner and fuck with the past, which leads to a present where Voldemort won
this is pure shlock
BELLATRIX HAD A HUSBAND WHERE THE FUCK WAS HE?
>just because /lit/ makes you insecure.
>tips fedora
>looks over at shelf of pseudo-intellectual books
>smiles to self
>unsheathes katana
>That feel when people looked at you as if you are worse than Hitler for saying you disliked Harry Potter
>I never understood why people like Harry Potter. I got the first book for Christmas though I didn't even ask for it and never finished it because of how boring it was. I saw the first two films in cinema because I got the tickets for free and they were boring as fuck too.
Because you were 5 when the first one was read to you by your parents?
>Different timelines and universes
So Rowling is copying Wheel of Time then?
What's with the whole part 1 and 2 is this like those African CGI meme movies?
>they use the last time turner and fuck with the past
THAT'S NOT HOW TIME TURNERS WORK. THE EVENTS OF BOOK THREE ESTABLISH THAT THEY ONLY UTILIZE SELF-FULFILLING CLOSED TIME LOOPS. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
One thing Rowling was shit at (among many) was writing relationships. There was NO indication of Ron and Hermione having any interest in each other, and basically she just deux ex'd em together because she figured Hermione had to get together with someone at the end. Then she decided to give Harry the ginger's sister, despite having not mentioned her once for like 5 books.
The play is split into two parts, the book is the adaptation.
Why would Voldemort waste time travel on cuckolding draco
You literally described drarry. Draco is head over heals for harry, canonically.
Why should he be a girl? How would your faggot fantasies come true then??
10/10 britbong male.
but it probably had something to do with splitting up his soul so many times.
right, its better to have a forced romance plot with ginny that came out of nowhere because JK cant write for shit then to have a romance plot between harry and his female rival that slowly builds up on the background over the span of all the books.
this, the forced ginny romance plot or ronxhermoine polt was just stupid.
even rowling had to admit that ron and hermoine would never work out.
Very ironic considering this thread. How old are you?
Yeah, all Brits look like snakes didn't you know? We're the snake nation.
>Draco is head over heals for harry, canonically.
since when is draco malfoy in the books gay?
he even maried a woman at the end with kids.
to produce a villain for the sequels
>Bane, the centaur
>faggot fantasies
you now it would be a hetero relationship if draco where a female right?
I left a comment on buzzfeed saying I couldn't wait for it to be "spoilt" as i had no chance of ever seeing it. and got a whole lot of backlash about how I should just buy the script
And I was quite right.
no fucking way am I reading a script. Especially when it involves this nonsensical fanfiction bullshit.
>a girl with blue and silver hair that is the daughter of Voldemort
Literally muh special girl written by an 11 year-old
Because gays ingrained in a culture that makes them hate themselves for their own desires have never married and made children just to keep up appearances before.
Go back to /lit/, faggot.
>right, its better to have a forced romance plot with ginny that came out of nowhere because JK cant write for shit then to have a romance plot between harry and his female rival that slowly builds up on the background over the span of all the books.
this a terrible attempt at a strawman
>harry's romance with ginny sucked so they should've made draco a girl
>if you don't like my idea, you support ginnyxharry
again proving yourself to be everything wrong with internet fanbases
I don't like black people. especially black women.
>Harry nearly murdering Femdraco in book 6 with sectumsempra and feeling horrible and guilty after it
Yes senpai, is there a fanfic for this? I need this.
>EL JUSTO
smelly dumb beaner scum
why didn't they just go back in time and kill tom riddle as a baby?
We can't
they make us really upset and Sup Forums is the closest thing we have to reddit and tumblr
I'm saying he was obsessed with Harry for like 6 years. All the fights he initiates with him, the way he constantly devotes time to bully him - if Draco was fem, everyone would have been convinced they had something going on. That's how heteronormativity works.
Once again Max Landis has an opinion on something:
These shit skins are forcing another meme for this trash series my friend
I will post for details when available. I've already caught 2 of them(both again beaners)
You are now aware that at the end of Order of the Phoenix, when Harry is feeling Voldemort's joy and pleasure at some unknown event that he had not experienced in many years through his scar, he is actually feeling Voldemort cumming inside Bellatrix.
Finally someone with taste. Ulysses is GOAT
See I would think you knew what irony meant based on how you think you're intellectually superior than everyone else. But I guess that's wrong. Go back to /lit/ and pretend to be smart.
Who?
Reading that synopsis gave me cancer. It really is like a terrible fanfic.