Tfw meet qt girl at bar

>tfw meet qt girl at bar
>this never has happened to me
>we hit it off
>invite her to my place to "watch a movie"
>as we are leaving mention I live with my parents and we need to keep it down
>she stops
>she says tonights not a good night for her maybe another time

This didn't happen.

>caring about 3D piggus
lamoing at your life

It's believable enough 2bh

>tfw meet qt girl at bar
>this has never happened to me
>we hit it off
>invite her to my place to "watch a movie"
>we start kissing and touching each other
>have absolutely no idea what I'm doing
>just go with it and copy what i've seen in porn and movies
>penetration
>so far so good
>oh shit going to spurt
>ejaculate within three thrusts
>she gives me a look that will haunt me for the rest of my life
>she says "wtf did you just cum already"
>h-h-hehe
>"you're a fucking weirdo, i'm not on the pill"
>she gets up, gets dressed and leaves

i was 27 years old

...

>telling her you live with your parents

Fucked up. I always say my roommates are a married older couple. Makes me look mature and hip

>not having a gf

did you knock her up?

GET OUT GET OUT OF HERE

This was me exactly (even age), except I couldn't even get hard. Got kinda semi during the blowiob foreplay, but it just went away before trying to fuck.

I blamed the alcohol and she was fine with it, but it truthfully was a combination of not knowing wtf to do, paranoia about somehow getting her pregnant accidentally, and her not really being all that hot anyway...

should've used a rubber

The whole time I was thinking that. But she didn't even mention it and I was taking cues from her the whole time so I just went with it.

Kind of her fault t.b.h i mean what did she expect? An hour long fuck-fest then me pulling out and jizzing on her face?

And I thought I was the one influenced by porn with a lack of real-life experience....

This story hit close to home user. Girls won't take you seriously till you get your own place man. Sorry you had to learn it the hard way like I did.

what movie you would watch?

i just watched being john malkovich and i really liked it, Spike Jonze is a fun guy

>An hour long fuck-fest then me pulling out and jizzing on her face?
Uhh that is exactly what sluts expect. Are you really this fucking clueless?

Sounds exhausting, desu. Would rather lay down and get sucked then fall asleep with DragonBall Z playing in the background.

>An hour long fuck-fest then me pulling out and jizzing on her face?
eeer...yes. That's what happen when you have sex with someone from the "sleeping culture".
The only thing that seperates those people from having sex with someone else is the clothes they are wearing.
You must search through the sheeps, and even if it's not a virgin girl, at least is someone who will treat you better.

Probably Drive or No Country For Old Men. They are my favorites

do what the pros do and go hire a prostitute and beat her on a boat like the Minnesota Vikings

i hate you and i don't even know you

Once I was stoned and drunk and this chick came round to our party. After everyone went to sleep we had at it on the kitchen floor. Got a condom from a mate and cummed in 20 seconds. I ran off and she was wondering where i ran off to. I went to chuck the condom out then came back and slept.

Calm down monkey, you hate every first world country.

...

If you take more than 5 minutes to cum then you're doing something wrong. Either she's not attractive enough for you, or you're a homosexual and should switch to men.

>>have absolutely no idea what I'm doing
Genuine question, but does anyone?

I mean, there's no right or wrong answer. You just feel your way and go with the flow. Unless you're doing something insanely stupid like not bending your hips at all or something like on the inbetweeners.

I always had sex with a condom and I always thught something was wrong with me cause it took me a while to cum. Have sex without condom for first time, cum in like 3 seconds.

I wasn't ready

>tfw last Friday went out with some qt
>phone litteraly dies right after I text her "hey I'm here"
>No idea where in this apartment complex she lives
>Oh shit better rush and go by a car charger
>Finally back 10 mins later with one and she's standing right up front
>H-hey sorry my phone died
>Ohh okay looking visibly pissed
>First 30 mins of date start pretty rough do to that but she starts to warm up to me
>End up spending the night and fucking
>She mentions a few times habits of hers I'll have to get used to
>Walks me down to my car and the morninging
>Say bye and kiss
>Text her later and suddenly she doesn't seem into it
>Still text a few times
>Last night she just doesn't answer
Fuck went wrong bros? I didn't get any reading of it being a 1 night stand and thought we were pretty compatible

She sounds like a cunt m8, dingy that shit

Is sex a sport?

My brother literally fuck girls at my parents house all the time and he's nearly 30

I'm not that upset, but I just moved across the county and haven't really made any friends and probably won'I, I think just finding a qt to spend time with is my best bet and I put off racially 4 other girls I was semi talking to when I started talking to her

Basically* fucking Google keyboard is re

Yeah most people have it figured out after the first hundred times

>first date
>spend the night and fuck her

wew lad, these situations rarely result in anything further. it's over.

you are not that interesting.

She is a succubus amd sole your life energy

have what figured out?

>needing to do anything 100 times to get it right

> Shout to her as she leaves: " D-do you need some money for the morning after pill, bitch? "

I didn't think when I started kissing her it would lead to her grabbing my dick and then going down on me desu
But yeah not that I relly want anything serious with some slut that would do that but meeting girls is hard for me so I was hoping at lest someone to casually date a few months

If you cant keep yourself from cumming in under 5 minutes you're a fucking two pump chump. I mean if all you want to do is bust a nut real quick that's fine but if don't expect girls to want to fuck again if you're just a minute man.

2 minute man her.

2 minutes in heaven is better than 1 minute in heaven

Doesn't count if he's paying for it.

>tfw no gf

>first date
>kissing
Christ.

The most you'd ever go for is a peck on the check as you say goodnight. That's it. Anything else is a trashy, drunken club type of affair. i.e. one-off with no cares in the world.

You're amongst friends user.

Look at this faggot all concerned with what girls like and what girls want. He thinks he needs to please them and takes active steps to do this. What a Beta faggot. I bet women laugh at him behind his back. He has no idea what he wants because all he wants is to work out what they want. Pathetic.

Do you also go to the gym? Tweeze your monobrow? Fake tan?

pic-related: what you will never be, a real man

...

this

>tfw almost had gf
>tfw fucked it up today

I live in a shitty shared house right in the middle of the city. Have no probems getting girls in there but there is only a certain kind that will put up with the rats and filth. Those girls are the keepers

>tfw this is the reason I no longer hit on girls

Honestly every girl I've ever slept with on the first date went on to have more dates.

Every girl I didn't fuck on the first date it was the only date.

If you don't fuck them, or make them tell you know they either disrespect you as a beta (if they're whores) or think you aren't into them (if innocent).

They'll just find somebody else to fuck them

is it really that unbelievable to you?
Start off with hotels, if you can't get your own place before she gets bored of them then get your shit together before dating. or find a girl that's willing to let you stay at her house.

This was me at 26, but she was a landwhale so her standards were low enough to let me bang her again.

The fuck is wrong with going to the gym? In America it's pretty much the only way you're able to keep yourself from becoming morbidly obese.

>tfw can't cum during sex
>tfw can literally fuck for hours

My fetish is soft girls that will let me fuck them for hours while choking them blue.

The thing i enjoy most is choking her neck so she can't breath and waiting for her to try and pull my hand off her neck but I keep holding it there for a few more seconds and then at the exact same time you release the neck you slam your dick into her as hard as you can. Her body will start shaking and she will let out this moan like she is being deflated if you do it right

...

What's it like being a sociopath?

Girls like it more than I do

What's wrong with u

...

10/10

Or you could have said your parents live with you. You dun goofed up OP. If its you who she thinks supports them then its even sweeter.

Nah, 20 minutes tops. Real life isn't a porn movie.
If she still hasn't came after that get her a vibrator to finish off
>I bet women laugh at him behind his back
That's ironically what they do with you when they find out you can't surpass 5 minutes. Longevity is a better feeling for a man as the pleasure lasts longer, you faggots care too much about the finish.

it's a good feel to make your girlfriend happy. Unless you're a shallow cunt with no emotion. No need to make excuses for your beta hormones.

>tfw girl I'm crushing on is an anti-social extreme introvert
>she's the only girl I've met who likes the gay nerdy shit I do

Yes, because women are just queuing up to get fucked.

I think you've watched too much porn.

>ITT porn enthusiasts that have no clue about women

"Well, that's on you."

Do people really insult strangers during sex? Everyone I've ever had sex with (three people!) has been visibly fucking petrified. I'm visibly petrified too, all three times. Either this story never happened, or you fucked a literal lunatic. And besides, was she going to take a pill ten minutes into you fucking her? She might well have been lying, too.

I can always get hard, but when I fuck, I don't come. At all. It's impossible. Before this thread gets deleted for off-topic, I just want to tell anyone else reading this that if you can't ejaculate when you fuck a woman, you are not alone, and I have spoken to other men who have experienced this, and yet socially it is treated like some fucking unicorn snowflake rare bullshit.

>Is Beta
>Calls others Beta for being Alpha and doing Alpha things

That's quite a defense mechanism you got yourself there.

>tfw she finally just texted back 19 hours later
I mean I feel like she would just have ignored if she was done with me but I don't want to be that guy who can't take a hint

Maybe stop eating so much you fat fuck.

If you need to go to the gym just to maintain a healthy weight you have some serious problems.

She doesn't like you bro

19 hours is way too long my man. You might as well just say some wild shit and try and change her mind or piss her off. Worth a try.

>M-muh thyroid
That's what all fatasses say here right after they just got done putting down a 1500 calorie meal

Anyway I can eat all day and be skinny fat but to look good I have to eat well and gym

Anyone who ignores any text is an absolute cunt of the highest order and deserves to be sent to hospital.

Have some balls.

>not wanting to get swole

ain't going to achieve that without eating a lot, Ahmed.

Since this is girl talk. Me and this girl I've known for about a year have been interacting a lot more.

She has started saying a lot of things I do are "cute." I don't know how to react. Today she learned I take the bus and said "that's so cute." It wasn't in a demeaning way and she knows I'm not retarded so I don't understand what is so cute about me doing mundane tasks. Maybe once a day she refers to something I do or say as cute.

Why is she saying this and how do I respond

Do what you'd like to have done to you, if you were her. Eat dat pussy; make her shake. Don't go straight for the vagina; lick, kiss and caress various body parts as you make your way there. This still won't be enough to be legendary, but after you know these tips, you just need to read the rest from the situation and figure it out yourself.

So no, nobody knows what they're doing unless they are filthy hoes who are going to give you AIDS anyway.

>Alpha is a quick fuck
Get a clue. The longer it lasts the better it feels at the end and during, you only have time for 1 position.

>>She mentions a few times habits of hers I'll have to get used to

Should have immediately aborted right there, lad.

>look good
Trust me, nobody notices or gives a shit. Enjoy wasting your time, energy and money though.

Gyms are for two types of people:

Fat fucks who went too far
Athletes who need stamina/strength for the sports they compete in

Literally nobody else should be going near a gym.

She probably realized there's no other men for her to fuck, is she an uggo?

If that is what really happened (pay close attention to what you did; it might not be what you're telling us, even if you aren't deliberately lying), then she has some kind of mental problem. Everyone has mental problems of some sort, and you only notice them when you get close to people. Some folks can't handle closeness. It might not be your fault, but you'd better have been sorry.

>tfw found a 6/10 slut from england that loves me choking her half to death and then reviving her with my cock

She is annoying as fuck so I actually enjoy choking and hurting her during sex. She clearly has some abuse history or something because she loves it

who cares? no seriously, just brush it off and think of it as a fun night or whatever and keep it moving.

I wouldn't stress about it if I was you.

>Quick
The average is 5 minutes. That's called normal. Quick would be 1 minute or less.

>you only have time for 1 position
I think it's time for you to stop watching porn and actually try it with a real woman.

just fuck her

You're fapping way too much it's a common mistake, I was in the same boat senpai. The only way is maybe fap twice a week and limit the sex to once a day.

I mean you could have changed "watch a movie" to "watch sportscenter highlights" and your post would have been somewhat ontopic.

I miss depressionposting too but this isnt how we're gonna get it back.

I need about 4 months of planning and logistics before I fuck anyone sober

>Don't go straight for the vagina

so true

I fap twice a day and I can easily go from erection to ejaculation within 30 seconds using just my hand. If I want to..

lel

>That's called normal.
Do you think normal people are alphas? no, you're contradicting yourself.
The fact that you think 1 position is the norm shows how beta you are.

Confirmed for 16 year old.

Taking one hour to ejaculate doesn't make you alpha or 'above' average. It just makes you a homosexual who is unable to get off like normal men do. Seriously you should try fucking men, I'm sure then you'd be able to cum within a normal time. It's that you're simply not attracted to women.

>theres people in here, RIGHT NOW, who unironically defend lasting a mere 5 minutes

m8, thats a quickie time slot. I mean bust a nut and she needs a quick dick fix.

15-25 minutes is key to get the job done. 30+ is overkill and fucking boring.

...

That's the problem, you can control the pleasure much more with your hand than with a pussy. So naturally a pussy doesn't feel as tight. Once you stop strangling your cock you'll appreciate it.

>tfw a couple of weeks ago, was out with a group of friends because a female friend who famously fancied me was moving to Australia
>This female friend has never made a move on me, and I've never made a move on her because I'm an autistic 4channer, but she gets bantered for liking me all the time
>tfw I literally seduced a stranger; it was a done deal and I could have had sex
>tfw it was visibly upsetting the girl who always wanted me to hit on her, so I stopped and went to cheer her up
>tfw she didn't fuck me

I hate your picture, by the way. That lonely guy in the picture needed you, and you let him down. You could have drawn friends, but you refused. Literally kill yourself.